What Are The Interest Indicators At Clubs & Bars? (Night Game)

[jamesfromhouston]

I've been trying to improve my night game over the past year.

I've come to a few realizations:

1) As with game in general, focus on women with high interest rather than chase those with low interest.

Case in point: last Friday I was out with my buddies at a new club in town, I made 3 approaches. Girl 1 gave me a 10 seconds stare, our interactions went very well. Girl 2 was the hottest girl in the club but didn't give me any overt signals. Eventually I joined her table and started to chat with her. Initially I thought she was interested, she was very friendly, danced with me but after lingering there for awhile, she bounced to the toilet and came back cold and indifferent. I tried to chase her a bit but it was clear her interest was gone and it took me some effort to talk to her so I excused myself. Girl 3 was a girl who directly came over to me and started talking to me, clearly very interested and we exchanged contacts.

2) Club game is very much about detecting indicators of their interest levels and picking up the cues and responding appropriately.

For me, experience has taught me following:-

Interest:
- Eye contact (if the girl initiates or sustains eye contact with you, it's pretty much on).
- Smiles
- Physical proximity: if they come close to you

Disinterest:
- If they excuse themselves to the toilet
- If they turn to their friends or give their friends a look
- If they give a forced and quick smile

With that said, what are some other cues you've noticed? Perhaps those who are more experienced can chime in.

 

[BPH]

I think I have a different philosophy than what you describe here.

It sounds like you're looking for IOIs BEFORE you approach - I approach, THEN look for IOIs.

Sometimes the girls I want make it easy for me by doing the things you mentioned above; lots of eye contact, smiling, being close, initiating, etc but those are easy to capitalize on. I made it a point to get good at this because I want to CHOOSE, not be CHOSEN.

Here's what I usually do once I find somebody I'm interested in out at a bar or club:

• Approach and flirt, if that goes well...
• Isolate and continue flirting, if that goes well...
• Escalate and test the waters, if that goes well...
• Relocate to a place where I can continue escalating, and close.

There's a lot of nuance to this because I'm looking to see if she's interested enough for me to try and move things along; is she receptive, is she giving me more attention than her friends, is she more interested in learning about me than telling me about herself, things like that.

This all takes time, and sometimes you can skip a few steps, other times you have to spend more at one of these stages to figure out where her interest level is, but otherwise, this is the general progression of an approach. A friend of mine once said that you never know how fast your car can take a turn - until it crashes. In this case, don't stop yourself short - you never know how well an approach can go unless you keep pushing for it to go better. Obviously, don't be pushy and have the social awareness to read the room, but also don't self-eject if the interaction still has places it can go.

I simply prefer to pick from who I like at the venue, not only from those who I think like me. You never know, you might overlook a girl who would want to bang your brains out all because you never approached and let her know you were there.

EDIT: Just to extrapolate on that last sentence with a story to illustrate my point.

I met a girl out at a bar about 2 years ago. She was moving through the crowd with her friend and I stopped her to tell her I thought she was gorgeous and to say hi. She immediately stops, lets her friend continue without her, sits down with me, and gives me one of the most longing stares I've ever had from a woman. We end up kissing at the bar, she asks me if I want to leave, and we Uber back to her place for me to rail her out a couple of times and spend the night.

Make the attempt.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

she bounced to the toilet and came back cold and indifferent

A snort of bad coke will do that to you. Did you check the fuzz on her upper lip for traces of Bolivian Marching Powder?

 

[jamesfromhouston]

I think I have a different philosophy than what you describe here.

It sounds like you're looking for IOIs BEFORE you approach - I approach, THEN look for IOIs.

Sometimes the girls I want make it easy for me by doing the things you mentioned above; lots of eye contact, smiling, being close, initiating, etc but those are easy to capitalize on. I made it a point to get good at this because I want to CHOOSE, not be CHOSEN.

Here's what I usually do once I find somebody I'm interested in out at a bar or club:

• Approach and flirt, if that goes well...
• Isolate and continue flirting, if that goes well...
• Escalate and test the waters, if that goes well...
• Relocate to a place where I can continue escalating, and close.

There's a lot of nuance to this because I'm looking to see if she's interested enough for me to try and move things along; is she receptive, is she giving me more attention than her friends, is she more interested in learning about me than telling me about herself, things like that.

This all takes time, and sometimes you can skip a few steps, other times you have to spend more at one of these stages to figure out where her interest level is, but otherwise, this is the general progression of an approach. A friend of mine once said that you never know how fast your car can take a turn - until it crashes. In this case, don't stop yourself short - you never know how well an approach can go unless you keep pushing for it to go better. Obviously, don't be pushy and have the social awareness to read the room, but also don't self-eject if the interaction still has places it can go.

