What do girls mean when they want men to 'work harder for their affection'?

[flashpoint]

what it means is that you have shown too much neediness and now she has the upper hand and will use it the way her highness chooses.

so what it means for you is to take a couple of steps back and show that you are not a needy wimp. you either rise up or you pull her down. or you withdraw in case silly games are not what you want to waste your time with.

but i want to say one thing in favor of persistency. sometimes she really wants you to try. in her mind it is part of the game where she is not so easy to give it up and you are supposed to be the pursuer who finally overcomes her walls of stone so he can take what is rightfully his. you just need to know what is what.

 

[bigneil]

It means work harder for her attraction.

It means she wants to be attracted to you but isn't (as much as she could be). It's good to have a woman who explains things, if only to help you with the next girl, and sometimes with her.

To increase her attraction, you need to improve your health somehow. Physical (workout), mental (game) or financial (new job). You should always be improving all three.

 

[Aristippus]

I'm with Burroughs and Danger on this one.

Would she tell Brad Pitt "you need to work harder for my affection"? He'd laugh in her face and find the next woman.

You need to work harder for my affection means:

1) She's got a spoiled brat princess complex.
2) She thinks she's better than you
3) She has low interest.
4) She is putting HERSELF on a pedestal and you've been putting her on a pedestal and she KNOWS it.
5) She will gladly make you her chore boy and string you along. If the situation comes up, she will milk you for all of the favors and free stuff that she can while reciprocating very little in return and showing token displays of affection that you will lap up like a starving dog. You will put excessive meaning on these token displays of affection and continue to give until it hurts, wondering "What should my next move be? How should I ask her out? blah blah blah".
6) You will finally realize it is going nowhere and feel bitter. You were so kind and giving and she "used" you (aka played you like a sucker).

Are we having fun yet?

Looking at her most recent behaviors, if she had interest in you in the past (which is a possibility), you didn't move things forward in any way. She lost any interest she might have had. That's why right now, she isn't looking for you. You either failed to move things forward or you behaved in a way that turned her off. Either way, kiss this one goodbye and move on.

 

[oxford comma]

If I am not her first choice, then I don't want her, and neither should you.

Are your options so limited that you would settle for being number 2?

One more time folks......FIND MORE PROSPECTS. And stop rationalizing your AFC behavior when we all know it is desperation on your part to get with some one-itis girl.

It is EXACTLY your limited self-respect in these situations which drives her to fvk those other men before you "finally won her over".

Seriously, you really think she is going six months without fvking other men? Choosing to fvk other men rather than be with you! Why on earth would you want to have a relationship with a creature like that? She's fvkworthy at best.

Patience and Perseverance are fine, but not when you are waiting to wife up some chic who decides she would rather fvk other guys and THEN commit to you.

Raise your self-respect by not accepting this sort of stuff, and they will choose you first.

your way of thinking about this stuff is much different than mine.

you want to fvck the girl, right?
what gives you the better option 1. walking away 2. keep trying
Your argument about self respect is irrelevant to me, because i dont take this stuff seriously at all, its all about fun for me. hell, ill be put on the back burner for two years if it means i can screw the girl two years later. haha. to me its all about treating girls like a stock portfolio. some ladies are just gonna take awhile to pay back dividends, doesn't mean you drop them.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

A small note about "playing hard to get:" its a ficad.

Don't fall for that bullcrap. The goal of most women is to find a man they can be with. And, due to their biological clocks ticking in their head at all times, they don't really have a lot of time to do it in before their looks start to go bad and they become undesirable.

Therefore... IF A WOMAN MEETS A MAN SHE THINKS SHE WANTS, SHE WON'T PLAY "HARD TO GET" BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T WANT TO WASTE TIME.

A smart man knows that HE'S the one with the advantage, not her. So, if you meet a woman and she's playing "hard to get," what she's REALLY doing is being passive-aggressive to your advances because she's hinting to you that you're not the one she wants.

