What is the best/most clever way to exchange numbers with a woman at work

[Isildur1]

why not just meet women during the day? Don't **** where you eat - its not worth the awkwardness - if you're overanalysing one situation you most likely are teeing yourself up for failure- work hard to increase your options elsewhere

 

[RoadKing_Rabbit]

Yeah, this sort of thing worked for me maybe in 2006-2009. At least in my experience. Some very fun dates or short term relationships came from me hanging out with coworkers. Wal-mart, no less. Haha!

Today though, I've got to agree with the idea that it is generally not a good idea to pursue a co-worker. Chances are, especially if this kind of banter has lasted a year, that she is less likely to be into you "that way." I mean, you never know. If you've been proximally around each other and neither has made a move (lack of it on her end probably means she isn't into you, you're not her "type" OR doesn't think you'd be receptive to her flirting with you. Lack of it on your end, until now trying to get your mojo up for her digits, communicates to her in undertones that you weren't interested in her "like that." To which she could be wondering "Why is he asking now?") there's still the possibility of meeting up outside of work and feeling it out. She could just be shy, right?

I wouldn't worry about the number right now. If ya'll seem to strike it off well, great. Now you have an excuse for having her number. This could just be me, but I think getting digits before doing anything else is something that is done if you are interested, but doubt you'll run into this person again. I think the best bet for getting with anyone at work are new co workers or if you are new on the job. You start clean. If you like her and think she's worth some effort, ok go for it.

 

[Bokanovsky]

She is about to get a promotion in a few months which has been a big topic between us for the last 7-8 months and I (semi jokingly) told her that we have to make a deal to get a celebratory drink (pointed to new bar that opened next to the office) when it happens. She casually laughed and said she definitely, though we moved right on to another topic and if I were a betting man I'd say she didn't take my comment very seriously. The rest of the convo went very well with me for the first time giving her a few subtle compliments.

If she had romantic interest, she would not be reacting this way (i.e. pretending that your suggestion was a joke when she obviously knew that it wasn't). You are on shaky ground pursuing a coworker who likely isn't interested. This could end up being a career-ending move. Think with your BIG head before pushing this further.

 

[Slowhandluke]

Gaming women at work is always an iffy thing. I know that. But thats the point of this thread. How to proceed with caution and how NOT to be a creep.

There will be always a woman to whom you will always be a creep. You cannot change that and you will not know who she is until she files paper work on you.

In the modern age, men are disincentivize to pursue and women complain men aren't chasing.

If work is important, then do not pursue. she should blatantly be pursuing you. Soooo yeah, as others have mentioned. she is not interested and there's no way to get her interested because chasing is a no, no at work..

 

[JST8828]

Seems like a very tough and overly aggressive crowd here. TLDR entire thread: I explained a story about how I'm interested in a woman at work who I've spoken to occasionally for the last year and have always been met with positive vibes from her and we seemed to have very nice conversation chemistry. I only see her about once a month as I do not work in her office permanently. I then ask what the best game plan would be as far as pursuing a possible number close and/or drink date with her and I have people implying or even saying I will lose my job for simply asking her out and in addition have people saying flat out she's not into me for a variety of reasons. Ridiculous considering nobody truly understands who I am or who she is or what the vibes are like. A little optimism wouldn't kill anyone.

For some background incase anyone cares -
1-I've been with my company for 17 years. I've never had a speck of discipline on my record. Nonchalantly and indirectly asking this woman out is not going to result in me being fired. Guys that get in trouble with HR for stuff like this are the ones who push, come off very creepy, say something in sexual nature and/or cannot take a hint.

2-When I first brought up the two of us grabbing a drink to celebrate if and when her promotion comes, it was the very first time I ever hinted at the two of us hanging out together, and it was an extremely casual, quick, in passing and really almost sarcastic sounding comment. It wasn't something I was looking for a direct answer for nor did the way I said it would have warranted one, so when she laughed, smiled and (possibly, cannot recall the exact words) implied that it sounded good, that is not code for she's not into me or she would have said yes as another poster outrageously implied.

Bottom line my time for talk is over and I'm excited to get this over with in the near future. If I do get rejected, I won't be upset. I'll just be glad I put in the effort and tried. Will report back.

 

[Slowhandluke]

Seems like a very tough and overly aggressive crowd here. TLDR entire thread: I explained a story about how I'm interested in a woman at work who I've spoken to occasionally for the last year and have always been met with positive vibes from her and we seemed to have very nice conversation chemistry. I only see her about once a month as I do not work in her office permanently. I then ask what the best game plan would be as far as pursuing a possible number close and/or drink date with her and I have people implying or even saying I will lose my job for simply asking her out and in addition have people saying flat out she's not into me for a variety of reasons.

No... it's not just about asking her out.. basically, lets say the majority of us here are wrong - she does like you; lets assume you ultimately get your Richard wet, what happens if the relationship goes south, how do you know she will not want to get even? Or worse???? You barely know this woman as you noted, you only see her once a month. "simply asking her out".. yeah, right.. Relationships are messy.. you have been at your current job for a long time -- 17 years. Do you really want to risk this job where you seem comfortable and like, for some tail?????? To most rational people, it's just not worth it.