I simply prefer to pick from who I like at the venue, not only from those who I think like me. You never know, you might overlook a girl who would want to bang your brains out all because you never approached and let her know you were there.

EDIT: Just to extrapolate on that last sentence with a story to illustrate my point.

I met a girl out at a bar about 2 years ago. She was moving through the crowd with her friend and I stopped her to tell her I thought she was gorgeous and to say hi. She immediately stops, lets her friend continue without her, sits down with me, and gives me one of the most longing stares I've ever had from a woman. We end up kissing at the bar, she asks me if I want to leave, and we Uber back to her place for me to rail her out a couple of times and spend the night.

Make the attempt.

This is amazing @BPH . Thank you for sharing. You're right, I might be cutting myself short here. I like your philosophy here.

A bit of context: I went from mass-approaching from the PUA days which really got me nowhere (a lot of failed interactions) to picking up and only acting on IL which yielded higher success but at the cost of lesser interactions with sometimes lower quality women (sometimes, none at all if I do not detect the cues). But like you said, it should be more nuanced. I should be proactive but also reactive; rather than being so black and white.

With that said, you mentioned "if that goes well..." are there specific indicators that you look for to determine whether the interaction has potential?

That is the trouble I have at the moment, I really am quite bad at reading the cues during the interaction. I am not too sure when I should eject or continue.

 

[BPH]

This is amazing @BPH . Thank you for sharing. You're right, I might be cutting myself short here. I like your philosophy here.

A bit of context: I went from mass-approaching from the PUA days which really got me nowhere (a lot of failed interactions) to picking up and only acting on IL which yielded higher success but at the cost of lesser interactions with sometimes lower quality women (sometimes, none at all if I do not detect the cues). But like you said, it should be more nuanced. I should be proactive but also reactive; rather than being so black and white.

With that said, you mentioned "if that goes well..." are there specific indicators that you look for to determine whether the interaction has potential?

That is the trouble I have at the moment, I really am quite bad at reading the cues during the interaction. I am not too sure when I should eject or continue.

Like I said above, there is a LOT of nuance to this that you can only pick up on by being in situations enough to recognize them.

Sometimes a high IL girl WILL fall into your lap and you'll have to do next to nothing to move that interaction forward...I was once drunk off my ass at the local college bar with my friend my senior year and it was almost closing time when he stopped me and said "Hey this girl says she thinks you're hot". I was really drunk and I couldn't get a good look at her without being too obvious, but because I was so drunk I was loud when I replied to my friend "Is she hot? I can't really tell", she overheard and answered for him "Yes, I'm hot".

Ended up Ubering back to her place and we got a couple of rounds in. Sometimes it will be that easy, but most times it won't.

Because each interaction is unique I'm thinking the best way to go about this throughout your interactions is to just list off what Good and Bad signs look like:

Bad

• Giving short answers to your questions
• "Want to buy me/us a drink?"
• Looking around the room and not maintaining eye contact while you're talking to her
• Putting no effort into keeping the conversation going
• Checking her phone throughout the interaction
• Body language turned away from you
• Sticking close to and following her friends
• Shying away from or being indifferent to your touch
• Little to no smiling
• Turning away, or only offering her cheek when you go for a kiss
• Suggesting you take her Snapchat or Instagram rather than her phone number

Good

• Asking you questions about yourself, doesn't ramble too long about herself
• "What do you want to drink/do you want to do a shot with us?"
• Lots of smiling and giggling at your witty comments
• Lets her friends go on without her
• Body language facing you, close proximity
• Moves with your touch, no resistance, maybe even touches back
• Receptive to the kiss - if she stops you, she's stopping you NOW, but wants to continue the interaction
• Allows you to isolate her from her friends, or even suggests relocating
• Offers her number without you needing to ask

Usually, if things are going well you'll get a combination of SOME of the good, but if it's not you'll get just about ALL of the bad.

Let me know if you want anything fleshed out. Getting good at approaching is all about failing so much that you stop caring about the outcome, and then you're free to enjoy the interaction. Coincidentally, the confidence you'll have will come through in how you carry yourself and make closing that much easier.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

Like I said above, there is a LOT of nuance to this that you can only pick up on by being in situations enough to recognize them.