Women will hardly ever say "I'm sorry, but I'm just not attracted to you" because they fear bruising a man's ego. They hear all those stories about men killing themselves (or others) just because a woman told them "it's over between us." So, rather than be that direct, they do other things like:

1. Play "hard to get" (again, doesn't actually exist - it's something men made up so their ego won't think a girl doesn't find them attractive)
2. Be busy all the time (really? 24 hours in a day and she can't find 5 minutes to call? Hmm...)
3. Say "I'm not ready for a relationship right now..." ("... with YOU" is how that sentence should end)

---

And to the OP, just the mere fact that she's saying you need to work harder for some arbitrary feeling means she already doesn't have it at a high enough level to want to do anything with you. You've known her for almost a year and haven't banged her? I've met girls I've banged within the first few hours of meeting them, and all I did was talk nice to them!

I didn't have to spend money, get flowers, hear them tell boring stories, etc. - they already had an interest in me, and knew if we didn't do something I'd find another chick. So, rather than WASTE TIME by acting "uninterested," they jumped on the opportunity (literally, lol)!

Bottom line: don't buy what she's trying to sell you. If she says she wants you to work harder for her affection, turn it around on her and say, "well, you need to be workin' harder to get mine, too," then bounce! Really, it's okay, there ARE chicks who won't say this crap to you!

 

[sylvester the cat]

i feel i need to clarify something.

1) this girl didn't actually tell me i need to work harder for her affection. it's just something that i felt she was doing.
2) you cannot judge ALL girls with the same sweeping generalisations as many seem to do here. for me getting laid is not the be all and end all. arent any of you interested in meangingful connections? well that's what i think we are doing. building a meaningful connection.
3) i'm not some afc chode who's never had a girl in the sack. i'm quite experienced in banging girls within an hour of meeting them. that's never been a problem. lol.
4) i am seeing other women.
5) i see this girl as a challenge. someone to be turned around. i couldnt care less who she is banging at the moment (if indeed she's banging anyone) because i know whoever she is banging does not compare to me in any way. he poses no threat to me.
6) I also know the difference between a girl who is cautious as she is and a girl who is a mindless, egotistical prick tease. you can always tell the difference.

as far as i'm concerned this situation is like playing a long, calculated game of chess. it is fun for me. i love a challenge and this girl is challenging me which is all the more surprising when you consider you wouldn't think she could say boo to a goose. this really turns me on. that this apparent wall-flower, girl-next-door type has the balls to challenge me instead of getting on her back and spreading them like all the dolly birds do . i'm not particularly interested in girls who spread their legs on command like the woman who did on wednesday. that bores me because i know she's only sleeping with me to fulfill her own needs. i'm going to get this girl eventually. and when i do, the act of having sex with her will be all the sweeter. hell i might just even marry her because i know she'll keep me on my toes and never bore me. just you wait and see.

 

[oxford comma]

i feel i need to clarify something.

1) this girl didn't actually tell me i need to work harder for her affection. it's just something that i felt she was doing.
2) you cannot judge ALL girls with the same sweeping generalisations as many seem to do here. for me getting laid is not the be all and end all. arent any of you interested in meangingful connections? well that's what i think we are doing. building a meaningful connection.
3) i'm not some afc chode who's never had a girl in the sack. i'm quite experienced in banging girls within an hour of meeting them. that's never been a problem. lol.
4) i am seeing other women.
5) i see this girl as a challenge. someone to be turned around. i couldnt care less who she is banging at the moment (if indeed she's banging anyone) because i know whoever she is banging does not compare to me in any way. he poses no threat to me.

as far as i'm concerned this situation is like playing a long, calculated game of chess. it is fun for me. i love a challenge and this girl is challenging me. i'm not particularly interested in girls who spread their legs on command like the woman who did on wednesday. that bores me. i'm going to get this girl eventually. and when i do, the act of having sex with her will be all the sweeter. hell i might just even marry her because i know she'll keep me on my toes and never bore me. just you wait and see.

you and me are on the same page, sir. and to the guy saying girls dont play hard to get. HAHAHAAHAH. do you realize how socially conditioned girls are to believe sex is naughty and that there friends will hate them for doing it. of course some are going to play hard to get, its a social survival mechanism. girls that play hard to get are more fun too, cuz the victory is that much sweeter.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

and to the guy saying girls dont play hard to get. HAHAHAAHAH. do you realize how socially conditioned girls are to believe sex is naughty and that there friends will hate them for doing it. of course some are going to play hard to get, its a social survival mechanism. girls that play hard to get are more fun too, cuz the victory is that much sweeter.

