Hiya,
I'm AFC as fvck. 10 years ago I decided not to have sex again until I met the one.
I have a story. And a lot of questions.
1. I met a really sweet, loving, over-caring, super beautiful back-packer girl while travelling in India. Back home she works at a dog shelter, saving street-dogs and helping them trust humans again. Giving deep deep love professionally. We traveled in a big group of people that had hooked up along the way. She was a big weed smoker and occasionally did MDMA and LSD. She had this sweet, innocent aura while kind of dressing slutty. Either short dresses or camel-toe-tight pants.
2. One morning when we had slept next to each other we started kissing and suddenly she gave me a blow job and swallowed. Best blow job I've ever had. What a technique!
(Later into the relationship she denied this ever happened) Later in the day while laying in the grass next to a waterfall cuddling she tells me she has a boyfriend back home, but that they're on a break. Thinking back I think she said something about him wanting to leave but not doing so.
3. We kept travelling around, from now on me and her always had our own room. She told me she liked to be tied up and spanked, she also said this in a bragging kind of way in front of the whole group at one occasion.
4. As I got to know her it seemed like she was living with some sort of depression, at least back home, that she hoped she could cure with an ayahuasca ceremony in south america one day. She also told me that she had been locked up because of eating disorders a couple of years ago and that she had a very low self esteem. She always complained about her fat body, but it was ****ing perfect!
5. I noticed that she had a really weird relation with her father. She treated him as a baby on the phone. She always talked about how amazing he was and that if she got a son he would get her fathers name. She did not like her mother who had cared more about different boyfriends than about her.
6. We moved into an apartment in one of the towns we were travelling through and by now we really felt like a couple. We stayed there for a month. Deeply in love. She used to give me surprise blow jobs and swallow. She was both very submissive/pleasing and initiative taking at the same time. She calls me "her beautiful child and amazing man" and a lot of other sweet things. She adored my "big beautiful" penis (dont know where she got that from =D). She was "surprised" that I, unlike most others, were able to make her wet. She was hoping I would finally be the man that would stay with her. I couldn't see why anyone would leave. I wouldn't mind living as a homeless on the streets with her. She mentions she have a lot of male friends and prefer to be with guys and that her ex was very jealous.
7. It was time for us to go back home to our respective countries, but as soon as we landed we realized we had to try to get together again. We talked about moving, when to meet next time and so on. She still lived with her boyfriend so she told him she needed time alone and kicked him out(or so she told me).
8. For two months we had daily contact on skype and through sms. I remember I was so touched when she once sent me a video recording where she was singing for me with her baby voice.
9. After a while she started being harder to reach. She was busy and would call me back but never did. I felt disrespected but assumed her ex was causing trouble. A day later or two she would apologize and then showering me with love for a while.
10. Two-three months after landing she came and visited me for 10 romantic days. We had a lot of sex but she wasn't taking initiative anymore. She said I was the first to give her a cl*t orgasm. She seemed to see people in black and white. Evil or good people. I tried to share a more complex perspective. I try to get to know her a little deeper, but she doesn't seem to be in to that. She's not interested to learn anything about me either.
11. She got back home and the push/pull continued. One day I had had enough and told her she had to shape up. She answered by crying that everyone was always so disappointed by her and it would be better if she killed herself.
12. One month later I go and visit her in the house she and her ex used to live in. She seems to be drinking A LOT and driving both drunk and on acid. One night he comes banging on the door, trying to break it open. She goes out and talks to him, telling him I am there. A few days later he tries to commit suicide. Or rather, he eats a lot of pills and let her know about it. He seemed to be a sweet guy.
13. I go back home. More push/pull. She don't want me to come visit again until she has found a new house for a fresh start for the two of us. She find one and will move there two months later. It was important for her that I liked the house.
14. One month later she goes to a party. She doesn't answer her phone for 2 days. When she finally calls she tells me she did acid and had come to the conclusion that she needs to be alone because it's to close upon her last relationship, she has to focus on work and she needs to learn to be happy on her own..... I say I have to get back to her when I'm cooled down. Then she starts messaging me that she will die if she looses me. When I've cooled down I ask her if she expects me to wait around for her or if she just wants to be alone until she gets the new house. The new house, she says, and that she still wants us to talk like usual.
15. After this it's a lot more push than pull. But when she pulls she pulls. She starts sending me voice messages with her singing little love songs for me again. I laughed once because it sounded so manic.
16. One month before she's gonna get the new house her cousin, who also traveled with us in India, shoots himself in the head after his girlfriend, my girlfriends best friend, had push/pulled him a little to hard.
