What are the type of things women do to "test" you?

[Wyldfire]

clem...you have TOO MUCH anger. Anger comes from unresolved pain. You NEED to locate, deal with and heal that pain or it IS going to eat you alive.

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

That's called the "Serenity Prayer"...write it down and read it every time you feel angry. Really think about what the words mean.

 

[indy]

Thanks for the advice Wyldfire, makes perfect sense and seems a very mature and suave way of handling it... showing the willingness to walk away when you get crap flung your way, ahhhh, love it!

Gotta make sure that that stays an integral part of my personality, no matter what!

 

[lordclem*]

Originally posted by Wyldfire:
clem...you have TOO MUCH anger. Anger comes from unresolved pain. You NEED to locate, deal with and heal that pain or it IS going to eat you alive.

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

That's called the "Serenity Prayer"...write it down and read it every time you feel angry. Really think about what the words mean.

what the hell !!? you sound like a self help guru.
see this is where i get pissed off.if a man gets tested its his fault??
"Women are reactionary. This means that most of the time, IF she intentionally "tests" you she is doing it because she has perceived some kind of slight on the part of the man."
what the hell??? care to tell us what not to do to avoid been tested???

"Some women test subconsciously and they do that to determine whether or not they can count on you to be there for them and whether or not they can trust you. The women who test subconsciously usually have a lot of emotional baggage"
SO..... THIS DOES NOT NOT MAKE IT OK. lets say someone rapes someone else and says its was because they were feeling hornly and coundnt help them selfs? think that make it right..think that changes what happened? is it going to make the person feel better.all this is is one person as problems and takes it out on another person ....and your sayin that it could be the victims fault??

"If you think she is testing you subconsciously the best thing to do is to point out to her that you think she might be doing it and talk about it patiently. Yes, she likely has lots of problems, but realizing this behavior is the first and most important part in stopping it."

what ??? why the hell would i want to do that?why not accept that she has emotional baggage and move on.they are people for that ,not me.now lets say that i do what you say.do you really think that she is going to go'oh i am sorry lordclem i never noticed it,i will stop" ???? i think your being very insulting here.i know because in my 'nice guy' days i did this,got dumped and she told people that i thought that she was mad and evil,and some other b/s. guess what happened more that once!
and so she has a lot of emotional baggage.i could not care less.how would you like to be told that you has to pay for what your forefathers done to the indians???yep it had nothing to with you so why should you pay for it?? thought so.

"If you think the woman is testing you on purpose, and test her back it becomes a battle. Don't go there. Call her on it and tell her that if she is upset with you that you aren't a mind reader and she needs to tell you clearly what's got her panties all in a wad or you won't know. "

i have girls tell me that they never tell there b/f when they are unhappy .i have asked girls whats wrong and all i got for trying to find out whats wrong was more heart burn.

"If you think the woman is testing you on purpose, and test her back it becomes a battle. Don't go there."
lol.someone should make you the new leader of the USA.i would love to see you using logic(as you see it ) everytime someone
hurts you thens run away.

Then say "I'm leaving now. I don't like it when you do this and I think we need to take a little time out from each other until you're ready to communicate with words instead of actions." Then leave

soo dump her basicaly??...whats to say she not goin to take this as been dumped? girls tend to say this when they dump men.
**now maybe that what you would do,but alot if not all WOULD NOT do that. i douth i am the only former nice guy who try things like.if you said was true we would not be here!
come on i am sure you can see all this?

p.s you still didt say anything about the cat thing

 

[Kodak]

bump

 

[Sir_Chancealot]

Originally posted by Wyldfire:
Women are reactionary. This means that most of the time, IF she intentionally "tests" you she is doing it because she has perceived some kind of slight on the part of the man. Some women test subconsciously and they do that to determine whether or not they can count on you to be there for them and whether or not they can trust you. The women who test subconsciously usually have a lot of emotional baggage.

The absolute worst way to contend with tests is to test back. Then you have both of you continuously showing their @ss and trying to "one up" the other. That means the end of the relationship, pain, anguish and just an overall nasty set of circumstances.

If you think she is testing you subconsciously the best thing to do is to point out to her that you think she might be doing it and talk about it patiently. Yes, she likely has lots of problems, but realizing this behavior is the first and most important part in stopping it.

If you think the woman is testing you on purpose, and test her back it becomes a battle. Don't go there. Call her on it and tell her that if she is upset with you that you aren't a mind reader and she needs to tell you clearly what's got her panties all in a wad or you won't know. Then say "I'm leaving now. I don't like it when you do this and I think we need to take a little time out from each other until you're ready to communicate with words instead of actions." Then leave. That will make it clear to her that you will NOT tolerate that kind of BS. However, you need to also listen objectively to her complaints once she calls and tells you she's ready to talk. Almost all women will call and want to talk within a couple of days unless you have been a total pr*ck to her. So only use this tactic if you can honestly say you didn't do something just as bad to upset her.

