What is confidence?, and how does it relate to attracting women?

[Ugly bastard]

Men are often told (especially ugly looking bastards like me that no woman wants), to just have confidence, and if you have confidence women will be magically drawn to you, well what is this thing called "confidence" that turns you into a chick magnet.

Here's my definition, and I do have to confess that I plaguerised this from two sources, 1) The Dictionary 2) A sports psychology website I was checking out back in 2008). and here it goes:

Confidence is a SELF ASSURED FEELING, free of self doubt, that one will achieve a postive or favourable outcome, based on previous success/or previous, previous, performance accomplishment. You can only be as confident with a woman (you're interested in), as much she ALLOWS you to be. This means, that if you're interacting with a woman that you have a romantic interest in, and she is giving you hostile, dismissive, combative body language ie. dirty looks/death stares, back turns, one word answers, your confidence ie. that SELF ASSURED FEELING will plummet because you know you're being rejected.

On the other hand, if woman you're interacting with is giving you warm, inviting body language ie. she constantly smiles at you, touches you, allows you to enter her personal space/or comes into your personal space, then your confidence ie.that SELF ASSURED FEELING will increase because you know that there is a good chance you're going to get lucky. When women say they are attracted to confidence, what they are really saying is, "us women are attracted to tall, handsome men who have the confidence to approach us AFTER we have given them the green light (choosing signals), to do so. So telling an ugly looking man to just have confidence, is akin to pouring syrup on ****, and calling it pancakes.

The bottom line is this, confidence is the byproduct of SUCCESS, it's not the cause of it., confidence without success to back it up, is delusion.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Marketing ploy/don’t act dumb

 

[jaymbrs]

Confidence is a byproduct of all types of things: finances, history with women, physical strength, endurance from races and such, good grades in school, new clothes, nice car. The list goes on. Find what makes you confident.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

confidence
The confirmed repeated self experience that you are certain and good at something and/or your abilities.


Dudebro... @Ugly bastard people have already told you here on SS what you can and should do in your first thread I saw here. You need to work on yourself and get good at "you". Hit the gym, get better at social skills, improve your careers options and improve as a man. Become the best version of you that life wants you to be.

If you just want to whine and complain then you are at the wrong place as this forum is all about how we men can self improve and learn from each other.

 

[DonJuanjr]

Confidence is a byproduct of all types of things: finances, history with women, physical strength, endurance from races and such, good grades in school, new clothes, nice car. The list goes on. Find what makes you confident.

I believe women are talking about sexual confidence when they say confidence. Confidence in other areas of life doesn't translate over to sexual confidence.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

I believe women are talking about sexual confidence when they say confidence. Confidence in other areas of life doesn't translate over to sexual confidence.

Well you can be very confident in certain areas and suck in others and have low self esteem on those. Women want a man that is certain of himself and know how to act in all situations.

 

[Ugly bastard]

Marketing ploy/don’t act dumb

I’m not selling anything, so what is your point?

 

[kavi]

Confidence comes from knowledge.

When you have knowledge you dont doubt that you are doing the right thing. It does not come from outcomes, from outcomes come knowledge, from knowledge comes confidence.

 

[Ugly bastard]

confidence
The confirmed repeated self experience that you are certain and good at something and/or your abilities.
View attachment 10066

Dudebro... @Ugly bastard people have already told you here on SS what you can and should do in your first thread I saw here. You need to work on yourself and get good at "you". Hit the gym, get better at social skills, improve your careers options and improve as a man. Become the best version of you that life wants you to be.

If you just want to whine and complain then you are at the wrong place as this forum is all about how we men can self improve and learn from each other.

I actually did hit the gym many years ago and was in great shape, but I just ended up an ugly man with a good body. I’m not complaining as I gave up on dating more than ten years ago. There’s nothing wrong with my social skills, but women don’t f. Ck your social skills, they f .ck you based on whether they find you physically attractive. Most, if not all of my rejections were instant (even before I opened my mouth).

You are unfairly blaming me for something I have NO control over, which proves my point there is no such thing as the “PUA community”, because real communities don’t kick people when they’re down.

 

[Ugly bastard]

Confidence comes from knowledge.

When you have knowledge you dont doubt that you are doing the right thing. It does not come from outcomes, from outcomes come knowledge, from knowledge comes confidence.

Rubbish, confidence comes from success, there’s simply no other way around it.

 

[Ugly bastard]

Well you can be very confident in certain areas and suck in others and have low self esteem on those. Women want a man that is certain of himself and know how to act in all situations.

Women want good looks and/or money, that’s only thing they care about in a man.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

I actually did hit the gym many years ago and was in great shape, but I just ended up an ugly man with a good body. I’m not complaining as I gave up on dating more than ten years ago. There’s nothing wrong with my social skills, but women don’t f. Ck your social skills, they f .ck you based on whether they find you physically attractive. Most, if not all of my rejections were instant (even before I opened my mouth).

You are unfairly blaming me for something I have NO control over, which proves my point there is no such thing as the “PUA community”, because real communities don’t kick people when they’re down.

