What exactly makes a woman a "cougar"?

[BackInTheGame78]

Isn't it obvious? I don't understand the hand wringing on topics that are cut and dry as if there is some sort of debate about them.

Cougar is an attractive, in-shape older woman(40+) who deliberately seeks out much younger men for sexual pleasure and uses them as her "boy toys".

That's really it. This stuff isn't that hard to understand.

 

[SW15]

Imagine what a more socially skilled young guy is capable of (in terms of getting a cougar)

drowning in menopausal vaginas.

A socially skilled younger man who is 6'0"+, fit/muscular won't need to pursue older women. He will be having sex with women closer to his age.

It is possible that a socially skilled man that is less good looking (but maybe 6-7.5 range) will have sex with substantially older women because he's struggling to find options in his own age range.

Men 30+ typically don't seek out older women. By age 30, men are older than a substantially amount of women and they can get someone 0-3 years younger or maybe 4+ years younger.

Menopausal vaginas are overrated. The best vaginas are the ones 18-25. Men who are 35-49 often are with women 35-49.

The typical 30s/40s male is a pussie beggar who settles for something closer to his own age and is rarely even running a rotation of older women.

Women in their 30s/40s tend to put up some ASD for men in their 30s/40s. Women in their 30s/40s will have sex with reasonably good looking younger (10+ years younger) if they are into that thing, but most aren't that interested in doing that.

I think it is about vibe as much as it is age. I think the standard is 10 years younger or more, that makes the most sense.

The men who are most interested in older women 10+ years older are younger guys. These men often are struggling with options near their own age and some do have an older woman/hot mommy type fantasy too.

 

[GoodMan32]

A socially skilled younger man who is 6'0"+, fit/muscular won't need to pursue older women. He will be having sex with women closer to his age.

It is possible that a socially skilled man that is less good looking (but maybe 6-7.5 range) will have sex with substantially older women because he's struggling to find options in his own age range.

Men 30+ typically don't seek out older women. By age 30, men are older than a substantially amount of women and they can get someone 0-3 years younger or maybe 4+ years younger.

Menopausal vaginas are overrated. The best vaginas are the ones 18-25. Men who are 35-49 often are with women 35-49.

The typical 30s/40s male is a pussie beggar who settles for something closer to his own age and is rarely even running a rotation of older women.

Women in their 30s/40s tend to put up some ASD for men in their 30s/40s. Women in their 30s/40s will have sex with reasonably good looking younger (10+ years younger) if they are into that thing, but most aren't that interested in doing that.



The men who are most interested in older women 10+ years older are younger guys. These men often are struggling with options near their own age and some do have an older woman/hot mommy type fantasy too.

There are a number of reasons a guy would go for an older woman. It is true a Chad is probably less likely to go older. But it's still possible he'd go older (maybe he fears pregnancy, maybe he has mommy issues, maybe older is simply what he prefers for whatever reason)

The idea that a man would only go older if he lacks options in his own age range isn't necessarily true.

Take Ashton Kutcher for example. Back when he was my age, he was a total Chad (and, needless to say, extremely wealthy). Yet he still picked a cougar for a wife.

 

[GoodMan32]

I don't mock all men who like older women, but when they start calling them 'broads', that's hilarious.

Somehow I get the impression you'd mock my age preference even if I didn't use the term broad.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

There are a number of reasons a guy would go for an older woman. It is true a Chad is probably less likely to go older. But it's still possible he'd go older (maybe he fears pregnancy, maybe he has mommy issues, maybe older is simply what he prefers for whatever reason)

The idea that a man would only go older if he lacks options in his own age range isn't necessarily true.

Take Ashton Kutcher for example. Back when he was my age, he was a total Chad (and, needless to say, extremely wealthy). Yet he still picked a cougar for a wife.

Essentially a man dating a significantly older woman is the equivalent of him going dumster diving to find food.

It's reserved for the desperate.

I mean if you are hungry enough you'll eat expired food, moldy fruit and stale bread but most would prefer to just go buy fresh food to eat.

 

[GoodMan32]

Essentially a man dating a significantly older woman is the equivalent of him going dumster diving to find food.

It's reserved for the desperate.

I mean if you are hungry enough you'll eat expired food, moldy fruit and stale bread but most would prefer to just go buy fresh food to eat.

When I was in my early 20s, I turned down sex with 3 fertile broads. Because of my pregnancy phobia.

Even I (the socially inept autist) was in a position to turn down sex.

