What is this lady after? Is she tying to use me?

The Grue

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THanks Jophil.
What confuses me is that she says she would prefer if we could change it to Wednesday yet says she will come on Tuesday even though she may be a bit "moody" in her own words....
In fact her exact words are...

"Anyway, if you can't make it on Wednesday i'll see you tomorrow, cause i really wanna.
But you will just have to pardon me if i'm a bit .....moody. . .
xex :I

yes, 10ish is perfectly fine...."

By the way what is the meaning of the acronym "AW"?
 

jonwon

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Your friend is, as you stated already probably fuc*ing her.

She is flaking on you.

What the F8*k are you doing?

Never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER, EVER, EVER, fuc* a friend over for a piece of skirt.

It's not even a sure thing, it's 50/50 she is playing you and him off, off each other.

Even so your friend is invested, WTF are you doing, you should have struck whilst the iron was hot, are you that desperate, you have to chase girls your mate already bagged, due to your lack or pro-action on your part?

It's like picking up the left over scraps, jesus!

I hope I never sink to the level, to try to game, or date some girl I think my friend is already fcuking.

You had your chance, you messed it up, damage done! progressing now, tells me more about your character and options, and lack there-of.

Not only that the girl is a bar chick, not the type of girl you want to introduce to mother, not that, that matters, but for a cheap fuc*, you can seriously do better than forming some fuc*ed up triangle that includes your mate - seriously is this puss* worth it?

Dam where are your values, ffs.

If you would have taken her out when she dropped the hints before her and your mate had the thing going on, not a problem, now seeking to advance screams of desperation - (I dont say this as you appearing to be desperate for the girl, the girl become a none-entity for intamacy when it was seen she was with your friend).

Even if she breaks up with your friend, in my book it's still a no go area, you messed up - live with it. Your friend was the DJ in this situation, had a girl, tried it on with another girl, coc* blocked you, and like some sad AFC you go back when the girl offers you scraps, even though you know your friend is invested, what sort of fcuking friend are you?!
 

The Grue

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A few things are being misinterpreted here...

First, she sent buying signals while she was ALREADY seeing Chris.

Second, these two DON"T have some sort of exclusive arrangement. Even now, Chris games other women(openly) and has a GF!
Amy is probably just doing the same.
We are not talking about a relationship or a marriage here!
Third, about a year ago, Chris had no problems putting the moves on a girl he KNEW I fancied plus he and I are not best buddies.We talk when we meet at the bar and that is about it... I mean I don't talk on the phone with the guy or anything...
As for my options, I am doing quite fine actually. I just don't want to miss the chance for some fun with a woman who is attractive and who I enjoy being with.
It is simple as that really....
I appreciate all replies Jonwon, but I think you're getting too worked up over this.
 

jonwon

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The Grue said:
A few things are being misinterpreted here...

First, the iron was never "hot". I mean she sent buying signals while she was ALREADY seeing Chris.

Second, these two DON"T have some sort of exclusive arrangement. Even now, Chris games other women(openly) and has a GF!
Amy is probably just doing the same.
We are not talking about a relationship or a marriage here!
Third, about a year ago, Chris had no problems putting the moves on a girl he KNEW I fancied plus he and I are not best buddies.We talk when we meet at the bar and that is about it... I mean I don't talk on the phone with the guy or anything...
As for my options, I am doing quite fine actually. I just don't want to miss the chance for some fun with a woman who is attractive and who I enjoy being with.
It is simple as that really....
I appreciate all replies Jonwon, but I think you're getting too worked up over this.

Number one: Why did you step back and allow Chris to game this chick at the start? - after all he gamed a chick you was interested in before, and you stepped out of the situation this time?

Yes the iron was hot at the start, before she was seeing Chris, you wrote she dropped signals. Anyway this is a null-point, the point I am trying to make is that your need to back out of the situation due to some messed up moral code, was your mistake and the only thing you did wrong here, the rest is the aftermath.

Number 2: Chris is sleeping with this girl, you think the girl want's to fu** you too, in her mind a friend of Chris, ok not a close one, but your assocciated with him - Tells me the sort of girl your dealing with, she is a bar ho - What game do you need?

And number 3: Why is Chris even a Factor?

You stated Chris was a friend, you stated also you backed out of the situation due to a friend, so my post is understandable - Chris doesn't seem to be a friend at all, just some guy you allow to coc* block you, many times and often. Your so called investment with Chris, seems to work one way - his way.

All's good in love and war, after your last post.

Fuc* him, but double bag it with this chick.
 

The Grue

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"Double bag" it is Jonwon!
Let's see about getting there though...
 

