What about the "Booty Call" Damages

[KontrollerX]

LOL, great stuff DJDamage you're killing me man!!! :crackup:

"Sure we have great sex but we could be happier if he allowed us to grow into something more than just our great hot sex life"

Actually thats not what would happen.

If he gives in and gives you a relationship the excitement factor for you would then be gone as he is no longer in need of being conquered by you.

You'd get your little relationship and inside your mind you'd be feeling great for a while and feeling like you won and then as time goes by you'd start to get bored and complacent because you no longer have to work hard to keep your man.

You are assured that he is there for you and so the hot sex ceases and you just can't figure out why.

The reason why this happens of course is because you have become complacent, assured and bored.

So then one day DJDamage the UPS man comes knocking at your door and hands you your package and then goes to leave but not before telling you how pretty you look today and he does this each of the 7 times he had to deliver a package to your house in a two week time span and before you know it you've got DJDamage's c0ck down your throat slithering its way down your esophagus and you are now cheating on your boyfriend with a lust filled gusto that only matches Dom Deluise downing a gigantic bowl of spaghetti.

"Oh its not your fault I cheated!" you cry as you try to explain to your boyfriend whats going on as he walks in upon the scene of the kindly UPS man DJDamage with your ankles dangling over his shoulders.

"Our relationship was just missing something wah wah wah and I was taken advantage of in my moment of weakness by DJDamage wah wah wahhhhhhh!!!"

That missing spark of course was drama and excitement.

Its what you had with the guy that is making you his booty call now and why you lust after him so.

The challenge and the wonder of thinking will he ever be my boyfriend, will we ever be more, oh when will he call me again, does he love me???

Oh oh oh.

*Orgasms all over self*

So yeah don't kid yourself.

If you got a relationship with this guy it would not make things any better.

It would in reality fizzle things out because you need drama and excitement and the unknown to be turned on and stay turned on.

 

[reset]

I scanned the OP for just a second and these are the words that I managed to read:

3 years of emotional abuse from a man who....

....but I miss him and want to spend time with him as well -

So no need to read the entire post.

I think Kontroller is saying, if this guy knows what's good for him he'll make a commitment!

 

[reset]

Please stop using quotes from a movie such as Vanilla sky, and don't purposely crash your car (with your man in it) at high speeds off a bridge.

Hate to disagree, but if you recall, as she was heading towards that bridge, Tom Cruise finally realized how much he loved her and told her over and over again, at an increasingly frantic pace.

 

[MoveYourAss...]

From my own experience I am pessimistic about this case, too. At least according to my own associations with the OP. As you are with your own associations

And I admit the posts of DJDamage, KontrollerX et. al. are very congruent and have a strong frame, so to speak.

But also from own experience I feel compelled to add that (not all) women are only slvts, completely at the mercy of that primal biological urges. Same holds for men, by the way. Even if this delivers such a nice theoretical (and practically "successfull") framework.

While all those answers are perfectly inside the logic of the post-AFC, I personally advocate going beyond this logic. Risky? Fear-provoking? Yes, but... the way to go, brothers...


And... I'm curious of the next honest reflection of blue08....

 

[sodbuster]

Why would he want more? Women are victims of their own successes. You were successful in the sexual revolution,so you could have sex before marriage[so we don't need to marry you to get it],you successfully changed the divorce laws to screw over any man who marries[without a prenup], and since you were successful in your career and are now in your 40's-past your best mothering ages.

Read "sexual Utopia in Power" by f. Roger Devlin. It was posted and linked here a couple months ago. You may think it maakes men sound bitter,maybe we are. BUT it is the way men are thinking today[without having a woman around].

 

[yuppaz]

I agree with what you guys are saying. I've been learning more and more (and from personal experience) that women are just not to be trusted for much at all. If you think with your emotions, then backwards rationalize things you can do anything you want with no code of honor. Why in the world would I risk half of all of my money for who knows how long to some woman who will likely f*ck some random guy because she felt like it? Forget that sh*t.

p.s. a lot of my friends are the same way....what's the point. I say after the honeymoon is over, so should be the relationship.

