What do girls mean when they want men to 'work harder for their affection'?

[bigneil]

It was once believed the mind was in the stomach.

We are what we absorb from what we eat - it all originates in the stomach.

Allergies, sneezes, colds and most viruses start in the stomach (headaches originate from toxins in the colon unless they are neck-tension related).

Like the Iris (colored part of your eye), the stomach/intestine has regions corresponding to every part of the body.

So yes, your gut feeling is indeed true - but what does that imply? That you want to have ripped abs. A stronger gut means stronger health (the ultimate wealth) and stronger intuition (related to meditation and the meaning of life).

Hence, flat abs are arguably the single most important aspect of attractiveness for both sexes.

Meanwhile, abdominal fat is the unhealthiest kind.

 

[textanova]

Girls want to feel special. They want you to notice how they're different than other girls. If you can do this in a subtle way, she won't let go of you.

For example, if a girl attracts you because she's an avid Marvel comic book fan, exploit that as her unique quality. You can even discover her sexual side by joking with her about how awesome it would be to see her in a sexy superhero costume. Of course, you would do this once you get to know her a little better.

Point is, girls want to feel different from other girls. It's your job (a tough one at that) to find what it is that makes that girl unique.

 

[sylvester the cat]

You yourself said women are liberated and having sex. And they like having that sex.

Your problem is that you have pedestalized her and refuse to acknowledge that she is fvking other men.

Sure you can say "I don't know for sure", but you and I both know that is the cheap way out of avoiding the uncomfortable truth that she is 99.9% likely fvking other men.

I'm glad you have the wisdom to not ask her, but whatever she says will confirm *nothing* for you as women lie about those sorts of things. They know that the sluttier they appear, the more it drops their long-term value to men. They hate that fact, and feminism has done it's best to eradicate that wherever possible, but it is a basic fact embedded in the genetic code of men and it will not go away.





Can you see how deep your indoctrination is when you call me jaded merely because I have pointed out something you already know. That she is almost certainly fvking other men.

You cannot hide that you started this thread to better try and understand her actions and why she does them. In fact, you joined this site just so you can better understand her. Here is your original thread on the subject.....http://www.sosuave.net/forum/search.php?searchid=1738291



I and others work to remove the blindfold and you are angry at what you see, and yes that is understandable.

You have migrated your position from one of "I may even marry her", to now saying you are not interested. You may be telling the truth, or you may be saying what you think I want to hear. But undoubtedly you are seeing things more clearly now and as a result you are lashing out at me.

Again, I understand that mentality as I have been there before.

You are now at the stage of "defending her honor" and retaining your ego-invested pollyanna view of her, versus the reality that women are liberated and like fvking men. Now here I am forcing you to confront that reality, since you are not the man she has chosen to fvk.

You can accept reality and adjust accordingly by learning game and the concepts we teach here so that you can be better at picking up women and sleeping with them......or you can be angry at me and call me names simply because I understand the reality and it goes against everything you have been taught for your whole life.

Sooner or later, you will recognize what I say is accurate. The question is which path are you going to take to learn it?

Learning game and bedding those women that you used to pedestalize?

Or going status quo and "find the right woman" when she has finally decided to stop fvking those other men and is ready to play house.

ok. here are two options based on the head and the gut.

1) the head - she is ****ing other men left, right and center and i'm not one of them for 100% sure. how do i know this? i don't. it is a logical assumption.

2) here is what my gut tells me - despite the resistance, this girl is deeply in love with me but there is an obstacle. a 15 year age gap plus the fact we work together amongst others. she has gone as far as she can go without actually crossing the line and i have allowed it without escalating in any way (for the above reasons) but the day i asked her out we crossed that line. she panicked and said no. for her it's in or out. she now knows that whichever direction she takes is one that leads to heartache. the question is which is the lesser of the two evils. go out with me and risk her heart or my heart being broken if it doesn't work out or reject me and suffer the heartache of not being with me but knowing at least she was in control.

one of these is true. neither of us can know which it is. until it is confirmed neither can be truer or falser than the other but i know which one makes me feel better.

