what to do about the older sugar daddy friend hanging around my LTR

[Jamo]

hehe

If I were you, I'd go with your woman for the free food! IMO, if this guy wants to throw money around to impress your woman, he can impress you too! Forget your wallet at home and enjoy. Tell him "If you pay for my woman, you pay for me too. We're a package."

haha that was exactly my suggestion earlier! Worked great too! (except I never met the sugar daddy, and he I assume, did not know about me)

 

[S1NN3R]

Bottom line is, you shouldn't tolerate this crap. Why would anyone besides a chump allow some drooling horny sugar daddy to hang around his girl unattended for hours while he's not around?

If a girl is the cheating type, then she'll do it somehow, sometime, no matter who you "let" her hang out with. If she's not the cheating type, then the availability of guys isn't going to subvert her into doing so.

Plain and simple, if you can't deal with your girl being around other guys, then you are insecure. There're no two ways around it. If you weren't afraid of someone else "taking her", then you could get over it.

BobFuest, the fact that's she's not trying to hide or downplay this guys actions speaks volumes. She obviously feels that you two have a mutual trust, and that you can see that nothing is going on nor will anything be going on. If she did have any feelings toward this guy or if she felt that what he was doing was improper or would legitimately upset you, then she wouldn't be so honest about it. She wouldn't tell you that she though he wanted to get it on with her. She wouldn't tell you anything that you didn't pry out of her. The fact that she makes no time for him outside of open social engagements or when there is absolutely nothing else to do is also proof that there's no need to worry.

And if you trust her and do have the good relationship that you say, what difference does it make that this guy tries so hard? Let him. It's not hurting you or her. Take is as a compliment that your girl is so desireable that guys will throw money away knowing that they still have no chance with her.

BTW what kind of message do you think other guys get when they see you letting your girl hang out with them alone. The message is "either he's a ***** or he doesn't really care that much about her"

Oh no, god forbid! What are they going to do, pass notes in class talking about you? Who fvcking cares?

 

[RedPill]

There's a lot of good replies in this thread for you. To recap:

The good:

1) Her honesty. The minute that she stops being accountable for her actions is when there's a problem. It seems like she's been upfront and hasn't given you any BS excuses about what she's been up to.
2) She seems to be aware of his agenda.
3) The sugar daddy is going way over the top with his spending, which is really ridiculous.

The bad:

1) She's enjoying all the comp this guy provides, and so are her friends, so this guy doesn't appear to be leaving the picture anytime soon.
2) She shouldn't be associating with people like this because obviously the guy doesn't have a lot of integrity. Over time he could be a bad influence on her. Women do tend to be more easily influenced. It's like that movie Devil's Advocate, where Al Pacino's character corrupts people around him with his money and power.

Actions you can take:

1) Lay down the law. Risk losing her to looking insecure in the name of getting this guy out of the picture as much as possible.
2) Keep a cautious distance. Make sure the communication between you and your woman is clear, and make sure she understands where the line is.
3) Drop the issue entirely. Unless she stops being honest with you, don't even worry about it.
4) Force his hand. That idea of joining along in the fun is great! You'd get to see how much of a tool this guy really is, get free expensive dates with your chick, and possibly make this guy go away cause he doesn't want you around. Just be sure to approach this from the angle of going to have fun, not from the angle of watching her.

Personally, what I wouldn't tolerate is her spending much time with this guy (more than 1-2 times a month, never alone). Any more than that and it's taking away from your relationship. If it's more often than that, then there's no reason you can't be included.

 

[princelydeeds]

My 2 cents, Why should you have to accept and live with a situation that makes you uncomfortable? If my woman does something I don't like, I tell her. Im not mean, demanding or commanding. I just say "I don't like that situation." If that makes me look weak or jealous, so what. Im a man, I say what I mean and mean what I say. It is my woman's job to make me feel comfortable. If she is really into you, she will do whats necessary to make you comfortable.

If you say that you don't like something and take the time to explain why, a real woman who is really into you takes care of her man at ALL cost. Her first priority should be your happiness, If thats not her priority can you live with that? If you can accept her behavior then keep living like you are now. If not then you need to let ehr know how you feel.

 

[BobFuest]

I think the best advice for my situation has been to just let it go and maybe try to enjoy some of the perks too. My woman loves me so much and she is completely honest with me about every part of this. I really dont feel the need to worry about any guys anymore. I should worry more about making myself and her happy. That is the true don juan way.

 

[STR8UP]

If a girl is the cheating type, then she'll do it somehow, sometime, no matter who you "let" her hang out with. If she's not the cheating type, then the availability of guys isn't going to subvert her into doing so.

Plain and simple, if you can't deal with your girl being around other guys, then you are insecure. There're no two ways around it. If you weren't afraid of someone else "taking her", then you could get over it.

BobFuest, the fact that's she's not trying to hide or downplay this guys actions speaks volumes.

Wiser words were never spoken.

You can't bully a chick into being a sweet, faithful person. She either has it or she doesn't.

 

[STR8UP]

My 2 cents, Why should you have to accept and live with a situation that makes you uncomfortable?

