What a woman's testing/drama REALLY means...

[frivolousz21]

To men, sex is physical, for women it's emotional.

she is right
why cant you accept it.....

you must know sluts mr ruckus..hell I will ask 30 women if you want that I know of online or in real life and i bet ALL Of them tell me sex is much more emotional to them

 

[OneArmDeeJay]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
It's a cry for attention. How many times have you had a girlfriend start a fight or conflict with you over seemingly nothing where she also says "You never talk to me" or "You never (insert complaint here)"?

This is a woman's way of saying "I need more of your attention". Just like a kid will act out to force his or her parents to pay more attention to them, so will the woman you're involved with.

When you come here you are told not to give attention and to not put up with "tests". That's a little misleading. You're told that so you don't give TOO MUCH attention. However, giving too little is just as bad as giving too much. There is a fine balance you need to find...and it varies with every girl/woman.

Although you should never tolerate being treated like crap...you should also consider that perhaps there is something you are or are not doing that could be contributing to the problem with a girlfriend.

If she's testing you and starting fights...try increasing the amount of attention/affection you give her slightly and gradually until the crap stops. With most women, it will work well and will actually use up less of your energy than dealing with the tests and drama...plus you'll have a much more pleasant relationship.

I view this as immature and lack of communication.

And I have notice this coming from more and more of the younger girls of this generation and more likely the next.

Now if my women, If she pulls crap like that I set things straight. If she feels I'm not giving her the right amount of attention then she needs to COMMUNICATE with me. That’s what its all about in a relationship. COMMUNICATION. Not immature acts and futile attempts of desperation to make me give her more attention.

Yes I know bytchs do it just to spice up their life a little. But the good women you want to marry don't do it constantly or very often. They just do it because she’s a woman and that’s what they do. But in the end she knows better, she knows that I am a good man and takes care of his women even though I may not seem like I’m not giving the attention she needs. And she knows I won’t but up with that crap so she won’t be like that.

That kind of test and drama is what kids do, not mature adults.

You know I don't recall woman in the 50's and 60's or other offshore couples going through this. Hmmm…

 

[frivolousz21]

I need to feel loved. My gf needs sex.

thats crazy man..I need love too..but my gf needs love just as much or not more.
and I also NEED sex..and guess what!!!

she needs sex too? but SHE NEEDS IT TO FEEL EMOTIONALLY CONNECTED TO ME.

I asked if she thought of having sex with me when im not with her?

she said hardly ever. she thinks of me as this great man she loves.(she said she feels emotionally connected to me, and that is what turns her on the most to me with sex)

but yet she has sex with me multple times the nights we are togeher....

 

[Wyldfire]

Re: Re: What a woman's testing/drama REALLY means...

Originally posted by OneArmDeeJay
If she feels I'm not giving her the right amount of attention then she needs to COMMUNICATE with me. That’s what its all about in a relationship. COMMUNICATION. Not immature acts and futile attempts of desperation to make me give her more attention.

Dude...that IS communication. That is how women communicate. Women don't typically communicate in the way men do. That's why men and women drive each other crazy and have so many problems in relationships. There are a few women (like myself) who are able to communicate like men. Most just aren't able to do that. Most men aren't able to communicate like women, either. You can't expect to be able to communicate with women in the same way you do with men. It won't work.

And yes, even back in the day women still communicated the same way. It's part of womens' nature to do so.

 

[Wyldfire]

frivolous, I can't respond to your PMs if you don't empty out your inbox.

 

[frivolousz21]

thats wierd..I did..I will delete all my messages.


alright it says I have zero messages now..if that doenst work.

my email is: ibleedblue47@hotmail.com

 

[pimpfromdayone]

I think a big part of most guys' problems is that they refuse to accept women as they are. I myself have had trouble with it. If THAT is her way of communicating, you just have to learn how to deal with it, and try hard not to hate it. Hating and being negative get you nowhere.

Wyldfire, I always had my doubts about women give men advice, but your post was perfect. I remember one time in particular: This girl who had liked me for a long time said something to me when I was about to walk out of her life forever. We would never see each other again, and we would never be given another opportunity to hook up. I started walking away and well, she was probably pretty desperate to say something, but her friend said something else first (they both liked me)... her friend said something completely random that didn't matter at all, but anyway, my point is, the other girl starts arguing with me about how I was talking to them or something stupid like that... like accusing me of being insensitive or something, even though I wasn't. I made the mistake of just ignoring her completely, when I should have talked more to them, oh well. I have seen MANY tests from women, but this was no test, it was, as you said, a cry for attention.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by pimpfromdayone
I think a big part of most guys' problems is that they refuse to accept women as they are. I myself have had trouble with it. If THAT is her way of communicating, you just have to learn how to deal with it, and try hard not to hate it. Hating and being negative get you nowhere.

