What I've learned from being out of the game for over 2 years (rant)

[sangheilios]

Speaking as a guy who, while not the best looking guy in town, is decent enough (probably a 7ish to most women) ... your presence around women is almost always the determining factor, if good looks are the common denominator. Status, wealth, charisma, wit, are all meaningless if you have a sense of entitlement and are looking for external validation from them.

I only get attention from women when I have no interest in them (and a genuine disinterest, not merely feigning it). When I'm not-trying to impress or looking for any external validation, even if I'm in a sour mood, it's not uncommon for them to look at me with intrigue, some even say stuff to me as I pass them.

When I'm actually looking to make something happen (ie paying attention for IOIs or glances), they usually ignore me.

I still remember when I was in my early 20s, I accidentally gave a smoking hot brunette chick the stink eye, and she ended up being obssessed with me for a like month after.

I think it's because attractive, especially hot, women are used to having tons of men vying for their attention and acceptance. When you act unimpressed or even disinterested in her it is not something she is accustomed to and she'll start wondering what is going on and then try to gain your attention.

I feel that this is an issue for many men, where they try supplicating to women in order to gain your favor. I've found that most women find this rather off putting and unattractive, as it makes the man appear desperate and needy/clingy. This is why it's important to have other stuff going on and not use women or other people as a base for your sense of self.

 

[derby1]

In theory, a 6'4', muscular white guy can get nearly any woman. You can go for the tall (5'10"-6'2") volleyball women, the similarly tall and slender model type, or shorter women. You can have many successful seductions or get an LTR from a top tier woman. That's an enviable position.

this is not true brother, these are internet fallacies, women barely even notice men anymore.

Im 6'2 in shape and never had one even mildly average chic acknowledge me on any app.

same for real life, shes over exposed.

edited to add: in real life i get acknowledged more but they dont swoon over me, like im some immortal, thats what I meant

 

[Romanemp22]

It's been over 2 years since I've had a real date or even asked a woman out. From 2017 through the first half of 2019 I was having nothing but bad experiences that were ruining my self esteem and it was getting to the point where it was having an affect on my mental health and overall well being.

I was originally only going for women that I found very attractive, which resulted in nothing. I reflected upon this and decided to consider going for women I was not attracted to, believing that I'd have better results. I was mistaken and found the experiences demoralizing and insulting. "Why is a white man that is 6'4" and jacked getting rejected by some fat chick" were repetitive thoughts lol. I tried speed dating, which was an abysmal experience that left me feeling even worse. I tried tinder and OLD, had a couple "matches" with women that weighed as much as I did lol. I was running solo and approaching average women at bars and they would just stare at me with a blank expression, even tried this with a couple overweight women and they stuck their noses in the air at me lol. I had a few times where other people would point out a very obese women and tell me that was my league and I was totally blown away by it. My response was "Why would a man who is 6'4" and one of the fittest guys at the gym date that?".

To add to this, I was meeting tons of attention *****s and getting a handful of first dates that led to absolutely NOTHING for me. I was having other men who in reality couldn't compare to me criticize things about me, it was as if everything in the universe was out to ruin me lol.

All of these things were starting to seriously affect my self esteem to the point I was questioning literally everything about my existence. I eventually got to the point where I totally accepted that I needed to step away from this for my own sake.

I stepped away and spent the next couple years working towards other amazing things. I now have an investment portfolio that is well within the 6 figure range and I'm quickly accroaching on millionaire status and get enough in monthly dividends to cover the cost of an average apartment in my area. I live in a home in a very nice area of town. I'm in the best shape ever and at a ridiculous level with that, for instance I'm life time drug free and at 6'4" and 240 I'm able to do 10+ reps on dips with an extra 70 pounds around my waist. I could go on with various feats but that is a more recent personal record.

What I learned is that you can't base your happiness and sense of self off of the opinions and input of other people. When you have a lot going for you it makes others very insecure and they seek to bring you down a notch as a control mechanism, this goes for both women and other men. The solution is to identify toxic losers in your life and then cut them out entirely. You don't lower your standards or try to fit in with people that are at a different level than you. You don't become a poser on instagram and pretend to be something you are not by creating a false public image nor do you seek the approval of other people. You associate with people that are on your level and if you can't find them then you accept that you will be alone and continue to improve.