Because in a situation like this if you don't have true grounds for calling B.S. (her actually violating your trust or disrespecting you) then all you are going to do is lower your value with her.

Trust me, I've had to refrain from saying what I was really feeling many times. But the fact is that I could trace those feelings back to insecurities, not logic. Had I voiced my concerns it would have been plain for her to see. Not good.

 

[Sp1kez]

I wish i had seen this thread before today....

I was chillin w/ my girl and I had to go to work so I asked her whats he was doing, she told me she was hanging out with this guy friend...I told her I'd rather her not do it and she got upset and left, later she came back and I told her I was over it.....well I really couldnt supress my feeings for too long, I felt betrayed that she would spend time with another guy so I told her that it made me upset and she flipped out and told me that if i dont trust her then this isnt gonna work....so In the end for expressing my feelings I almsot got dumped....wtf?

She told me she didnt want to be controlled and that if I said it in a ncier manner she would think about it and not do something I dont want her to do...

How do you nciely say "I dont want you to hang out with other guys"????

 

[( . )( . )]

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What is, in my opinion, a problem, is that your woman is using him to buy her 'stuff

lol.

Look Bobfuest you seem like a pretty confident and clued in dude, which is why I dont understand your concern with this and why it annoys you.

So some old balls is hanging around your b!tch?, guess what?....EXCELLENT.

Chicks dig materialism? great, old balls to the rescue.

Chicks dig inane bullsh!t chatter? great, old balls to the rescue.

This old schooler can kinda kill 2 birds with 1 stone for you, take up some of the sh!t slack. At the end of the day who pounds her gash into hamburger mince?...YOU!

Asking this chick to drop the old geezer equates to telling a child to leave his new X box game at home on the way to his best friends sleepover. Hes thinking "why cant I have both?" Shes thinking "hang on I have a vagina and I'm entitled..I CAN HAVE BOTH" Soon after when she connects the loss of nice food and extras (whatever) with you the annoyance and drama will follow, sh!t you dont need or want.

Just leave it alone mate, personally I think your a lucky bastard having the old guy. All semi decent looking chicks have some kind of provider/beta/emo outlet whatever on there team anyway so dont sweat it.

 

[princelydeeds]

Because in a situation like this if you don't have true grounds for calling B.S. (her actually violating your trust or disrespecting you) then all you are going to do is lower your value with her.

Honestly, I think what you are a describing is the difference between having a mature woman and a GIRLfriend. My woman wouldn't use a man in such a way. If she wants something she buys it for herself, tells me she wants it or she simply does without it if she can't afford it. IMHO, a woman who does this sort of thing is playing games. I don't have time for games. A woman who cannot understand why using a man (any man) is wrong, is certainly not the woman for me.

As a mature man, I don't worry about "losing my value," with my woman. If I say I don't like something, my expectation is that she deal with it. She knows that I am not a jealous person, if something reaches the level where I have to say something she knows it is time to do something about the situation. In my experience, when I put my foot down with my woman, a strange thing happens she may get sensitive for a few minutes but shortly thereafter she finds me and jumps my bones. In her heart of hearts, she loves it when I act like a man and call her on her BS.

 

[BobFuest]

Honestly, I think what you are a describing is the difference between having a mature woman and a GIRLfriend. My woman wouldn't use a man in such a way. If she wants something she buys it for herself, tells me she wants it or she simply does without it if she can't afford it. IMHO, a woman who does this sort of thing is playing games. I don't have time for games. A woman who cannot understand why using a man (any man) is wrong, is certainly not the woman for me.

As a mature man, I don't worry about "losing my value," with my woman. If I say I don't like something, my expectation is that she deal with it. She knows that I am not a jealous person, if something reaches the level where I have to say something she knows it is time to do something about the situation. In my experience, when I put my foot down with my woman, a strange thing happens she may get sensitive for a few minutes but shortly thereafter she finds me and jumps my bones. In her heart of hearts, she loves it when I act like a man and call her on her BS.

she is not using him as for his "gifts" as much as she is just using him as a friend. She likes having him as a friend. Its not like he has ever tried to put moves on her or creep her out. If she was really using him for his money she would have accepted all these other things he has tried to buy her or give her but she has not. Just the little things.
Actually talkin with you guys I realize that I DO have a great woman and that even though "Old Balls" creeps me out I just have to let it go.
As for Sp1kez - dude forget about him. You want to really be proactive about it? do something really unique and unforgetable for her. Then it wont matter what he does.

 

[SoCalMike]

Wiser words were never spoken.

You can't bully a chick into being a sweet, faithful person. She either has it or she doesn't.

Man you guys make me feel like putting my head through a f*cking wall. You're so thick. For the 10 millionth time I never said it's about bullying your chick into doing anything - you're simply giving her a choice.

 

[S1NN3R]

I never said it's about bullying your chick into doing anything - you're simply giving her a choice.

Yeah, you're telling her "my way or the highway". How on earth could people have possibly construed that as bullying?