Oh well, you be you... if you are right, don't come back here in a few months complaining: "my coworker doesn't like that I don't do X or Y thing.. so she's told her manager about it and I'm getting written up.. but I really think she doing this because she doesn't like me because we dated for a while."

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

There's also a scarcity mindset at work here.
When I still worked (I'm retired) I came across plenty of attractive women in the course of my work. Clients, co-workers, personnel, staff. But when I'm working, I turn down my libido and I made it a firm policy never to have relations with anyone I knew from my professional life.

And I didn't need to, because I had women outside work, in my private life.

I can understand that someone who doesn't have women in their private life can feel romantic towards someone in their professional life, but you should keep a firm boundary between private and professional life. Or, like they say, don't sh*t where you eat.

 

[Jor-El]

In my mind the best way remains to casually, nonchalantly and quickly throw the "offer" as it would be worded, of a drink out there in the middle of a conversation and telling her there's zero pressure about it

Saying "No pressure" = pressure. I think someone said this the other day in another thread but its true

 

[JST8828]

There's also a scarcity mindset at work here.
When I still worked (I'm retired) I came across plenty of attractive women in the course of my work. Clients, co-workers, personnel, staff. But when I'm working, I turn down my libido and I made it a firm policy never to have relations with anyone I knew from my professional life.

And I didn't need to, because I had women outside work, in my private life.

I can understand that someone who doesn't have women in their private life can feel romantic towards someone in their professional life, but you should keep a firm boundary between private and professional life. Or, like they say, don't sh*t where you eat.

While I really am fond of this girl and genuinely do think we have solid chemistry, I'm also willing to admit that yes, a scarcity factor is responsible for a lot of what is going on. I just turned 40 and for a number of years now, dating and meeting new women has almost been entirely isolated to one place- the dating apps. It has just been beyond refreshing to actually engage with, get to know and be interested in someone in person for a change and not just photos on my iPhone. If I was still in my 20's or maybe even early 30's and was spinning multiple plates or had 3 numbers in my phone I still didn't contact yet, then yes I more than likely wouldn't be as worried about how to game a girl at work or how to proceed next, etc. All that being said, one good thing about being this age and having a lot of dating experience is again, I do in fact think there is something there between me and this chick. Whether or not we end up on a date one day I can't say, but I'm still comfortable at least trying.

Saying "No pressure" = pressure. I think someone said this the other day in another thread but its true

I can understand this. I think adding on something along the lines of "In all seriousness there's not even a need to give an answer if you're not comfortable doing so" to double down on your no pressure statement to make her that much more convinced.

 

[Clockwerk50]

When will you be asking her out?

All of this over analysis may indicate you have oneitis. Like some say, if you were talking to more women asking her out would be like a “walk in the park”.

 

[The Diver]

Ask her to meet up for drinks some evening after work. If she accepts and it goes good get her number then.
I'd skip the lunch deal; drinks in the evening are always more conducive for romance.

Yep, just ask her straight up to go out with you for a drink. Yes-Yes, No-No. Done.
Can't understand all this
" throwing hints" things, going around in circles, beating around the bush.

The only thing you convey with this kind of behavior is hesitation, lack of confidence, timidity, and fear of rejection.
It is so ineffective and so unclear what you really want from her; Do You want to date her or , you just want to have a friendly lunch with her? How would she know what's your real intention from her?

 

[JST8828]

When will you be asking her out?

All of this over analysis may indicate you have oneitis. Like some say, if you were talking to more women asking her out would be like a “walk in the park”.

I wouldn't say walk in the park. The issue at hand is the fact that this is a workplace pickup and it's something I don't really have much experience with at all. I don't think I've ever actually asked out a co-worker since my teenage days working as a cashier at a supermarket. This here is a much different ballgame imo. It would obviously be a lot easier if she gave me all sorts of IOI's or even hinted at going out but there's been nothing of the sort. Only very nice conversations, tons of laughs and smiles, and while that might sound good on paper, still poses as an uphill battle once you are within the confines of the workplace. Because you see, even if she rejects me, I want to do this in such a way that I don't look like a goof and we can just move on like it almost never happened.

 

[Smartone84]

Unless of course she's drooling over you or you two have such ridiculous chemistry that its 100/10, asking in a "No pressure" context or not, I never really liked the idea of asking out a co-worker for a flat out one on one thing. I've been there before and it can just end up as awkward. For me, the best bet is inviting her to some sort of group work thing first if you can, whether a happy hour or dinner, etc. I know some offices aren't really social like that so it could be easier said than done though.

 

[JST8828]

For me, the best bet is inviting her to some sort of group work thing first if you can, whether a happy hour or dinner, etc. I know some offices aren't really social like that so it could be easier said than done though.