Sometimes a high IL girl WILL fall into your lap and you'll have to do next to nothing to move that interaction forward...I was once drunk off my ass at the local college bar with my friend my senior year and it was almost closing time when he stopped me and said "Hey this girl says she thinks you're hot". I was really drunk and I couldn't get a good look at her without being too obvious, but because I was so drunk I was loud when I replied to my friend "Is she hot? I can't really tell", she overheard and answered for him "Yes, I'm hot".

Ended up Ubering back to her place and we got a couple of rounds in. Sometimes it will be that easy, but most times it won't.

Because each interaction is unique I'm thinking the best way to go about this throughout your interactions is to just list off what Good and Bad signs look like:

Bad

• Giving short answers to your questions
• "Want to buy me/us a drink?"
• Looking around the room and not maintaining eye contact while you're talking to her
• Putting no effort into keeping the conversation going
• Checking her phone throughout the interaction
• Body language turned away from you
• Sticking close to and following her friends
• Shying away from or being indifferent to your touch
• Little to no smiling
• Turning away, or only offering her cheek when you go for a kiss
• Suggesting you take her Snapchat or Instagram rather than her phone number

Good

• Asking you questions about yourself, doesn't ramble too long about herself
• "What do you want to drink/do you want to do a shot with us?"
• Lots of smiling and giggling at your witty comments
• Lets her friends go on without her
• Body language facing you, close proximity
• Moves with your touch, no resistance, maybe even touches back
• Receptive to the kiss - if she stops you, she's stopping you NOW, but wants to continue the interaction
• Allows you to isolate her from her friends, or even suggests relocating
• Offers her number without you needing to ask

Usually, if things are going well you'll get a combination of SOME of the good, but if it's not you'll get just about ALL of the bad.

Let me know if you want anything fleshed out. Getting good at approaching is all about failing so much that you stop caring about the outcome, and then you're free to enjoy the interaction. Coincidentally, the confidence you'll have will come through in how you carry yourself and make closing that much easier.

Amazing!!

What would are a few tips you would give to improve and get better results at night game

 

[BPH]

Amazing!!

What would are a few tips you would give to improve and get better results at night game

Really it just comes down to doing it enough and setting yourself up for when you find success.

• Go around 2-3 hours before closing so you run into more women who are single and open to a nightcap, the later they're at the bar, the better usually when it comes to this
• Don't get too drunk (obviously)
• Don't push too hard for PDA at the bar/club, that can wait till later if she's feeling you and uncomfortable about doing it in front of her friends
• Personally, I don't go with wingmen because I don't know guys who are good at this - they either end up competing once you open a set, using your introduction as an invitation - or they're just incompetent and not helping your case
• Dress for the venue you're at, wear deodorant and a little cologne
• Pack your own condoms
• Have something of a logistical plan for when/if things go really well (since I live at home, I usually had to invite myself to hers, for example)
• Be nice to her friends, but don't feel obligated to treat them
• NEVER offer to buy a girl a drink...I will offer a girl to grab a drink WITH me, and only if things are going well - but I will not ask for permission to buy them a drink in exchange for their time...by far the weakest move
• Treat staff well, especially if you're a regular - it serves as social proof and you may even get some perks (skipping lines, free drinks, etc)
• Make it obvious through your approach and what you say that you're interested in her, and adjust accordingly based on how that fact is received
• Have fun - this shouldn't be a painful process. You'll get blown out, have some funny stories like the one above, and maybe even leave cranky because you're on a bit of a dry spell and had no luck - but nobody out there is paying attention to how good or bad you did, except you.

 

[pipeman84]

I met a girl out at a bar about 2 years ago. She was moving through the crowd with her friend and I stopped her to tell her I thought she was gorgeous and to say hi. She immediately stops, lets her friend continue without her, sits down with me, and gives me one of the most longing stares I've ever had from a woman. We end up kissing at the bar, she asks me if I want to leave, and we Uber back to her place for me to rail her out a couple of times and spend the night.

I was once drunk off my ass at the local college bar with my friend my senior year and it was almost closing time when he stopped me and said "Hey this girl says she thinks you're hot". I was really drunk and I couldn't get a good look at her without being too obvious, but because I was so drunk I was loud when I replied to my friend "Is she hot? I can't really tell", she overheard and answered for him "Yes, I'm hot".

Ended up Ubering back to her place and we got a couple of rounds in.

A moment of silence for the poor saps who will wife up these two women.

 

[BaronOfHair]

I tried to chase her a bit but it was clear her interest was gone...

You behaved desperately and any lust she had for you vanished, faster than housing in Gaza, since October 7th of last year. I trust you've learned something here, J

 

[SW15]

I think I have a different philosophy than what you describe here.