I'm glad you are doing great honestly, I like seeing people having success after some sh1ty part of life. The most important thing is that you should never make your life go around girls and never value your own worth by amount of women you've been to.

Either if it's 5 or 500 of them it doesn't matter, you stay in your lane of purpose and the girl worth your time will have to earn it to be there.

I'm also tall and bulked guy and I had periods where I will pull 10 girls in one month and the next period I couldn't get past firs date. Don't let this get to you. It's just a part of the game and just realize it that they were not suiting you anyway.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

this is not true brother, these are internet fallacies, women barely even notice men anymore.

Im 6'2 in shape and never had one even mildly average chic acknowledge me on any app.

same for real life, shes over exposed.

edited to add: in real life i get acknowledged more but they dont swoon over me, like im some immortal, thats what I meant

But do you have 9/10 Chad looks?

 

[corrector]

Some of what my detractors would on here say what is missing is you are not sexual and come across as a boring square that is not turning anyone on. You have to be more fun and get them excited to be with you.

 

[derby1]

But do you have 9/10 Chad looks?

There is no 9/10 in my area, in all the social situations i go in theres very few guys above me on SMV,
1 x superhandsome guy at the gym
and one guy who comes in the gym with a physique of a Demi God

online I probably look like a jacked 7, but f^ck me bro, its pretty sickening not even average chics acknowledge you or put effort in.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

There is no 9/10 in my area, in all the social situations i go in theres very few guys above me on SMV,
1 x superhandsome guy at the gym
and one guy who comes in the gym with a physique of a Demi God

online I probably look like a jacked 7, but f^ck me bro, its pretty sickening not even average chics acknowledge you or put effort in.

The solution is to consciously ignore all women below your SMV, particularly the fat/overweight ones; how dare they think they deserve even a glance from a guy who puts in so much work, when they don't do a damn thing to take care of themselves.

Focus on being strong and lean for its own sake, rather than ulterior motives ie trying to raise SMV. Eventually you'll find a women who will appreciate it, especially when you find a girl-power gym rat type who thinks she's stronger than you.

 

[Bokanovsky]

this is not true brother, these are internet fallacies, women barely even notice men anymore.

Im 6'2 in shape and never had one even mildly average chic acknowledge me on any app.

same for real life, shes over exposed.

edited to add: in real life i get acknowledged more but they dont swoon over me, like im some immortal, thats what I meant

Unless you are a celebrity, women are not going to “swoon” over you the way men swoon over hot women (unless you are in an environment or social circle where women significantly outnumber men). That’s just not how things work in real life. Even if you’re a very good looking guy, you will have to do a bit work to get laid.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Unless you are a celebrity, women are not going to “swoon” over you the way men swoon over hot women (unless you are in an environment or social circle where women significantly outnumber men). That’s just not how things work in real life. Even if you’re a very good looking guy, you will have to do a bit work to get laid.

I seem to recall hearing a lot of guys who claimed that after getting jacked, a lot of women would eye-rape or literally grope them.

Always seemed peculiar, that has never made a lick of difference to me, I got the same amount of attention at 150lbs as I did at 220 and everything inbetween.

 

[zekko]

OP, this sounds like a MGTOW story.

Pretend like you're in a good mood at all times, it works.

I don't have to fake it, I usually am in a pretty good mood 90% of the time. Honestly, this can worry me, because I feel like I might be walking around like a grinning jackrabbit. You know, we've seen those studies that show women aren't attracted to guys who smile. I don't think those studies were thoroughly done, but there's something to it. A smiling chimp might look harmless, and they might prefer a serious looking or even brooding guy. But I agree a good attitude is infectious.

Usually our gut feeling is the right answer

I agree with this. We talk and analyze a lot, but I think deep down we all know what the real problem is, when there's something holding us back. What do you think it is?

 

[sangheilios]

Some people on here have really missed the point of this thread lol.

