Another couple of memories have popped into mind that is more on the physical rather than spiritual bend of fear that can upend that for first place.
1) In October, 2015, there was a biking accident. I took this trail that had steep banks to a river below and the trail had some spots where it was just the trail and then a drop right next to it without any boundary. It so happened I lost balance, flipped over my bike, tumbled on the ground and started moving towards the river. I can't swim properly and wasn't prepared to hit the water. I grabbed on to something, but it gave way and I continued sliding. Finally just before I hit the river, I managed to grab on to another shrub on the bank and stopped my fall. I was on pins and needles because I knew I was just stuck there. If I moved then I might resume the fall and end up in this river. I was in this spot where I was relieved I didn't fall in, to terrified to move to get up and just stayed there for a little while. Gradually I made some mental move calculations and believe I prayed there, and gained my footing enough to slowly get up and carefully move upwards towards the fallen bike and trail. I eventually recovered and had a minor back sprain that just needed ice and heat compress over the next two weeks or so to go away.
The last bike accident was around August 2017 where I lost my bike balance on this steep hill and flew off the bike and hit the ground on my chest. Shoulder was in pain that I couldn't move it properly, but I checked out clear when I went to the hospital the next day.
As a result of these bike accidents I'm taking less risk on the trails and am more focused on exercise and scenery rather than taking on a risky route.
2) The Kayaking on the nearby River in 2016. I Kayaked on a mildly windy day to the end of a river that meets a large lake. (Humber River's mouth to Lake Ontario below the pedestrian bridge). The waves were choppy a bit and felt the kayak moving up and down. The thing is I had to turn the Kayak before it hit the lake. If I turn the kayak, the waves hit the kayak perpendicular and it starts rocking the kayak side-ways and increases the odds of tipping if the oars and not held right or if I freak-out. I was particularly concerned about the risk of a roll-over, and looked around to see if anyone was at the sides of the river. I managed to turn the kayak, on pins and needles, and started rowing away from the lake, back on to the calm marshland and, never rented a kayak again since that year. (I did go kayaking again on two separate occasions that year, one in the Toronto Islands, again, pins and needles in some moments, and again up north).
I'm a bit more low-key now. My folks got in an accident in June, 2019 and I had to change my car so I have one that doesn't have a bike rack, but the accident was rattling with me that it sort of bite out the appetite for risk as far as biking, and this year had the covid pandemic, which was also a buzz-kill. Overall, the last few years, or even going back to 2017, was rather milder on the risk-department.
