What are the benefits of being in a relationship?

[Manure Spherian]

Like what exactly?

Travel is one example. One might counter this, “But you can travel alone,” which you can. Fortunately and unfortunately (depending how one looks at this), many of us aren’t made of stone, and don’t want to travel and attend events alone.

And I don’t agree with women being “the cherries on top” of men’s lives. Sure, our lives aren’t all about women, but being womanless can make life miserable. Nothing makes a men angrier than lack of women.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Having more than surface level relationships

 

[jhonny9546]

And I don’t agree with women being “the cherries on top” of men’s lives. Sure, our lives aren’t all about women, but being womanless can make life miserable. Nothing makes a men angrier than lack of women.

They're like more cream on ice cream

 

[Manure Spherian]

Something quite serious for some “relationships” hasn’t been mentioned: having and raising children.

They're like more cream on ice cream

That’s a way to put it.

I'm in a great and very rewarding relationship currently and my boyfriend feels the same.

Do you think he’s “the one”?

How many “bf’s” have you had?

 

[Serenity]

Let me start by stating something obvious, a relationship isn't always beneficial. It can be, but it can also be a net negative. Thinking relationships in general is a good thing is a mistake, one that seems very common. Plenty of people out there who have a need to be with someone, to the point they'll compromise a lot just for the sake of not being alone. Obviously this negatively impacts judgement and rather than choose someone good will take almost whoever will have them. More often than not it's a bad option.

A beneficial relationship starts with making a wise choice in who to be in a relationship with.

Some guys think getting a girlfriend in the first place is the hard part, but they still have a lot to learn when or if they actually get one. The hard part is finding someone who's right for you and where you happen to be right for her. Picking the wrong girl can easily lead to a situation that's way worse than being single.

If that match is found then there might be a foundation for a mutually beneficial relationship. I personally wouldn't have bothered if I had it better on my own and I had it pretty damn good on my own before I met my wife.

The benefits of a good relationship to me is most of all intimacy and companionship. I appreciate depth and what I have with her is not something I have with anyone else or could be easily had with anyone else, it takes time and trust to get there. Sex is important of course, but it's part of intimacy so obviously if sex stops then that's a big hit to one the primary benefits of a good relationship. If I just wanted the sex part of it I wouldn't bother with a relationship though, superficial sex is easy to get.

You might think you can fulfill companionship with friends, I think you can get close, but it's not quite the same or as good as with someone more intimate.

The game never stops, being in a relationship is red pill on hard mode.

This one is funny to me. I used to see it as a game, as in I'm not like that and will have to pretend, play the game so to speak. I "improved my game" until I realized I can't keep up a facade indefinitely and I would HATE living that way for a woman or literally anyone. I went the complete opposite way, this is me, here I am, take it or fvcking leave it. It happened right as my attitude shifted from "I have to do X, Y and Z to get women" to "I'd rather die alone than sell my soul for some pvssy".

That's when "game" became irrelevant to me, besides, blatant honesty works a whole lot better than game ever did. I'd rather risk making some women hate my guts than to give up on who I truly am.

I wasn't gaming when I met my wife, in fact I wasn't trying to get her or anyone for that matter at all. I was just being myself completely unfiltered and she fell for that, I was the one giving her a chance. The only "game" going on was determining whether her presence was a positive or a negative compared to being alone, which as I said was already very positive for me and I certainly wouldn't allow a woman to ruin that. The reason I'm still with her almost 10 years later now is that her presence in my life has stayed a net positive.

Being with her is not hard, it's not a game, I didn't pretend when I attracted her and I don't have to pretend to keep her. She fell for who I truly am and stays for who I truly am. Being myself doesn't require extra effort, so being with her is easy.

Had I played games to attract her I would have had to continue playing games to keep her, if not she'd see that I'm not who she signed up for and understandably feel deceived. Constantly lying is a fvcking tiresome way to live and it's also the ultimate disrespect towards oneself, the one you're fooling the most in the end would be yourself. It's like constantly affirming to yourself through action that "I'm not good enough as I am, so I have to pretend I am someone I'm not". Obviously it doesn't do wonders for self-esteem...