Greasy Pig

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Was in a similar situation earlier this year with a HPD ho (Histrionic Personality Disorder. Look up the acronyms on Urban Dictionary to find out more).
She played me and another guy I worked with in almost EXACTLY the same way Amy is with you (mentioning 'problems with someone she cares about' blah, blah, blah).
She was fvcking him but kept me interested with the occasional flirty text or couch makeout session and I didn't find out until I'd invested a lot of emotional energy. More fool me for falling for her bullsh!t.
Amy is definitely seeking attention and the only way to deal with these AWs is to deny them the drug they need and cease contact.
I wish you all the best mate. This is a very interesting situation. If you get to bang her, fvcking good job!
 

Kailex

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jophil28 said:
Cut this crap before you get sucked in further.

IF you have the brass nuts , I would call her faked up dramatics by sending her this text," Go see your friend. Dinner some other time."

I guarantee thet she will call you almost immediately and tell you that she and her 'friend ' can sort out their differences another time, and she would prefer to go out with you.

You just got repossession of the frame.

This and exactly this.
Do you know what barmaids do on their nights off? They try to recreate the world they are in within the bar... which is, the attention is mostly on them. Every single guy is into them because they have a cool job, they are cute, and because they'll smile at you at the drop of a hat.

She's AWing it up ALL THE WAY.

If she were that interested... she would have NEVER mentioned her "side situation". By saying that she needs to reschedule but that if YOU can't, she'd go out anyway, she's creating unnecessary drama.

I'd totally text her saying: "Dinner another time."

I've done it before and the results are ALWAYS what Jophil said... a classic call right after (or after the next unresponded text) stating that it's not a problem.

But we ask ourselves: Then why even mentioned the whole ordeal in the first place then???

Indeed.
Which is why I stay away from waitresses and barmaids at ALL times. I've always seen this happen first hand and it NEVER ends well... UNLESS all you are looking for is to get laid, but more often than not, men fall for the allure of these type of women and look for the LTR in the worst of places.
 

The Grue

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So she just sent back a message...does not say a word about my canceling the dinner..These are her words verbatim...
"I try to laugh at stupid little things, i try not to think about it, but......
truth is, i don't know how to handle this situation.....

What do you do when you care too much and they care too much, but you end up getiing hurt..... badly.... almost each n' every day....
to top it off, being told 'can't you see the truth, my actions mean ****' really bothers me....

Many **** on my head, my dad's exams the most intense....
plus i gotta handle people around me who say they want and love me, but.... i just don't feel it.... i don't see it...

sorry to bother you with my stuff............
it's just that, i feel i can talk to you and i don't do that normally. very few people i do talk to.... "

So when did I become her girlfriend?

Just sent her a message telling her to go out with a female friend and discuss her stuff over coffee. I am definitely not the person to help out....

Man, glad for the advice all you guys gave....

This bi@tch would have been a wate of time and money...

HPD ho......you bet!
 

jophil28

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The Grue said:
So she just sent back a message...does not say a word about my canceling the dinner..These are her words verbatim...
"I try to laugh at stupid little things, i try not to think about it, but......
truth is, i don't know how to handle this situation.....

What do you do when you care too much and they care too much, but you end up getiing hurt..... badly.... almost each n' every day....
to top it off, being told 'can't you see the truth, my actions mean ****' really bothers me....

Many **** on my head, my dad's exams the most intense....
plus i gotta handle people around me who say they want and love me, but.... i just don't feel it.... i don't see it...

sorry to bother you with my stuff............
it's just that, i feel i can talk to you and i don't do that normally. very few people i do talk to.... "

So when did I become her girlfriend?

Just sent her a message telling her to go out with a female friend and discuss her stuff over coffee. I am definitely not the person to help out....

Man, glad for the advice all you guys gave....

This bi@tch would have been a wate of time and money...

HPD ho......you bet!
She sounds like a demented dope fiend as well as a HPD nut.
The purpose of her "message" was to drag you into becoming a sympathetic partner in her gratuitous misery ( mostly manufactured or invented for it's tactical effect on White Knights)
THis little lady is soaking in her beloved victimhood.
Good work in not jumping into that cesspool with her .
 

squirrels

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Nonono...when you text her saying, "Do what you gotta do. Dinner another time", that is the LAST text you send on the matter.

Of COURSE she is going to send you some lame text back further explaining herself. You've just created a small dis-harmony in her reality by being immune to her bullsh*t. She wants you to buy into her BS, so she's going to ask you for "advice".

Look at this drama-queen BS..."Oh, I'm just a little girl! I don't know how to handle this stuff! It's too much for me! I'm so lost! Will I ever find true love?? PAY ATTENTION TO ME! THIS IS TOO DRAMATIC FOR YOU TO IGNORE! YOU *WILL* PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!"

You do NOT reply to this crap, even to say you don't feel like dealing with it. You IGNORE it. :crackup: Any acknowledgement you give her is validating her notion that her petty troubles are somehow important enough to warrant attention.

