What do you say not to look bad when they ask you

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I remember my college's "career" center - it was a room with a couple of computers with Monster.com as the home page.

After graduation, I couldn't believe - contrary to all the nonsense this society preaches to young people - how little employers cared that I had a college degree. Employers treated me like a criminal because I lacked job experience. I eventually ended up in a crummy job where I was the only one who had a degree.

This is exactly what I'm talking about. Job experience means a ton. Plus what college graduates don't realize is that each graduating class is competing with hundreds or even thousands of people with the exact same degree. How do they expect to differentiate themselves? Job experience.

I'm now back in school for obvious reasons - not least of which is that 99% of women won't go out with a guy who makes less than them. And I was probably making less than 99% of women. Ironically, grad school isn't much different. My career counselor had little advice to give other than that I should have a "positive attitude" and "network" with people. I can't believe there is still such a job as "career counselor."

Don't bother with the women who will give what you do more importance than who you are. And trust me, tons of people (students or seasoned workers) can benefit from career counselors. Everything from helping find their strengths and marketing themselves can be enhanced using professional help.

At any rate, this has nothing to do with the original post, but I needed to get this off my chest.

I can appreciate a good rant.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

That's what bothers me. My Dad is 74, and in great shape and everything. But he just retired. For awhile he was working part time, but he got sick of it and everything. He says without me, he's shy $500 a month. I asked him if he'd be ok if I moved out.

He says he understands and he wants me to be on my own and not to worry about him. That he's been taking care of himself his whole life. But where the hell is he going to get $500 a month?

This bothers me. I still have to move out but I worry what's going to happen to him. He's too young for the old folks home. He's in better shape than I am.

Is this even my responsibility right now?

As far as money, I don't live in NY but I live in a similarly expensive area. Small studios are around $1,000 a month. I thought about this last night that I should budget. I almost don't mind living on hot dogs and water, but I want to have some money saved every month as well. I just got out of credit card debt so I'm enjoying that extra $400 a month I was throwing towards the credit cards.

I have cut back on spending, I'll continue to.

Rough situation and I doubt that anyone would say that you need to cut your dad off. Have you actually looked at his expenses? Does he really need $500 extra dollars a month? Are there things which could be purchased less expensively on both your side and his?

Wouldn't it make a difference if he only needed $300 or so more a month? Think about it, that's just only a little over $10 a day as opposed to almost $17 a day. That could be one less latte a day and a small increase at work of less than a buck an hour. There's always overtime too.

Not saying there's a simple fix but there are always options out there if you look for them.

 

[reset]

He's more budget savvy than me. If he says it's $500 it's probably down to the penny, he knows exactly how much he has coming in and out. It's the amount I'm paying in rent and bills versus what he gets on social security. If I leave, that's the pocket he has to fill. He has no extra income.

One option is senior housing. They asked him a few times, but he turned them down because at that time I did need him--massive debt. Now there is a six freaking year wait to get an apartment with senior housing.

The thing I'm thinking is, if he says to move out and not worry about him, if I should just listen. He tells me to not worry about him and live my life.

 

[reset]

I suppose one thing he could do is move out of state to a less expensive area. He may be able to find a more affordable place that way.

 

[Latinoman]

The world that I live in people are held high by their past experiences. Those who have only been students all of their lives hold less merit than those who are more well rounded.

I totally agree with this too.

 

[Latinoman]

He's more budget savvy than me. If he says it's $500 it's probably down to the penny, he knows exactly how much he has coming in and out. It's the amount I'm paying in rent and bills versus what he gets on social security. If I leave, that's the pocket he has to fill. He has no extra income.

One option is senior housing. They asked him a few times, but he turned them down because at that time I did need him--massive debt. Now there is a six freaking year wait to get an apartment with senior housing.

The thing I'm thinking is, if he says to move out and not worry about him, if I should just listen. He tells me to not worry about him and live my life.

I don't know...he sacrificed senior housing because you needed him. Anwyay, always do what YOU feel is the right thing.

You can always frame your situation in such a fashion that if you don't pay $500 worth of rent to your dad...that he will be put in the street. And he was there for you during the worst times of your live to the point he sacrificed a place where he could retire comfortably...and you cannot now turn your back on him. That's the way I would framed it if I was in your shoes. I would frame it in such a fashion that it shows you are a Man of Integrity. Some women understand those kind of things if you frame it correctly and if you show you have other qualities that overcome this. However, it still tough situation and one that will put you in a disadvantage when it comes to women. But...here is something that I always believe: I do NOT compromise my INTEGRITY for any woman. Always do what YOU think is best.

