What the HELL am I doing wrong?

[ManOMan]

Im on match.com and I sent this girl a "flirt" that said "I lost my number, can I get yours?) (These are default notes you can send without subscribing"

she writes back

"Hello Funny Guy Smile,
Thanks for the tease. I don't know if you're a member, but in case you aren't, please feel free to drop me a line at xxxxxx@msn.com
Have a good weekend.
Diana"

I wait for the weekend to end, then send her this

"Diana,

This is Memorexman from Match.com..No Im not a member there..just
checkin it out

Funny man? WHO ? ME?

Cool profile..veddy sexy..are you in a hotel room in that one pic?

I was looking closer at your picture and look what I found!"

(I took her profile picture and added a picture of count von count behind her shoulder you know the guy from sesame street?)

she sends me this back

"Good sense of humor! No, I'm not in a hotel room in that picture.

Take care

Diana"



Now "Take care" is usually the kiss of death, Im not going to write her back

but I'd like to learn how I turned this chick off?

any ideas?

 

[squirrels]

The one thing that jumps out at me is:

YOU TRIED TO PICK HER UP OVER AN INTERNET DATING SERVICE!

And as far as I can tell, you didn't do much of ANYTHING to differentiate yourself from the hundred other leghumpers who I'm sure have hit her with lines, called her "sexy", etc. Your joke about The Count was cute, but it certainly isn't going to make up fo the fact that:

YOU TRIED TO PICK HER UP OVER AN INTERNET DATING SERVICE!

If you're going to take an AFC route to women, like:

TRYING TO PICK THEM UP OVER AN INTERNET DATING SERVICE,

try to be more unique. It's a lot harder to convey value, because most of the "cute girls" on there are just doing it for fun anyway. They can have any AFC they WANT in real life, and they have a hundred guys who are also:

TRYING TO PICK THEM UP OVER AN INTERNET DATING SERVICE,

so either do something to make yourself seem more unique, or take the tip that I'm trying to get across to you and try going after real live women.

 

[ManOMan]

squirrels,

I read alot of posts here with guys saying they have success with online dating, while I do go out and sarge (well I try), this online dating isnt my life.

but now, How do I go about being unique? Ive read some of the emails of female friends that get letters from AFC's boasting about how "caring , compassionate, ambitious" they are

I was trying to be c/f and set myself apart from the rest, but lost it some where along the way?

I think taking her picture off the dating site may have turned her off..

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by ManOMan
squirrels,

I read alot of posts here with guys saying they have success with online dating, while I do go out and sarge (well I try), this online dating isnt my life.

but now, How do I go about being unique? Ive read some of the emails of female friends that get letters from AFC's boasting about how "caring , compassionate, ambitious" they are

I was trying to be c/f and set myself apart from the rest, but lost it some where along the way?

I think taking her picture off the dating site may have turned her off..

I dunno...the main point I was trying to get across is that you should go get women in real life instead of trying to chase them down on Internet dating boards. You're better than that, really.

I mean, it wasn't a BAD pass, but you have to consider that everyone is looking for a funny angle these days. All these guys know that they're in competition with MANY others and are ALL looking to be funny. Maybe she never saw Sesame Street, I dunno.

I just don't understand why anyone who can meet and hook up with women in REAL life would NEED to be on a dating service. Historically, they've been for hard-luck cases, and I don't believe that changes just because they're on the Internet. If an attractive girl is SERIOUS about finding a man over the Internet, there is probably (not always, but probably) something wrong.

It could be you're reading too far into this...maybe "take care" didn't have all the meaning attached to it that you thought. Don't give up just yet.

 

[stormwriter]

Internet Personals

One thing i've learned from years of Internet dating experience is that you have to get a thick skin for this kind of thing. Women come and go some damn fast its not even funny. You can't get your heart set on a chick, especially if you've only exchanged one or two emails. Even exchanging 25 emails doesn't mean a thing. They can disappear at any given time, for any reason, and you won't have ANY idea why.