It sounds like you're looking for IOIs BEFORE you approach - I approach, THEN look for IOIs.

A lot of men look for the IOIs before approach in both non-bar venues and in the nightlife venues. The idea behind looking for IOIs before the approach is to reduce the number of worthless approaches leading to either hard or soft rejections.

In your method, you'd take on more soft rejections for sure but you might limit hard rejections.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

Really it just comes down to doing it enough and setting yourself up for when you find success.

• Personally, I don't go with wingmen because I don't know guys who are good at this - they either end up competing once you open a set, using your introduction as an invitation - or they're just incompetent and not helping your case
• Have something of a logistical plan for when/if things go really well (since I live at home, I usually had to invite myself to hers, for example)
• Be nice to her friends, but don't feel obligated to treat them
• Treat staff well, especially if you're a regular - it serves as social proof and you may even get some perks (skipping lines, free drinks, etc)
• Make it obvious through your approach and what you say that you're interested in her, and adjust accordingly based on how that fact is received

Just a few follow up questions on these:

1) Do you mean you go out to night venues alone?
2) - If you do go out alone, how do you deal with the perceived weirdness from the girls and others? (e.g. when a girl asks "are you out alone?" "why are you out alone?")
- If you do go out alone, how do you self-entertain yourself during moments when you're not approaching?
4) How do you usually invite yourself over to hers? Any particular excuse / reason used?
5) Do you spend a lot of time on her friends during the process?
6) How do you establish good relationships with the staff? Do you tip them extra? What works?
7) When you say indicated interest on approach, I am assuming you tell her something along the lines of "Hey I think you're gorgeous, I'm x..." Is that the level of directness we are talking about?

 

[jamesfromhouston]

A moment of silence for the poor saps who will wife up these two women.

This is a recurring thought for me. Over the weekend I hooked up with a dancer. It's crazy how we went from just chatting to ****ing in just 3 dates and how she went from being really "reserved" to showing me her "wild side" saying and doing all kinds of nasty things in bed. In my mind, I was constantly thinking "I feel bad for the poor guys who will romanticize then spend months chasing her and putting her on a pedestal."

 

[jamesfromhouston]

You behaved desperately and any lust she had for you vanished, faster than housing in Gaza, since October 7th of last year. I trust you've learned something here, J

Definitely. I can even remember my thought process at the time. She went away and instead of taking it as a cue that she wanted to end the interaction I was thinking "I should take the initiative and keep it going. Keep the interaction alive." she clearly took and set the frame and I did not see it at the time. Perhaps too much to drink coupled with my inexperience with night game.

 

[BPH]

Just a few follow up questions on these:

1) Do you mean you go out to night venues alone?
2) - If you do go out alone, how do you deal with the perceived weirdness from the girls and others? (e.g. when a girl asks "are you out alone?" "why are you out alone?")
- If you do go out alone, how do you self-entertain yourself during moments when you're not approaching?
4) How do you usually invite yourself over to hers? Any particular excuse / reason used?
5) Do you spend a lot of time on her friends during the process?
6) How do you establish good relationships with the staff? Do you tip them extra? What works?
7) When you say indicated interest on approach, I am assuming you tell her something along the lines of "Hey I think you're gorgeous, I'm x..." Is that the level of directness we are talking about?

1. I prefer to go with friends, but yeah I've gone solo plenty of times. At the bar I used to frequent I was friends with the bouncers, bartenders, and managers, so even if my friends weren't there I was still in good company. Some of the best nights I've had out were by myself because I didn't have anybody else to worry about.

2. I do get this question sometimes, usually my answer is "I just wanted to get out of the house" and that's good enough for them. If my friends changed their mind I'll mention that, or if they left early I'll mention that, but it doesn't matter too much so long as you don't give a super weird answer like "I don't have any friends and wanted to see if there were any hot girls here tonight".

3. I'll just relax, do a lap and see who's there. Maybe I'll check my phone, maybe they have TVs on so I can watch something, otherwise I'll just slowly sip my drink. If there really isn't anybody there that I'm interested in, and if I come by myself, I'll leave early or check another bar out.

4. If the interaction is going really well, and it's obvious what the next step is (like let's say the bar is closing and we're sitting there making out or something) I'll say "where's your place at?" She knows what this means, and unless there's a reason I can't come over (parents, roommates, etc) she'll tell me and we'll head over. If she asks me why we can't go to my place I'll be honest and say "I live with family". This is just a theory but I think girls feel more comfortable inviting me over than wanting to go to my place because there's no fear of going somewhere strange with a man they just met - at the very least they're on their home turf.