Then fake it as women does with Warpaint, (Makeup for men. Nothing I would use but hey.. Why not?)
https://us.warpaintformen.com
Use plastic surgery if you are that bad looking? I dunno bruh...
No one can fix your low self esteem here but yourself.
Keep doing the gym, its better to be fit and than fat.. which does makes you look better in that area at least.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

ok gentlemen, we have a spate of new posters posting duplicate threads even within hours of one another covering the same subjects. Before you post a new subject or ask a question, may I suggest you search the forums?

Something as simple as typing this in the location bar of your browser will yield hundreds of posts related to just about any question you have that's appropriate for the forum:

site: https://www.sosuave.net/forum/ confidence yields 914,000 hits on the word confidence on our forum alone.

It works! you'll like it, try it. If you feel you need your own thread on it you might consider that you are attention seeking.

 

[CornbreadFed]

I’m not selling anything, so what is your point?

It’s easier to tell a man to just be confidence from a salesman as cope advice as opposed to get your finances and body straight

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Then fake it as women does with Warpaint, (Makeup for men. Nothing I would use but hey.. Why not?)
https://us.warpaintformen.com
Use plastic surgery if you are that bad looking? I dunno bruh...
No one can fix your low self esteem here but yourself.
Keep doing the gym, its better to be fit and than fat.. which does makes you look better in that area at least.

All’s fair in love & war.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

Well there is no excuse really. If ugly guys like Darren Donaghey can get a cute GF then so can you.
Your issue is maybe that your game (and self esteem), sucks?

Is this the luckiest guy ever? Geordie wins 'Punching Above Your Weight' gong

UGLY Darren Donaghey has had the last laugh at his critics by winning an award for pulling his sexy fiancée.

www.dailystar.co.uk

and he is just one example of many that have good looking chicks as GF's.




Another example / thoughts on ugly guys:

 

[SmoothHendrixPS2]

Confidence is an action. Taking action when not confident is how you build confidence. You can be ugly but very masculine @Ugly bastard. Women go for looks, money, status, BUT they also go for a man who is erotically dominant, kinky, self assured, etc. You don't want to look back on your life and say you never got women because you were ugly. To me that's an excuse for not putting in the work needed to max your potential. I know a dude who is 5 ft 6, had insecurity of his height and watched him evolve in 3 years to the point where he's had enough positive experiences to smash his limiting beliefs, date a few cute girls, gain confidences, etc. THAT's A RESPECTABLE MAN!

What some men don't understand is that those **** tests, dirty looks, challenging remarks, adverse reactions from women, are all opportunities to showcase your backbone and how much it doesn't bother you! Instead, you shut down instantly and say "I'm not self assured", and fall into her frame .This is what most men don't understand about mode one until they experience it. You're going to get adverse reactions even if you're a stud. Women are socially programmed to put up defense mechanisms. The goal is to get her to adhere to her primal side rather than her conscious mind. This can only be done when she sees that her **** tests don't phase you. Don't lose the game before you even start playing!

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

I believe we're arguing the same thing repeatedly; most men will say almost anything to justify their stance. You want to be confident?

1. get fit; I don't mean "I don't have a belly," I mean "When I look at other men in the gym, I think I look as good as they do. I bet many say, "Ehhh, I'm good enough" NO. You're not. Shut up and lift, bro.

2. get a good haircut, most of you folks think a Supercuts cut is good enough, but it's not. Do it.

3. Dress well - "My Costco jeans are good enough" No, they aren't.

4. Wear nice shoes; I don't mean Nike kicks; I mean Ferragamo and Tom Ford. You can purchase used recraftable $500 dollar shoes on EBAY for $100, less than your Jordans.

5. Wear a clean, pressed shirt, button down front, fitted - shows off your physique - go for slim fit brands like Perry Ellis or skate shirts meant for young guys. Not that expensive.

6. Smell good, not Drakkar like every other schlep out there; get a bottle of CD or Dolce something - the difference is palpable. Don't bathe in it;

7. Educate yourself, master your language, not street talk, speak in complete sentences, and use complex words. Be a renaissance man, know how to talk about most things.

8. Scared to talk? Put yourself out there? Enroll in a college-level public speaking course or speech class. They teach you to be ready to discuss anything using logic, to counter opposition, and to be persuasive. Never mind, you're around coeds, broke? With financial aid, you can attend most college classes for free if you try.

9. I cannot emphasize the difference having a top-level physique makes to your confidence and presence; you gain the respect of MEN when you do this, and women notice that and lap it up like catnip. This is where most of you are lying to yourselves. Stop being a wuss.

That's off the top of my head. You can wallow in your own self-pity, or you can do something, gentlemen. Stop lying to yourself.

p.s. personal hygiene, seriously this going without saying.

 

[corrector]

Confidence is outdated, blue-pill, baby-boomer advice. I don't think people believe that anymore.

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

Confidence is outdated, blue-pill, baby-boomer advice. I don't think people believe that anymore.

It's canned advice for sure.