My point? Some dudes simply prefer oldies, even if they can get a fertile woman.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

When I was in my early 20s, I turned down sex with 3 fertile broads. Because of my pregnancy phobia.

Even I (the socially inept autist) was in a position to turn down sex.

My point? Some dudes simply prefer oldies, even if they can get a fertile woman.

No that's just what you tell yourself to soothe your ego.

 

[GoodMan32]

No that's just what you tell yourself to soothe your ego.

So the 21 year old who ended up naked in bed with me (begging me for sex) after a first date (when I was 21) was a figment of my imagination?

 

[BillyPilgrim]

I been wondering about this since the meaning is so vague, like an older woman going for a younger guy who is like a decade younger than her.

Right now in my circle I have a friend who is 33 y/o and shagging a woman who is 47 but really attractive for her age, like pornstar level attractive. People keep saying she is a "cougar" because there is more than a decade of an age gap. However, my friend is freaking 33 which is an adult male IMO.

I always thought cougar was like an older woman who went for super young guys, like those school teachers who get busted for sleeping with their HS students.

If she's older and you're jumping out her window when the cops come, she's a cougar Jesse.

This is the kind of question that keeps you at 96% purity, Jesse.

 

[GoodMan32]

A socially skilled younger man who is 6'0"+, fit/muscular won't need to pursue older women. He will be having sex with women closer to his age.

It is possible that a socially skilled man that is less good looking (but maybe 6-7.5 range) will have sex with substantially older women because he's struggling to find options in his own age range.

Men 30+ typically don't seek out older women. By age 30, men are older than a substantially amount of women and they can get someone 0-3 years younger or maybe 4+ years younger.

Menopausal vaginas are overrated. The best vaginas are the ones 18-25. Men who are 35-49 often are with women 35-49.

The typical 30s/40s male is a pussie beggar who settles for something closer to his own age and is rarely even running a rotation of older women.

Women in their 30s/40s tend to put up some ASD for men in their 30s/40s. Women in their 30s/40s will have sex with reasonably good looking younger (10+ years younger) if they are into that thing, but most aren't that interested in doing that.



The men who are most interested in older women 10+ years older are younger guys. These men often are struggling with options near their own age and some do have an older woman/hot mommy type fantasy too.

There's another thing I meant to address in my reply yesterday (but forgot).

With all due respect, I find it contradictory how you say stuff like "a young guy might go for older broads if he's struggling to get a woman his own age," yet you also frequently say the vast majority of older broads won't go for a significantly younger guy.

If the vast majority of older broads will auto-reject a significantly younger guy (solely based on his age), wouldn't that mean getting an older woman is even harder than getting an age-contemporary woman? (So if anything, it would be the other way around: a guy who struggles to find a cougar might settle for a woman his own age simply because it's easier for a man to get a woman his own age)

 

[Jor-El]

Cougar is an attractive, in-shape older woman(40+) who deliberately seeks out much younger men for sexual pleasure and uses them as her "boy toys".

That's really it. This stuff isn't that hard to understand.

I agree. Surely the (very) large part of being a cougar is that you are still in shape and attractive...I may be wrong,but over 40`s land whale women dont seem to get labelled cougars so maybe its more the attractive thing than anything

 

[GoodMan32]

I agree. Surely the (very) large part of being a cougar is that you are still in shape and attractive...I may be wrong,but over 40`s land whale women dont seem to get labelled cougars so maybe its more the attractive thing than anything

As long as the woman meets the age (and age gap) requirements, I view her as a cougar regardless of her size.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Essentially a man dating a significantly older woman is the equivalent of him going dumster diving to find food.

It's reserved for the desperate.

I mean if you are hungry enough you'll eat expired food, moldy fruit and stale bread but most would prefer to just go buy fresh food to eat.

Throughout the history of our species (Recorded history, at least)young women being paired off with men older than themselves has been an all but ubiquitous practice. It wouldn't be surprising to learn that, as a species, we're now biologically hardwired to react with disgust and revulsion towards men who lust after women decades their senior

 

[SW15]

I find it contradictory how you say stuff like "a young guy might go for older broads if he's struggling to get a woman his own age," yet you also frequently say the vast majority of older broads won't go for a significantly younger guy.

If the vast majority of older broads will auto-reject a significantly younger guy (solely based on his age), wouldn't that mean getting an older woman is even harder than getting an age-contemporary woman? (So if anything, it would be the other way around: a guy who struggles to find a cougar might settle for a woman his own age simply because it's easier for a man to get a woman his own age)

It's not contradictory but it is a more complex concept.