 

[Lust]

While this woman is acting rather irrationally, and there is plenty of truth in what you guys have said, I sense an air of faint misogynism.

Sometimes I also get caught up in the "alpha" and "DJ" mentalities that I forget we're all human. When you acknowledge everyone's human and they make mistakes, things become a lot clearer.

Woman makes mistakes, as a DJ, it' ok to help them out without suppicating to their every whim.

 

[reset]

I sense an air of faint misogynism.

I think women are great.

 

[blue08]

I wasn't trying to come off a "boo hoo" me - I'm not an idiot. I was trying to understand him better. During our first year he met my family, i met his mother and throughout this entire time still hang out with his friends so we didn't start off as the "just sex" kind of relationship - it changed after 1 1/2yrs. Sorry if I hit a nerve with some of you. I was just seeking answers to things I can't understand in a man's mind and stumbled upon this site searching the internet and the article on main page was the "booty call" article. I can make better decisions when I see the other side of things.

 

[blue08]

KontrollerX - Your comments sound like him. He has said that if he gave into my wishes that 6 months from then I would dump him! Why would you think that though? People forget that "we" meaning everyone - man/woman are individuals so what applies to one person cannot by assumed by all. I am an insecure person (Cancer) and there are things that I need to make me feel secure. I have had puppy dogs for men and I left them because you are right - I got bored with it.. but I never cheated on anyone and a man that is too dominating isn't so great either - i like my man to control but I'm not a puppy dog either and i will voice my grievances when pushed too far - domineering men need to learn to compromise (just a girl opinion)

 

[reset]

I was trying to understand him better.

And this is why you're having so much fun with this guy--after three years you still don't "understand him".

Essentially what you've done with this thread is confirm for a lot of guys the reality of how women perceive confident men who aren't quick to be tied down.

You're having a lot of fun, all your buttons are being pushed, and it seems like both of you are satisfied with the arrangement.

 

[reset]

I am an insecure person (Cancer) and there are things that I need to make me feel secure.

What sorts of things do you do in order to try to get your way with this guy? I don't mean just talking. Do you pout, do you flirt with other men in front of him, do you make ultimatums, do you throw lots of drama at him?

Do you think perhaps any of these actions may cause him to not want to get too emotionally involved with you?

An honest answer would be most enlightening.

 

[fourblueballs]

WOW.. is this a touchy topic.

Blue I will Private Message you after this post.

 

[fourblueballs]

Okay, so I can't figure out how to Private Message you. I will say it here.

The community is not all about.... booty calls or quick ****s. Granted, some men get into it for that reason. Others get into it to have a few amazing girlfriends / open relationships. I prefer those over booty calls because, you get to know the girl really well.. and I find it more fulfilling. So she's like a girl I hang out with, spend time with.. and still **** her brains out. Along with a few other girls. I prefer those types of relationships over girls you just meet up to ****.

Blue08, he told you.. that he wanted a purely sexual relationship from the beginning. He should have kept your emotions in check, and so shouldn't have you. I understand, that you are upset... and you coming on here to vent is your way for your mind to reach an equilibrium. You are female, and the guys are problem solvers.. that's how they get there fix.. solving problems. It's the yin and yang.

So attempting to solve your problems only infuriates you more because you never got that release.

I understand that you are upset, and I have been in that situation too.

Hey, if you need any help.. feel free to contact me.. privately. I don't mind. I like helping people.

Best of luck

~Matt

 

[blue08]

DJ -
Yes I was and have been - it started out as a relationship - we met family - I know all his friends - after 1 1/2 yrs to suddenly say ("we're just **king") it's kind of hard to just walk away when you have very strong feelings for someone.
A) this girl wasn't treated like sh1t. Once again look at her action's. A woman who is treated like sh1t would not claim to have high sex drive for her man and jump in his bed whenever he extended the invite.

