What happens if I can't find a wife?

[picard]

What happens if I can't find a wife after trying all DJ techniques prescribe in this forum??? I might freak out. I am nearly 40. I got to find a wife

Has anyone thought of the bad ending to this saga? :nervous:

 

[crowes22]

Can I ask why you deem it so important to marry? You want kids...I guess?

BTW, I find it hard to believe you can't find a wife. I think it would be more accurate to say you can't find one that suits you, which is all the more reason to ask yourself the aforementioned question.

 

[uniassign]

What happens if I can't find a wife after trying all DJ techniques prescribe in this forum??? I might freak out. I am nearly 40. I got to find a wife

It is not about "trying" the DJ "techniques". In order for these "techniques" to work, they have to become part of you.

If you "try", then women will instantly know that you are a fake. It is all about SELF-CONFIDENCE, being NON-NEEDY and FUN.

Those three alone will get you TONS of women wanting to be your wife.

 

[joekerr31]

ive felt that way when i was 25, then again earlier this year. I could have married twice but im sooooo glad i didn't - 1) i wasn't ready 2) in retrospect i was with chics who weren't mature

its normal to get all wierded out and nerotic, but you got to remember that regardless if you have a wife or not, have kids or not, or whatever, you're still going to die one day.

heck, there are 12 year old kids who die every single day, they dont even get to get laid, much less married.

watch the movie "fight club". just let go.

life is NOT what you think its about. its really not about anythign other than experiecing it for whatever it is at any given moment and doing so until the day comes where you die.

J

 

[Bible_Belt]

You can't have a healthy relationship until you are complete as an individual. It's a paradox in that you can't really be happy with someone until you are happy alone first.

I just got divorced, and I was thinking today how much I enjoy my new freedom. It is great fun to be interested in several women at the same time. I am about to phone the hottest one right now, but if she does not work out, I know that she is easily replaced.

 

[cinephile]

Why are you askng this question? The answer, you go on living. Marriage does'nt define you as a person. It is just a contract

It seems like you are a very confused and frustrated person. You ask a great many questions, while interesting seem to be somewhat loaded in their set up. If you could please better define your situation and what you want, maybe some more specfic and helpful advice could be given.

 

[picard]

Originally posted by cinephile
Why are you askng this question? The answer, you go on living. Marriage does'nt define you as a person. It is just a contract

It seems like you are a very confused and frustrated person. You ask a great many questions, while interesting seem to be somewhat loaded in their set up. If you could please better define your situation and what you want, maybe some more specfic and helpful advice could be given.

ok, this is my problem. I want to find a nice gal to settle down and raise family. Alot of my relatives are getting really old and dying off quickly. My father died of heart attack a few years ago in front of me. I couldn't save him. It haunted me since that time. I worry I will suffer the same fate as him. I try to stay fit by riding mountain bike. I monitor my diet for cholesterol carefully. I am a slim, 5'6" short guy.

I can't understand why women keep turning me down. I am not ugly nor have bad habits such as smoking, drinking. I don't have those habits. I am well educated and have well round personality. I have background in biological science but I changed career to IT. It has been rough change for me. I am basically an analytical person. I am not impulsive nor rash person. It doesn't mean that I stodgy or dogmatic. I have great sense of humor that even my friends, co-workers admit it. I give them belly laugh with my jokes.

I tried different methods of meeting women with dismal failure. I used 2 head hunter firms to find me a woman, speed dating, single clubs. Everytime I want to ask her out, she just want to be friends and go to parties. The women just don't want to settle down. The head hunter somehow set me up with a fat girl. I seem to have bad luck in life. This fat girl told head hunter firm that I am a nice guy. She asked me out on movies, lunches, dinner several times to assess my character. However, she has really annoying habits of nagging me on many things, and critize me on my driving skills. I am not even married to her yet I find her nagging to be too oppressive. I cancelled all meetings with her.

My recent forays into speed dating has been a complete disaster. I didn't get a match. I present myself very well at the event but the ladies weren't interested. I am at the end of my wits. I am not a womanizer or player. The issue of pursuing women is strange to me. I come from strong family with science background. These things just baffle me greatly.

I worry that I might die soon without passing on next generation. In addition, I have lots of stress taking care of my elderly mother. My mother is scared after my father died. She has come to depend on me great deal for emotional support and financial matters. I don't want to put her in nursing home. she is still fit, mentally alert. I don't know if any woman will accept me when I have to care for my mother. They might think I am a wuss or mama boy.

I need your advices from everyone. Please don't laugh at me.