 

[textanova]

Who cares if she's ****ing other men. That's what people do. **** other people. Why is that such a big deal. Eventually you can make her exclusively yours but until that time, it shouldn't bother you in the least.

 

[Aristippus]

What we're seeing here is a classic SYMPTOM of the underlying problem. Danger has alluded to it and maybe hasn't stated it as directly as I'm about to. It doesn't matter whether or not she's sleeping with other men. Although sleeping with other men is just a symptom. It doesn't matter if she turned you down because she's a Catholic and you're not. Or because she's younger than you. Or because you're too short or too tall.

These are all symptoms of LOW INTEREST. You're focusing on the symptoms. The problem is low interest. So it doesn't matter if she took her vows and became a nun and that's the reason she won't go out with you. It doesn't matter if she prefers women over men. It doesn't matter if she's too focused on her career to date you or a zillion other rationalizations.

The bottom line is, you want women with high interest. And you want to avoid women with low interest. She has to act like she's crazy about you. Like she wants you. Like she can't have enough of you. This applies whether she's a one-night stand or a casual girlfriend or a long-term relationship. The moments that she's around you, she has to act like she's crazy about you.

NOT mildly amused. NOT that she's interested only if nothing else is going on and she's bored. NOT kind-of-sort-of maybe I might like him one day if I try hard to make myself. NOT liking you in a mediocre, he's ok, kind of way. But CRAZY about you. As in, will look for excuses to see you no matter what. Will drive two hours to see you. Will take initiative and call you. Will find any excuse to be with you. You're obsessing over sex. I'm obsessing over interest level, which will lead or not lead to everything else.

Ask yourself what her behaviors say about her interest level in YOU. It doesn't matter if she chooses a hobby over you. A friend over you. Another man over you. Her career over you. Etc Etc. If her behaviors are showing that her interest isn't really that high, you deserve better IN A RELATIONSHIP. Notice, I didn't say in a woman. There might be some decent women that have low interest. You're looking for qualities IN A RELATIONSHIP. How you interact with a woman and how she interacts with you.

Does she value you or not? Is the romance one-sided or not? Is she going to do her part or is she going to be a hassle? Find attractive women that actually have high interest and cut off like a cancer the women with low interest.

 

[Aristippus]

Danger,

Yeah, and being the last choice also means that if she's hard up on her luck and chooses to be with a man she has little interest in, the relationship will turn sour sooner or later, as soon as someone she's VERY interested in comes along.

I'd prefer being the man she really wants over being the lesser of two evils. If a woman has run through her choice of men and has hit a dry spell and is very lonely, in a moment of weakness, there's a possibility of picking the more tolerable of situations (aka. being with a man she has very low interest in might be better to her than being all alone). There is a measure of safety and security and companionship for a woman, even if she's choosing to be with a man who she would normally turn down in other circumstances.

 

[sylvester the cat]

What we're seeing here is a classic SYMPTOM of the underlying problem. Danger has alluded to it and maybe hasn't stated it as directly as I'm about to. It doesn't matter whether or not she's sleeping with other men. Although sleeping with other men is just a symptom. It doesn't matter if she turned you down because she's a Catholic and you're not. Or because she's younger than you. Or because you're too short or too tall.

These are all symptoms of LOW INTEREST. You're focusing on the symptoms. The problem is low interest. So it doesn't matter if she took her vows and became a nun and that's the reason she won't go out with you. It doesn't matter if she prefers women over men. It doesn't matter if she's too focused on her career to date you or a zillion other rationalizations.

The bottom line is, you want women with high interest. And you want to avoid women with low interest. She has to act like she's crazy about you. Like she wants you. Like she can't have enough of you. This applies whether she's a one-night stand or a casual girlfriend or a long-term relationship. The moments that she's around you, she has to act like she's crazy about you.