I guess that would depend on your definition of "playing hard to get." Again, I am not of the belief this actually happens - but to be fair, I don't consider a girl not giving it up right away as "playing hard to get." There ARE some girls who, for various reasons, want to remain virgins until they're married, and won't do it until then, regardless of who they're dating.

What I'm talking about is the notion that a girl will do things like say "no" to a date (even when she's interested in a guy), not answer phone calls/return text messages, flirt with other guys in front of the guy she likes... basically, anything a guy blinded by his own high-interest will twist into "oh, she's just doing that 'cause she's playing hard to get."

Again, on this I call bullcrap. She may say "no" to the end-of-the-night get down session, but if a girl is interested, she's not going to do the other things mentioned above. If she gets asked on a date, she might say "oh, I can't do it on that day" because she doesn't want to look desperate, but if she's interested she'll still counter-offer with an alternate, DEFINITELY AVAILABLE ON THIS DAY AT THIS TIME date.

This isn't playing "hard to get" because she's still allowing herself to be got. However, if you ask her out and she says "oh, I can't do it that day, I'm busy" and doesn't counter-offer... well, some guys would hear that and think "Oh, she's just playing hard to get." In actuality, SHE'S NOT INTERESTED.

I just don't want guys here to get the wrong idea that a woman's flaky behavior means she's just teasing him. As has been my experience (and as someone else mentioned on here), when they like you, they help you; when they don't, they give you every excuse in the book so they don't have to spend time with you. Very, very simple stuff.

 

[sylvester the cat]

I guess that would depend on your definition of "playing hard to get." Again, I am not of the belief this actually happens - but to be fair, I don't consider a girl not giving it up right away as "playing hard to get." There ARE some girls who, for various reasons, want to remain virgins until they're married, and won't do it until then, regardless of who they're dating.

What I'm talking about is the notion that a girl will do things like say "no" to a date (even when she's interested in a guy), not answer phone calls/return text messages, flirt with other guys in front of the guy she likes... basically, anything a guy blinded by his own high-interest will twist into "oh, she's just doing that 'cause she's playing hard to get."

Again, on this I call bullcrap. She may say "no" to the end-of-the-night get down session, but if a girl is interested, she's not going to do the other things mentioned above. If she gets asked on a date, she might say "oh, I can't do it on that day" because she doesn't want to look desperate, but if she's interested she'll still counter-offer with an alternate, DEFINITELY AVAILABLE ON THIS DAY AT THIS TIME date.

This isn't playing "hard to get" because she's still allowing herself to be got. However, if you ask her out and she says "oh, I can't do it that day, I'm busy" and doesn't counter-offer... well, some guys would hear that and think "Oh, she's just playing hard to get." In actuality, SHE'S NOT INTERESTED.

I just don't want guys here to get the wrong idea that a woman's flaky behavior means she's just teasing him. As has been my experience (and as someone else mentioned on here), when they like you, they help you; when they don't, they give you every excuse in the book so they don't have to spend time with you. Very, very simple stuff.

Type 'how to play hard to get' into google and see if what you said is true or not...although in the main i agree with you.

I'm afraid when it comes to women, this stuff is anything but simple. But if you can think like a woman you are half way there.

most men think with their brains instead of their hearts/instincts. remember star wars? use the force, young skywalker...it is far more powerful than your head or logic will ever be.

i'm not that interested in their pussies. i want their hearts....

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Type 'how to play hard to get' into google and see if what you said is true or not...

And so I did just that. A few things:

1. There is plenty of bad advice out there on the internet, just like there's bad advice on any advice site (including this one). So, just 'cause there are a bunch of sites with the topic "how to play hard to get" for girls to read doesn't mean it's GOOD advice.

2. Most of these advice things were written by women - the same sex who will say they want a "nice guy" and date a thug that's in jail. Already taking these advice tidbits with grains of salt.

3. In looking at a few of these pages, some of them give steps that would instantly turn me off, not attract me. Waiting a day to return my calls on a regular basis? Already off my list. Flirting with me, then flirting with my friends? Now you just look like a slvt, NOT INTERESTED. Asking to hang out, but only when my friends are around? Now I just think you want to be one of the guys, not my potential dating partner!