And once again Wildfire expects men to kow-tow to women's BS behavior.

 

[CFH25]

I wasnt in a relationship with this girl, but she was interested in me. She asked the girl sitting next to me for a tampon, and then looked directly at me to see my reaction. I think it was a test, but i really dont know. I could tell she wasnt feeling to good at the moment.

CFH

 

[Page]

Don't play their games.

If a chick tests you, I say turn it on them by giving them a test of your own.

On a date, If she wants to do something else other than what yo uhave planned, just ell her that you are going to do things this way, and if she doesn't like it, you'll take her home right now.


If she continues to bytch about it, take her home. (NEXT!)

 

[Atratus]

I believe that being lazy and avoiding responsibility can be seen as subconscious testy behaviour, in the sense that if you put up with it, you're only going to see more of it, and that you should help her get rid of it instead.

As for dealing with testing, i think Wyldfire's words not actions advice is very good. Sure as hell would be among the things i'd say to strengthen our communication.
Otherwise, one shouldn't put up with her BS, needless to say, but i also believe you should do the exact same things she did. After all, if she expects me to be able to handle such behaviour, why shouldn't i expect the same of her? Chances are she can't. Hell, (stupid) people usually threaten others with exactly what they fear themselves, make others jealous the way that would make them jealous themselves.

There's always a few idiots who'll interpret this the wrong way, so i'll make it clear:
I'm not saying this behaviour has to be the foundation of your relationship, and that the goal is to constantly one up each other.
What i'm saying is that if even if she f.cks some guy, whatever intentions she may have, you get to f.ck a girl. This doesn't mean the relationship is over, or that it's spirals into oneupping. It does mean that both should expect of each other to be able to handle each others actions. If it's one-way or no-way - that is, if she persists in testing you after you made it clear (=after dealing with her first test succesfully) how you feel about her testing and she has promised not to do it so as long as you yourself won't either - then one of you is being afc and the other should walk away, and thereby be wise and merciful.

Besides, even in a serious relationship, i've found testing of the "i can prove i'm better than you" kind can add a touch of excitement if you're both kinda wild and you've got something good going, and you know you both can take a bit of heat. You don't just walk away from these kind of people even if one of you finds somoeone who's better (or just as good - you'll prolly find it difficult to speak in terms of better and worse by now), and breaks up with you. It's kinda fun, and although you wonder what the hell you're doing, you kinda get more in touch with reality.
Hmm... Okay, so by now i realize what kind of people i'm talking about, that can be cool with this and ultimately adapt to it, and still got respect going between them. They are very rare and precious. When we meet and recognize such persons, it's like meeting old friends. Sadly, our own frustrations and insecurities often let us fail to recognize them, while ironically they're just the people that can help us. It's like when you give some good advice, and the other guy blames you for confronting him.
I can count the ones i know on one hand. They're conscious My gf and i have this going on, and i know that two of my jackass friends would dig the idea and try and work with it as well, if they don't already. Also, most people prolly get tired of such fooling around pretty soon.

And, if it's a matter of values, then that's a different matter altogether of course, but i needn't get into that.

Especially women, i daresay.

And i guess behaving like this early on is out of the question. You'll kill too many before you find someone who won't submit to your poison.

Kinda sorry if my wandering philosophical discourses are so long, but i'm like that. But i think what i said made alot of sense, though it's not immediately very useful. It's like the afterthought of a certain DJ-mentality. I guess i'll find out soon enough.

 

[Atratus]

With "especially women, i daresay," i was referring to the getting tired of it part. Once they find a good man, they tend to cling and never let go.

 

[Chip]

Women pull a lot of BS that you just sometimes won't pick up....

I went shopping with this girl who gave me her hand-bag (or purse, whatever) even though she had a free hand and was doing nothing but walking....
I looked at her square in the eye and said "I don't think so" and tossed her hang-bag right back to her (playfully)

 

[Bonhomme]

I often wonder about whether or not women are testing me. Those situations in which I *think* a gal *may* be testing me tend to not come out well, though I don't tend to get hit with anything that really *matters* to me, so I tend to play it very cool.

Perhaps I have to deal with so many *genuine* crisis situations in my business (real estate investment) that I don't care enough to *bother* to call a gal on a *petty* indescretion, such as not calling when they say they'll call.