5. No. I acknowledge them, introduce myself, and make sure to get their names, but otherwise, I continue talking to the girl I'm interested. in. If the girl I'm talking to is comfortable with me they'll usually notice that and leave us alone, sometimes they'll check in with her from time to time/if they're about to leave and want to know if she's going with me. Sometimes there will be c*ck blockers within the group, and unfortunately, you can't do much about that other than relocate or hope your girl has enough backbone to speak for herself.

6. I would show attention to the bartenders who weren't working the popular sections and get to know them. They'd see me in the crowd and come to me first, and I'd repay the favor by tipping well. Do that enough times over the course of a night, or over a couple of weekends, and I almost never had to pay for a drink. I was good friends with one of the managers from when I went to school, so he would instruct the bouncers to let me skip the line, so they got to know me as a regular from that. There's no dollar amount you have to spend - just be nice, get to know the person, be a regular, and tip well.

7. Yep. I'm not talking about her outfit, or her hair, or coming up with a discussion topic based on current events, or any other bullsh**. "Hey, I thought you were cute/hot/gorgeous and had to come say hi, what's your name?" Or, if I catch her looking at me and am even more confident in my success I'll say "Hey, so are you just gonna keep staring at me or are you gonna come say hi?" I am very direct - even outside of this I'm usually blunt and straightforward in my normal conversation - my little cousins get a kick out of it because my parents sometimes think I "lack tact", but really I'm too lazy to BS or sugarcoat anything.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

1. I prefer to go with friends, but yeah I've gone solo plenty of times. At the bar I used to frequent I was friends with the bouncers, bartenders, and managers, so even if my friends weren't there I was still in good company. Some of the best nights I've had out were by myself because I didn't have anybody else to worry about.

2. I do get this question sometimes, usually my answer is "I just wanted to get out of the house" and that's good enough for them. If my friends changed their mind I'll mention that, or if they left early I'll mention that, but it doesn't matter too much so long as you don't give a super weird answer like "I don't have any friends and wanted to see if there were any hot girls here tonight".

3. I'll just relax, do a lap and see who's there. Maybe I'll check my phone, maybe they have TVs on so I can watch something, otherwise I'll just slowly sip my drink. If there really isn't anybody there that I'm interested in, and if I come by myself, I'll leave early or check another bar out.

4. If the interaction is going really well, and it's obvious what the next step is (like let's say the bar is closing and we're sitting there making out or something) I'll say "where's your place at?" She knows what this means, and unless there's a reason I can't come over (parents, roommates, etc) she'll tell me and we'll head over. If she asks me why we can't go to my place I'll be honest and say "I live with family". This is just a theory but I think girls feel more comfortable inviting me over than wanting to go to my place because there's no fear of going somewhere strange with a man they just met - at the very least they're on their home turf.

5. No. I acknowledge them, introduce myself, and make sure to get their names, but otherwise, I continue talking to the girl I'm interested. in. If the girl I'm talking to is comfortable with me they'll usually notice that and leave us alone, sometimes they'll check in with her from time to time/if they're about to leave and want to know if she's going with me. Sometimes there will be c*ck blockers within the group, and unfortunately, you can't do much about that other than relocate or hope your girl has enough backbone to speak for herself.

6. I would show attention to the bartenders who weren't working the popular sections and get to know them. They'd see me in the crowd and come to me first, and I'd repay the favor by tipping well. Do that enough times over the course of a night, or over a couple of weekends, and I almost never had to pay for a drink. I was good friends with one of the managers from when I went to school, so he would instruct the bouncers to let me skip the line, so they got to know me as a regular from that. There's no dollar amount you have to spend - just be nice, get to know the person, be a regular, and tip well.

7. Yep. I'm not talking about her outfit, or her hair, or coming up with a discussion topic based on current events, or any other bullsh**. "Hey, I thought you were cute/hot/gorgeous and had to come say hi, what's your name?" Or, if I catch her looking at me and am even more confident in my success I'll say "Hey, so are you just gonna keep staring at me or are you gonna come say hi?" I am very direct - even outside of this I'm usually blunt and straightforward in my normal conversation - my little cousins get a kick out of it because my parents sometimes think I "lack tact", but really I'm too lazy to BS or sugarcoat anything.

Amazing. Thank you for your responses. I will ruminate and incorporate some of these into my own night game.

 

[BaronOfHair]

With that said, what are some other cues you've noticed?

You engage, she's receptive. This is just as true in bars and nightclubs as it is everywhere else