NOT mildly amused. NOT that she's interested only if nothing else is going on and she's bored. NOT kind-of-sort-of maybe I might like him one day if I try hard to make myself. NOT liking you in a mediocre, he's ok, kind of way. But CRAZY about you. As in, will look for excuses to see you no matter what. Will drive two hours to see you. Will take initiative and call you. Will find any excuse to be with you. You're obsessing over sex. I'm obsessing over interest level, which will lead or not lead to everything else.

Ask yourself what her behaviors say about her interest level in YOU. It doesn't matter if she chooses a hobby over you. A friend over you. Another man over you. Her career over you. Etc Etc. If her behaviors are showing that her interest isn't really that high, you deserve better IN A RELATIONSHIP. Notice, I didn't say in a woman. There might be some decent women that have low interest. You're looking for qualities IN A RELATIONSHIP. How you interact with a woman and how she interacts with you.

Does she value you or not? Is the romance one-sided or not? Is she going to do her part or is she going to be a hassle? Find attractive women that actually have high interest and cut off like a cancer the women with low interest.

i've already explained this. she already has displayed signs of high interest. i wouldn't be wasting my time otherwise. that she has put up resistance is why i started this thread. how to behave when a girl puts up resistance. isn't resistance what PUA's call ****-tests after all?

i am going NC. now we shall see via her actions what the deal is. that is the only way to tell.

 

[JohnChops]

OP needs to read this over and over.

Even if by some miracle you find yourself with this chick it will never be on equal terms. It's kind of like trying to get back with an ex after she's seen your worst AFC behaviour. You'll just be a chump in her eyes however you try and frame it.

Try again next year.

Yes yes yes. She will never respect you once she has seen you at your most chumpness. And people wonder why the relationships they may finally get from the girl they showed their AFCness too doesnt last long. SHE WILL NEVER RESPECT YOU. EVER. Even if you changed, doesnt matter, first impressions last forever. And your first impression that is in her mind is your AFCness with all your emotions and sh1t.

 

[sylvester the cat]

But who says i've been waiting around?

i'm seeing other women!

Lol. If this chick comes around then it will be because she wants it which will confirm what i have been saying all along because I'm not doing anything to pursue her.

and if she doesn't, I am completely and 100% prepared to let this drop and would happily see her fvck other guys to her hearts content if that is what she wants.

I'm not bothered either way. It sounds to me like there are a lot of frightened men out there. frightened to make themselves vulnerable for fear of getting hurt or something. i'm used to this maybe because i'm used to putting myself on the line like stand up comedy for instance. the fear of getting burned is always worse than the actual getting burned. it's really no great shakes. you just pick yourself up and try again. i'd rather get burned and say i tried then never try at all.

 

[Aristippus]

If you haven't at the very least made out with her after all this time, you have no proof that she has romantic interest.

 

[Trump]

I'm not bothered either way. It sounds to me like there are a lot of frightened men out there. frightened to make themselves vulnerable for fear of getting hurt or something. i'm used to this maybe because i'm used to putting myself on the line like stand up comedy for instance. the fear of getting burned is always worse than the actual getting burned. it's really no great shakes. you just pick yourself up and try again. i'd rather get burned and say i tried then never try at all.

Listen to what Danger said.

And bro, if you make yourself vulnerable or get emotionally involved with a girl who is screwing other men and then coming to you, she will make your head spin so fast you will cry. It happened to my brother and his wife, but he didn't cry, he took his own life because of her and she took all his money with a laugh.

Don't get emotionally involved with prostitutes, you will get screwed in more ways than one.

 

[sylvester the cat]

What you are doing is convincing yourself she is *not* fvking anyone else. That is why you stick so hard to the "I don't know for sure" phrase.