So yeah, fvck game, double down on being yourself. It's better to just have the wrong types of people hate you than to have everyone, including yourself, dislike you for your dishonesty.

 

[Vanderdonck]

Let me start by stating something obvious, a relationship isn't always beneficial. It can be, but it can also be a net negative. Thinking relationships in general is a good thing is a mistake, one that seems very common. Plenty of people out there who have a need to be with someone, to the point they'll compromise a lot just for the sake of not being alone. Obviously this negatively impacts judgement and rather than choose someone good will take almost whoever will have them. More often than not it's a bad option.

A beneficial relationship starts with making a wise choice in who to be in a relationship with.

Some guys think getting a girlfriend in the first place is the hard part, but they still have a lot to learn when or if they actually get one. The hard part is finding someone who's right for you and where you happen to be right for her. Picking the wrong girl can easily lead to a situation that's way worse than being single.

If that match is found then there might be a foundation for a mutually beneficial relationship. I personally wouldn't have bothered if I had it better on my own and I had it pretty damn good on my own before I met my wife.

The benefits of a good relationship to me is most of all intimacy and companionship. I appreciate depth and what I have with her is not something I have with anyone else or could be easily had with anyone else, it takes time and trust to get there. Sex is important of course, but it's part of intimacy so obviously if sex stops then that's a big hit to one the primary benefits of a good relationship. If I just wanted the sex part of it I wouldn't bother with a relationship though, superficial sex is easy to get.

You might think you can fulfill companionship with friends, I think you can get close, but it's not quite the same or as good as with someone more intimate.


This one is funny to me. I used to see it as a game, as in I'm not like that and will have to pretend, play the game so to speak. I "improved my game" until I realized I can't keep up a facade indefinitely and I would HATE living that way for a woman or literally anyone. I went the complete opposite way, this is me, here I am, take it or fvcking leave it. It happened right as my attitude shifted from "I have to do X, Y and Z to get women" to "I'd rather die alone than sell my soul for some pvssy".

That's when "game" became irrelevant to me, besides, blatant honesty works a whole lot better than game ever did. I'd rather risk making some women hate my guts than to give up on who I truly am.

I wasn't gaming when I met my wife, in fact I wasn't trying to get her or anyone for that matter at all. I was just being myself completely unfiltered and she fell for that, I was the one giving her a chance. The only "game" going on was determining whether her presence was a positive or a negative compared to being alone, which as I said was already very positive for me and I certainly wouldn't allow a woman to ruin that. The reason I'm still with her almost 10 years later now is that her presence in my life has stayed a net positive.

Being with her is not hard, it's not a game, I didn't pretend when I attracted her and I don't have to pretend to keep her. She fell for who I truly am and stays for who I truly am. Being myself doesn't require extra effort, so being with her is easy.

Had I played games to attract her I would have had to continue playing games to keep her, if not she'd see that I'm not who she signed up for and understandably feel deceived. Constantly lying is a fvcking tiresome way to live and it's also the ultimate disrespect towards oneself, the one you're fooling the most in the end would be yourself. It's like constantly affirming to yourself through action that "I'm not good enough as I am, so I have to pretend I am someone I'm not". Obviously it doesn't do wonders for self-esteem...

So yeah, fvck game, double down on being yourself. It's better to just have the wrong types of people hate you than to have everyone, including yourself, dislike you for your dishonesty.

This was really well articulated. My experience is similar. This is why I am always preaching "be true to yourself."

The whole game thing is just a course correction to simping, which is just another type of game, albeit less effective. What you describe, being 100% self-accepting, is far more effective than running routines and worrying about how to deal with "sh!t tests." For me there are no sh!t tests. There's just the way I want it, and whether I'm willing to compromise on that. If my woman wants to leave me, yeah that would suck but I always know I'll be fine in the long run, single or taken. Turns out most women love a guy who knows himself straight up and down.

For me this all gelled once I internalized my sense of self and value. In my younger years I was definitely using tactics instead of taking the attitude you describe. Wouldn't trade it, the growth was great and so were the experiences and women, but I'm much happier now.

 

[New_Journey]

intimacy

What's this means? Pillow talk?