In general, older women (30s-50s) tend to reject younger men. Most older women are looking for extended relationships with men who are slightly older than they are.

A 22 year old male who is struggling with 18-22 year old women might go 30+ if he is soundly rejected by 18-22 year old women. While 30+ will mostly reject him, there is a small percentage of 30+ women who will have sex with a younger, reasonably good looking man to make themselves feel better about themselves in the short term. It happens. A 22 year old isn't the first choice for most 30s-40s women (who are in demand with similarly aged men and older men), there are short periods of time when these 30+ women will go for a younger treat.

pregnancy phobia.

Pregnancy phobias seem to be most common for those with autism spectrum disorders.

Plenty of neurotypicals are concerned with getting women pregnant. Most neurotypicals won't let it impact the choices they make in choosing which women to pursue. A typical 25 year old neurotypical who has no interest in impregnating a woman will usually have sex with women near his own age who are fertile.

In White, college educated social circles, most females in their 20s/early 30s use birth control. Males in these circles are often good at using condoms.

White women with bachelor's degrees + don't tend to go off birth control until they are serious about conceiving a child.

It's actually common for women to get into an LTR with a man while on birth control. Once they go off birth control, their hormones change and they discover that they are less attracted to the man they chose for an LTR while on birth control. Hormones aren't the only factor here as a lot of men tend to act more beta with the passage of time in LTRs/marriages as well.

 

[GoodMan32]

It's not contradictory but it is a more complex concept.

In general, older women (30s-50s) tend to reject younger men. Most older women are looking for extended relationships with men who are slightly older than they are.

A 22 year old male who is struggling with 18-22 year old women might go 30+ if he is soundly rejected by 18-22 year old women. While 30+ will mostly reject him, there is a small percentage of 30+ women who will have sex with a younger, reasonably good looking man to make themselves feel better about themselves in the short term. It happens. A 22 year old isn't the first choice for most 30s-40s women (who are in demand with similarly aged men and older men), there are short periods of time when these 30+ women will go for a younger treat.



Pregnancy phobias seem to be most common for those with autism spectrum disorders.

Plenty of neurotypicals are concerned with getting women pregnant. Most neurotypicals won't let it impact the choices they make in choosing which women to pursue. A typical 25 year old neurotypical who has no interest in impregnating a woman will usually have sex with women near his own age who are fertile.

In White, college educated social circles, most females in their 20s/early 30s use birth control. Males in these circles are often good at using condoms.

White women with bachelor's degrees + don't tend to go off birth control until they are serious about conceiving a child.

It's actually common for women to get into an LTR with a man while on birth control. Once they go off birth control, their hormones change and they discover that they are less attracted to the man they chose for an LTR while on birth control. Hormones aren't the only factor here as a lot of men tend to act more beta with the passage of time in LTRs/marriages as well.

Your synopsis would explain why my successes with older broads have been short-lived (the longest one was a month)

You're correct when you say men with ASD are more likely to develop a crippling pregnancy phobia. Here are some possible explanations:

• We're more prone to black and white thinking
• Raising children would tax us (energy-wise) to a degree most autists are incapable of coping with (normal daily living zaps enough energy out of us as it is)
• Despite the fact a lot of autists have high IQs, we tend to make low incomes (making us bad choices when it comes to being a provider for a kid)
• A lot of us probably don't want to pass on our genes (because ASD genes are viewed as defective). In my case, an added reason I don't want to pass on my genes is the bullying for my body hair as a kid (having partial Italian ancestry in a place where most were of Irish or British stock). It's a shame when someone's driven to self-hatred...but I've certainly been driven to self-hatred.

An added reason (for my pregnancy phobia) in my specific case is the fact I have wealthy parents. Even though getting knocked up by me wouldn't directly entitle a woman to my parents' money (from a legal standpoint), she'd at least gain access by proxy to my family's money (obviously my parents would give financial assistance to a grandkid). I have valid reason for this fear. On a first date once, the type of family I come from came out organically. The broad then ended up wanting sex (despite telling me ahead of time there would be no sex on the 1st date). That's the story I've shared on the forum where I inserted myself for a split second, then chickened out.

If you were to impregnate a woman, I get the impression even though you wouldn't be thrilled, you'd deal with it. I, on the other hand, would end my existence over a pregnancy. I hope that puts into perspective why I have to avoid pregnancy at all costs.