 

[Velasco]

think guys here are just tryna figure out why a 6'4" muscular guy can't get laid to save his life (before you decided to stop approaching women).

 

[sangheilios]

think guys here are just tryna figure out why a 6'4" muscular guy can't get laid to save his life (before you decided to stop approaching women).

I already made a post discussing this earlier, read post #20.

 

[Bokanovsky]

I seem to recall hearing a lot of guys who claimed that after getting jacked, a lot of women would eye-rape or literally grope them.

Unless you become a male stripper after getting jacked, it’s not going to happen. That’s probably a good thing…I doubt you’d want to be groped by a bunch of fat/ugly chicks lol

 

[Velasco]

This part I can relate with because I also had no social life during my teens which affected my social development.

In my teens through my early to mid 20s I had virtually no social life and by most standards could be classified as a recluse. I can look back and definitely say I was a bit awkward compared to now, so perhaps this was being picked up on by women and other people.

but then I see from your other thread you wrote this

. In my early 20s I had a really traumatic and humiliating experience that completely ruined this for me and I didn't even approach or ask a woman out until I was around 27. From 27 to 29 I had a lot of really bad experiences that were leaving me exhausted and in a place where my mental health was beginning to suffer, so I totally stopped and focused on other things.

This is where I guess we stop relating to one another. Because at 21 is when I discovered PUA and then so began having the kind of success zinc4 and sw15's friend were having.

 

[sangheilios]

This part I can relate with because I also had no social life during my teens which affected my social development.

but then I see from your other thread you wrote this

This is where I guess we stop relating to one another. Because at 21 is when I discovered PUA and then so began having the kind of success zinc4 and sw15's friend were having.

I'm not going to get into overly personal details about my life but it's very unique and not something the majority of people will be able to relate to. When I was 22 going on 23 I had gone through something that literally almost killed me, it also totally changed the trajectory my life was going at the time, both directly and indirectly. My means of dealing with it was through isolation, which ties into what I discussed on that post earlier that I had referenced to you.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

What I learned is that you can't base your happiness and sense of self off of the opinions and input of other people.

Congratulations to your personal revelation mate.
The universal truth is that no-one can make you happy, but yourself.

You cannot seek your happiness in or through others. You need to find and apply it within yourself so you can SHARE that confidence and happiness with others that you care about; because you are very happy and comfortable with being in your own skin at all times.

To many people look for others to make them happy and all they ever will find is a void of unhappiness because they are looking in the wrong place.

 

[Robert28]

Man it goes in phases for most guys. It really does. I’ve been in your shoes where it felt like I couldn’t get a date from ANY woman, and then when I did I’d be on a date having a good time and another woman would hit on me right in front of my date! Sh!t you not, I was out with a girl who was really cute, we are at a baseball game having a good time. This girl is with a group of girls sitting down from us on our row, they have to keep passing us when they want to get out. After about the 3rd time this girl stops and starts talking about my shoes. Completely ignores my date, doesn’t even acknowledge her at all, talks for a good 5 mins to just me. I thought I was going to get killed lol

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

I don't have to fake it, I usually am in a pretty good mood 90% of the time. Honestly, this can worry me, because I feel like I might be walking around like a grinning jackrabbit. You know, we've seen those studies that show women aren't attracted to guys who smile. I don't think those studies were thoroughly done, but there's something to it. A smiling chimp might look harmless, and they might prefer a serious looking or even brooding guy. But I agree a good attitude is infectious.


I agree with this. We talk and analyze a lot, but I think deep down we all know what the real problem is, when there's something holding us back. What do you think it is?

I think that study has some validity to it, although who knows; after all, what women say that they're attracted to isn't what they actually respond to.

Either way I don't think it's about grinning or smiling necessarily, you can be in a good mood without doing that. Your eyes communicate your mood more than anything, and that can change depending how "in the moment" you are.

 

[zekko]

Either way I don't think it's about grinning or smiling necessarily, you can be in a good mood without doing that. Your eyes communicate your mood more than anything

Yeah, what I'm saying is when I'm in a good mood (which is often), I tend to grin like a loon.
It's a self amused smile, but whatever.