What should i do in this situation?

[Q-Boy]

I've been in relation with this girl from 1 year and from last 2 weeks, things changed all of a sudden. She started getting distant from me and when ever I asked the reason, she got more cold and rude toward me.

Due to this, i changed into a complete AFC guy as mentioned on this website. I did every AFC mistake.

Today in the morning, she acted quite rude toward me even more, there was no reason. Yesterday she said that she'll be right back and little busy (On skype)

And she did not came back, and today i asked are you free now? (By text)

She replied that no I'm not free stop annoying me and stop acting this much desperate. I again started acting like a little girl who need her attention and expressed my feelings to her (My fault i know) and then she said that she'll talk later. Still not contact from her side.

What should I be doing in this situation and is there a way to reverse it?

I've noticed myself doing these:

1- Being overly nice with her.
2- Giving her gifts too much.
3- Telling her how much I need her.
4- Always wanting to talk with her.
5- Doing what ever she wanted me to do in every matter.

And this is what I got as the result of above:

1- She's getting cold, rude, and distant.
2- She always finding excuses of not talking with me.
3- She's giving me one word responses.
4- Whenever I try to make her happy, she get annoyed.
5- It looks like she's annoyed by my presence.

So last week I did cut off from her, and did not contact her, 4 days later she was looking damn interested and nice with me, but again in few day's she is cold and distant.

It's really tough to be in this situation, but from my childhood, I've learnt that having self control attract people. I'm ready to take every step to win her back.

I've searched these forums and found many such situations, and always the advises are "Move on" or "Next her". I agree it's good, but I'm asking if there is any way to recover from my situation and make her place value in me again?

I've been clingy and desperate in her eyes, tell me how to reverse it so she think of me as a confident guy and she get interested in me again.

 

[adam225]

Nah, she's gone. The sooner you come to realise this the better. The only thing you can do is totally break free and continue with your life. Even if you do get her attraction back, she'll lose it again sooner or later and you'll be back here. WALK AWAY NOW AND FREE YOURSELF.

 

[TheGambino]

That's what we call AFC behaviour, I suggest you to read the DJ Bible bro and ignore this chick, she already has a view about you and that won't change, if you can escalate sexually do it, if she refuses leave and never look back. I know it's hard we've all been there

 

[Mr Wright]

She's planning on breaking up with you. You can jump before you get pushed but other than that, forget a future with this girl.

 

[Skyline]

1- Being overly nice with her.
2- Giving her gifts too much.
3- Telling her how much I need her.
4- Always wanting to talk with her.
5- Doing what ever she wanted me to do in every matter.

She seems bored of the relationship so shes trying to start a bit of drama because she has you hooked. She will dump you if you continue this behavior.


1. Make fun of her and or tease her sometimes. Relationships are playful, being always serious is a turn off.
2. Stop giving her these gifts if not necessary. Simple as that.
3. Thats desperation and one of the biggest turn off, stop this. Become a stone essentially.
4. This is neediness. Find a hobby or passion so you can distance yourself. Smothering her with attention is a turn off.
5. Probably the worst one and another big turn off. HAVE A BACKBONE! Stand up for yourself, tell her no, to do it herself, or even ask for her to do something in return.

 

[Vidrio]

Move on.

 

[happyDJ]

I've been in relation with this girl from 1 year and from last 2 weeks, things changed all of a sudden.

Why was this? Do you know the reason?

Anyway, whatever the reason you have no option. Break up with her. She's going to do it very soon. Even if she doesn't, you're better off getting back together later.
Stop all the clingyness and neediness. Make her see you're fun and confident, and don't need her.
If, IF the reason she changed was because of your (unnoticed) AFC behaviour, you might have a chance. If she has no more feelings for you, then it's really done, she's just branch swinging.

The way to even have a chance to keep her, is to truly realize you don't need her at all to be all you want to be.

So maybe give her some days to allow yourself to show that you're indifferent, fun and confident, then break up. Say "this is not working, we should just be friends", but don't explain much more or you'll be caught. Then go NC or keep contact but never initiate. Just reply friendly and short, laughing.
Don't, don't, don't start anything before 6 weeks. If you do get back together (because she's begging, all wet), it's back to square one. Like a new gf, new person. Your terms.
Btw, fvck her real good now, if the occasion arises. She should show some interest first (she will because all of a sudden you're (in)different) and make her cvm and scream. Break up the day after.

 

[happyDJ]

It is counter intuitive, but being the one to break up is what gives you the best chance of solving things. Don't let her think it's both of you who decided to break up.

 

[Q-Boy]

Okay guys, love you all for your responses. But one thing I was thinking, why should I break up? I mean if I broke up with her, wouldn't it be an act of anger and i guess I shouldn't be showing any anger towards her. Isn't it better to calmly go No contact and only talk to her when she initiate it?