Perhaps I "flunk" by not caring *enough*.

Do women *want* men who make mountains out of molehills?

 

[318 Most Hated]

Here's my point on this:

I hate ****ing games....that Clutches and Ladders **** anit me. Im a real azz g from the East/South. I dont play that **** period. I came close to killing a girl dont that ****. Mind dont tolerate games anywayz. Its enought bull**** in this world anywayz and people are ****ing envy and hate. Men and women cant even get along due to rejections and divorces. Im learing this but still cant tolerated the games women play. I put it like this....

If you cant get with it.....dont **** with it....

Seriously.....

 

[IntermediateDonJuaner]

What the f*ck is wrong with all of you??

If girls play games with you, just give them a piece of their own medicine. SIMPLE AS THAT!!!.

Keep yourself calm and cool, if she is making things very seriously out of control, ditch her!

Who wants to put up with their games?

 

[JUST ME]

bump, great topic!

 

[mikeC]

What do you guys think of this: In the beginning of the relationship if you just say to the girl;

"Listen, I'm sick of girls playing games. The last girl I was with played games, notice i WAS with her. Now, I can see that your a little bit more mature and I don't expect the same behavior from you. I'm just letting you know that if you wanna play games I'll just leave now, so don't waste my time."

Would just calling her on it before she started work? I was thinking about doing this with my current GF, but decided against it, cause she hasn't played any games really. She tried but i just acted cool and played some back. After that she never tested me again. Have any of you guys just called a girl on her games like this?

 

[Freeheart]

In my humble opinion, if you have to tell a girl to stop playing games, she is too immature to stop.

Men should not put up with high school level games from women, unless those women are in high school. Likewise, you shouldn't play those games, either. Don't let your DJ approaches turn into power plays.

Whenever you opt into a game, you say, essentially, "It's okay... Let's play!" Don't go there. It's exciting for a while, maybe, if you like that kind of silliness, but it gets really old after a while. Just don't respond to the test -- show her that you saw through it, and you chose not to respond to the issue she threw at you.

The subtlety of the test indicates the maturity of the person. Subtle tests are very legitimate, and they can usually be done in the regular course of life, if a person is observant enough. Observant people find enough data without manufacturing artificial devices.

Testing should not make you feel uncomfortable, like they are artificial, like a pen-and-paper test. It's just too fake, and doesn't mean diddly. If you sense an artificial test from an otherwise decent person, maybe she's reacting to some doubts that were seated by somebody else.

Example: Recently, my bf told me about really amazing record he holds -- a statistical anomaly that would be hard to truly prove. A friend of mine told me he was lying -- stats said he couldn't have done what he said he did. So I came up with a test -- asked my bf to tell me about a time when he would have been close to failing his record.

His response was, "When are you going to stop letting [your friend] control you?!"

Geez, did I feel low.

I apologized, and told him I'd never do that again, because of course it was the wrong way to handle things.

I didn't go into it trying to be mean. But it wasn't a respectful thing to do, and that's essentially what he told me.

Don't let a dis pass, guys. Keep her honest.

 

[Aztec]

Bump this baby! Bump it!

 

[dead_romeo]

Women get what they want by feigning ignorance, men by pretending to be smart.
Calling her on her BS won't work because women develop sudden amnesia, deny everything and play dumb when they're about to be proven wrong.

One way you could look at this is, well, if she didn't care/wasn't intersted she wouldn't put so much effort into playing games with me/testing me would she?

Sometimes, yes. For some women it's just part of everyday spiteful fun, mega-bytches to be avoided at all costs.

Most of the games listed above I have experienced first hand, it's frustrating because to me that's a phucked up way to find out what someone's all about.

I agree that giving her a taste of her own medicine is the best way to go.

Women play games and test men because they do not beleive in concepts like the consequences of one's actions.

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"Conclusions arrived at through reasoning have very little or no influence in altering the course of our lives. Hence, the countless examples of people who have the clearest convictions and yet act diametrically against them time and time again; and have as the only explanation for their behavior the idea that to err is human." Carlos Castaneda - The Fire From Within

"It is the responsibility of the strong to help the weak become strong" - Harlan Ellison

 

[wafer]

To handle women test, you must know why they're testing.
They want a response from you. The purpose is to know if you're a "nice guy" or not.

If you're a nice guy you will respond in way that tell her "yes, i love you, i'm responding to your test because i know you're testing me"
We ALL know what happen to nice guy

BUT

If you're a real DJ you know how you can respond to all the test women can put on you

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All women dream of an Alpha, very few have the chance to approach one.

 

[JUST ME]

bump, great topic