You will cling to that one phrase because that represents the once chance that she is your diamond in the rough and is not fvking other men over choosing to date you.

And as long as you cling to that belief, you can justify giving her the chance that you so badly want to give her once she is finally done with all of that fvking.

Deep down you have a scarcity mentality and the limiting self-belief that you simply cannot replace this girl.

Nothing you say will change the facts that I have stated above. You know it, I know it, and everyone else here knows it......you just refuse to admit it. The rest is just your angry flailing of arms and screaming at reality.

It has nothing to do with getting burned. It has to do with respect and the confidence that no woman is worth as much as you ascribe to her. Women are great, but they are a complement to your life, never the main focus. She certainly has not made you the focus of hers.

honestly, how do you know this? you don't know this. you are only going by your own personal experience.

how do you know she's not screwing other men to make me jealous? thanks to pua advice i made it known that i was seeing other women and did previous NC for so long. how do you know she's not doing the same?

you don't know. because you dont have enough information about this situation to tell what is and what isnt going on.

truth is some girl cheated on you. and now in your world ALL girls are screwing men if they don't show immediate high interest in the first instance. you have trust issues.

it has nothing to do with scarcity. i already told you i'm dating other women and that this girl is just a challenge.

you are trying to impose your reality onto me based on your own screwed up experiences.

 

[sylvester the cat]

Listen to what Danger said.

And bro, if you make yourself vulnerable or get emotionally involved with a girl who is screwing other men and then coming to you, she will make your head spin so fast you will cry. It happened to my brother and his wife, but he didn't cry, he took his own life because of her and she took all his money with a laugh.

Don't get emotionally involved with prostitutes, you will get screwed in more ways than one.

I already did this years ago. it lasted around 6 years.

how this girl went from putting up resistance to being a prostitute, i dont know.

 

[sylvester the cat]

Women are frequently having sex outside of relationship, when did it become warped to have that kind of knowledge? The vast majority are frequently having sex, why would you think this one is not? I know because I am/was the guy fvking them while the orbiters all waited around thinking she was about to choose them. You also know this is true from your first thread where you stated she is leaving "carrots" for you. AND IT IS SCARCITY because you said this is one of a very few you have met that you clicked with and that she was different from the others. That is the definition of scarcity.


But you know what......You are right.

She is a special snowflake and she could not be having sex outside of a relationship. Sure most girls love sex and have it frequently because they are free and empowered. But not this one. She and this guy broke up and now she just sits at home not meeting, dating or fvking any other men. You only need to prove that you are the one for her.

Go get her.

You are providing straw man arguments in order to make your point to the point we are so far off the main topic as to be ridiculous.

Nowhere do I say she is not seeing other men. Truth is, I don't know.

I am assuming she is seeing other men.

This is the reason why I am not pursuing her. If she wants it, she can come and get it.

I'm not sitting around twiddling my thumbs waiting for her to do so either.

 

[sylvester the cat]

There are no straw men here. Either she is seeing and fvking other men or she is not. It is one way or the other.

Sure you don't know for sure. But if you truly believe she is not, or if you hide behind that to justify wife-ing her up, then your naivete is immeasurable. So the mere fact that you were debating the issue of her fvking other men to begin with shows how badly you want to cling to her being a potential for you in the future, should she suddently decide she wants to date you.

You will sweep that under the rug and ignore it, because truth is, you want her so badly you do not care if she chooses to fvk other men before commiting to you.

I am not speaking of her pursuing, I am speaking of your desire for her outweighing the disrespect of her choosing you last.

I already told you I'm assuming she is sleeping with other men. PLus I already said if she makes a move I would tell her I am not interested.

What is your point?

 

[sylvester the cat]

Now you're getting angry. I know I'm hitting home.


A post from you last night......



You are lying to yourself here because it makes you feel better. That is my point.

Or this one......




