What to do about a gf that needs constant attention and validation

[Djjead12]

Gf of a year. She’s 24. We both have kids. She’s absolutely obsessed with me. So it will make no sense when I write this next part in that I’ve caught her twice now texting with other guys. The reason for it though is she needs constant validation. If I would allow it she would be with me 24-7 and when not together we would be texting and talking. Constantly says how she misses me and is in love with me and how our sex is the best ever yadi yada. I’m not the type to text all the time and need space from time to time. So when she senses this she’s turned to other guy friends for attention. Most recently it was her sending pics to a guy who wanted them .. not nude but in her tshirt and bikini bottoms. Although he did ask for nudes she didn’t send. He lives on the other side of the country. What do I do from here? Do I flat out end it? This is literally the only issue we have in our relationship. Everything else is extremely easy and natural but her need for constant validation is ruining our relationship. She’s not cheating physically nor emotionally. She shares her phone location without me asking. She’s either at work, at home when she has her kids or she’s with me. That’s it. The first time I saw it I clearly let it be known this isn’t okay and that if she wouldn’t be ok with me doing it then why is she? Now that I caught it being done a second time do I end it for good? Clearly it goes on frequently enough that I’ve seen it so I’m not naive enough to think this is the only two times

 

[Djjead12]

Here’s the other thing. I’d be lying if I said I don’t do the same thing. And I’m sure a lot of people on here are the same. Who doesn’t flirt with other girls from time to time or solicit nudes from a past fling. It’s harmless in my mind but I know I’m clearly crossing boundaries. Is this just society today and modern dating? If you have an attractive girl I can almost guarantee there is zero chance you’re the only one she flirts with. Just like you flirt when your significant other isn’t around. With social media and instant connection to everyone it’s almost impossible to never cross the line. I’ve done it in every relationship. I’ve slept with 50 women. Dated prob over a hundred so I’m not naive or new to dating. Every relationship has its issues. Guess that’s what makes this difficult. I know I can’t just be walked all over but I also know my next relationship will have some other issue that makes me contemplate ending it

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She is what she is so either you can accept her for that and deal with these issues or you can not accept it and break up with her.

Personally I would find this suffocating and would probably end up pushing her away

 

[Djjead12]

She is what she is so either you can accept her for that and deal with these issues or you can not accept it and break up with her.

Personally I would find this suffocating and would probably end up pushing her away

I let her know early on I need time to myself in relationships. She’s very outgoing and likes to be around people. I don’t need a ton of space but enough to recharge. Surprisingly she keeps enough space and senses when I just need some alone time. But that’s the problem. She wants attention, I’m not available or she doesn’t want to annoy me and push me away so she turns to other guys to fill that void for attention. Clearly any dude she messages would want to bang her. I’m not stupid. She’s an 8 at least looks wise at least. Does bikini competitions. I think she has self esteem issues and she’s admitted such. I just don’t know how to go forward. Honestly I could give her an ultimatum to delete every dude and have her texts forwarded to my phone and she’d do it. But that’s bull**** and know relationships shouldn’t run like that

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I let her know early on I need time to myself in relationships. She’s very outgoing and likes to be around people. I don’t need a ton of space but enough to recharge. Surprisingly she keeps enough space and senses when I just need some alone time. But that’s the problem. She wants attention, I’m not available or she doesn’t want to annoy me and push me away so she turns to other guys to fill that void for attention. Clearly any dude she messages would want to bang her. I’m not stupid. She’s an 8 at least looks wise at least. Does bikini competitions. I think she has self esteem issues and she’s admitted such. I just don’t know how to go forward. Honestly I could give her an ultimatum to delete every dude and have her texts forwarded to my phone and she’d do it. But that’s bull**** and know relationships shouldn’t run like that

I think this might be one of those situations where everything is great until one day it isn't and then you ultimately find out it was because one time she decided to go farther than before with her attention seeking.

Or maybe it is harmless. Either way it's something you need to decide if it's worth breaking up with her over.

 

[retardedautist2020]

She’s not cheating physically nor emotionally.

I would say she's cheating emotionally. I read somewhere that when women cheat, its emotionally, and when men cheat it's physically. Cheating emotionally is way worse than cheating physically. Trust your gut. You know something is wrong. She's already cheating emotionally and eventually she will cheat physically. Been there done that.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

It's just a matter of time by the sounds of things.

 

[Roober]

Red Alert!!!

My lady is obsessed with me, but would never consider texting another man/men for attention.

