What the hell should I do???

[RobLB]

ever thought that maybe it really isnt you thats doing anything wrong?

i think that she is dropping interest but not because of anything you are doing or not doing. i think that the relationship has grown into long term and her child just adores you however she is scared of committments because of things in her past and is distancing herself from you. i dont even think she knows she is doing it. i think that in her own head, she simply believes she really is tired and can just act however she wants and make it up to you later when she feels better. she isnt thinking that she is confusing you or that shes hurting you or anything like that. she actually thinks that if she tells you she is just tired and thats why she is acting the way she is, you will understand and not give her any sh!t about it.
by telling you that you have a problem because of what her son said, she is trying to get a reaction from you . she either (a) wants to break up or (b) wants you to say you will be his dad or whatever.

gather your own thoughts and feelings and think about the past few months. does she really seem like she loves you, does she seem to be in love with you, does she act like she wants to make you happy for the rest of your life?

dont break up with her just because a bunch of people online tell you to, but if you arent happy and satisfied or you dont think shes gonna snap out of this, then break it off.

you gotta use the rule of thumb: if you arent happy and they seem uninterested , end it and go out there and find someone who cant get enough of you.

That is exactly what is going on! And yes she really seems to like me. She constantly telling me how lucky she is and that she likes me alot more than i know. And I can tell she's being honest because I just know. The word "love" has not been brought up yet. We have both been in bad relationships and I think we are both afraid of the word. I spoke with one of her best friends tonight and this is what she replied to me:

I know that (her) does care for you a lot. I think right now she has some things going on that she doesn't necessarily know how to deal with. I know that she has to go to court, but can't talk to anyone about why and that's kinda stressing her out.

She's also looking for a house. She did mention that you would let her move in with you for a while. She told me that she just wants to think about (her son) when making her decisions. (her son) dad also just moved to town and that's putting stress on her, too.

I think the best thing that would help her establish what she wants out of the relationship and have the best thing she wants for (her son) would be to give her some time and space. Try not to put any extra stress on her. Maybe just tell her that no matter what you are always there if she wants to talk.

I think I'm just gonna give her some space and see what happens. I don't want to lose her,...but If it happens,..it happens.

Thanks again

 

[STR8UP]

i think that she is dropping interest but not because of anything you are doing or not doing. i think that the relationship has grown into long term and her child just adores you however she is scared of committments because of things in her past and is distancing herself from you.

Not a chance.

Sounds to me like she's bangin' a co-worker, but regardless of the reason she's a lost cause.

 

[speedo_meme]

That is exactly what is going on! And yes she really seems to like me. She constantly telling me how lucky she is and that she likes me alot more than i know. And I can tell she's being honest because I just know. The word "love" has not been brought up yet. We have both been in bad relationships and I think we are both afraid of the word. I spoke with one of her best friends tonight and this is what she replied to me:

I know that (her) does care for you a lot. I think right now she has some things going on that she doesn't necessarily know how to deal with. I know that she has to go to court, but can't talk to anyone about why and that's kinda stressing her out.

She's also looking for a house. She did mention that you would let her move in with you for a while. She told me that she just wants to think about (her son) when making her decisions. (her son) dad also just moved to town and that's putting stress on her, too.

I think the best thing that would help her establish what she wants out of the relationship and have the best thing she wants for (her son) would be to give her some time and space. Try not to put any extra stress on her. Maybe just tell her that no matter what you are always there if she wants to talk.

I think I'm just gonna give her some space and see what happens. I don't want to lose her,...but If it happens,..it happens.

Thanks again

Rob, man, you're not getting it. Do NOT listen to what she says!!!!!! Watch what she DOES!!!!!

Penskitten's post is ignorant. If a girl has high IL, she does NOT confuse you. Of course you like pen's post because it gave you a glimmer of hope with this girl, that your overtaken with oneitis for. But, it's a false hope.

This is typical breakup bullsh*t. DO NOT TAKE ADVICE FROM HER FRIEND, OR ANY GIRL FOR THAT MATTER. DON'T DO IT.

DO NOT TELL HER THAT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR HER. Terrible terrible advice from her friend. You should, however, move on and put this chick on the backburner...