If anything...ANYTHING....I'd respond, "LOL, you're hilarious. Talk to you soon." But the BEST thing to do would be to not respond.
 

jonwon

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The Grue said:
Just sent her a message telling her to go out with a female friend and discuss her stuff over coffee. I am definitely not the person to help out....
Golden, but I wouldn't write her off after delivering that line.

If anything it should raise her interest, only a confident guy with his shi* sorted has the balls to send such texts, womens ears pick up after that.

Unless she wanted you as an emotional tampon, but in all fairness, you didn't reject her, you just raised the bar.

I'd be interested in her response, you've shifted the frame and made a clear statement. Its the perfect reply in my book, next if she follows up, you esculate...

I.e

Her
"I thought you where different"

You
"why dont we cut the BS, dinner my house 6:30"
 

The Grue

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Again, the replies by the members of the forum are appreciated and greatly insightful.

For example, Kailex presents a very interesting analysis and sheds light of my question of why she would ask to re-schedule yet still agree to go out if I didn’t…good stuff.

Looking at her FB profile(she asked we be FB friends) I notice she associates almost exclusively with men and with just 1 or 2 women. Furthermore, she seems to spend an absurd amount of time posting mostly music and gets a lot of comments from dudes....
She has kept silent since yesterday and I have too. I will see her on Friday or Saturday when I pop in for a drink and it will be business as usual.
I plan to be the same as I always am but will cut her short is she starts talking to me about "her problems" and such....
Will be interesting to see what her stance will be...
Not sure if it matters, but all in all, a fascinating case study into female behavior for me guys,
 

Zarky

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So you're obsessing over a chick who's not only a bartender but also a performing musician or something? :down: First off, never hit on women where they work. Second, never date women who are used to being on stage or behind a bar. They have so much experience being hit on by dudes that they're f'in pros at it man. Plus they're sure to be attention *****s.

You should be out dating other chicks.
 

The Grue

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Field Report

After canceling dinner with Amy last Tuesday(details in the thread...) there was no contact with her. Before I continue, I'd like to stress some points about Amy that really bother me.
1. I have called her twice and she doesn't pick up. When I confronted her about this, she gives some excuse and follows it up with the generalization "I don't like phones!"
2. The only way we have contacted each other outside the bar is through FB and MSN messages(she never goes online to chat).
Anyway, Amy was DJ-ing on Thursday night(as usual) but I didn't go as I had other plans. However, I popped in for a drink late Friday night(after 12:30).

Her first reaction was to pout and act disappointed and asked why I hadn't come on Thursday..I reply "well, I was busy...but I'm sure you had many other friends here, so I bet you were OK"
She replies "It was OK, but I really wanted you to be here and I had CD's you liked and stuff to play for you..."
There weren't too many people present at this time, so we sit together at the bar and talk.
In all honesty, we do connect when it comes to conversation and it is fun to talk with her, however all sorts of stuff happened.
At some point I notice a mark on her shoulder and she asks me to "kiss it and make it better..."
Of course, there was no way I would do such comply with this and told her she'd have to get somebody else to kiss it... Then , funnily enough, she almost burns my hand with her cigarette....then just grabs my hand and kisses it. Continuing, we talk about all sorts of issues and it comes up that she will be in London for a concert in 2 weeks. We both live in southern Europe, and I comment that I had been to London recently. She then says she'd love it if I came along. When I ask about accommodation, she says I can stay in the hotel room with her.
Furthermore, I notice that almost all night, she touched very often and liked to keep her hands on my legs. I also leaned on her thighs....
Interesting note is that there was this guy(with another group of people) treating her to shots.
At some point, she just asks me to dance and we dance. She laughs and comments that the guy is really jealous so I tell her maybe she should go keep him company....She says she wants to stay with me but says that she'll go over and "play" him for more shots. We keep talking and he makes a couple of efforts to get some action, but she just talks to him a bit then leaves him(after drinking up all his free shots...) After a while, he just departs....

At some point, it was late, so I get ready to depart. She was talking with the DJ(not my friend Chris, another DJ who works there..) about something and I said "goodnight". I am surprised to see that it is almost as if I am not there... She doesn't respond, she just seemed emotionally involved in something the DJ was saying.
Talk about incongruent behavior or what?