That would almost an instant NEXT for me...

 

[retardedautist2020]

It's just a matter of time by the sounds of things.

The ****ing disrespect and double standards are real. OP here is a loyal guy, meanwhile his gf is over there texting other dudes.

 

[Epimanes]

I would say she's cheating emotionally. I read somewhere that when women cheat, its emotionally, and when men cheat it's physically. Cheating emotionally is way worse than cheating physically. Trust your gut. You know something is wrong. She's already cheating emotionally and eventually she will cheat physically. Been there done that.

This.... 100% .. ur gut is tellin you something. My wife of 25yrs did this and the guy was on the opposite side of Canada... for yrs (3 or 4) they were just friends but she would defend him like crazy.. then one day after a huge blow out she kicked me out and we started a trial separation... a month into that on my bday she declares it over... a month after that this "friend" was over at her place with our kids to visit for a month.. and 1yr later my kids moved in with me and 6 months after moving in with me she moved to his province (quebec) and left us all... so... emotional cheating is real.... you cant stop it...... but its very often a slippery slope... if you dont have alot invested with her like i did with my wife (we had 2 kids now 16 and 22 but were 15 and 21 at the time) ..... id tell her you dont like it and if she keeps disrespecting you..... you will next her.

I say this cuz every instance this behavior has occured with ppl i know has lead down that path of cheating e v e r y ... s i n g l e..... t i m e

 

[BackInTheGame78]

OP, has it occurred to you that maybe she wants to be with you 24/7 because in her mind she is projecting that you are doing the same thing she is?

You aren't but it is a classic psychological thing where she assumes that you are behaving the same way she is and she figures if she is with you then you won't be able to do it.

 

[TheKid]

Flirting is cheating weather you admit it or not.
Making concessions eg. Thats just her, thats dating now. Are just adding to the problem.

**** will just get worse and she will seek more and more, and the more you are involved the more it will hurt.

 

[Georgepithyou]

Work out a balance, you give a certain amount of attention and that's it

 

[derby1]

Dated a few of these, theyre Jedi masters at what they do. Totally insufferable, and blatant disrespect.

Best shes got some simp dad/or no dad.

Western women want to cherry pick the joys of traditional dating, with the joys of technology and a society rigged in their favour.

 

[darksprezzatura]

Detach. Prepare two backup chicks. Exit when comfortable.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

The ****ing disrespect and double standards are real. OP here is a loyal guy, meanwhile his gf is over there texting other dudes.

Well he's talking about her being obsessive, all it takes is for you to set a boundary that the other guy doesn't set and now it seems like the other guy loves her more when in reality boundaries are a necessity.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Well he's talking about her being obsessive, all it takes is for you to set a boundary that the other guy doesn't set and now it seems like the other guy loves her more when in reality boundaries are a necessity.

I would say most sh1t tests are boundary checks

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

My girlfriend also has orbiters but she ignores them 80% of the time. I don't mind them because they're drooling simps and if she cheats, she's the one losing out. Sometimes, she shows me what they write to her and we laugh at them together. If you're dating a good looking girl she will always have dudes trying to get her. It's your job to keep progressing every day and raise your value.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

My girlfriend also has orbiters but she ignores them 80% of the time. I don't mind them because they're drooling simps and if she cheats, she's the one losing out. Sometimes, she shows me what they write to her and we laugh at them together. If you're dating a good looking girl she will always have dudes trying to get her. It's your job to keep progressing every day and raise your value.

Her showing you that is a sh1t test and she is fishing for insecurity from you, but this is the way to handle it, just dismiss, no insecurity shown means no problems, it's that fear they constantly look for

 

[flowtheory]

It sounds like you do some shady things behind her back and justify it by saying “who doesn’t do this these days?”, but really you just have low standards for yourself.

To the point: She’s openly sending other guys fresh photos, taken just for them. That’s cheating in my mind.
You say she has low self-esteem and seeks validation from men. Okay. So it starts with photos then it will be skin-on-skin before long; this is how it starts.

I would just end it. You already told her oncehow you felt about something quite major. Now she’s doing it again? She’s just communicating she doesn’t value your feelings or have respect for you, herself, and in turn the relationship.

End it. The writing is on the wall.

You mentioned you have kid(s). I would be looking for a woman who possesses family values and wouldn’t even think about sending half nudes to other guys, or be splitting her attention between you and others. Your child(ren) need a positive and strong female figure who isn’t going to be snapping photos of snapper for Chad in the bathroom when they get home from school.