SW15
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- May 31, 2020
- Messages
- 13,527
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- 11,389
As men, we are supposed to be the gatekeeper to committed relationships.
Single moms are a contentious topic in the Manosphere.
I want to focus this discussion upon committed relationships and not casual sex/plating arrangements. To me, that is a different topic.
Men age 30+ are often confronted with the issue of single moms in their dating pool. This is even a relevant consideration for Millennial men now in their 30s and early 40s, despite many reports of increased childlessness in the Millennial generation.
I have noticed 4 different schools of thought of committed relationships with single moms.
1. A man will not get into any relationship with any single mom.
I call this "no single moms, no exceptions". This stance seems to work well for a lot of men. I believe that this is the best stance for any childless man. I do not understand the reason why any childless man would get into a committed relationship with a single mom.
This is a more difficult standard for a single dad to have in gatekeeping for committed relationships. Men with children from prior relationships have less bargaining power in asking for only childless women.
2. A man is open to dating any type of single mom.
There are a lot of men that fall into this category. In fact, stances 3 and 4 are variations of this.
This covers such a wide range of men with a variety of viewpoints.
I have seen instances of childless men getting into their 30s and eventually committing to a single mom with 1-2 kids. Soon after, he has his own kids with her. I do think that having your own kids with a woman who had kids from a prior relationship is less bad than committing to a single mom and never having kids with her. This path is less than ideal. I can't figure out why a childless man would do this. It seems to me like a lack of realization of his own value.
There are men who will commit to a single mom in cases where the father of the child is dead or has completely vanished from the mom's life. In those cases, there's less baby daddy drama. There are still a lot of complications with this, and it is even more complicated when the man has his own kids from a prior relationship. Blending families causes a lot of friction.
A very common scenario is a man in a committed relationship with a single mom when the father is still alive and has some joint custody arrangement.
3. A man is only open to dating single moms with older children.
I have heard men express the idea that they don't want to date a single mom with young children, but would date a single mom with older children.
The type of man who usually says this is a 40-55 year old man dating women of a similar age. He usually draws the line with kids somewhere above ages 10-14.
I don't understand this thought process too much. There are still parental issues involved with 12 year olds, 15 year olds, and 17 year olds. Children after age 10 are little bit more independent, but this arrangement still seems unpleasant.
4. A man only dates women with adult children (ages 18+)
This type of interaction is rarely discussed on SoSuave. I regularly mention it but I can't think of any other posters who mention it.
This is a type of interaction that happens with 50+ men dating women similarly aged and/or old grown to have all of her children 18+. Typically, women under 45 don't have all their children 18+.
Many older men, often with their own children 18+, think that they are avoiding single motherhood by following this path. They're not. Also, they are creating unpleasant situations between two sets of adult children. There are issues in these relationships around time spent around one or both partner's grandchildren and inheritance issues in more affluent households.
An adult child who is typically 18-early 40s isn't excited to interact with their parent's new partner at holidays or at other times with family visits. It's not a pleasant situation for the adult children.
Additionally, a lot of 20s/30s young adults in the 2000-present era often need to live at home for some part of their young adult years, which defeats the purpose of dating a woman with adult children. Also, if you're a single dad with adult children, your adult children might need to live at home too, and that can cause issues with your older woman girlfriend/wife.
Which of these 4 stances is your stance on committed relationships with single moms?
Single moms are a contentious topic in the Manosphere.
I want to focus this discussion upon committed relationships and not casual sex/plating arrangements. To me, that is a different topic.
Men age 30+ are often confronted with the issue of single moms in their dating pool. This is even a relevant consideration for Millennial men now in their 30s and early 40s, despite many reports of increased childlessness in the Millennial generation.
I have noticed 4 different schools of thought of committed relationships with single moms.
1. A man will not get into any relationship with any single mom.
I call this "no single moms, no exceptions". This stance seems to work well for a lot of men. I believe that this is the best stance for any childless man. I do not understand the reason why any childless man would get into a committed relationship with a single mom.
This is a more difficult standard for a single dad to have in gatekeeping for committed relationships. Men with children from prior relationships have less bargaining power in asking for only childless women.
2. A man is open to dating any type of single mom.
There are a lot of men that fall into this category. In fact, stances 3 and 4 are variations of this.
This covers such a wide range of men with a variety of viewpoints.
I have seen instances of childless men getting into their 30s and eventually committing to a single mom with 1-2 kids. Soon after, he has his own kids with her. I do think that having your own kids with a woman who had kids from a prior relationship is less bad than committing to a single mom and never having kids with her. This path is less than ideal. I can't figure out why a childless man would do this. It seems to me like a lack of realization of his own value.
There are men who will commit to a single mom in cases where the father of the child is dead or has completely vanished from the mom's life. In those cases, there's less baby daddy drama. There are still a lot of complications with this, and it is even more complicated when the man has his own kids from a prior relationship. Blending families causes a lot of friction.
A very common scenario is a man in a committed relationship with a single mom when the father is still alive and has some joint custody arrangement.
3. A man is only open to dating single moms with older children.
I have heard men express the idea that they don't want to date a single mom with young children, but would date a single mom with older children.
The type of man who usually says this is a 40-55 year old man dating women of a similar age. He usually draws the line with kids somewhere above ages 10-14.
I don't understand this thought process too much. There are still parental issues involved with 12 year olds, 15 year olds, and 17 year olds. Children after age 10 are little bit more independent, but this arrangement still seems unpleasant.
4. A man only dates women with adult children (ages 18+)
This type of interaction is rarely discussed on SoSuave. I regularly mention it but I can't think of any other posters who mention it.
This is a type of interaction that happens with 50+ men dating women similarly aged and/or old grown to have all of her children 18+. Typically, women under 45 don't have all their children 18+.
Many older men, often with their own children 18+, think that they are avoiding single motherhood by following this path. They're not. Also, they are creating unpleasant situations between two sets of adult children. There are issues in these relationships around time spent around one or both partner's grandchildren and inheritance issues in more affluent households.
An adult child who is typically 18-early 40s isn't excited to interact with their parent's new partner at holidays or at other times with family visits. It's not a pleasant situation for the adult children.
Additionally, a lot of 20s/30s young adults in the 2000-present era often need to live at home for some part of their young adult years, which defeats the purpose of dating a woman with adult children. Also, if you're a single dad with adult children, your adult children might need to live at home too, and that can cause issues with your older woman girlfriend/wife.
Which of these 4 stances is your stance on committed relationships with single moms?