17. He survives and his girlfriend and my girlfriend spend most their time in the hospital or by drinking at her place together with a male friend from India.
18. We barely have any contact at all now. I try to be supportive but she's very cold. Occasionally she writes me how much she loves me or sing me a song.
19. One month later she gets the new house and I go over there to visit for two weeks. Hello hell. At first she is still in her old house, preparing it for the move. She lets me know that she's not capable of any intimacy because she's so depressed over what her cousin did. He is still at the ICU. The next day she goes to work, come back home and later goes to the hospital to sleep with her cousin.
20. The second day she asks me if I want to move in with her in the new house. I tell that I think so and that I'll try. When she comes back from the hospital later in the evening she tells me her cousin will move in instead, since I didn't want to. She then thinks I'm a selfish jerk for being disappointed and insists I had said I didn't want to move in.
21. She works most days, visits the hospital most days and sleeps there every other/third night. Meanwhile I try to help her out by preparing the old house for the move. Cleaning, fixing the garden and so on. She again tells me she wants to be tied up and spanked and that I'd learn to enjoy it. I say it's not for me.
22. She talks a lot about suicide and wants to discuss why she shouldn't kill herself.
23. One day while driving in her car a love song is played at the radio and she looks at me and sing with the song. One day, standing and hugging in her garden I try to get eye contact with. She shies away and asks me what I'm looking for.
24. I visit the hospital with her one day. She is playing her cousin love songs and massaging him with such intensity.
25. We move in to the new house. She thanks me for helping out, grabs my d*ck and tells me she will take care of me later. I tell her it's not her obligation. We plan to go on a little vacation the up coming weekend.
26. The next night she comes home from the hospital and tells me she has decided to kill herself. She had hoped she would be in a car accident on the way back home. She tells me how empty she feels inside and that she cant take it anymore and that she has made up her mind. I start crying in panic. She gets pissed off and says she cant stand seeing me cry and that she wants me to leave. I have another friend from the trip in India living in another city. She wants me to go there.
27. The next day me, my GF and her best friend(the GF of the cousin) are hanging out in the house when the friend gets an SMS from the cousin saying he's in love with my GF. Very weird. They try to make sense of it as a joke. It turns out it's not, he wants to marry her. Later the friend tells me my GF has been over-caring with him. Spooning with him in the hospital bed, with legs entangled. What is going on? Everything is very confused.
I'm AFC as fvck. 10 years ago I decided not to have sex again until I met the one.
I have a story. And a lot of questions.
1. I met a really sweet, loving, over-caring, super beautiful back-packer girl while travelling in India. Back home she works at a dog shelter, saving street-dogs and helping them trust humans again. Giving deep deep love professionally. We traveled in a big group of people that had hooked up along the way. She was a big weed smoker and occasionally did MDMA and LSD. She had this sweet, innocent aura while kind of dressing slutty. Either short dresses or camel-toe-tight pants.
2. One morning when we had slept next to each other we started kissing and suddenly she gave me a blow job and swallowed. Best blow job I've ever had. What a technique!
(Later into the relationship she denied this ever happened) Later in the day while laying in the grass next to a waterfall cuddling she tells me she has a boyfriend back home, but that they're on a break. Thinking back I think she said something about him wanting to leave but not doing so.3. We kept travelling around, from now on me and her always had our own room. She told me she liked to be tied up and spanked, she also said this in a bragging kind of way in front of the whole group at one occasion.
4. As I got to know her it seemed like she was living with some sort of depression, at least back home, that she hoped she could cure with an ayahuasca ceremony in south america one day. She also told me that she had been locked up because of eating disorders a couple of years ago and that she had a very low self esteem. She always complained about her fat body, but it was ****ing perfect!
5. I noticed that she had a really weird relation with her father. She treated him as a baby on the phone. She always talked about how amazing he was and that if she got a son he would get her fathers name. She did not like her mother who had cared more about different boyfriends than about her.
6. We moved into an apartment in one of the towns we were travelling through and by now we really felt like a couple. We stayed there for a month. Deeply in love. She used to give me surprise blow jobs and swallow. She was both very submissive/pleasing and initiative taking at the same time. She calls me "her beautiful child and amazing man" and a lot of other sweet things. She adored my "big beautiful" penis (dont know where she got that from =D). She was "surprised" that I, unlike most others, were able to make her wet. She was hoping I would finally be the man that would stay with her. I couldn't see why anyone would leave. I wouldn't mind living as a homeless on the streets with her. She mentions she have a lot of male friends and prefer to be with guys and that her ex was very jealous.