 

[RobLB]

hey rob...........have you thought about the fact that she likes jerks and doesnt feel the same atraction for good guys like you?
she is the type of women who love guys who mistreat her or disrespect her one way or another. like most women, she likes DRAMA and you are not giving it to her.
she hasnt being burned by anybody like you suggested, she likes bad boys and she is losing interest in you because you are not one of them.
dont feel pity for her because she has being "burned" many times before like you said. she loves the drama that comes with getting "burned" by the jerks.
this is "chick's logic" at work.
all women say that they want a nice decent guy who treats them well but once they are in a relationship with this type of men they get bored and their interest level starts to fade very fast because when everything is going well theres no DRAMA. and we all know how much women love drama and guys who are always causing trouble in the relationship.
I bet that once your relationship is over she will start a new one with a jerk who wont give a f... about her. I bet my head on it. and then she will start to say that theres no good men on this planet.
ooohhhhhh women, who can understand this complicated creature.

Yeah I've thought of that, but she doesn't like drama, in fact she is the total opposite. Believe me I know cause I am 40 and I've been around for a while and have dealt with women that like abusive boyfriends. I think this girl is genuine and thats why I want this to work.
I had a talk with her this morning face to face and told her that I'm just gonna give her some time and space to work through her problems. If she comes back then I'll know how she feels about me,...if not then I'll just move on.

 

[NewMan]

This chick has had such bad luck with proir abusive cheating boyfriends that I guess I felt sorry for her,..i think thats what actually attracted me to her,..I KNOW,..I'M A SUCKER!!!! I have a big heart,...that fvcks me everytime!!!

Rob, you've got to stop being Captain save a Ho. What are you doing? are you not able to live life to make you happy? Forget who fvcked this ho over, it's not YOUR problem - it's her bad decisions that are a problem.

Secondly this:

As far as the sex goes,.well it doesnt much. She keeps telling me that she is for once in her life trying to do relationship right for once well its not all about the sex!

As far as the sex goes,.well it doesnt much. She keeps telling me that she is for once in her life trying to do relationship right for once well its not all about the sex!

So, she does fvck you, but it's either solwed up - or it's few and far between.

When a woman fvcks you, then uses some crappy excuse not to fvck you again - THAT IS A HUGE RED FLAG.

Your believing her crap - and on top of that, you are allowing her to control the situation. When she told you that she was not going to screw you, your reply should have been something like this:

"I understand - and that's fine. So long as you know, if your not having sexc with me, I will be finding it someplace else".

Don't let women use sex as a tool.


Other thoughts.

She doesn't want you to come around her work. This means she's either fvcking someone else there - or wants to.

I have to wonder why you are even still around? What the hell is she doing for you? Add to that, the fact that she has a kid..... are you helping her financially?

It's obvious to everyone except you, this girl is not interested in you.

Don't bother to call her - just move on.

 

[NewMan]

I had a talk with her this morning face to face and told her that I'm just gonna give her some time and space to work through her problems. If she comes back then I'll know how she feels about me,...if not then I'll just move on.

Bad.

where is the Challenge? Excitement? unknown?

Your a nice understanding man.

I bet you iron your socks.

Dude, listen to people's advice. Cut her off. Busy yourself with other things - and ignore her for a couple of months.

 

[Desdinova]

Yeah I've thought of that, but she doesn't like drama, in fact she is the total opposite.

ALL women like drama in one form or another. They need their emotional rollercoaster ride to give them excitement. If there's no emotional ups and downs, things get "boring" for her.

With my woman, sometimes when I'm walking past her, she'll reach out her arms for a hug. I'll walk right by her, not acknowledging her hug request. She'll come in and say "How come you ignored me?" I'll play dumb and cheerfully ask what she's talking about. "I wanted a hug but you ignored me!"

"Oh, I just have a bunch of stuff on my mind". Then I'll hug her.

This gives her an emotional rollercoaster ride. Happy, ignored, upset, happy. It's a form of drama, and women need it.

If she comes back then I'll know how she feels about me,...if not then I'll just move on.

Ever hear that saying "You don't know what you've got until it's gone"? If she wants you back, it's for the sole reason that she can't have you. You then become a challenge. People want what they can't have.

What you need to do at the beginning of ANY relationship is make it clear that they have ONLY ONE chance with you. If they screw it up, they're out for good. This causes them to actually view you as the prize.

But just saying it won't do any good. You need to LIVE by that moral. If she screws things up, she's out the fvcking door.