4. And, for the one or two sites that DID give decent advice, all they do is advocate that a girl slow down and not rush into things, which is the same advice most of the GUYS on here give each other. Again, slowing things down is NOT playing hard to get. "Don't be texting/calling him every minute of the day" is not advice on playing hard to get; it's solid advice on how not to appear clingy and desperate. "Tell him you're busy" is not playing hard to get, because they actually SHOULD be busy with other stuff - and even with this "advice" they still say to offer an alternative date!

I think the whole "play hard to get angle" advice for girls, though, is similar to the advice us guys keep hearing about "playing it cool, don't act like anything bothers you." In both cases, it's not "playing hard to get" so much as it is making people recognize that, if the other person likes you, they're not going to head for the hills if you wait a bit, and they won't be freaked out as much if you're not drooling over them in their presence.

But the bottom line still ends up being that, at some point, BOTH PEOPLE HAVE TO MAKE TIME TO SEE EACH OTHER. AND IF THE GIRL IS ACTING ALL WISHY-WASHY ABOUT IT, SHE'S NOT "PLAYING HARD TO GET" - SHE JUST DOESN'T LIKE YOU.

And if she DOES take the advice of these sites and is "playing hard to get" per their advice, you don't want to be with her anyway 'cause she's going to end up being a pill to deal with!

 

[sylvester the cat]

And so I did just that. A few things:

1. There is plenty of bad advice out there on the internet, just like there's bad advice on any advice site (including this one). So, just 'cause there are a bunch of sites with the topic "how to play hard to get" for girls to read doesn't mean it's GOOD advice.

2. Most of these advice things were written by women - the same sex who will say they want a "nice guy" and date a thug that's in jail. Already taking these advice tidbits with grains of salt.

3. In looking at a few of these pages, some of them give steps that would instantly turn me off, not attract me. Waiting a day to return my calls on a regular basis? Already off my list. Flirting with me, then flirting with my friends? Now you just look like a slvt, NOT INTERESTED. Asking to hang out, but only when my friends are around? Now I just think you want to be one of the guys, not my potential dating partner!

4. And, for the one or two sites that DID give decent advice, all they do is advocate that a girl slow down and not rush into things, which is the same advice most of the GUYS on here give each other. Again, slowing things down is NOT playing hard to get. "Don't be texting/calling him every minute of the day" is not advice on playing hard to get; it's solid advice on how not to appear clingy and desperate. "Tell him you're busy" is not playing hard to get, because they actually SHOULD be busy with other stuff - and even with this "advice" they still say to offer an alternative date!

I think the whole "play hard to get angle" advice for girls, though, is similar to the advice us guys keep hearing about "playing it cool, don't act like anything bothers you." In both cases, it's not "playing hard to get" so much as it is making people recognize that, if the other person likes you, they're not going to head for the hills if you wait a bit, and they won't be freaked out as much if you're not drooling over them in their presence.

But the bottom line still ends up being that, at some point, BOTH PEOPLE HAVE TO MAKE TIME TO SEE EACH OTHER. AND IF THE GIRL IS ACTING ALL WISHY-WASHY ABOUT IT, SHE'S NOT "PLAYING HARD TO GET" - SHE JUST DOESN'T LIKE YOU.

And if she DOES take the advice of these sites and is "playing hard to get" per their advice, you don't want to be with her anyway 'cause she's going to end up being a pill to deal with!

ok. well i shall report back and let you know what happens. i guess that is the only way that this can be settled.

 

[sylvester the cat]

He poses no threat to you, and yet he is banging her while you are not. Which again only proves my point, that she is keeping you on the hook as her second option. But like I said in my previous reply, I suppose someone has to marry the girls when they are done sleeping around. May as well be you if that's what you want.

"Meaningful connection" is what you would expect to see on a lifetime movie or a hallmark card. Not from a man who isn't afraid to take what he wants. Let's be real here, you want to fvk her but it just isn't happening, which is exactly why you are on here asking questions. The problem is, you don't like what you are hearing so you choose to ignore it. Fair enough, that's your choice as well.

How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

 

[flashpoint]

i feel i need to clarify something.