7. It was time for us to go back home to our respective countries, but as soon as we landed we realized we had to try to get together again. We talked about moving, when to meet next time and so on. She still lived with her boyfriend so she told him she needed time alone and kicked him out(or so she told me).
8. For two months we had daily contact on skype and through sms. I remember I was so touched when she once sent me a video recording where she was singing for me with her baby voice.
9. After a while she started being harder to reach. She was busy and would call me back but never did. I felt disrespected but assumed her ex was causing trouble. A day later or two she would apologize and then showering me with love for a while.
10. Two-three months after landing she came and visited me for 10 romantic days. We had a lot of sex but she wasn't taking initiative anymore. She said I was the first to give her a cl*t orgasm. She seemed to see people in black and white. Evil or good people. I tried to share a more complex perspective. I try to get to know her a little deeper, but she doesn't seem to be in to that. She's not interested to learn anything about me either.
11. She got back home and the push/pull continued. One day I had had enough and told her she had to shape up. She answered by crying that everyone was always so disappointed by her and it would be better if she killed herself.
12. One month later I go and visit her in the house she and her ex used to live in. She seems to be drinking A LOT and driving both drunk and on acid. One night he comes banging on the door, trying to break it open. She goes out and talks to him, telling him I am there. A few days later he tries to commit suicide. Or rather, he eats a lot of pills and let her know about it. He seemed to be a sweet guy.
13. I go back home. More push/pull. She don't want me to come visit again until she has found a new house for a fresh start for the two of us. She find one and will move there two months later. It was important for her that I liked the house.
14. One month later she goes to a party. She doesn't answer her phone for 2 days. When she finally calls she tells me she did acid and had come to the conclusion that she needs to be alone because it's to close upon her last relationship, she has to focus on work and she needs to learn to be happy on her own..... I say I have to get back to her when I'm cooled down. Then she starts messaging me that she will die if she looses me. When I've cooled down I ask her if she expects me to wait around for her or if she just wants to be alone until she gets the new house. The new house, she says, and that she still wants us to talk like usual.
15. After this it's a lot more push than pull. But when she pulls she pulls. She starts sending me voice messages with her singing little love songs for me again. I laughed once because it sounded so manic.
16. One month before she's gonna get the new house her cousin, who also traveled with us in India, shoots himself in the head after his girlfriend, my girlfriends best friend, had push/pulled him a little to hard.
17. He survives and his girlfriend and my girlfriend spend most their time in the hospital or by drinking at her place together with a male friend from India.
18. We barely have any contact at all now. I try to be supportive but she's very cold. Occasionally she writes me how much she loves me or sing me a song.
19. One month later she gets the new house and I go over there to visit for two weeks. Hello hell. At first she is still in her old house, preparing it for the move. She lets me know that she's not capable of any intimacy because she's so depressed over what her cousin did. He is still at the ICU. The next day she goes to work, come back home and later goes to the hospital to sleep with her cousin.
20. The second day she asks me if I want to move in with her in the new house. I tell that I think so and that I'll try. When she comes back from the hospital later in the evening she tells me her cousin will move in instead, since I didn't want to. She then thinks I'm a selfish jerk for being disappointed and insists I had said I didn't want to move in.
21. She works most days, visits the hospital most days and sleeps there every other/third night. Meanwhile I try to help her out by preparing the old house for the move. Cleaning, fixing the garden and so on. She again tells me she wants to be tied up and spanked and that I'd learn to enjoy it. I say it's not for me.
22. She talks a lot about suicide and wants to discuss why she shouldn't kill herself.
23. One day while driving in her car a love song is played at the radio and she looks at me and sing with the song. One day, standing and hugging in her garden I try to get eye contact with. She shies away and asks me what I'm looking for.
24. I visit the hospital with her one day. She is playing her cousin love songs and massaging him with such intensity.
25. We move in to the new house. She thanks me for helping out, grabs my d*ck and tells me she will take care of me later. I tell her it's not her obligation. We plan to go on a little vacation the up coming weekend.
26. The next night she comes home from the hospital and tells me she has decided to kill herself. She had hoped she would be in a car accident on the way back home. She tells me how empty she feels inside and that she cant take it anymore and that she has made up her mind. I start crying in panic. She gets pissed off and says she cant stand seeing me cry and that she wants me to leave. I have another friend from the trip in India living in another city. She wants me to go there.
27. The next day me, my GF and her best friend(the GF of the cousin) are hanging out in the house when the friend gets an SMS from the cousin saying he's in love with my GF. Very weird. They try to make sense of it as a joke. It turns out it's not, he wants to marry her. Later the friend tells me my GF has been over-caring with him. Spooning with him in the hospital bed, with legs entangled. What is going on? Everything is very confused.
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