So yeah, fvck game, double down on being yourself.

Be yourself is good, if yourself is not a pushover puzzy simp. If those men are, then they need to change that $hit, cause being themselves won't get them anywhere.

The reason I'm still with her almost 10 years later now is that her presence in my life has stayed a net positive.

If everything you wrote in here is true. You got lucky, because at 23 when you met her, you didn't have $hit of experience with LTRs, even if you did it was 1 or 2. So, I'm incline to say she was the one who got you under her spell and made you commit, because you never gonna have the same experience than you are a different guy at 23 than at 33.

besides, blatant honesty works a whole lot better than game ever did.

Blatant honesty makes you transparent and boring. " Hey listen, I haven't had sex in years, I have a 30k student loan debt, my career is $hit, Do you wanna grab a drink?"

Being with her is not hard, it's not a game, I didn't pretend when I attracted her and I don't have to pretend to keep her. She fell for who I truly am and stays for who I truly am. Being myself doesn't require extra effort, so being with her is easy.

Like I said, if you were being yourself and you were a loser, having a woman falling for you is not a flex, misery loves company.

Constantly lying is a fvcking tiresome way to live and it's also the ultimate disrespect towards oneself, the one you're fooling the most in the end would be yourself. It's like constantly affirming to yourself through action that "I'm not good enough as I am, so I have to pretend I am someone I'm not". Obviously it doesn't do wonders for self-esteem...

That's because it takes time to change, it takes time to rewire your brain.

If you were a nice a guy, and you practice game, that becomes your focus, eventually you don't have to do game, you are the game. Habits are form with repetition, that's the difference into thinking game is a trick vs who you are.

 

[Serenity]

What's this means? Pillow talk?

Knowing each other better than anyone else.

Be yourself is good, if yourself is not a pushover puzzy simp. If those men are, then they need to change that $hit, cause being themselves won't get them anywhere.

See, this is an impossibility, a contradiction. You can't truly be yourself and be a pushover because being a pushover is to do what others want at the expense of yourself, to go along with something you don't truly want to go along with.

If everything you wrote in here is true. You got lucky, because at 23 when you met her, you didn't have $hit of experience with LTRs, even if you did it was 1 or 2. So, I'm incline to say she was the one who got you under her spell and made you commit, because you never gonna have the same experience than you are a different guy at 23 than at 33.

Luck is only half the equation. Meeting her specifically was luck, that she turned out to be good was luck, but everything else including staying with her is my choice. Giving her a chance was a choice. Had she not been positive in my life I would absolutely have chosen differently and I still would choose differently if she somehow changed to become a negative in my life.

You frame it as if I'm a victim to my circumstances and this couldn't be further from the truth, my circumstances is a result of my decisions. If "her spell" is that she's a good woman who cleans, takes care of our kids, ****s me whenever I want and genuinely love me then I'm all for it, by choice.

I wouldn't approach relationship any differently today if I had to start all over again. Sure, I have more experience, all which is telling me I'm doing it right, so if anything I'm just even more sure about staying true to myself.

Blatant honesty makes you transparent and boring. " Hey listen, I haven't had sex in years, I have a 30k student loan debt, my career is $hit, Do you wanna grab a drink?"

The irony is that this will have a better chance of impressing a woman than pretending this is not the case when it is. Takes more balls to be honest about a sh!t situation than to be a pretender, women likes balls on a man.

Like I said, if you were being yourself and you were a loser, having a woman falling for you is not a flex, misery loves company.

If you don't like who you are then a woman probably won't either. The defining feature of a loser is not just that others look down at them, they look down at themselves. A woman falling for you isn't meant as a flex under any circumstance, if it is then you're seriously missing the point. Relationship isn't about some silly display to the world like "look at me, see what I got, I'm better than you". That's just attention and approval seeking bullsh!t and it's weak.

 

[Manure Spherian]

So yeah, fvck game, double down on being yourself. It's better to just have the wrong types of people hate you than to have everyone, including yourself, dislike you for your dishonesty.