Yes I agree its absolutely better, and in a perfect world a work happy hour would be the thing. Hell, I probably wouldnt have even made this thread as it would be the obvious option, but I don't even work in her office to begin with (only there occasionally), and I know for a fact they don't even do things like that. We have a company Holiday party in December. Not everyone goes. That's something I could theoretically ask her to go to, but even that is months away.

 

[pipeman84]

Hey OP
A couple questions:
1. How old is she?
2. Have you found out anything about her relationship status during your chats ?

 

[Clockwerk50]

I wouldn't say walk in the park. The issue at hand is the fact that this is a workplace pickup and it's something I don't really have much experience with at all. I don't think I've ever actually asked out a co-worker since my teenage days working as a cashier at a supermarket. This here is a much different ballgame imo. It would obviously be a lot easier if she gave me all sorts of IOI's or even hinted at going out but there's been nothing of the sort. Only very nice conversations, tons of laughs and smiles, and while that might sound good on paper, still poses as an uphill battle once you are within the confines of the workplace. Because you see, even if she rejects me, I want to do this in such a way that I don't look like a goof and we can just move on like it almost never happened.

You're making this a bigger deal than it needs to be. The more pressure you add, the more significant the issue becomes for both of you. If you had enough experience with dating, you’d realize how insignificant asking someone out can be and how frustrating it is to go on a lunch date, especially when you're not genuinely interested. Women are often better versed in this game, and if they reject you, they typically act like nothing has happened as long as you get the hint and stop pushing.

But I digress, you can text her something like this on a Monday or Tue through your company’s instant messenger system:

You: Hi [her name], how are you?
Her: Hi [your name], I am doing good and you?
You: I am good! Haven’t seen you for a while.
Her: [BS excuse]
You: I forgot you still worked here. It’s like you disappeared and became a ghost lol j/k
Her: [laughs at the joke]
You: I heard you got a promotion
Her: [Says she did]
You: How is it?
Her: [explains what happens]
You: Well I guess I have to follow through with my end of the deal and take you to lunch. There are some chain restaurants not too far from here where we can meet up. Not sure if you know any around here.
Her: [mentions some or maybe doesn’t]
You: Tell you what, let go to [chain restaurant] on Thursday at 1:00 pm. We can drive in our cars and meet there. My treat. I know you are busy so let me know if you can’t make it.
Her: ok talk to you then.

If she rejects you:

You: Hi [your name], are you still down for today’s lunch?
Her: Hi [your name], I don’t think I can. I have a lot of meeting today
You: Really? Sounds difficult. What are they about?
Her: [BS thing about the meetings]
You: Ouch. Poor you lol it is all good. Maybe some other time. Good luck with the meetings and catch you the flip side. Take care.

Not sure how butt hurt you be if she rejects you, but it will certainly come one in your behaviour and body language. I’d personally would act like nothing happened.

 

[JST8828]

Hey OP
A couple questions:
1. How old is she?
2. Have you found out anything about her relationship status during your chats ?

She is 28 and single. We have never spoken about dating or anything of that nature at all. For all I know she might not be into dudes. The convos have been 95% work and hobby related.

 

[pipeman84]

Because you see, even if she rejects me, I want to do this in such a way that I don't look like a goof and we can just move on like it almost never happened.

Reading that paragraph, Sun Tzu's 'every battle is won before it's ever fought' came to mind. You should be certain she says yes before you make the invitation. I mean, you've been talking for a year now, plenty time to assess her.

She is 28 and single. We have never spoken about dating or anything of that nature at all. For all I know she might not be into dudes. The convos have been 95% work and hobby related.

Then how do you know she's single? Maybe she's in a 'it's complicated' type of situation.
I also find it strange that you've been talking all this time and her relationship status hasn't come out naturally in the conversation.

 

[JST8828]

Reading that paragraph, Sun Tzu's 'every battle is won before it's ever fought' came to mind. You should be certain she says yes before you make the invitation. I mean, you've been talking for a year now, plenty time to assess her.

Then how do you know she's single? Maybe she's in a 'it's complicated' type of situation.
I also find it strange that you've been talking all this time and her relationship status hasn't come out naturally in the conversation.

First, I know she's single because I overheard her answer someone about the topic a while back in a casual group convo at work. I forget if relationships were being discussed or what, but it came up. Second, relationship talk hasn't come up between us because again, first of all we only chat about once a month on average and 99% of our convos have been about work or hobbies. Basic stuff. I crack a lot of jokes with her and make her laugh, but it really was only until recently where I got even the slightest bit flirty. I think this is also why I'm quite hesitant about how to ask her out, because truthfully, unless it happens organically with the celebration drink I originally mentioned to her, I think it could be a bit awkward. I like things that feel natural. Given the fact that she's never really given me much at all to work with IOI wise, idk, maybe its best to let things simmer a bit more and see how it progresses...

 

[The Diver]

maybe its best to let things simmer a bit more and see how it progresses...

Yeap, let things simmer for another year,that definitely will improve your chances with her,,,,