Note: He might be "budget savvy"...but do to his age and lack of technology savvy...he could probably paying for things that he could possibly find cheaper in other places (if he did the research).

 

[reset]

Possibly. I'm going to talk to him about his later. There may be senior housing other places.

I couldn't care less what women think of it now. I did yesterday, but now I realize I just need to find a solution to this. He may really have this arranged already. I'm just overly-concerened about this.

At the least, I have to get out of where we are. It's old and run-down. The landlords don't fix anything. We've been there almost 20 years and the rent is very small compared to the same complex. They'd probably prefer we left so they can charge the going rate.

 

[Mr.Positive]

I don't know...he sacrificed senior housing because you needed him. Anwyay, always do what YOU feel is the right thing.

You can always frame your situation in such a fashion that if you don't pay $500 worth of rent to your dad...that he will be put in the street. And he was there for you during the worst times of your live to the point he sacrificed a place where he could retire comfortably...and you cannot now turn your back on him. That's the way I would framed it if I was in your shoes. I would frame it in such a fashion that it shows you are a Man of Integrity. Some women understand those kind of things if you frame it correctly and if you show you have other qualities that overcome this. However, it still tough situation and one that will put you in a disadvantage when it comes to women. But...here is something that I always believe: I do NOT compromise my INTEGRITY for any woman. Always do what YOU think is best.

Note: He might be "budget savvy"...but do to his age and lack of technology savvy...he could probably paying for things that he could possibly find cheaper in other places (if he did the research).

Exactly Latinoman. Well put, I agree 100%.

Reset, honestly your situation, to me, doesn't seem that bad at all. Do you enjoy living with your father? Is it just you and him in the house?

If it was my father, and he was single, he'd want to go out and meet women. He's just that type of guy, so I wouldn't have any issues with living with him for awhile. If I lived with just him, it would be more of a roommate type of situation. But that's just my father.

Regardless, be PROUD of what you are doing. Stand tall.

 

[reset]

It's a small apartment. He's got the master bedroom so I have a tiny room that only fits a twin bed. Everything is run-down. I actually wouldn't bring guests over anyway. He's always there in the living room, so if I brought someone over I'd have to introduce them. If she got up in the middle of the night to go to the run-down bathroom the first thing she'd see is my Dad and that would be awkward.

It's old and run-down. I love my Dad, but I want to live by myself. Everything is "his". All I have that is my own is my bedroom and bathroom, which are old and not much to look at.

I know I'm being really negative with this post but it helps to vent. Yeah I just really not only want to live alone but live in an apartment that doesn't feel like a shyt hole. I know other people may have it much worse than me. But this is what goes through my head.

I'm just going to have to deal I guess.

My Dad says I have nothing ashamed of about our apt., but he doesn't get it.

Enough *****ing I guess.

 

[vitor]

You have to spin the situation to make you look good, and hopefully that is the case. I just moved in with my parents for a few months. Reasons
1. I just bought a 4 unit house Im renovating
2. Im taking a job that is 45 mins from my current home
3. I also own 6 homes so its not like Im a deadbeat
4. The Real estate market hurt my business big time (i rehab homes, and own a remodeling company)

As soon as the academy is over I will be able to move to another place, and rent out that 4 unit and wont have 2 MTG payments.

If you are handsome, funny, you will get laid... You can always try to meet one night stands, or go back to her place.

 

[reset]

If you are handsome, funny, you will get laid...

Well at least I got that stuff under control.

 

[Mr.Positive]

It's a small apartment. He's got the master bedroom so I have a tiny room that only fits a twin bed. Everything is run-down. I actually wouldn't bring guests over anyway. He's always there in the living room, so if I brought someone over I'd have to introduce them. If she got up in the middle of the night to go to the run-down bathroom the first thing she'd see is my Dad and that would be awkward.

It's old and run-down. I love my Dad, but I want to live by myself. Everything is "his". All I have that is my own is my bedroom and bathroom, which are old and not much to look at.

I know I'm being really negative with this post but it helps to vent. Yeah I just really not only want to live alone but live in an apartment that doesn't feel like a shyt hole. I know other people may have it much worse than me. But this is what goes through my head.