Saturday Night

Last night, a friend was having a small birthday party at the bar again, and as I was on a date, I pass by late, around 2:30 AM.
The atmosphere was fun and Chris(the DJ who is also seeing her) was spinning on the decks.A lot of my friends were there, as was SANDRA(Chris's on and off GF;although I really don't know what kind of relationship they have now that Amy is in the picture....)
Me and Amy greet but we soon start bugging each and teasing each other.... At some point I call her a Biatch and she calls me a "Biatch"(girl has a mouth on her) and I tell her that I can prove I am no such thing....she says she wants to see that up close and personal....
Anyway, alcohol is flowing and I am having great fun with Sandra(Chris's GF, 25) and Elli(a friend, 26).
I was very flirtatious towards both of them;they seemed to be enjoying it and reciprocating.
Amy was working but spent time talking to a "regular" at the bar. Howver, she did come over once or twice to check out the situation with me and the girls. This was an interesting point, because Amy(who is seeing Chris) talked with Sandra(Chris's GF)... I thought sparks would fly, but it was OK. I can't believe how Chris has set up such an arrangement!
AT some point , I move a bit further away from my group, and Amy comes up and says she wants a hug. We hug and she buries her face in my neck. She then says she wants to tell me something. She then seems to think it over and says she really shouldn't. I get a bit angry because she pull sh*t like this often, so I ask what is up with her?
Again, she says it is nothing.
After that, I remain cool, but I spend the remainder of the night having fun with Sandra and Elli, mostly ignoring Amy.
In fact, I leave with them at around 7am.
Leaving, I say goodbye to Amy but just touch hands...nothing more.

Anyway, from what I can tell, Amy has serious issues. She is an attention Ho and likes to play push-pull, hot-cold and mystery lady.
Yet at the same time, I am pretty certain she does dig me, and I should definitely be able to -at least- get her in bed.

How do fellow DJers recommend I proceed with her?

BTW, Sandra made a pass on me while I was taking her home so I guess she is really starting to get pissed off with Chris.
Finally, he and Amy didn't seem so lovey-dovey either...methinks things are cooling down....
 

Kailex

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The Grue said:
How do fellow DJers recommend I proceed with her?

BTW, Sandra made a pass on me while I was taking her home so I guess she is really starting to get pissed off with Chris.
Finally, he and Amy didn't seem so lovey-dovey either...methinks things are cooling down....
You are playing with fire.
The fact that you got upset over a few things, leads me to believe that you are on a very thorny path here.

#1 Why are you going to this bar all the time? If you really want to work something with Amy, transition this OUT of the bar... all you are doing is providing her what she wants, a play relationship while she is working.

#2 You called her out on not picking up the phone? Why? She's not going to own up to it... and no women would ever really say: I don't like phones... and MEAN IT.

#3 Whoa... avoid this Sandra. I know Chris isn't your best bud... but the situation is volatile enough as is.

Other people might tell you differently... to pursue both or Amy or whatever...
But I think you should avoid this place altogether. If the fact that she won't answer the phone bothers you... and the fact that you really aren't passing her sh!t tests...

She then says she wants to tell me something. She then seems to think it over and says she really shouldn't. I get a bit angry because she pull sh*t like this often, so I ask what is up with her?
Again, she says it is nothing.
...leads me to believe that this will NOT end well. Amy WILL play you and don't surprise if she ends up with Chris. Don't be surprised either if you go back to that bar... Sandra is there and she tries to make a move with you publicly and screw up the whole situation.

If this Amy is REALLY interested in you, she'll find a way to go out with you when she's NOT working.

Just test her. Stop talking to her for two weeks, stop going to that bar, don't FB message her or MSN message her at all.

And see what happens.

The fact that you are asking how to proceed... means that you aren't in this just to bang Amy, which means that you are treading in very dangerous waters... everyone in this situation has nothing to lose... except you... which in this case, I really hope you avoid developing feelings for Amy because she just seems like the classic AW.

And that trip to Europe... she probably uses that line on other men on the nights you aren't there.
 

squirrels

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Look...f*ck her or don't. Stop playing this middle-ground.

Call her on her BS. If she's gonna flirt that intensely, she ought to damned well back it up. I keep hearing about her touching you, getting all flirty, putting her hands on every manner of place on your body, kissing you and sh*t, and I STILL have yet to hear that you've closed the deal.

Girls don't get that flirty for no reason. She is WAY over the top.

There are two possibilities here. Either 1) she is trying to get you to bang her and you are blind to it and continually leave her hanging, or 2) she is f*cking with your head and trying to manipulate you.

Either way, you are getting clowned.

Next time she starts getting all touchy-feely with you, you take her home. THAT NIGHT. Not next week, not somewhere in Europe, THAT NIGHT. If she won't go, then she's a d!cktease and you need to stop wasting your time with her.

This girl is good for one thing. If you're not getting it from her, then as far as you're concerned, she's good for NOthing.
 

jophil28

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Grue, Kailex and Squirrels said it.

MY guess is that this girl is loving all the petty drama, the intrigue and the male attention that she gets from working in her favorite playground- you are merely one of her suppliers.
I agree with Squirrels- you need to get her out of that club and onto your turf and F close her. IF she balks, cut her out.
 

The Grue

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Kailex, Squirrels,Jophil, you points are all valid. I have been drawn into the game by calling her out on her phone antics and her mystery talk. I understand what needs to be done.
Thanks for the advice, it is appreciated and was needed!
 
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