You have to use Doc Love's advice, with his theory on the Bottom Line Factor. You can sit there and come up with 100 reasons why she didn't write you, or doesn't seem interested, but the bottom line is that she's not interested.

SO, just accept it. It comes with playing the Internet personals game. Also just shows women are attention wh*res... haha

 

[ManOMan]

Maybe Im coming off on the wrong foot here, I dont really give a fvck about this 1 girl in particular.

Like I said, Im trying to learn and improve my email writing technique.

I want to know why she bothered writing me in the first place..then faded out after my reply

I was just wondering if my delivery was too goofy or not c/f enough

I also agree most women on the internet dating sites are goofballs just looking for extra ego boosts by having multitudes of men emailing them, and then just ending it there.

 

[Austin Allegro]

I would just make a moderately sarcastic crack about something in their profile or picture, do a couple of 'get to know you' emails, then number close and arrange a date. Never come out with crap about how gorgeous they look in their pic, how lovely they sound, etc, they've heard that from a million other sad sacks and laughed themselves sick over it with their girlfriends.

I think people can be a bit harsh about internet dating. Yes, it's always best to meet in real life, but one advantage of online dating is women can't flake you off with lines like 'I'm not looking for a relationship right now' or 'I've got a boyfriend' without appearing downright liars or deceitful. You can also get a rough idea of whether you'll get on with someone before you meet them, unlike 'cold approaches'.

However, in my experience, a large proportion of the women on internet dating services either a. have unattractive appearance, personality or both and can't get dates any other way, or b. are attractive but so fussy/idealistic that they will never be satisfied or c. are vain and want attention.

That said, I have met quite a few decent girls from online dating, and had a few ONSs, so I think it's worth it to keep your hand in, so to speak. Just don't think of it as a substitute for 'the real thing'.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by ManOMan
squirrels,

I read alot of posts here with guys saying they have success with online dating, while I do go out and sarge (well I try), this online dating isnt my life.

but now, How do I go about being unique? Ive read some of the emails of female friends that get letters from AFC's boasting about how "caring , compassionate, ambitious" they are

I was trying to be c/f and set myself apart from the rest, but lost it some where along the way?

I think taking her picture off the dating site may have turned her off..

Don't listen to AFCs who don't understand the power of the INTERNET for meeting people. I had used the net for a few years and have met (in real life) women on both sides of the fence. Some in front of the fence and others that should be behind it.

Early on before understanding Internet womanease I ran into more of the latter. After a month of learning the rules I was able to to meet nothing less than HB7s. The key is to NOT sound like all of the other guys that are online, especially if they are AFCs who become militant from their lack of success.

I suggest checking out the profiles of your competition. Query for guys in your area in your same age range. Take notice of all their similarities. The whole nice guy mumbo jumbo about enjoying long walks on the lake, eating out (dinner), and liking sports. BORING!!!! Write a profile or say something unique that fits your personality.

You did well with the Dracula line but it was too late. You had already sent a boring, canned line provided by Match.com. DJ take the calculated chance of actually writing something specific to their prospect. Sending a canned message could be looked at a AFC move of someone who is afraid to make a first move that is unique.

I had a full membership to Match.com a while back and had a lot of success from it. Yeah, it'll cost you a bit for a subscription (a year's subscription should be cheaper than the monthly rate) but it will be worth it. Go ahead and take the plunge, just do it as a DJ and not an AFC and you will surprise yourself.