 

[SoCalMike]

If she's not the cheating type, then the availability of guys isn't going to subvert her into doing so.

If she's not the cheating type she probably wouldn't be interested in hanging out with the sugar daddy. Big red flag right there.

Plain and simple, if you can't deal with your girl being around other guys, then you are insecure. There're no two ways around it. If you weren't afraid of someone else "taking her", then you could get over it.

Horse sh*t. It's not about being insecure, it's about not being a p*ssy. What next, you're gonna tell me that if I mind some other guy banging my chick then I'm insecure?

Oh no, god forbid! What are they going to do, pass notes in class talking about you? Who fvcking cares?

Yeah, who cares if your girl thinks your a b*tch, right?

If you don't mind some old man drooling over your chick, throwing money at her, and eventually putting the moves on her while you're not around that's fine - but some of us MEN do not tolerate this kind of BS. When faced with it, we do NOT try and "control" the girl, we give her a choice of either stopping the undersireable behaviour or dumping her.

And BTW, just to make myself clear, I'm assumming that this guy is thinking LTR here, which is why I'm recommending this. If this were just a FB or something not serious, I would agree with you - who cares. But the impression I'm getting is that's not the situation.

 

[SoCalMike]

Yeah, you're telling her "my way or the highway". How on earth could people have possibly construed that as bullying?

It may be construed as bullying by a wimp who let's his girl run around with sugar daddies.

 

[SoCalMike]

BTW, since some of you are apparently quite hard-headed, let me reiterate that I'm only talking about this specific situation - the sugar daddy.

I wouldn't recommend what I have if the situation were some other man that you knew and trusted, like a good friend for example. My girl hangs out with one of my best friends now and then, and I have no problem with it, because I know the guy.

The sugar daddy thing is totally different. That guy is TRYING to get in your girl's pants. That's why it should bother you.

Apparently this concept is out of reach for some people.

 

[S1NN3R]

If she's not the cheating type she probably wouldn't be interested in hanging out with the sugar daddy. Big red flag right there.

As you might has noticed, he did say that she isn't that interested with hanging out with him, only in groups or when there's nothing else to do. It's not as though she's driving over to his house every afternoon and chillin in the Jacuzzi.

Horse sh*t. It's not about being insecure, it's about not being a p*ssy. What next, you're gonna tell me that if I mind some other guy banging my chick then I'm insecure?

Oh please. If that's what you think people here are trying to say, then you might want to head back to third grade reading lessons. Those are two completely different scenarios and you know it. If you can't deal with your girl being around other men, then you are a pvssy, an insecure pvssy.

Yeah, who cares if your girl thinks your a b*tch, right?

You asked what message other guys are going to get, not that your girl will think, and that's what I responded to. Even so, if your girl thinks you're a b!tch for trusting her, then she's not worth dealing with. I for one don't see how you come to the conclusion that trusting her is going to make her think that to begin with. She's not pushing his buttons on purpose, she's not just trying to see what she can get away with, she's just spending time with friends. If she was hanging out with the "sugar daddy" just to piss her boyfriend off or push the boundaries to see how far he'll let her go, then something else would need to be done.

 

[SoCalMike]

As you might has noticed, he did say that she isn't that interested with hanging out with him, only in groups or when there's nothing else to do. It's not as though she's driving over to his house every afternoon and chillin in the Jacuzzi.

Who cares - with him or not, it's some creep who buys his girl sh*t in the hopes of banging her.

If you can't deal with your girl being around other men, then you are a pvssy, an insecure pvssy.

i repeat: NOT JUST ABOUT HANGING OUT WITH GUYS. ABOUT SUGAR DADDY WHO WANTS TO FvCK HIS GIRL.

let me guess, you're gonna ignore the main argument here. you're gonna tell me i'm insecure...

**yawn**

 

[S1NN3R]

let me guess, you're gonna ignore the main argument here. you're gonna tell me i'm insecure...

I don't give a damn if you're insecure or not. You do things the way you want to do them, I do things the way I want to do them. This guy is asking how to do things and we're both presenting our opinions hopefully for his benefit. It's up to him to decide which way makes more sense to him.

You think she will see him as a pvssy for "letting" her exercise her own judgement, I think she'll see him as a little insecure b!tch if he makes a huge deal out of a situation that everyone seems to know isn't going to result in infidelity.

 

[BobFuest]

sorry mike but i dont agree with your position. i know my woman and she would say, "ok fine I am not going to change myself" and let me leave. She may cry about it for days and miss me and long for me but she is not going to call me back for me being insecure (that is what she would see it as). I would end up with out my HB10 because of some guy who was trying to get on her. And guess who would probably win? That guy. She would need a shoulder to cry on and someone to tell her its ok so eventually he may win because i was an insecure prick. So where does that leave me? Cool and alone over something that is not a big deal. One year down the toliet because she wouldnt do what i demanded she do with my ultimatium. Now doesnt that seem just a little childish and totally not worth all that? It would just be easier to trust her and let her do as she wishes. I like trusting her. It gives me a good feeling to have someone i can trust anywhere at anytime. A damn good feeling.