I cannot picture playing games with my wife considering the serious sh-t to take care of in a marriage: kids, dealing with in-laws and other family members, paying bills, unforeseen events (eg, my wife needed knee surgery in January and during her recovery I had a lot to take over), etc.

Fun and recreation are part of relationships, but I will not be an eternal jestermaxxer.

 

[Travel memoir21]

The Purpose of a relationship should be to eventually get married, raised kids and start a family.

If you want to feel not so lonely, focus on your Spiritual life - meditate, pray, read the scriptures, have a sense of gratitude and being thankful for what you have and learn how to feel great without a woman's approval. If you want company and somebody to love Get a Dog and start a Brotherhood of guys who are into your hobbies and interest. But most of all learn how to enjoy your own company. There's lots of motorcycle groups you can take up, you can take up skateboarding near your local skate park or start playing pick up basketball again. Learn how to bond with other Men and people and start giving people your good vibes from within.

This is called Emotional resiliency. Everytime you feel in a not so good mood like being lonely or wanting some company, acknowledge it and start being productive. Start making friend with a few of the guys here on this forum, start a conversation on how you should spend your night and help each other out like brothers helping brothers.

But the bottomline, you should learn how to feel great without needing company first before wanting a relationship. Jesus was alone in the desert for 40 days, 40 nights. Buddha, was a prince left his kingdom, became a loner and became a recluse and meditated to find enlightenment. Muhammad meditated and prayed in a cave for many days before the Angel Gabriel sent him his revelation. Many Yogis in the past meditated alone in complete seclusion in the Himalayan mountains. A lot of Cowboys, ranchers in the 1800s roamed were loners and tough. As a Dude, learn to enjoy your own company.

Then once you start learning how to feel great, know where the best places to go give your great vibes are like Volunteering, Church, Coffee shops where you can chat up the baristas, Parks and beaches. Each week, you should have one or two people you face time constantly like a best friend from another state or relative.

There's lots of avenues to feel connected to the world around you. After a workout or a five mile run, what you want to do is do some basic stretching, cool down stretches and meditation to calm your mind. Then you might want to check your e-mails, look up a few facebook groups and check current events and check whatever is going on in this forum to stay connected with the world around you. The list of conquering of being one wherever you are is infinite and endless.

 

[New_Journey]

pray, read the scriptures

I don't trust a book of a "god" written by men, nor I believe there is a Wizard in the sky watching over us.

You can't truly be yourself and be a pushover

People who are pushovers, are being themselves, that what they know and have known all their life. Telling them to be different don't compute for them, because they don't know different.

The irony is that this will have a better chance of impressing a woman than pretending this is not the case when it is. Takes more balls to be honest about a sh!t situation than to be a pretender, women likes balls on a man.

Quality women also like guys who got $hit gong on for themselves, not losers. So the virtue of being honesty is a lie.

Women should look up to their man, they have problems with their emotions to be therapist of their men.

Relationship isn't about some silly display to the world like "look at me, see what I got, I'm better than you". That's just attention and approval seeking bullsh!t and it's weak.

Who gives a fvck what other people think what you have.

You frame it as if I'm a victim to my circumstances and this couldn't be further from the truth, my circumstances is a result of my decisions. If "her spell" is that she's a good woman who cleans, takes care of our kids, ****s me whenever I want and genuinely love me then I'm all for it, by choice.

I'm gonna break your bubble. Briffault's Law, look it up.

but I will not be an eternal jestermaxxer.

You two seem to confuse game, with playing in a relationship. Even if I explain you won't get it.

So far the benefits are:

1. Companionship
2. Knowing each other like nobody else has (whatever that means)
3. A mother for kids & a maid (if you want kids)
4. Sex

 

[Manure Spherian]

I don't trust a book of a "god" written by men, nor I believe there is a Wizard in the sky watching over us.


People who are pushovers, are being themselves, that what they know and have known all their life. Telling them to be different don't compute for them, because they don't know different.


Quality women also like guys who got $hit gong on for themselves, not losers. So the virtue of being honesty is a lie.

Women should look up to their man, they have problems with their emotions to be therapist of their men.


Who gives a fvck what other people think what you have.



I'm gonna break your bubble. Briffault's Law, look it up.