 

[ManOMan]

Francisco,

I also agree the internet could be a nice way to DOUBLE your dating both in real life and out. surely back in the day internet dating was for geeks and losers..but if you have seen some of the men and women on them now, you could see the selection isnt as bad as it was in the 80's

anyway I wasnt a subsciber,so I could only send preformatted "flirts",she is the one that emailed me back

I personally think it was AFC of me to spend time taking her picture off the site and photochopping it, that ruined any credibility I had for being "busy" and a "challenge"

here is the pic I sent back to her, it was supposed to be funny and a neg hit, because her eyebrows look like count von counts!

http://members.aol.com/male2hotnfurious/dianacount.jpg

 

[italostud]

Yep, that photoshop job was certainly AFC. If some girl did that and sent me back a modified pic of myself, I would think A) This chick is trying WAY too hard B) This chick has no life C) This chick is a loser, what kind of nerd does **** like that?

You need to work on your humor as well. Try to be a little more ****y. First emails should always just be a little question about them or a Neg. Make it sound like you don't really give a ****, but you're a little curious about some portion of her bio. And this has been said before but, the ratio of "girls worthy of spending your time on" to "fat, mental, weirdos, etc" is like 1:30. Just keep plugging away at it and eventually you'll get a bite.

 

[akindofblue]

It's all about selling yourself

Internet personals are great for meeting a particular type of girl. If, on the other hand, you don't have a particular type of girl in mind, you're probably best focusing your efforts elsewhere unless you really stand out.

So what's the ticket to selling yourself? Well, you have to get them to open your e-mail first. It really helps to know what kind of e-mails these girls are getting before you start.

1. tons of older guys
2. tons of guys who are located three states over
3. tons of guys who don't stand out at all

I generally open with a headline like "24-year old Christian in Richmond." That is so much more powerful than "Hey " or "You're cute." To start with, it's original, unlike the last two examples I gave you. Secondly, it gives the girl (who is getting hundreds of e-mails) an idea that this one is worth opening. And yes, as you can tell, I'm marketing myself to a particular type of girl.

From then on, it's just a sale pitch. Read the girl's profile and respond to things in it. Let her know that you read, too. It's easy to spot a canned e-mail, and those get trashed. Be funny when you can, don't ask for her number, and give her your e-mail address. Two to three paragraphs is good. You go longer, she's not going to finish. Shorter? You're just AFC.

Don't ever tell her that she is cute or hot unless she isn't, and maybe not then, either. And post several pics of yourself, with ideally one fullbody shot.

Make sure your profile makes a good sale. I swam for my college swim team and am now in law school. You bet those are in my profile, but you have to make those activities show something about you--you don't just want a resume. Make yourself sound interesting, list diverse interests (working out, surfing, going out, and going to jazz clubs), use lots of action words. Let them know that you're golden, that you know it, and play it down at the same time.

If it helps, check out other guys' profiles. Some are really impressive. Most are lame, say nothing original, and offer zero incentive to write.

Trust me; treat this as a sale pitch initially. Every other guy on the planet tries to just start up a conversation, and that's going to lose and lose badly.

 

[ManOMan]

HAR! just an update!

Im on Yahoo chat with this girl now,(she Imed me!)..she said I am "very strange"

she is bulgarian, and she thought count von count was the "devil" hahah

she asked my why I would put the devil on her shoulder,

I explained who he was, and now she wants to meet up!

she is even into that "hey baby!" "when can I come see our place?" phase

 

[So pimp its scary]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
Don't listen to AFCs who don't understand the power of the INTERNET for meeting people. I had used the net for a few years and have met (in real life) women on both sides of the fence. Some in front of the fence and others that should be behind it.

Early on before understanding Internet womanease I ran into more of the latter. After a month of learning the rules I was able to to meet nothing less than HB7s. The key is to NOT sound like all of the other guys that are online, especially if they are AFCs who become militant from their lack of success.

I suggest checking out the profiles of your competition. Query for guys in your area in your same age range. Take notice of all their similarities. The whole nice guy mumbo jumbo about enjoying long walks on the lake, eating out (dinner), and liking sports. BORING!!!! Write a profile or say something unique that fits your personality.

You did well with the Dracula line but it was too late. You had already sent a boring, canned line provided by Match.com. DJ take the calculated chance of actually writing something specific to their prospect. Sending a canned message could be looked at a AFC move of someone who is afraid to make a first move that is unique.