 

[DonJuanMonk]

If you can't find a wife...YOU WILL DIE A LONELY DEATH.

Gay.

 

[speedo_meme]

picard,

i feel the same way you do. But, you're going to have to drop that needy mentality you have or you won't find it. It's too bad you're already 40, but better now than never. No offense, but from your posts, you're very needy and you seek other people's approval too much (i'm working on the same problem). Until you get over this hump and be content with yourself, you won't make anyone else, much less a woman, happy. Period.

 

[cinephile]

Okay, well that makes more sense. If you really want to get married and have a serious lifetime relationship with one person, then the best best place to look is in church. I'm not saying that all church going girls are are so wonderful (many are'nt) but you are more likely to find someone with those values in church than anyplace else. Most church have singles functions specifically for this. The larger the church, usually the more options.

If that does not appeal to you, then you can date girls who have less options. You know who they are. Eventually you will find someone who you think is alright. Don't settle because she thinks you are her best option. It will just make you unhappy.

If you want to try a radical approach, you could also go on a "Wife Tour" through either the Phillipines, Columbia, or The Ukraine. Having traveled extensively through Latin America, the women there definately seem more like wife material than the ladies here in the US. While some may laugh at it, I think it is not such a terrible option if you have the time and $$$.

Before doing any of these, you need to make a concrete list of what you must have in a partner and a relationship. With that knowledge, you can then make a serious choice.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Women can just smell desperation and fear. You can't fake it. What they are sensing is your fear of your own mortality. People who engage in the most risk-taking behavior have the most sex partners (not always a good thing - remember stds and child support), ahead of seemingly more obvious classes of people such as the rich or the powerful. Based upon your story, I would make the generalization that people who fear death probably have the lowest number of partners.

If you want women, I'd recommend that you start by getting over the fear of your own death. Do what it takes. Therapy and religion/spirituality are popular routes. Choose the religion that suits you; I can only speak from my own beliefs, but the people I know with strong faith like myself have zero fear of their own death. If you really believe that you are going to a better existence after death, then attachment to this world seems silly. One girl said that if armageddon comes tomorrow that we will be high-fiving each other.

Another caveat, if you do go to church, some middle-aged fat chick is going to tackle you and drag you to marry her. Do a huge favor to yourself and your future spouse by getting your death issues worked out before you marry anybody.

 

[cinephile]

That is a good point. The fear of death, of our mortality and finiteness, is probably the ultimate to overcome. The inevitability and unknown that is attached to it probably drives more people to action ( or innaction) than anything else. I think coming to terms with that first is the best way of moving forward in your life.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

You whine like a women... Chill out old man and let life happen to you. I can understand at your age your options have to be few, you ARE running out of time. Maybe you should buy a russian bride??? I bet you try to hard and come off as a lil *****. Let go!!! Let go!!!

 

[stevera004]

Originally posted by picard
ok, this is my problem. I want to find a nice gal to settle down and raise family. A lot of my relatives are getting really old and dying off quickly. My father died of heart attack a few years ago in front of me. I couldn't save him. It haunted me since that time. I worry I will suffer the same fate as him. I try to stay fit by riding mountain bike. I monitor my diet for cholesterol carefully. I am a slim, 5'6" short guy.

I can't understand why women keep turning me down. I am not ugly nor have bad habits such as smoking, drinking. I don't have those habits. I am well educated and have well round personality. I have background in biological science but I changed career to IT.

I worry that I might die soon without passing on next generation. In addition, I have lots of stress taking care of my elderly mother. My mother is scared after my father died. She has come to depend on me great deal for emotional support and financial matters. I don't want to put her in nursing home. she is still fit, mentally alert. I don't know if any woman will accept me when I have to care for my mother. They might think I am a wuss or mama boy.

I'm not lauging at you. But the amount of negativity in your post is astonishing, probably #1 or #2 in the history of this site (chancer357's posts are neck-and-neck with you).

But, you have a big big handicap. You are short, and women DESPISE short men. You also sound nice. This is almost as bad as being short in the eyes of women (you are likely using your niceness to compensate for some flaw that you perceive to have, likely your shortness). You also talk about death a lot. No one enjoys that, especially the less rational and more emotional half of our species.

You have tried a lot of sh!t and none of it seemed to work. If I were you, I would find myself a nice Filipino bride. Contact a lot via the internet, and go there and marry one. And don't go nuts and go after the hottest ones; maybe bang these, but if you want to marry a chick, be reasonable. You bring a hot chick over here and the hounds will be all over her, and she will change because of that. Get a normal one. Less maintenance, care & feeding that way.