 

[GoodMan32]

Throughout the history of our species (Recorded history, at least)young women being paired off with men older than themselves has been an all but ubiquitous practice. It wouldn't be surprising to learn that, as a species, we're now biologically hardwired to react with disgust and revulsion towards men who lust after women decades their senior

Up until 2 generations ago, a woman depended on a man to be a provider. That's probably why older man/younger woman was a lot more popular than the cougar thing for the vast majority of history.

Now that a broad is capable of making her own dough, the cougar trend has popped up.

 

[SW15]

An added reason (for my pregnancy phobia) in my specific case is the fact I have wealthy parents. Even though getting knocked up by me wouldn't directly entitle a woman to my parents' money (from a legal standpoint), she'd at least gain access by proxy to my family's money (obviously my parents would give financial assistance to a grandkid). I have valid reason for this fear. On a first date once, the type of family I come from came out organically. The broad then ended up wanting sex (despite telling me ahead of time there would be no sex on the 1st date). That's the story I've shared on the forum where I inserted myself for a split second, then chickened out.

Many neurotypicals would use this to their advantage in order to get sex from women. If they struggled to get sex without mentioning money, they would then play up the money angle to get sex. Usually this would be done to get sex from women 18-29.

Your synopsis would explain why my successes with older broads have been short-lived (the longest one was a month)

Older woman-younger man interactions tend to be on the shorter side (6-12 months maximum). The Ashton Kutcher - Demi Moore interaction (8 years from introduction to separation) is a far less common outcome.

Steven Cundari and Charissa Thompson have been together now 2+ years. Charissa is 6 years older than he is. That's not quite a cougar situation but it is a less common situation where a woman is substantially older.

Attractive Charissa Thompson Getting Divorced for 2nd Time at Age 40 & is Childless

Charissa Thompson is a media personality. She has worked for ESPN and currently works for Fox Sports. She previously co-hosted the syndicated entertainment show Extra. This is Charissa. It's amazing that she has had a hot mess of a relationship history and no kids. In a previous era, this is...

www.sosuave.net

These older woman - younger man situations are not stable because it isn't what each side typically wants over the long term. Men are attracted to youthfulness and beauty. Women are attracted to emotional maturity and resourcefulness in a longer period of term in addition to looks. A 40 year old woman isn't going to consider a 25 year old man resourceful enough for her over an extended period of time. She might enjoy a short term sexual diversion with a younger man (might make her feel good) but it's going not to give her the non-sexual elements she desires.

You're correct when you say men with ASD are more likely to develop a crippling pregnancy phobia. Here are some possible explanations:

• We're more prone to black and white thinking
• Raising children would tax us (energy-wise) to a degree most autists are incapable of coping with (normal daily living zaps enough energy out of us as it is)
• Despite the fact a lot of autists have high IQs, we tend to make low incomes (making us bad choices when it comes to being a provider for a kid)
• A lot of us probably don't want to pass on our genes (because ASD genes are viewed as defective). In my case, an added reason I don't want to pass on my genes is the bullying for my body hair as a kid (having partial Italian ancestry in a place where most were of Irish or British stock). It's a shame when someone's driven to self-hatred...but I've certainly been driven to self-hatred

The two posters I've seen on SoSuave with the biggest pregnancy phobias were both on the spectrum.

Autistic people with high IQs are often in STEM occupations and make good money. This subset of autistic people used to be called Asperger's Syndrome or Aspies. Aspies were known as high functioning autists. Aspies are very common in highly paid STEM occupations and these Aspies struggle to get laid through conventional dating. Aspie men can support a family with a good STEM occupation income.

 

[GoodMan32]

Many neurotypicals would use this to their advantage in order to get sex from women. If they struggled to get sex without mentioning money, they would then play up the money angle to get sex. Usually this would be done to get sex from women 18-29.



Older woman-younger man interactions tend to be on the shorter side (6-12 months maximum). The Ashton Kutcher - Demi Moore interaction (8 years from introduction to separation) is a far less common outcome.

Steven Cundari and Charissa Thompson have been together now 2+ years. Charissa is 6 years older than he is. That's not quite a cougar situation but it is a less common situation where a woman is substantially older.

Attractive Charissa Thompson Getting Divorced for 2nd Time at Age 40 & is Childless

Charissa Thompson is a media personality. She has worked for ESPN and currently works for Fox Sports. She previously co-hosted the syndicated entertainment show Extra. This is Charissa. It's amazing that she has had a hot mess of a relationship history and no kids. In a previous era, this is...

www.sosuave.net

These older woman - younger man situations are not stable because it isn't what each side typically wants over the long term. Men are attracted to youthfulness and beauty. Women are attracted to emotional maturity and resourcefulness in a longer period of term in addition to looks. A 40 year old woman isn't going to consider a 25 year old man resourceful enough for her over an extended period of time. She might enjoy a short term sexual diversion with a younger man (might make her feel good) but it's going not to give her the non-sexual elements she desires.