Just because I have a great sex drive and need sex? That doesn't make me a slut -just someone who can is comfortable with myself and not afraid to admit that I too have physical needs.
B) You don't want a girl that can stand treated like sh1t. You want a girl that stands up for herself and have some healthy self esteem and does not become a blabbering mess if things don't go her way.

C) What does constitute a moral guy??!! be careful with words. You don't know her man, why would you refer to him as an immoral guy??!! Its not like he threw a puppy from a cliff. All he did was have carefree sex with her without being in an exclusive relationship with her. I fail to see the immoral aspect of it since he never promised her anything.
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[blue08]

DJ Damage ---

Yes I was and have been treated like **** - it started out as a relationship - we met family - I know all his friends - after 1 1/2 yrs to suddenly say ("we're just **king") it's kind of hard to just walk away when you have very strong feelings for someone.
A) this girl wasn't treated like sh1t. Once again look at her action's. A woman who is treated like sh1t would not claim to have high sex drive for her man and jump in his bed whenever he extended the invite.

Just because I have a great sex drive and need sex? That doesn't make me a slut -just someone who is comfortable with myself and not afraid to admit that I too have physical needs.

I don't stand to be treated like **** - we have plenty of arguments and I just want compromise - he only wants his way.
B) You don't want a girl that can stand treated like sh1t. You want a girl that stands up for herself and have some healthy self esteem and does not become a blabbering mess if things don't go her way.

We are exclusive - have been for 3 years - that's our agreement. We don't see anyone else. With all the STDs and crap neither of us are eager to sleep around.
C) What does constitute a moral guy??!! be careful with words. You don't know her man, why would you refer to him as an immoral guy??!! Its not like he threw a puppy from a cliff. All he did was have carefree sex with her without being in an exclusive relationship with her. I fail to see the immoral aspect of it since he never promised her anything.
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[DJDamage]

Yes I was and have been treated like **** - it started out as a relationship - we met family - I know all his friends - after 1 1/2 yrs to suddenly say ("we're just **king") it's kind of hard to just walk away when you have very strong feelings for someone.

You rip what you sow.

Fine he changed the arrangment a little and told you this is how its going to be from now on. You could have walked away but you didn't. Therefore if you didn't leave him that means you have accepted his terms and conditions and you have no farther say in the matter.

Just because I have a great sex drive and need sex? That doesn't make me a slut -just someone who is comfortable with myself and not afraid to admit that I too have physical needs. ]

No where in my post have I called you a slut. I was mearly pointing to the fact that your high sex drive is corrlated to your attraction to your man. If you weren't attracted to him, you wouldn't have sex with him but with someone else. Therefore in our community, this man whom you claim you hate, is doing at least something right (keeping your attraction in him high). There are plenty of horror stories on this forum about guys giving their women all and get sh1t in return.

I don't stand to be treated like **** - we have plenty of arguments and I just want compromise - he only wants his way.

Then you are both made for each other. Two people who don't know what the hell they want, without anyone calling it quits. Let me tell you something about MEN: WE HATE IT WHEN A WOMAN TRIES TO CHANGE US AND IF THROUGH MANIPULATION SHE IS ABLE TO SUCCEED WE WILL HATE HER EVEN MORE (it is why 4 out of 5 marriages, one or both couples are unhappy). Either accept your man for who he is and what he wants or move on.

We are exclusive - have been for 3 years - that's our agreement. We don't see anyone else. With all the STDs and crap neither of us are eager to sleep around.

See that is a fvcked up agreement. The whole purpose of being a booty call is coming when you are needed sexually, anything more then that its something else. Your man does not want something else and here is a news flash: Based on your agreement you are probably going to be replaced if a hotter piece of ass walks through that door (he might be already fvcking other women on the side you don't know about because you don't need to know that, you are his booty call").