I had a full membership to Match.com a while back and had a lot of success from it. Yeah, it'll cost you a bit for a subscription (a year's subscription should be cheaper than the monthly rate) but it will be worth it. Go ahead and take the plunge, just do it as a DJ and not an AFC and you will surprise yourself.

I'm sorry, I've seen enough of squirrels writing to see that he, at the least, knows what he is talking about.

He's right, when you are completely hardup for girls, then I would suggest using a dating service... and maybe you have had luck with them, but it's much more rewarding meeting the person on the street (or wherever).

If you are using a dating service, you give yourself a crutch to cop out of approaching women. Like squirrels said, most of the women there either have something wrong with them, or they are taken very quickly.

What it comes down to is that you should only be using a dating service if you've been approaching women consistently and still had no luck. But, if you are approaching women consistently, it is only a matter of time before you find some women, and wouldn't need to use a dating service.

 

[ManOMan]

"but it's much more rewarding meeting the person on the street (or wherever)."

I can understand that as a DJ you must force yourself to go out and meet women

what I dont understand, is that women are women..online, offline, whatever, eventually you will meet them and score and practice your DJ skills

and isnt THIS what its all about? The OUTCOME vs How you get there??

squirrels has some good points, but you people are so bent out of shape that you think internet pvssy is ssoooooo different from regular women you meet on the street,

yet you dont even realize that some of the women you meet on the street probably have had a internet personal up at one time or another

 

[So pimp its scary]

You are right, there is nothing 'wrong' with meeting women online. And, yes YOU CAN have a lot of success with personals, all that I was meaning in my post was that it's best to get some game BEFORE going to online personals. This can save you a lot of heartache.

If you meet someone online and you have no game, you are just as doomed as if you met them on the street and have no game.

Also, the flip side of that is that once you get some actual game experience you won't even consider putting an online personal because meeting people face to face is just a lot more interesting.

----------- OR

You could just practise meeting women online, untill you start getting some game, and then once you get the confidence to get the job done on your own, then you would probably benefit from meeting people in person.

Note : It's also better to meet people in person and have a real conversation with them to better judge if you like them, rather then looking at their picture and a vague description of who they think they are.

 

[DJ_Dork]

It works dude, but you gotta MEET up real fast.. I would say by the 2nd/3rd email. Say something unique and interesting.. and make sure your profile is the same too. Remember, most girls deal with a lotta guys.

Here's my example:

I sent one email, and she sent one fast. I said another one and brought up the topic of meeting one on one for a cheap neutral cafe/sandwich date - we ended up walking around different stores as a small date test to see where she stood materialistically/economically. We clicked right then and there the first 5 min btw.

I have a LTR with a 7ish, and it's getting close to the 7th month of our relationship now.

 

[Halo]

I say there's a flip side to the argument that you need to have game -before- meeting online girls. In fact, I think the opposite is true for most people. Online girls are useful for developing skill in the first place, that is later useful with girls in the "real world." There's the potential to go on lots of dates with lots of different girls when you use the personals sites. Most of them you probably won't "click with" for some reason or another, but it's all useful practice. Plus, you can actually meet some good ones that way too. I met one of the girls I am dating right now that way. She's very cute, nice body, fun to be around...I really don't care that I met her in a supposedly AFC way.

 

[So pimp its scary]

"It works dude, but you gotta MEET up real fast.. I would say by the 2nd/3rd email. Say something unique and interesting.. and make sure your profile is the same too. Remember, most girls deal with a lotta guys."

That is what I was getting at. I'm not saying that using personals is an AFC thing to do in itself... but it is better to use these services as a means to an end (getting game). dating services are better suited to those that are looking to settle down, and if you are looking to improve your game you are NOT looking to settle down, simple as that.

So, it really comes down to what you are looking for.