It isn't summoning the courage to go up to that girl you find attractive in mere seconds. That can be learned out of habit by approaching again and again and again.
The hardest thing about cold approaching is developing the skill to initiate and carry a conversation from the moment you go up to her, all the way to the point where you can get her to open up. The way things are, the onus is on us to lead and maintain the conversation from the very start.
What makes this so difficult is being able to materialize conversation and bounce from point to point without the luxury of having more time. It can be largely improvisational with a very limited window and not much time to think. You might run out of things to say if you're not getting much to work with, and the dreaded awkward silence will come up—which she'll probably fault you for. Then you go for the number a bit too early, and she declines.
Unfortunately, since women aren’t used to this kind of interaction in a store or street environment, they’re often withdrawn and don’t actively contribute. It’s like dealing with a shy person. They’re reserved and don’t talk much until you warm them up and make them feel comfortable enough to open up.
Think about any time you've had a pleasant conversation with someone that seemed to flow naturally. The person you were talking to was also actively contributing to the conversation and probably asking questions as well. There was smooth back-and-forth, even if they were a stranger.
Now think about any time you had a conversation that felt forced and unnatural. Someone isn’t used to this or they’re not actively reciprocating to the degree that you are.
There are yes and no girls, but there are also maybe girls. Yes girls are ideal, but they’re much more uncommon. You hardly have to run game on them.
With girls on the fence—which is most common, I'd say—you can sway things in your favor if you develop the skill to consistently create good, lengthy interactions. You’ll get more numbers, fewer flakes, and fewer rejections.
This is why I think it's best to have backup questions on retainer. Also, think about what makes a person open up more—something that has to do with them. Observational comments create an opportunity for them to talk about themselves and lead to a more robust conversation.
After developing the ability to consistently have longer interactions, then practice tossing in some flirting for solid numbers. Boom.
All of this has been especially important for me in a big city, where people may get approached by odd fellas or someone trying to get something from them.
Also, sometimes they’re just plain unreceptive and won’t bother opening up. If that’s the case, move on if it’s going nowhere and hit on some other girl.
Girls in bar settings are likely to make for easier conversation because they expect to—or are seeking to—get hit on. They’re ready for social interaction with men, although they might still have their guard up for other reasons.
Insights are welcome. I'm still learning and this is what I've got to share