1) this girl didn't actually tell me i need to work harder for her affection. it's just something that i felt she was doing.
2) you cannot judge ALL girls with the same sweeping generalisations as many seem to do here. for me getting laid is not the be all and end all. arent any of you interested in meangingful connections? well that's what i think we are doing. building a meaningful connection.
3) i'm not some afc chode who's never had a girl in the sack. i'm quite experienced in banging girls within an hour of meeting them. that's never been a problem. lol.
4) i am seeing other women.
5) i see this girl as a challenge. someone to be turned around. i couldnt care less who she is banging at the moment (if indeed she's banging anyone) because i know whoever she is banging does not compare to me in any way. he poses no threat to me.
6) I also know the difference between a girl who is cautious as she is and a girl who is a mindless, egotistical prick tease. you can always tell the difference.

as far as i'm concerned this situation is like playing a long, calculated game of chess. it is fun for me. i love a challenge and this girl is challenging me which is all the more surprising when you consider you wouldn't think she could say boo to a goose. this really turns me on. that this apparent wall-flower, girl-next-door type has the balls to challenge me instead of getting on her back and spreading them like all the dolly birds do . i'm not particularly interested in girls who spread their legs on command like the woman who did on wednesday. that bores me because i know she's only sleeping with me to fulfill her own needs. i'm going to get this girl eventually. and when i do, the act of having sex with her will be all the sweeter. hell i might just even marry her because i know she'll keep me on my toes and never bore me. just you wait and see.

1) whether she says it or only shows it: she just doesnt like you that much
2) you build meaningful connections with girls who like you. AFTER you got some man-woman action. try to do it before and you find yourself as her best girlfriend
3) sounds pretty AFC to me bragging like that. who are you trying to convince here?
4) good 4 u
5) there is a reason why pride is one of the deadly sins. just think about it
6) doesnt matter because 1) she doesnt like you that much.

btw. do you see how much more pretious her pussay seems just because she doesnt give it up that easily? that has nothing to do with anything but simple economics. plus you are talking about meaningful connections and all but you dont seem to care about her at all. all i read is challenge and playing chess and stuff. are you even able to make that sort of connection? coz from your post you seem like a selfish wannabe prick and that is not gonna fly with a decent girl. maybe that is the reason she cant feel much affection after all.

 

[SSBS]

I agree.

Any woman that says this to you is going to drop you the second a better option (real or imagined) presents itself.

Next her.

 

[sylvester the cat]

1) whether she says it or only shows it: she just doesnt like you that much
2) you build meaningful connections with girls who like you. AFTER you got some man-woman action. try to do it before and you find yourself as her best girlfriend
3) sounds pretty AFC to me bragging like that. who are you trying to convince here?
4) good 4 u
5) there is a reason why pride is one of the deadly sins. just think about it
6) doesnt matter because 1) she doesnt like you that much.

btw. do you see how much more pretious her pussay seems just because she doesnt give it up that easily? that has nothing to do with anything but simple economics. plus you are talking about meaningful connections and all but you dont seem to care about her at all. all i read is challenge and playing chess and stuff. are you even able to make that sort of connection? coz from your post you seem like a selfish wannabe prick and that is not gonna fly with a decent girl. maybe that is the reason she cant feel much affection after all.

Feel better now?

 

[sylvester the cat]

He poses no threat to you, and yet he is banging her while you are not. Which again only proves my point, that she is keeping you on the hook as her second option. But like I said in my previous reply, I suppose someone has to marry the girls when they are done sleeping around. May as well be you if that's what you want.

"Meaningful connection" is what you would expect to see on a lifetime movie or a hallmark card. Not from a man who isn't afraid to take what he wants. Let's be real here, you want to fvk her but it just isn't happening, which is exactly why you are on here asking questions in the first place, because you don't know her. The problem is, you don't like what you are hearing so you choose to ignore it. Fair enough, that's your choice as well.

this thread was more about making a suggestion than asking for advice.

how am i ignoring anyone? i'm not pursuing this girl. i'm merely suggesting that a girl who does play hard to get or who might want you to work harder for her affections might appreciate the guy who is patient and in control of himself over the one who incessantly pursues.

whether this girl is interested in me or not is a matter of opinion. no-one but the girl in question can answer that.

Plus I doubt even the girl you eventually marry will be a virgin. I hate to shatter your illusions but women have been sexually free for quite some time now.