You two seem to confuse game, with playing in a relationship. Even if I explain you won't get it.

So far the benefits are:

1. Companionship
2. Knowing each other like nobody else has (whatever that means)
3. A mother for kids & a maid (if you want kids)
4. Sex

Perhaps some men want a women as a maid. I don’t.

So far you’ve challenged others on what they want, not all of which is valued by you.

What do you want from/with a woman (perhaps women)?

A chunk of desirable (subjective, personal term) women do want who we consider losers.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Even if I explain you won't get it.

Considering I’m not an idiot I think I’ll understand.

 

[The Duke]

@New_Journey your charm is shining thru once again! You have such a talent for drawing your audience near!

 

[Sega Genesis]

Do you think he’s “the one”?

How many “bf’s” have you had?

Not sure I believe in "the one" but if there is ... possibly.

I've had a few (LTRs) and one marriage.

I own my role in why those relationships failed and the reason why my current is different and better is because *I* am different and better. In lots of different ways.

I won't get into it but I've been through a lot and done a lot of introspection and internal work (with the help of a great therapist) to improve myself and be a better person generally and a better partner.

Which included learning to choose wisely.

 

[pipeman84]

I'm in a great and very rewarding relationship currently and my boyfriend feels the same.

First time actually for both of us! Being in a great relationship.

I've had a few (LTRs) and one marriage.

Oh man...

 

[Serenity]

People who are pushovers, are being themselves, that what they know and have known all their life. Telling them to be different don't compute for them, because they don't know different.

No, they are not being themselves. They may have gone most of their life not having dared to be themselves though. To be a pushover is inherently to suppress ones own desires in favor of others desires, they are literally suppressing themselves in favor of others, they are not being themselves. They are being whatever they think people around them want them to be.

Quality women also like guys who got $hit gong on for themselves, not losers. So the virtue of being honesty is a lie.

It's true that women like guys who have sh!t going for him, there's a bunch of things women might like in a guy and no guy has all of it. Being a loser is obviously not a good thing and honesty might not be enough to make up for that, but being a lying/fake loser is unquestionably worse. Having sh!t going for you while being dishonest might be a bit "better" than the other way around, but being a fake is still a serious flaw. Having sh!t going for you and being honest about who you are is clearly the best of all these 4 possibilities.

Who gives a fvck what other people think what you have.

Exactly!

I'm gonna break your bubble. Briffault's Law, look it up.

You mean the one where Briffault himself had this to say about it?

Briffault clarifies that this rule applies only to nonhuman animals, and not to humans: “There is, in fact, no analogy between the animal family and the patriarchal human family. The former is entirely the product of the female’s instincts, and she, not the male, is the head.”

 

[New_Journey]

Perhaps some men want a women as a maid.

But that is fine too, to each their own.

not all of which is valued by you.

Again, I never said I don't value what they guys have posted. In fact, in my previous relationship, I had all of that and more.

Considering I’m not an idiot I think I’ll understand.

Its called game because is what has been lost for men, their masculinity. That's why good red pillers tell you fake it until you make. Fake having dreams, fake being busy, fake displaying high value, fake being able to walk away, fake being a very confidence man. But make sure you work damn hard to be all of that, to become that guy. Game is being a Don Juan.

What do you want from/with a woman (perhaps women)?

I will always would want sex from a woman first and foremost. For an LTR her having those good qualities from is great, I never said they're bad. But what benefit a woman can bring me in an LTR? Sex and if I want, kids, at least for me.

@New_Journey your charm is shining thru once again! You have such a talent for drawing your audience near!

That's the only way to make this forum interesting and not with the black pill bull$hit. Answer the benefits you gain.

Not sure I believe in "the one" but if there is ... possibly.

Actually, at the quantum level, electrons are in pair, one ying one yang, so this might be true, because we all made of electrons.

Oh man...

What? You didn't know women fvck other men too? You'll go crazy if you think too much.

they are literally suppressing themselves in favor of others, they are not being themselves.