Your adamant stance on not knowing whether she is sleeping with other men. You kept repeating this in several posts. Why would that be? Becaust it was THAT important of an anchor to you for your beliefs that you had to continually post it in a defense that you knew made little sense.

Why is that? Because that presumption is pivotal for you to date her in the future and retain your self-respect.

That is my point.

Again you are assuming I am angry. I do not know how it is possible to make that judgement from the words i used.

however, i wish to see where it is you are coming from and am willing to entertain the fact that this maybe a misunderstanding.

are you saying i SHOULD believe that she is sleeping with other men in order to protect myself and not lull myself into a possibly hurtful and false sense of security? if so, i can fully appreciate and understand that viewpoint.

 

[sylvester the cat]

Well, she is a good-looking girl with a pretty healthy social life. I suppose it would be pretty retarded to think she's been sitting around waiting for me to make my move.

She has already confessed to me (one drunken night by text) how she's slept around after having a few too many drinks. Apparently she couldn't remember and it was her friends who told her. Although i don't know why in hell she felt the need to tell me that...although i did tell her to meet me that night but she bottled out in the end.

Maybe she was trying to tell me that she is up for meaningless sex? Lol.

 

[Trump]

When I think 'work harder' I naturally assumed I should pursue the girl harder. Tell her how I feel, ask her out more, keep applying pressure. Needless to say this rarely, if ever, works.

Could 'working harder' then, mean working harder at displaying the characteristics desired by 'high value' women.

E.g: Displaying patience and strength of character when she is playing hard to get. I mean how easy is it to get angry and frustrated and resort to 'calling her out' when a woman plays hard to get? It takes far more self-control to not react when a woman tries to frustrate you by playing hard to get.

Could this be what women mean when they say they want a man to 'work harder for their affections'? Not by demonstrating neediness by incessant attempts at getting into her pants, but by demonstrating coolness and presence under pressure even though inside there is a raging storm of emotions???

What are your thoughts on this?

This thread is the most interesting in a long time.

To sum up:

Girl: "I want you to work harder for my affection."
Translation: "I am throwing you a bone to see if you will bite, testing you to see you will give in, to see how much of a sucker you are."

Working harder for affection is not the same as working harder for money. Money is a cause and effect thing, you work longer, you get paid more.
Feelings, affections, and sex is not a cause and effect thing. That's why so many guys on here get frustrated when they put so much time, effort, and money into getting a girl, and she runs off with the another guy in 5 min.

To get laid, you want to put in as little effort as possible.

 

[sylvester the cat]

Now your goal is to be that drunken mistake!


Seriously though, stick around. You're a smart guy and there is too much to learn here. If you are already implementing some concepts then you are way ahead of the rest of men.

A couple of gold-mine sites to read on tips/tricks/understanding are these two.

http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/
http://heartiste.wordpress.com/

Both have helped my game and understanding immensely.

Her confession could mean one of two things. It was either a message to say "get me drunk", or it was a "friend zone". It's hard to tell without any context to it or not having been there to witness it. Typically though the friend zone is much more common when they do things like that. In any case, just keep being your cool confident self.

Also, you mentioned earlier that you told her you were seeing other people. I have always done much better by not telling girls such stuff directly, but let them find out on their own. It is sort of like the difference between telling a girl you have a Porsche versus her seeing you drive it or hearing another girl talk about it. Rumors are your best friend in this way. Alternatively some people (like Mystery) like to use stories to convey this information. I prefer to give short answers to questions and force them to draw it out of me like pulling teeth.

A recent example was a girl asking what kind of car I drove.

oh no. i made sure never to tell her directly. it was always through a 'friend' who i knew would leak the info to her.

so now it is clear i want to sex her. so far i am going NC. today she 'accidentally' bumped into me as i made my way to lunch. i was polite, said 'hello' in a supermarket kind of way and opened the door for her for her to go first. she thanked me and as she went, i moved in the opposite direction at which point she suddenly 'forgot' her id card and came back but by then i had already moved on.