 

[SoCalMike]

Rob, ditto to what the others have said, esp. Rollo Tomassi. I don't have much to add except that I've been in a similar situation - I dated a girl for months and never got laid. Imagine how stupid I felt when she banged a friend of mine on the second date.

Look, she just isn't into you. Wise up and move on.

 

[STR8UP]

ALL women like drama in one form or another. They need their emotional rollercoaster ride to give them excitement. If there's no emotional ups and downs, things get "boring" for her.

Yup, you are better off making her feel bad emotions than none at all.

I don't have much to add except that I've been in a similar situation - I dated a girl for months and never got laid. Imagine how stupid I felt when she banged a friend of mine on the second date.

Ouch. That's what I call getting fukked without lube.

 

[SoCalMike]

Ouch. That's what I call getting fukked without lube.

LOL, yeah that's pretty much how it felt. Not to mention she would often talk about her sexual experiences with the guy she dated before me. Nice eh? And me, being a huge pvssy at 25, put up with it.

But it was a good wake up call. Read and learn Rob, and all you younger guys. What Mr. Tomassi said earlier is true - if a woman wants to fvck you, she will go through hell and high water to do it. If she doesn't, she may string you along b/c she likes the attention or money you spend on her, but that's about it.

 

[penkitten]

I spoke with one of her best friends tonight and this is what she replied to me:

I know that (her) does care for you a lot. I think right now she has some things going on that she doesn't necessarily know how to deal with. I know that she has to go to court, but can't talk to anyone about why and that's kinda stressing her out.

She's also looking for a house. She did mention that you would let her move in with you for a while. She told me that she just wants to think about (her son) when making her decisions. (her son) dad also just moved to town and that's putting stress on her, too.

I think the best thing that would help her establish what she wants out of the relationship and have the best thing she wants for (her son) would be to give her some time and space. Try not to put any extra stress on her. Maybe just tell her that no matter what you are always there if she wants to talk.

I think I'm just gonna give her some space and see what happens. I don't want to lose her,...but If it happens,..it happens.

you can not take advise from her friend. her friend replies with what she is suppose to reply with. was this a text message? how do you know they werent together writting it?
give her some space means you are about to get dumped if you dont back off.
who goes to court without telling their friends and family what for?

 

[penkitten]

Rob, man, you're not getting it. Do NOT listen to what she says!!!!!! Watch what she DOES!!!!!

Penskitten's post is ignorant. If a girl has high IL, she does NOT confuse you. Of course you like pen's post because it gave you a glimmer of hope with this girl, that your overtaken with oneitis for. But, it's a false hope.

This is typical breakup bullsh*t. DO NOT TAKE ADVICE FROM HER FRIEND, OR ANY GIRL FOR THAT MATTER. DON'T DO IT.

DO NOT TELL HER THAT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR HER. Terrible terrible advice from her friend. You should, however, move on and put this chick on the backburner...

sometimes life gets in the way of attention span and interest in the dating world. since you have never been a young single mother, i am guessing you have never walked a mile in this chick's shoes either.
i didnt tell him to go propose marriage to the chick.
if you read my post, basically it said that it really isnt anything he is or isnt doing. he needs to clearly think about things and make a decision on his own about what he wants to do. if she is going to act this way, clearly it is to either scare him away so she isnt the bad guy or have him offer to be a father figure to her chid and he should really use the rule of thumb: if you arent happy and they seem uninterested, go out and find someone who cant get enough of you.
just because she doesnt know what she wants, and is probally still in love with the babys dad who moved away, doesnt mean he needs to take a bunch of crap.

 

[penkitten]

LOL, yeah that's pretty much how it felt. Not to mention she would often talk about her sexual experiences with the guy she dated before me. Nice eh? And me, being a huge pvssy at 25, put up with it.

But it was a good wake up call. Read and learn Rob, and all you younger guys. What Mr. Tomassi said earlier is true - if a woman wants to fvck you, she will go through hell and high water to do it. If she doesn't, she may string you along b/c she likes the attention or money you spend on her, but that's about it.

where i come from, if a chick doesnt put out by date 3 , she never puts out for you.

 

[RobLB]

you can not take advise from her friend. her friend replies with what she is suppose to reply with. was this a text message? how do you know they werent together writting it?
give her some space means you are about to get dumped if you dont back off.
who goes to court without telling their friends and family what for?

