What is the best/most clever way to exchange numbers with a woman at work

[JST8828]

I know it might sound a bit juvenile, but when it comes to work I always like to be as careful as possible. For over a year now I've been talking to this one woman on and off at work. It should be noted that I only see her very occasionally which is why this has gone on so long without any progression. Overall I estimate that we've talked a total of about 10 times. The convos, though very enjoyable and nice, have always been rather friendly, talking about work, some of our interests, family stuff, etc. That is until recently. She is about to get a promotion in a few months which has been a big topic between us for the last 7-8 months and I (semi jokingly) told her that we have to make a deal to get a celebratory drink (pointed to new bar that opened next to the office) when it happens. She casually laughed and said she definitely, though we moved right on to another topic and if I were a betting man I'd say she didn't take my comment very seriously. The rest of the convo went very well with me for the first time giving her a few subtle compliments.

The goal now is to try and finally start getting a bit closer and feel her out more, so that going out for a drink could feel cool and casual as opposed to something that might make her feel pressure which is the last thing I want her to feel at work. To me it's all about making sure she never ever feels uncomfortable and to keep this very cool and casual vibe I've been pulling off with her for the last year plus. I figured there's no better way to try and do this by exchanging numbers. Problem is we do not work closely at all and have never ever had a reason to give each other our numbers. I'm trying to think of a perfect way to pull this off so it comes off completely nonchalant and indirect. To be clear, I do not and can't see myself simply asking her for it. I have considered doing something along the lines of just finding a reason ti give her my number and saying if she feels like it, text me sometime. Takes the pressure off. Something to that effect. Anyone who'd like to chime in with their two cents, much appreciated.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Over a Year!?
Probably too late.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Anonymous note: "Memorise the number of my burner phone: 1234567890. Do not call from your personal phone. Tomorrow 1300 Zulu time. Burn this message."

Every woman loves intrigue.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Do you have MS teams? Ask her for lunch to congratulate her for the promotion. Take her to like a chain restaurant. Take her in your car. Gauge her interest and if she has a bf/husband.

Ask for her number to do something at night or a first date if things go right.

 

[pipeman84]

For over a year now I've been talking to this one woman on and off at work. It should be noted that I only see her very occasionally which is why this has gone on so long without any progression. Overall I estimate that we've talked a total of about 10 times. The convos, though very enjoyable and nice, have always been rather friendly, talking about work, some of our interests, family stuff, etc.

If she had a romantic interest in you, then most probably she would've shown signs and you would've noticed something.

To me it's all about making sure she never ever feels uncomfortable and to keep this very cool and casual vibe I've been pulling off with her for the last year plus. I figured there's no better way to try and do this by exchanging numbers. Problem is we do not work closely at all and have never ever had a reason to give each other our numbers. I'm trying to think of a perfect way to pull this off so it comes off completely nonchalant and indirect.

So what's your goal with getting her number, you want to build rapport with her over text? I would suggest you invite her out during one of your meetings, and if she agrees, then asking for her number comes naturally, in order to arrange details, last minute changes etc.

 

[Slowhandluke]

Does she like you "that way"? probably not. no visible signs. can you try and seduce her? probably, but... that takes work... but inviting her to dinner would be a start. don't expect too much...

 

[JST8828]

If she had a romantic interest in you, then most probably she would've shown signs and you would've noticed something.

I should have made known that she has a very timid/shy type of personality. In my opinion (at 40 yrs old) I do not think she's the assertive type at all who would easily start throwing romantic signs at a guy, especially at work mind you. She comes off as a somewhat reserved person, who would most likely have to be gamed and courted. That being said anytime we've spoken I've constantly made her laugh and she genuinely seems to enjoy the conversation. Could mean nothing. She could just be very nice by nature (which she is), or it could be that she does kind of like me, even if on a small level.

So what's your goal with getting her number, you want to build rapport with her over text? I would suggest you invite her out during one of your meetings, and if she agrees, then asking for her number comes naturally, in order to arrange details, last minute changes etc.

Well more than rapport, the plan was to "progress" to texting to feel her out a bit more I guess, but to be honest, now that you put it the way you did, I think you're right and its probably for the best to put aside the whole texting game plan and just simply put an offer on the table for a drink. The thing is I would never put her on the spot. We just do not know each other well enough for that. Plus I would never want to make her uncomfortable. We are co-workers after all and not just two randoms on the street or in a bar. It's a shame though that I dug myself in this hole of having to wait for her to get the promotion which could be up to 3 months before asking her to get the drink. Of course I could just ask her out anyway, but that wouldn't feel as organic since I already laid the groundwork last week for a "Celebratory drink" after she officially gets the promotion.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

There is no need to do anything to exchange numbers at work. Simply ask her out to lunch one day.

You see her on a daily basis, why do you need her number?

 

[The Duke]

Ask her to meet up for drinks some evening after work. If she accepts and it goes good get her number then.

I'd skip the lunch deal, drinks in the evening is always more conducive for romance.

 

[Slowhandluke]

There is no need to do anything to exchange numbers at work. Simply ask her out to lunch one day.

Quick and effective. You will know right away if she likes you that way... if not, you can start obsessing about other women... Also, this will give her a heads up that you want to date in that rare case she doesn't know already.

You see her on a daily basis, why do you need her number?

Getting her number is the line in the sand between being nice and actually wanting to date. If she gives it, she wants to date and she is not just being nice. However, what I like to do though is look a girl up and down. If she doesn't "get the creeps", I'm in.. Asking for a number will be a given. If she give me a weird look, I try 3x times.. and then I start obsessing about other women. Hasn't failed me yet hahahaah

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Quick and effective. You will know right away if she likes you that way... if not, you can start obsessing about other women... Also, this will give her a heads up that you want to date in that rare case she doesn't know already.



