iveyleeger
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 17, 2005
- Messages
- 335
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One word: cloning ;-)
What happens if I can't find a wife?
- Thread starter picard
- Start date
picard
Master Don Juan
yeah, It isn't legal to clone a woman yet. I would have done it long time ago. I would program her genes to my specification including a long range transceiver so she can pickup my calls from long distance to save phone bills.
picard
Master Don Juan
I must re-read the romance section of DJ bible.
Rollo Tomassi
Master Don Juan
I've been married for over 9 years and I can tell you this, far too many men and women view marriage as a goal. As if anything less is failure to achieve.
From the time were toddlers into our mid to late 20's it's socialized into us on every level of society, in every imaginable media that we MUST marry. Even homosexuals MUST strive for the goal that is marriage. It's this westernized mythology of romantic courtly marriage that we MUST find our 'true love', our ONEitis cure soulmate and live happily ever after.
The harsh truth is that this is all a fantasized, idealized state that in no way guarantees or ensures happiness. I can remeber wholeheartedly subscribing to this mass psychosis until I had the last 4.5 year long psychotic LTR before I met my wife. I sacrificed 4.5 years of my prime 20's trying to live this idealization in favor of growing and bettering and living. It wasn't until after this that I realized that LTRs and/or marriage is NOT a goal. In fact it should be the opposite, marriage should be something that happens inspite of yourself rather than a deliberate 'quest' to find this ideal wife. Marriage and LTRs should be something that you fight off and happen because you've been so selective and particular, never as the result of searching them out, because in doing so you become the exact opposite of who a woman wants to marry. It affirms her that she meets with your standards for approval, not that you'd settle for someone like her. She's attracted to the confidence you have in discerning what's right for you (and you both ultimately), rather than thanking your lucky stars that you found her.
It's not fate that makes good marriages, it's strong, confident masculine men and equally strong, understanding feminine women. The sexes are meant to be complimentary to each other, never adversarial. When you start out with a weak understanding of this and a scarcity mentality, anyone you would marry wlll take an adversarial position. In effect you 'fail' your marriage before you begin it.
Marriage is NOT a goal. Every married or divorced guy you will ever meet has to face the "now what?" question after marriage. In the weeks or months immediately after marriage, the reality of the last 20+ years of socialization that taught him (and her) that marriage was an idealized state set in - "now what?" What's next? It's particularly poignant if the guy never really experienced true independence prior to marriage. Society has so effectively prepared him to achieve the goal of marriage that he's never planned or given any thought as to life after marriage. It only told him he was incomplete if he wasn't married, it never told him about the responsibilities, the accountabilities, the liabilities and limitations that are associated with marriage. It only promised flowery happiness with it's romantic comedy love stories and even when painted negatively still illustrated a missing of an idealized state.
I know couples that have been married for 40 years and have been miserable with each other for the last 30, is this a successful marriage? I know a guy with 3 kids who's wife of 10 years has cheated on him more than once, but they stay together for the kids, is that a successful marriage. I know a man who hung himself after 20 years of marriage because his wife was leaving him only to have her marry a millionaire less than a year after he was buried, do you think the millionaire is getting a catch here?
Marriage is not a goal.
From the time were toddlers into our mid to late 20's it's socialized into us on every level of society, in every imaginable media that we MUST marry. Even homosexuals MUST strive for the goal that is marriage. It's this westernized mythology of romantic courtly marriage that we MUST find our 'true love', our ONEitis cure soulmate and live happily ever after.
The harsh truth is that this is all a fantasized, idealized state that in no way guarantees or ensures happiness. I can remeber wholeheartedly subscribing to this mass psychosis until I had the last 4.5 year long psychotic LTR before I met my wife. I sacrificed 4.5 years of my prime 20's trying to live this idealization in favor of growing and bettering and living. It wasn't until after this that I realized that LTRs and/or marriage is NOT a goal. In fact it should be the opposite, marriage should be something that happens inspite of yourself rather than a deliberate 'quest' to find this ideal wife. Marriage and LTRs should be something that you fight off and happen because you've been so selective and particular, never as the result of searching them out, because in doing so you become the exact opposite of who a woman wants to marry. It affirms her that she meets with your standards for approval, not that you'd settle for someone like her. She's attracted to the confidence you have in discerning what's right for you (and you both ultimately), rather than thanking your lucky stars that you found her.
It's not fate that makes good marriages, it's strong, confident masculine men and equally strong, understanding feminine women. The sexes are meant to be complimentary to each other, never adversarial. When you start out with a weak understanding of this and a scarcity mentality, anyone you would marry wlll take an adversarial position. In effect you 'fail' your marriage before you begin it.
Marriage is NOT a goal. Every married or divorced guy you will ever meet has to face the "now what?" question after marriage. In the weeks or months immediately after marriage, the reality of the last 20+ years of socialization that taught him (and her) that marriage was an idealized state set in - "now what?" What's next? It's particularly poignant if the guy never really experienced true independence prior to marriage. Society has so effectively prepared him to achieve the goal of marriage that he's never planned or given any thought as to life after marriage. It only told him he was incomplete if he wasn't married, it never told him about the responsibilities, the accountabilities, the liabilities and limitations that are associated with marriage. It only promised flowery happiness with it's romantic comedy love stories and even when painted negatively still illustrated a missing of an idealized state.
I know couples that have been married for 40 years and have been miserable with each other for the last 30, is this a successful marriage? I know a guy with 3 kids who's wife of 10 years has cheated on him more than once, but they stay together for the kids, is that a successful marriage. I know a man who hung himself after 20 years of marriage because his wife was leaving him only to have her marry a millionaire less than a year after he was buried, do you think the millionaire is getting a catch here?
Marriage is not a goal.
Good_ol_boy
Senior Don Juan
"From the time were toddlers into our mid to late 20's it's socialized into us on every level of society, in every imaginable media that we MUST marry. Even homosexuals MUST strive for the goal that is marriage. It's this westernized mythology of romantic courtly marriage that we MUST find our 'true love', our ONEitis cure soulmate and live happily ever after.'
Without stating whether I feel LTR's or marriage is good or bad, we must realize that marriage is our society’s way of handling the prime reason we exist. To continue the species! I must also point out that marriage goes against the male genetic goal of continuing the species by "spreading our seed" far and wide. In the end, the only “goal” isn’t marriage; it’s the production of children. (Note, this is at the genetic (animal) level, and has been modified by (human) society!)
Without stating whether I feel LTR's or marriage is good or bad, we must realize that marriage is our society’s way of handling the prime reason we exist. To continue the species! I must also point out that marriage goes against the male genetic goal of continuing the species by "spreading our seed" far and wide. In the end, the only “goal” isn’t marriage; it’s the production of children. (Note, this is at the genetic (animal) level, and has been modified by (human) society!)