And secondly, do I need to tell her before going no contact that i won't be able to talk for a few days?

 

[happyDJ]

Okay guys, love you all for your responses. But one thing I was thinking, why should I break up? I mean if I broke up with her, wouldn't it be an act of anger and i guess I shouldn't be showing any anger towards her. Isn't it better to calmly go No contact and only talk to her when she initiate it?

And secondly, do I need to tell her before going no contact that i won't be able to talk for a few days?

No, just don't reply to her. But break up first. Because she will do it before you do. You lost too much, maybe you don't realize. She has all those AFC images of you in her mind, breaking up is the most anti-AFC possible. That's why.
The only reason not to break up is if what you're doing now is really working fast. But still she'll see right through you at some point if you're together. Breaking up gives you the time to really kill those AFC images and current AFC state of mind.
Btw, how much one'itis do you have? Could you see yourself easily being happy with another girl? You must not need her. You should want her, but not need her. She should feel this.

 

[Q-Boy]

Okay i will follow all the advice given. One question, a week ago it was her birth day and due to some reason I had to delay her birth day gift which I kept with me to give her. I said her that should i parsal it and she said ok send it on wednesday. Because she is far away right now so i have to send it that way (The gift something she always wanted.). I asked for her current address on skype but she said that she will tell me tommorow. I said okay tell me it tommorow and then she went offline. It was a 10 minute talk. So how should i handle this? If she does not contact me tomrrow to tell me address. Should i myself ask it? If not, then what about the gift and all this. Your advice will be appreciated.

 

[saywhen]

Dont push it further man. You asked for the address leave it at that. Remember, you dont want appear that you are waiting on her every word. Thats just more AFC behavior

 

[Q-Boy]

What do you mean by leave it at that? I don't get it. Can you explain it a little more clearly and if she does not contact me tommorow to tell it. Should i myself contact and ask it?

 

[saywhen]

What i mean is she already knows you need the address and that youve asked for it.

Id say dont ask again tomorrow if she doesnt respond herself.

You should appear more involved in your own life to care if she wants her birthday present or not. Sounds harsh but as you said she is already finding your way of persistance annoying right?

 

[Q-Boy]

Yes right but are you sure that not asking or talking to her about anything about birthday present or about anything myself may only work to increase the attraction? I mean is this sure that it won't further destroy the matter? I'd love to hear your stories.
Any guys. If anyone have any experience with no contact who succesfully gained attraction back after ruining it.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

...okay, look guy: What I'm about to tell you could help you in your quest to get this girl back. Before I say it, though, understand something: as the other people on this post have pointed out, it's looking like her interest level in you is in the toilet, and she doesn't know how to get rid of you without hurting your feelings. So, if we're playing the odds, there's a good chance this thing is about to be over. So, even though I'm going to give you some advice, you really need to monitor the situation to see if you're fooling yourself into thinking this thing can be salvaged, or if it can actually be saved.

So, here's my advice for you:

1. STOP CONTACTING HER SO MUCH. Specifically, cut the amount of time you reach out to her to once a week, and that's IT. Choose your method: skype, phone call, text (though I don't recommend texting at all), but only do ONE of these, and only do it once a week. Why? Well, given that she was willing to reach out to you after not hearing from you for four days, you should be able to see that, on some level, SHE wants to be the one to chase YOU, and not the other way around. So, let her do it.

2. STOP BEING AVAILABLE SO DANG MUCH. This ties in with #1. The part you're not getting is that women LIKE feeling like they have to work for a guy's attention - therefore, by you giving it away so much, at any time of day that she's ready to receive it, she knows she already has you and you're no longer a challenge to her.

3. THINK BACK ON ALL THE THINGS YOU DID TO GET HER IN THE FIRST PLACE. Hopefully you weren't doing anything AFC-ish when you bagged this chick, so remember what those things were and start doing them again. Most guys will come on this site, learn how to do some PUA or attraction stuff, then assume they can stop doing it once the girl shows interest back. Nope - the things you did to get her are the things you need to keep doing to keep her.

4. STOP HAVING SERIOUS CONVERSATIONS WITH HER. Dude, dating/relationships are supposed to be fun. So, you bringing up topics like "Why are you getting distant?" or "Do you like me anymore?" shouldn't be brought up. What, you expect her to give you honest answers in these convos? Never gonna happen! If you notice these things starting to happen, where she's getting distant or showing some form of disinterest, you either come here and ask what's up or you figure out what AFC things you're doing and stop doing them - but you do NOT go to her and ask her what's wrong, 'cause you'll never get a straight answer from her, and it makes you look like the desperate one in the relationship.