Getting her number is the line in the sand between being nice and actually wanting to date. If she gives it, she wants to date and she is not just being nice. However, what I like to do though is look a girl up and down. If she doesn't "get the creeps", I'm in.. Asking for a number will be a given. If she give me a weird look, I try 3x times.. and then I start obsessing about other women. Hasn't failed me yet hahahaah

I guess, but you are at work...I would not put myself in a situation that could involve HR or sexual harassment.

The goal with the lunch invite is that if she has fun and/or suggests doing something another time outside work then you could ask for her number or she would simply give it to you.

Unless you have a job you don't care about losing, work is not the place I would be looking to try and pick up women. Just isn't worth it.

 

[JST8828]

Unless you have a job you don't care about losing, work is not the place I would be looking to try and pick up women. Just isn't worth it.

Gaming women at work is always an iffy thing. I know that. But thats the point of this thread. How to proceed with caution and how NOT to be a creep.

Speaking of which, while I'm definitely on board with the "Just ask her out and if you have a good time worry about the number later" plan, there's still a big part of this story everyone needs to understand- While we've had many nice conversations and even one recently where I finally mentioned grabbing a drink in the future, by no means have we had any kind of legitimate flirting together, nor do we share a super strong bond or serious camaraderie together. Simply put- asking her out point blank to her face is something I do not think is a good idea and wouldn't feel right or natural... yet. The point is to never make her feel any pressure and to never feel uncomfortable in the slightest.

In my mind the best way remains to casually, nonchalantly and quickly throw the "offer" as it would be worded, of a drink out there in the middle of a conversation and telling her there's zero pressure about it but if she wants, to let me know. The problem of course, is #1- how to get to this point in the conversation where this would flow and feel natural and more importantly #2- how would she let me know. Sure in a perfect world right there on the spot she'd say she's in and we'd plan it, but that might not be the case. She doesn't have my number and really her only means of ever really contacting me is through work email. I guess I could always do one of those quick nonchalant "So when are we grabbing drinks??" type of things near the end of a convo instead of point blank asking "Would you want to go out for a drink?", to see how she responds, couldn't I?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Gaming women at work is always an iffy thing. I know that. But thats the point of this thread. How to proceed with caution and how NOT to be a creep.

Speaking of which, while I'm definitely on board with the "Just ask her out and if you have a good time worry about the number later" plan, there's still a big part of this story everyone needs to understand- While we've had many nice conversations and even one recently where I finally mentioned grabbing a drink in the future, by no means have we had any kind of legitimate flirting together, nor do we share a super strong bond or serious camaraderie together. Simply put- asking her out point blank to her face is something I do not think is a good idea and wouldn't feel right or natural... yet. The point is to never make her feel any pressure and to never feel uncomfortable in the slightest.

In my mind the best way remains to casually, nonchalantly and quickly throw the "offer" as it would be worded, of a drink out there in the middle of a conversation and telling her there's zero pressure about it but if she wants, to let me know. The problem of course, is #1- how to get to this point in the conversation where this would flow and feel natural and more importantly #2- how would she let me know. Sure in a perfect world right there on the spot she'd say she's in and we'd plan it, but that might not be the case. She doesn't have my number and really her only means of ever really contacting me is through work email. I guess I could always do one of those quick nonchalant "So when are we grabbing drinks??" type of things near the end of a convo instead of point blank asking "Would you want to go out for a drink?", to see how she responds, couldn't I?

There is no way to "proceed with caution".

HR doesn't care about who is right or who is wrong. They care about who has the potential to cost them the most money via lawsuits against them.

 

[JST8828]

HR doesn't care about who is right or who is wrong. They care about who has the potential to cost them the most money via lawsuits against them.

We're talking about me asking a co-worker to grab a casual drink after talking for the better part of the last year... not propositioning her for sex.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

We're talking about me asking a co-worker to grab a casual drink after talking for the better part of the last year... not propositioning her for sex.

And what happens if she goes to HR and says you are making her feel uncomfortable?

 

[Grandma Penkitten]

I guess, but you are at work...I would not put myself in a situation that could involve HR or sexual harassment.

The goal with the lunch invite is that if she has fun and/or suggests doing something another time outside work then you could ask for her number or she would simply give it to you.

Unless you have a job you don't care about losing, work is not the place I would be looking to try and pick up women. Just isn't worth it.

Agree
My job pushes sexual harassment training every few months. Anyone can come out of the woodwork at any time and file a complaint. It is not worth it.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

"What a messed up day. I could use a drink. Care to join me?"

 

[Divorced w 3]

Just like you would do in any other date situation - casual opener, two to three minutes of chit chat, and you say ‘drinks at 4pm on Thursday at xxx?’ Worked for me a month ago

 

[JST8828]

Just like you would do in any other date situation - casual opener, two to three minutes of chit chat, and you say ‘drinks at 4pm on Thursday at xxx?’ Worked for me a month ago

I like it, but I more prefer something along the lines of "So when are we going out for that celebratory drink??" which is a little less direct and also kind of reminds her that at one point she had (albeit unofficially) agreed with me that we'd go. Again though, the problem is I have to wait for her to get officially promoted.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I like it, but I more prefer something along the lines of "So when are we going out for that celebratory drink??" which is a little less direct and also kind of reminds her that at one point she had (albeit unofficially) agreed with me that we'd go. Again though, the problem is I have to wait for her to get officially promoted.

Then do it and stop asking us.