I'm just going to have to deal I guess.

My Dad says I have nothing ashamed of about our apt., but he doesn't get it.

Enough *****ing I guess.

Well Reset, this is where goals are important.

There was a show once on MTV called pimp my ride. Basically they fixed up old cars and made them pimp mobiles.

Until you reach your goal of being out on your own...you could do a pimp my dad. Fix your dad up, and your apartment, until he's the biggest swinging d!ck out of all the old folks around. Your dad could be banging the hottest babushkas around!

Just a thought, and could be fun pimpin' your dad up.

 

[reset]

Lol, I don't know. The guys here do have a point, it's kind of his place. I can only be responsible for my area. I have been letting my resentment and frustration get to the point that I just get mad. Which makes me not want to take care of it, because I don't like living here. So why maintain it. Not really mature.

This is the first time I've really DECIDED I want to move. Before I just really really wanted to. Now with all this talk my mind's trying to figure stuff out.

I'm seeking a new job, and getting more responsibility at my current one. Maybe a larger paycheck will take care of a lot of this.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

He's more budget savvy than me. If he says it's $500 it's probably down to the penny, he knows exactly how much he has coming in and out. It's the amount I'm paying in rent and bills versus what he gets on social security. If I leave, that's the pocket he has to fill. He has no extra income.

One option is senior housing. They asked him a few times, but he turned them down because at that time I did need him--massive debt. Now there is a six freaking year wait to get an apartment with senior housing.

The thing I'm thinking is, if he says to move out and not worry about him, if I should just listen. He tells me to not worry about him and live my life.

So what's the real problem, is it you leaving or his need for a $500 of supplemental income per month?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...This is the first time I've really DECIDED I want to move. Before I just really really wanted to. Now with all this talk my mind's trying to figure stuff out.

I'm seeking a new job, and getting more responsibility at my current one. Maybe a larger paycheck will take care of a lot of this.

Ah, forget my last post...

 

[reset]

Well it's both. Before I was pissed off that I couldn't move out. In reality, I'm eating fast food twice a day, smoking a pack of cigs a day, and probably wasting money in other places. So the rent may even be in my current income, and I may be at ramen-noodle paycheck to paycheck my own pad living now. I don't know. I've been kind of a lazy bastard, except I am seeking out new work and everything. And it seems like my authority is increasing at work, something's going on.

My Dad says, do not worry about me. Even if I ask him he'll say "don't ask me. Just give me advanced warning. It's not your responsibility to worry about me." But obviously I'm concerned.

It's been him and me, just the two of us ever since I was six years old, so I feel like I'm going through some advanced maturing here on the board. The more I discuss it the more I realize how important it is---I have to leave the nest.

But in the mean-time, I'm just going to take it day by day and not worry too much about the when, like you said, that's pointless. I just have to know it's on the way, and I'll get there.

 

[Interceptor]

Reset, you are on the path, brother. That is the most important thing.
Don't beat yourself up if you feel that you're not zooming at 100 miles an hour here.
Stay on course. THAT is the lesson.

Stay in control, Stay in Command, stay on Course.


We act not out of FEAR, but out of mature self reflection.

Sometimes we have to recognize that someone else other than our Higher Self was driving our decisions, and eventually we have to let that go.
THAT is 'maturing'.
You dad soudns like a real cool guy.
Make him proud and show him and yourself that you CAN do this,.

That the only thing that is holding us all back is just some dumb, unhelpful beliefs in our subconscious.

Stayon track, but also pay attention to your own Well Being.


Feeding your Mind is not the same as feeding your Soul.
Learn how to manage your well being and peace of mind.

You do this not only for yourself, but for those around you too.

 

[reset]

Thanks dude. I do have a tendency to beat myself up and not give myself credit. Slowly, that is changing. Just need to stay focused on NOW.

 

[vitor]

Could your dad get a roomate his age perhaps, and then you would be off the hook?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Well it's both. Before I was pissed off that I couldn't move out. In reality, I'm eating fast food twice a day, smoking a pack of cigs a day, and probably wasting money in other places. So the rent may even be in my current income, and I may be at ramen-noodle paycheck to paycheck my own pad living now. I don't know. I've been kind of a lazy bastard, except I am seeking out new work and everything. And it seems like my authority is increasing at work, something's going on...

Sounds like there are a at least a couple of opportunities available.