Now, chill the f' out.

 

[joekerr31]

dude, its simple, you're focusing on what you dont have rather than what you do have.

you have your health and your alive, which means you have a lot.

i don think your issue is with death at all. i think what your issue is with is that you are seeing a woman as the answer to all your problems.

guess what man, they aren't.

imagine if you could never have sex with a woman - honestly, how much would you give a **** whether you had one or not in that scenario?

in fact, being married to a woman that you never ever had sex with would be a torture sentence!

So just be honest with yourself that you're beating yourself for no reason and calling yourself a failure for no reason. you are also seeing the grass on the other side of the fence as WAY greener than it actually is.

as long as you see life as a checklist of things to accomplish "ie. get married, have kids, get a house with white picket fence, etc." you are going to be miserable.

life only turns out like that in the movies.

reality...
get married

after a year sex is about as exciting as hands free masturbation

after 2 kids your wife is covered with stretch marks, her ass looks like cottage cheese and her hair is always a mess. oh shes now comfortable farting in bed any time she wants.

10 years later, you're wife is a constant nag, taking out her lack of enjoyment in life on you (she's found at that popping out 2 kids doesn't lead to utopia, and now shes stuck looking after two kids and a husband who doesn't treat her like a goddess anymore)

20 years from now, your 60, still working and paying for the kids university. your wife is now a fat wrinling blob who'se only satisfaction in life is recounting the drama of various people you both know. outside of that she spends as much time away from you doign her own thing as she can.

40 years from now, you die and kick yourself in the ass for thinking that getting married and having kids was the point of life, because now you realize there was no point other than to simply experience what there was to experience at any given moment.


im not saying marriage is bad, but if you keep thinking that marriage is what will make your life better, man are you wrong. YOU have to make your life better - not some woman.

sorry to hear bout your dad passing and your mom's situation. sounds like your going through a mid life crisis also.

you've got a lot on your plate. all the more reason to JUST LET GO. stop beating yourself up by judging your life at every step. accept that things are what they are and try to enjoy what there is to enjoy WITHOUT needing one thing to lead to another and another another - eventually ending in utopia.

did you know that 1 million people a year kill themselves in the world.

if you keep looking at life for what you don't have instead of what you do have, you'll eventually end up being one of those 1 million who lose all hope.

J

 

[al77]

Originally posted by picard

I can't understand why women keep turning me down. I am not ugly nor have bad habits such as smoking, drinking. I don't have those habits. I am well educated and have well round personality. I have background in biological science but I changed career to IT. It has been rough change for me. I am basically an analytical person. I am not impulsive nor rash person.

I present myself very well at the event but the ladies weren't interested. I am at the end of my wits.

I am not a womanizer or player.

I am a nice guys and used to think like you do. But I am trying to change...
You have to change too:
"I am not ugly" - you should think "I look cool", "I am handsome".
"Not ugly" mantra will not do anything good to your confidence.

"nor have bad habits such as smoking, drinking."
Some chicks find drinking as a sign of a guy who can relax... Some women are so uptight that they are looking for an excuse to have sex and get drunk. A guy who drinks is a good excuse for them.
Start drinking, at least don't say to women "I don't drink" - they will think you are an uptight guy.

"I am well educated"
Women do not really care if you have PhD. "college educated" is more than enough for anyone. What they care is your job and success.

"I changed career to IT. It has been rough change for me."
Dont say that to women!!! IT is the most boring thing for women. And sure don't mention you had rough time... women want success in men, not rough time. Women despise honesty, they want you to sound like a winner even if you tell them some white lies.

"I am basically an analytical person. I am not impulsive nor rash person"
Me too. This is the biggest turn off for women - what an analytical guy can offer women? Solving equations or balancing checkbook?
They want excitenement, get drunk, fvck a stud, get a millionaire...
Never ever say to women anything about anaytical person who is not impulsive. Immediately they put out a sign "boring, boring guys.. next".

"I am not a player"..
Well, just pretend you are one. Pretend you hunt women. They want to be hunted... they despise nice guys who refure to hunt women.

All these are very simple things, parts of antiAFC mindset that you (and I) have to to adopt.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

dude get a hot mail order bride, but move to an isolated area where otther men can't steal her from you....

 

[CrotchSniffer]

THis is ironic..

The fact that you are trying to find a wife almost surely guarantees that you will not!

Good women are not found...they are attracted to powerful and interesting men.