The two posters I've seen on SoSuave with the biggest pregnancy phobias were both on the spectrum.

Autistic people with high IQs are often in STEM occupations and make good money. This subset of autistic people used to be called Asperger's Syndrome or Aspies. Aspies were known as high functioning autists. Aspies are very common in highly paid STEM occupations and these Aspies struggle to get laid through conventional dating. Aspie men can support a family with a good STEM occupation income.

Hmm, I hadn't thought of that (using the wealthy parents angle to my advantage in order to get cooch). That's not such a bad idea. I know you said it would work best on 18-29 year old broads. Here's the thing: I'm not saying I'd definitely turn down sex with a broad that young. All I'm saying is (when push comes to shove) there's a high chance I'd chicken out.

The fact Ashton is a wealthy celebrity (combined with the fact Demi is too, therefore she doesn't need any man's money anyway) might explain why their relationship lasted longer than most cougar relationships.

Funny thing about the 6 year age gap you mentioned (with the woman being older), I don't even really view that as an age gap (probably because of the massive age gaps I've had). The woman I had my last date with was 6 years older. People who know me joked about how I finally picked a woman my age for a change.

I myself am a high-functioning/high IQ autist. Statistically, one might expect me to be in a STEM position. But I'm not.

Don't get me wrong, it's totally true there are a decent amount of high IQ/high-functioning autists in decent-paying STEM positions. Even so, there are a decent amount of high IQ/high-functioning autists like me (making a low income)

 

[SW15]

Funny thing about the 6 year age gap you mentioned (with the woman being older), I don't even really view that as an age gap (probably because of the massive age gaps I've had). The woman I had my last date with was 6 years older. People who know me joked about how I finally picked a woman my age for a change.

Most people would consider a dating relationship where a woman was 5-9 years older than the man to be unconventional. That's not generally accepted cougar territory (cougar is typically viewed as 10+ years older), but it is considered unusual. People will wonder what the man sees in the woman.

A woman who is 2-4 years older than a man is often considered unusual as well. There are plenty of couples where the woman is older but less than 2 years older and most people don't consider that an older woman couple or even that unusual. A lot of times, there are couple formations where the woman is slightly older (less than 2 years older) and the couple formed before the man was 25 and had more of a selection of younger women.

If you were to impregnate a woman, I get the impression even though you wouldn't be thrilled, you'd deal with it. I, on the other hand, would end my existence over a pregnancy. I hope that puts into perspective why I have to avoid pregnancy at all costs.

I would not be thrilled at this point in my life. If I were to impregnate a woman now, I'd be spending my 40s/50s dealing with a child under 18. I think it is best for a man to be done dealing with his own children under 18 by his 55th birthday at the latest. On my 55th birthday, I would still have at least one child under 18 if I were to impregnate someone now or in the near future.

When I was in my 20s, I also wasn't enthusiastic about having kids. I was career focused then and I also graduated into the Great Recession. That affected my career progression.

 

[GoodMan32]

Most people would consider a dating relationship where a woman was 5-9 years older than the man to be unconventional. That's not generally accepted cougar territory (cougar is typically viewed as 10+ years older), but it is considered unusual. People will wonder what the man sees in the woman.

A woman who is 2-4 years older than a man is often considered unusual as well. There are plenty of couples where the woman is older but less than 2 years older and most people don't consider that an older woman couple or even that unusual. A lot of times, there are couple formations where the woman is slightly older (less than 2 years older) and the couple formed before the man was 25 and had more of a selection of younger women.



I would not be thrilled at this point in my life. If I were to impregnate a woman now, I'd be spending my 40s/50s dealing with a child under 18. I think it is best for a man to be done dealing with his own children under 18 by his 55th birthday at the latest. On my 55th birthday, I would still have at least one child under 18 if I were to impregnate someone now or in the near future.

When I was in my 20s, I also wasn't enthusiastic about having kids. I was career focused then and I also graduated into the Great Recession. That affected my career progression.

But I take it you at least wouldn't off yourself if you impregnated a woman.

That's the difference between an autist who doesn't want kids vs a neurotypical who doesn't want kids.