No,...the message came from Myspace. She is a mutual friend of both of us and no they wern't writing it together. Her friend and I both agreed not to share it with her. She sent it to me cause I asked her pretty much the same question I asked here.

As far as the court thing, her close friends and family know.

And just to clear things up about the sex thing we do have sex but so far only once a month.

Also, another update, I have not called her or texted her except when I spoke with her this morning which is kinda weird because we are always keeping in touch w each other. Tonight she text's me and says,.." Lets go on a date this weekend. Want to?"
So whatever this means,...I don't know. Of course i said okay,..so we'll have to see what happens. You have to understand this girl is a single mother of a 5yr old that spends all her free time with him. Her parents live 2 states away and she has no one to watch him,..ever. We have actually only been on 3 dates with just us. It is hard for us to find a baby sitter most of the time and she doesnt like to leave him much. Being a parent myself of a 5yr old I know this has to be a strain on her.
I know it sounds like I am sticking up for her but deep down I know she is a good person,..I just know. I've been with enough women to know that she is genuine. But on the other hand I'm not gonna get into any kinda situation that I cant pull myself out of,..cause believe me I have been there, done that and it sucks!!

I will give an update after our date this weekend.

Thanks again for all your help.

 

[penkitten]

No,...the message came from Myspace. She is a mutual friend of both of us and no they wern't writing it together. Her friend and I both agreed not to share it with her. She sent it to me cause I asked her pretty much the same question I asked here.

As far as the court thing, her close friends and family know.

And just to clear things up about the sex thing we do have sex but so far only once a month.

Also, another update, I have not called her or texted her except when I spoke with her this morning which is kinda weird because we are always keeping in touch w each other. Tonight she text's me and says,.." Lets go on a date this weekend. Want to?"
So whatever this means,...I don't know. Of course i said okay,..so we'll have to see what happens. You have to understand this girl is a single mother of a 5yr old that spends all her free time with him. Her parents live 2 states away and she has no one to watch him,..ever. We have actually only been on 3 dates with just us. It is hard for us to find a baby sitter most of the time and she doesnt like to leave him much. Being a parent myself of a 5yr old I know this has to be a strain on her.
I know it sounds like I am sticking up for her but deep down I know she is a good person,..I just know. I've been with enough women to know that she is genuine. But on the other hand I'm not gonna get into any kinda situation that I cant pull myself out of,..cause believe me I have been there, done that and it sucks!!

I will give an update after our date this weekend.

Thanks again for all your help.

i understand what it is like to be a single mother of 4 children and have no family except for 2 states away for a period of seven years.

 

[Vulpine]

If you are looking to be a jerk and build the attraction back up...

Dear Rob,

Here is a chance to be the mysterious challenge she desires. Flake on the date.

Regards,
Vulpine

 

[JC9]

Gotta agree with Vulpine. Text her later and say that you forgot you had plans, and that you'll try and get together with her later.

Make sure to put in the 'try'.

Give her a little wonder and doubt.

 

[RobLB]

Gotta agree with Vulpine. Text her later and say that you forgot you had plans, and that you'll try and get together with her later.

Make sure to put in the 'try'.

Give her a little wonder and doubt.

You don't think that will backfire on me?? This chick is not dumb and I'm sure she will see what I'm doing.

 

[Vulpine]

Go out with another woman, go fishing with some buddies, visit some family (ooh, that's a good one), take your kid to Chuck E. Cheese, whatever!

Backfire? I know you are trying to rationalize and consider every possible outcome like a chess move. Yes, I thought it might be a bad move, especially after the exchange you had with the mutual friend. Honestly, what are you losing if it did backfire? Come on now, step back and look for a second. You are over-analyzing everything, which, is a DJ no-no, and for good reason. Like they say during card games: "Study long... study wrong." :kick:

If you are "out" like the signs seem to point to, what are you going to loose? If she wants drama, you're giving it to her. Plus, you will be out doing other things... not worrying about a woman because she isn't the root of your happiness, blah blah blah... They need a "blow sunshine up your a$$" smilie icon.

She NEEDS you to cancel the date, otherwise, she wouldn't have offered.

Put that in your pity pipe and smoke it.

:cheer: <- this little hotty is waiting for you to go out and meet her

 

[Vulpine]

Need more motivation? The person she initially had plans with flaked, so she's pulling her whiny little puppy off the back burner for some guaranteed attention.

Mull that over for a while.