Judging from the tone of your posts, I envision you as a laidback guy who has great relationships with his friends. You like to tell jokes and enjoy a relaxing atmosphere. The reason you are able to be this way is because you are COMFORTABLE with your environment. When you are chatting with you IT buddies, there is no struggle involved because you are in your element.

The problem arises when you are around attractive women. For you this is unfamiliar terrain and you start wondering what you should "DO" in order to attract them and this totally destroys your game. The only way you will conquer women is by being 100% comfortable around them.

Now, you are a little different from most of the guys here. While the majority here are looking for a nice lay, you are thinking of the future, so let us put things in perspective here. We are talking about your genetic DESTINY, man. Unless you have a lot of luck on your side, you are not going to meet the woman of your dreams any time soon. You will have to go through plenty of duds to find the diamnod, but since we are talking about your future children, I think it is worth the effort! So take it into consideration with my advice:

Inner Game:

1. Part of you believes that you do not deserve a beautiful woman...you think they are too good for you. Ignore this stupid voice in your head and realize that you are just as entitled to happiness as the next man and you have a lot to offer in a relationship. After all, it is hard for women to find a man with marriage and family in mind, so you are already bringing something valuable to the table

2. Take pride in what you do and find a social outlet to enhance this. Do something interesting aside from IT...have any hobbies? Do something fun because it sounds like that is what is really missing from your life. Make it a regular habit to meet new people. Once you exercise this social muscle, it will be much easier to get repoire with women (they also love a man who has social proof)

Outer Game:

1. Leave no stone unturned. Try match.com or any of the millions of online dating sites out there...BUT do not pick your wife from these places! Use these women as practice and when you meet them, make it clear that you are interested in friendship more than sex. Approach this as a science project and perform your experiments on these specimens. This will liberate you from worries and doubts because you are free to mess up!

2. Dont fall into the trap of treating them like interviewees. Treat them like long lost friends who are visiting you from the future! Genuinely get to know these women and adopt them as your sisters. This will help you gain insight to the female psyche and what makes them tick (Hint: watch what they do and ignore what they say)

3. Get some interesting experiences under your belt. As exciting as the upgrade in processors may be to you, I can assure you that VERY few women will be as excited. Do some traveling...make your life a story worth telling.

4. I may catch some flack for saying this but, DO NOT marry an American woman! 99.999% of them are evil, stupid, manipulative hors who have abondoned their very nature as women! European women (with the exception of the English) are much more appreciative, intelligent and feminine. Same goes for Asian and even African!

5. Keep working out and staying in shape. Do some studying on sex and really become a master of getting women off. There are all sorts of penile and meditation exercises out there, so do your homework! The sheer knowledge that you are able to make a woman feel pleasure that surpasses her wildest dreams will make you OOZE confidence.

Good Luck, Captian. Your journey is just beginning!

 

[picard]

I thank all of you for your advices except for DonJuanMonk. Are you a teenage kid? You lack intelligence or maturity to understand social issues.


It is necessary to for men to express feelings. I don't whine like a woman. I talked to a psychiatrist who told me that many men tend to hold in their anger or grief without telling some one will result in increase in stress on the heart.

I consult medical journals and pschology journals that point to one of the cause of heart attack due to stress. It will lead to heart attack eventually. There are plenty of medical evidence to prove this fact that I don't have to explain further. My father had lots of stress that result in his heart attack. He held in his feelings for all his life. The pathologist told me that he had enlarged heart due to excessive stress & clogged coronary arteries.

 

[Ricky]

Picard I know exactly how you feel.

I was a nice guy AFC through much of my 20's until my late 20's. Ironically I cracked out of the total AFC mode before finding this site, but this site helped as well. That doesn't mean I don't occasionally revert to AFC mode.

But I have had that thought sometimes that the player lifestyle might lead me to never get married.

I found a great girl, one which I love and guess what, I dropped the player mindset and not much later she dropped me. Didn't help I was a workaholic and living in another town than her.

The fact is nothing in life is promised to us. We have to be happy without a woman to ever be happy with one.

I admit I cried like a baby this year after this breakup. It still hurts sometimes and I still think I can get her back, but I have to date other women.

Picard you can talk about this anytime. But the key is to remember you have to be the picky one. Talk to many girls. I am posting a thread about some goals this month. One of which is to meet 100 new girls. That should be easy.

I know how you feel. But you got to keep fighting. Watch or listen to as much inspirational stuff as you can.

If I were you I'd get on soulseek or ***** or your download method of choice and download every damn bit of self help material you can. That or buy everything of Tony Robbins. It really helps!