Your only rational explanation from being with this man is because "you love him". Well on here we call that "Oneitis" which is an unhealthy infatuation with someone who doesn't reciprocate back. The only cure is to end the relationship and to move on to someone else who will.

 

[blue08]

Reset -
I try not to make him feel insecure all the time! i feel like he's always testing me and I try to be there for him all the time just so he won't think something....He's accused me of cheating - I never have though - so I know he's insecure - but he shouldn't be - I always want his attention. He does body inspections of me too - I fell fishing and got a bruise on my ass -that turned into having to call a friend to explain to him that I fell!! I told him that if I ever was with someone else then I wouldn't ever be him again because if and when I ever do that it will be the time I say goodbye to him. He's the one who went and had a 3wk relationship from hell 2 yrs ago and came running back to me. He called me the day after he slept with her to tell me - (that's our deal to tell the other person when we sleep with someone else) Okay - the more I talk here the more I see that his biggest problem are trust issues...

Things we both do to get our way is use sex against each other.. and I will just leave sometimes to get my way - which usually works because he'll either follow me to car or call me half way home. I don't pout - he pouts and shuts down -that drives me nuts because I like to talk things out when it happens and then move on - not dwell on it.

 

[reset]

Ok it's all his fault. That's what I expected.

 

[SunnyD]

Yes I was and have been treated like **** - it started out as a relationship - we met family - I know all his friends - after 1 1/2 yrs to suddenly say ("we're just **king") it's kind of hard to just walk away when you have very strong feelings for someone.
A) this girl wasn't treated like sh1t. Once again look at her action's. A woman who is treated like sh1t would not claim to have high sex drive for her man and jump in his bed whenever he extended the invite.

Just because I have a great sex drive and need sex? That doesn't make me a slut -just someone who is comfortable with myself and not afraid to admit that I too have physical needs.

I don't stand to be treated like **** - we have plenty of arguments and I just want compromise - he only wants his way.
B) You don't want a girl that can stand treated like sh1t. You want a girl that stands up for herself and have some healthy self esteem and does not become a blabbering mess if things don't go her way.

We are exclusive - have been for 3 years - that's our agreement. We don't see anyone else. With all the STDs and crap neither of us are eager to sleep around.
C) What does constitute a moral guy??!! be careful with words. You don't know her man, why would you refer to him as an immoral guy??!! Its not like he threw a puppy from a cliff. All he did was have carefree sex with her without being in an exclusive relationship with her. I fail to see the immoral aspect of it since he never promised her anything.
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Sorry blue, but you're not exclusive in any sense of the word. If you told him "Ill only keep doing this if you are not with anyone else" then that is what he is telling you. I was on your exact situation to a T (infact, most posters here hate me for the amount of times I came back here crying about it) but don't think for a second that he is only with you. Maybe at the moment, but in the 3 years..unless this guy is a total loser who can't get it anywhere else and is using you..he has had other women that you just don't know about. I found that out the hard way..please read back on some of my old posts...you may find we have many things in common.

I have left my "bootycall" more times than I can count. We've been over for good since June when it came to him HAVING to tell me that the other woman he was sleeping with informed him that he gave her chlamydia and so I probably had it too. THANK THE HIGH HEAVENS that I did not when I went and got tested..but that just tells me, that if in the 3 years I was sleeping with him (and he assumes he had it before me and I just got "lucky" by not getting it) that there were even more women than just me and her. (although there are parts to this story that dont add up, like her telling him he had to tell other women he was with, and because she comes from a family of doctors...he never had to go get tested because she got a damn prescription for him! I was with him longer and more than her..so if I didnt have it, I bet she never did either and it was all made up to get me to stay away from him..thats my guess anyway...women are fvcked.)

ANYWAY..don't be that girl. Just don't be...have some respect for yourself.