 

[Purefilth]

OP is just going through the same as every guy who asks anything here.
1)heres the situation
2)sosuave rushes to help
3)OP - argues against great advice

next step - new screen name to re-word the story for different answers/ New post crying that this girl is the one and she isnt responding - sosuave must suck balls because OP didnt listen in the first place.

You have 3 pages now - mostly Decent advice saying fvck this sh1t youre gonna get hurt bad by this chick if you keep it up like this.

For the love of god move on and get another couple of plates - your posts here suggest she is the only one you have, and she isn't even interested.

Your princess is in another castle.

 

[sylvester the cat]

Sylvester,

You are smarter than this. Nobody said the girl had to be a virgin. That is your attempt to create a black-and-white situation in the discussion so that you can hide from the ugly truths I am presenting to you.

There is a world of difference between expecting your woman to be a virgin wife........or sitting on the bench waiting to wife her up whilst man after man take turns pile-driving her, all while she waves to you from her bed with all flirty smiles that make you think she is interested.

Your original post had your thoughts, but they are unsure and asking for others opinions. Why? Because this girl and her actions have you wrapped around her finger to the point you are on here positing questions and asking for others to verify it for you.

Here is an example below.



You then go on to explain your situation with this single girl who you have flirted with for 6 months but still have not fvked.

We both know you have not fvked her because she is not letting you, but she is still keeping you on the hook.

Have you taken her out? Have you had your tongue down her throat? Have you had her shirt off? Pants off? If not, why not?

Look, I'm not trying to bust your balls, I'm trying to open your eyes to what this girl is doing. The problem is, you are too much like the cat staring at a string she is dangling in front you and unable to see what is truly happening.

Yes, i know what she is doing. and it's working. lol.

But like i said, i'm not pursuing. I was just interested in how doing the opposite of what we feel like doing is often the best way to act.

 

[sylvester the cat]

OP is just going through the same as every guy who asks anything here.
1)heres the situation
2)sosuave rushes to help
3)OP - argues against great advice

next step - new screen name to re-word the story for different answers/ New post crying that this girl is the one and she isnt responding - sosuave must suck balls because OP didnt listen in the first place.

You have 3 pages now - mostly Decent advice saying fvck this sh1t youre gonna get hurt bad by this chick if you keep it up like this.

For the love of god move on and get another couple of plates - your posts here suggest she is the only one you have, and she isn't even interested.

Your princess is in another castle.

But i haven't argued against great advice.

i took that advice and stopped pursuing.

this thread was only meant as a suggestion.

this is the only screen name i have used. you are presuming too much. is is possible you presume too much about what you think you know about women?

 

[Trump]

If I am not her first choice, then I don't want her, and neither should you.

Are your options so limited that you would settle for being number 2?

One more time folks......FIND MORE PROSPECTS. And stop rationalizing your AFC behavior when we all know it is desperation on your part to get with some one-itis girl.

It is EXACTLY your limited self-respect in these situations which drives her to fvk those other men before you "finally won her over".

Seriously, you really think she is going six months without fvking other men? Choosing to fvk other men rather than be with you! Why on earth would you want to have a relationship with a creature like that? She's fvkworthy at best.

Patience and Perseverance are fine, but not when you are waiting to wife up some chic who decides she would rather fvk other guys and THEN commit to you.

Raise your self-respect by not accepting this sort of stuff, and they will choose you first.

Man this thread hits home pretty hard. Got a girl who was sleeping with me, she goes back home for 6 months and sends an email every few months. Now I want to go visit a friend where she lives and he is asking me to wife her up and meet her parents because she is getting older. Looks like the other guys she was sleeping with said she was too old...lol.

But anyway Danger your advice is normally spot on, but here Oxford may have a point. I think you're thinking is more about a girl you want to marry, his is more about just sleeping with a girl. If you have other options going and you are her second choice to sleep with, wouldn't you take it? You know the girl is the not the most classiest or wife material, but is she wants to sleep with you, just take it as prostitute and move on. If its a girl you want to marry, then that s a different story.

I love guys who rationalize a girls feelings with 10 points...She text messages, she's always available, says she loves me. I'd rather she says she hate your guts and screw your brains out.