Brother, a man conditioned to please others for many decades since childhood, doesn't know he has to put himself first. He literally cannot do it, because in his neurons that pathway doesn't exist. His brain releases neurotransmissions that make him feel good when he sacrifices for others and puts himself last. here is a video explaining the brain. You should inform yourself first.

being a lying/fake loser is unquestionably worse.

According to who? You? A mod in a forum full of loser? Where is the law against it? If I lie to fvck Mrs. Universe, am I bad person? No, I did what I had to do to get what I wanted. My and myself decide what's moral, not by others, but by me.

If I lie in my resume to get the job what I want, is that bad? Why? I got the job with a strategy while you with your bull$hit virtue of honesty didn't get the interview and stayed with "At least I didn't lie" cope.

Having sh!t going for you and being honest about who you are is clearly the best of all these 4 possibilities.

According to a guy who married at 23, and who only had how many LTRs 2? not count? 4? and its a mod of a forum giving advice on how to get women and good LTRs? I don't think you're fit to the job here with that few data points.

You mean the one where Briffault himself had this to say about it?

"Briffault clarifies that this rule applies only to nonhuman animals, and not to humans: “There is, in fact, no analogy between the animal family and the patriarchal human family. The former is entirely the product of the female’s instincts, and she, not the male, is the head.”

Yes exactly. it says the former meaning the animal runs on instincts and the male (alpha male) is the head.

In patriarchal family the woman have the inherent instincts of having offspring with the best male (alpha male), but she runs on what benefit it brings to her and her child.

 

[Serenity]

You should inform yourself first.

You should drop the condescending attitude and learn some respect. I'm well aware of neuroplasticity and how it works, but it's entirely besides the point which you just refuse to even begin to understand. You're either really dense or intentionally refusing to understand what I'm saying, make your pick.

According to who?

Most people, probably also including you unless you like being lied to by a loser? Do you?

According to a guy who married at 23, and who only had how many LTRs 2? not count? 4?

Married at 28, been with her since 24. Wouldn't count any of the previous relationships as long term, they didn't work out and it's a good thing I didn't waste more time than I did on it. You think it's something to brag about having been in multiple LTRs? If anything that states an inability to do it right, if there's multiple then they all inevitably come to an end. If they all come to an end then the question is why? And why the fvck haven't you learned what you need to learn to sustain a relationship?

I learn quickly, that's why I'm not still fvcking around in life in my 30's with multiple failed relationships and wasting my time and energy. I got it figured out and it really isn't rocket science.

Yes exactly. it says the former meaning the animal runs on instincts and the male (alpha male) is the head.

In patriarchal family the woman have the inherent instincts of having offspring with the best male (alpha male), but she runs on what benefit it brings to her and her child.

You conveniently glossed over the part where he says the rule applies only to nonhuman animals, not humans. In any case I'm not sure what point you're trying to make with that or how it's relevant to this discussion.

 

[New_Journey]

condescending attitude

I'm not acting superior, just explaining my point of view and asking question.

learn some respect.

When did I disrespect you? Also, asking you difficult questions is being disrespectful? You are a married man remember.

Most people, probably also including you unless you like being lied to by a loser? Do you?

Everybody lies, and you are a hypocrite if you say you don't lie. Again, the virtue of honestly is a lie, honestly doesn't get you the girl, game does.

You think it's something to brag about having been in multiple LTRs?

Nope.

And why the fvck haven't you learned what you need to learn to sustain a relationship?

Agree 100%

I learn quickly

Okay

that's why I'm not still fvcking around in life in my 30's with multiple failed relationships and wasting my time and energy.

Not actually wasting it when you life is all figured out. More like entertaining yourself with different females. Remember, to have the best woman, you gotta be the best player so you choose among a pool of candidates, that way you don't end up choosing wrong, if you didn't, it was luck and congrats.

You conveniently glossed over the part where he says the rule applies only to nonhuman animals, not humans. In any case I'm not sure what point you're trying to make with that or how it's relevant to this discussion.

The same way you married your wife because she provided qualities of value to you, its the same way she married you, either good genetics, money, security, etc. Relationships are transactional, its easier for her to divorce you if go bankrupt than you divorcing her if she doesn't have a job. That's female nature, you are red pill, you should know that.