5. STOP BEING SO DEPENDENT ON THE OUTCOME OF YOU AND HER WORKING OUT. This is where most guys fail as well - you become so worried that this is the relationship that HAS to work that you start over-doing stuff to the point where it annoys her (i.e. over-calling/texting her, over-staying your welcome when you're out with her, etc.). Always remember: if this relationship doesn't work out, you should be confident enough in yourself to know that you can find someone else. So, stop putting so much pressure on this situation and let loose a bit.

Lastly, go to my website in the link below and listen to some of my podcast - there are 69 of them now, and they should help you in your quest to stop losing women. Hope this helps!

 

[JoeMarron]

You have much to learn. I wouldn't break up with her just yet. Go even more distant with her than she is with you, don't initiate contact, start talking to other women. The man should never show more interest in the relationship than the woman. Seeing how effective this is will hopefully convince you never to behave the way you did again. As far as the relationship is concerned its probably best to end it. I'm not sure if you're emotionally capable of pulling this off but its not necessary to end it completely, just casually tell her that monogamy isn't working out for you and start seeing other women. I suggest reading these until it becomes a natural part of your thought process

http://www.mts.net/~bpony/djbible/
http://heartiste.wordpress.com/the-sixteen-commandments-of-poon/
http://therationalmale.com/

And this book. I wouldn't be surprised if your girl is entertaining the company of other men while you're busy groveling at her feet

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00FZXE2HY

 

[Driggs]

Start replying to one out of two of her texts, randomly. This means that some conversations will be left hanging if she doesn't maintain the momentum. If she doesn't maintain the momentum let her go.

 

[Q-Boy]

I have not broke up with her yet, but I stopped initiating talks and stopped being clingy. She's improving as I can see, don't know weather she's playing another game or actually having some interest.

I did not talk whole day yesterday (before there was not a single day when i did not text her) so at night she texted me her self and initiated conversation with me. She even started being frank with me again and teased me, to which I teased back as well. And I remained being funny and stayed cool with her. I sometime felt that conversation is going dull because had not anything to talk about but still I think little bit improved. What you guys say?

 

[Atom Smasher]

Don't answer every text. You need to SERIOUSLY withdraw from her.

You shouldn't be doing all this to win her back. You should be doing it for your own self-respect.

A man should NEVER allow himself to be dumped (and you, my friend, are about to be dumped). You need to flip the script immediately by withdrawing your attention to the point where she is begging to have you back, or until she leaves, whichever it is.

NEVER, EVER tell a woman you need her. She should be living in constant fear of losing you. Any other dynamic won't work long-term. It should ALWAYS be the woman who is in fear of losing the man, and not vice-versa. When a woman asks the inevitable question, "Do you need me?", the answer should always be, "No, I don't need you. I like having you in my life and I choose this, but I don't need you." This is what a woman secretly desires you to feel.

All these principles seem non-intuitive and manipulative, but they are matters of survival in a modern relationship. The man must always frame everything in a way that gives him the upper hand. She must be made aware that you have the ability to leave at any time.

Now within that framework there's room for kindness, empathy, and gentleness, but these things must be meted out in small, appropriate doses at appropriate times. The amount and intensity of these things are completely dependent upon the particular people involved. You're not at this place right now. You need to show a firm hand.

You should consider yourself the king of your own empire, and live for yourself with a woman as an unnecessary adjunct to your life.

Be very careful... You are going to tend to go AFC at the first sign of her "acceptance" of you. Don't fall for it.

You should consider this relationship over at this point (she has already left... trust me) and instead get the upper hand and call the shots yourself. Design a new life, and demonstrate WITHOUT WORDS your newfound freedom as you unshackle yourself from her.

If she relents and begs to have you back, consider it. If not, it never could have worked out.

Q-boy, it's time to become fierce and take control of your life and relationships. You're in a GREAT place, as you are learning things that most men never learn, if only you will accept them and put them into practice.

If you don't listen to us, you will be in for a world of hurt. What we are saying sounds extreme to you and requires bravery on your part, but remember that we are speaking from a place of vast experience and we want to help you get a handle on this.

When a woman acts this way she has already grieved the loss of the relationship and she is frustrated because she can't find an easy way out. She will try to bait you into conversations where she'll trap you and therefore justify herself ("See, I know he was bad for me").

A man must control and administer his relationship NONVERBALLY. She will turn your words around on you every time. It is critically important to act with very little speaking and even less explanation. Act, and do not talk. Your own words will always be the noose with which she will hang you. Every woman is an absolute master at this. Every woman.

Think long and hard on these things. Lastly, you need to turn away from operating from a position of lack. There are plenty of fish in the sea, although for many men it seems utterly impossible to believe it. Therefore you need to tell yourself this constantly until it manifests for you. This is not "the secret" mumbo-jumbo, but rather this manifestation comes from the scales being removed from your eyes in order to see that which was always true.

Good luck, and let us know how you progress. Remember, some guys here express things harshly and some more gently. Everyone here responds in their own way not to hurt you but to help you.