Wyldfire, I always had my doubts about women give men advice, but your post was perfect. I remember one time in particular: This girl who had liked me for a long time said something to me when I was about to walk out of her life forever. We would never see each other again, and we would never be given another opportunity to hook up. I started walking away and well, she was probably pretty desperate to say something, but her friend said something else first (they both liked me)... her friend said something completely random that didn't matter at all, but anyway, my point is, the other girl starts arguing with me about how I was talking to them or something stupid like that... like accusing me of being insensitive or something, even though I wasn't. I made the mistake of just ignoring her completely, when I should have talked more to them, oh well. I have seen MANY tests from women, but this was no test, it was, as you said, a cry for attention.

Yes, it was her way of saying she didn't want you to go but since women don't process thoughts logically, she couldn't really verbalize what she was feeling so just threw an emotional reaction out there to try to communicate what she needed. This is how women communicate in most cases. Although I usually communicate like a man...in relationships I sometimes catch myself communicating this way as well. Fortunately, I'm able to stop myself and realize that the guy doesn't usually "hear" that kind of communication, so I communicate what I need to say in words instead. Most women aren't able to do that, though, because they don't even understand how to put what they feel into words.

 

[frivolousz21]

though, because they don't even understand how to put what they feel into words.

ive noticed I can tell her how I feel exactly a lot easier than she can...and it took her a few months to catch up.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by frivolousz21
ive noticed I can tell her how I feel exactly a lot easier than she can...and it took her a few months to catch up.

It's extremely difficult for a woman to put her feelings into words. It's a thousand times harder for her to do if she is upset, too. When a woman gets to a point where she is starting arguments there is no way she's going to be able to put it into words. The best you can do is just recognize that she can't explain what she feels but she is upset and those feelings are very real to her...even if they make no sense to you at all.

 

[frivolousz21]

im glad that Im talking to you about this...

for a while I wondered if she shared the same feelings or what not.

but then I realized it was harder for her to put it into words..and then overitime she worked on being more affectionatte with it..and its much better.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by frivolousz21
im glad that Im talking to you about this...

for a while I wondered if she shared the same feelings or what not.

but then I realized it was harder for her to put it into words..and then overitime she worked on being more affectionatte with it..and its much better.

Well, if men and women were better able to communicate effectively there wouldn't be such a high divorce rate.

 

[frivolousz21]

Well, if men and women were better able to communicate effectively there wouldn't be such a high divorce rate.

lack of communication leads to hurt feelings

that leads to fights and to many fights lead to divorce

 

[OneArmDeeJay]

So Wildfire, your saying that its ok for women to act in a immature way like what young children do when they and want attention? And that the Man should in fact give in these socalled adults immature acts?

Now tell me, what does a parent do to their child when they act like this? Like any good parent they would discipline them, by spanking.

The outcome? Eventually you learn that hey doing stupid stuff like before wasn't a good way of COMMUNICATING of what I want. Now I know talking is the right thing to do.

Now I’m not disagreeing that that’s how some women act if not all. But the girls that cause drama and disparate acts on a regular basis to get attention need to be avoided or dumped.

All I’m saying is and as I said before, IF a woman is testing you and creating drama and conflict just to try to force you to pay attention to her because according to her you have NOT satisfied her emotional needs is NOT GOOD COMMUNICATION for a healthy Long Term Relationship.

Feeding the dog a treat for craping on the carpet isn't the right thing to do. Meaning giving her what she THINKS she needs after giving you drama is not good.

If my girl feels that something is lacking she needs to say something. And don't give me that crap men aren't great communicators. Man and Woman have changed over the time drastically. So yeah we talk.

 

[Hellboy]

Wyldfire, I totally understand the message behind what you are saying. I think a lot of the guys are taking some of it out of context, but then you are doing the same with some of their posts.

The phenomenon you are describing is a direct result of a communication breakdown. When a guy switches off to the emotional needs of a woman, she will become unhappy in the relationship. She will behave in a manner befitting her unhappiness. This is resulting from the man's lack of attention, or more importantly communication.

When a girl in such a situation gets stroppy,sulky or argumentive as a result, this is down to a lack of constructive communication on the girls' part. It's not okay to say "women only communicate emotionally" and excuse foul behavior.

Women and men have equal responsibility in keeping the lines of good communication open so these situations never arise.

I'd be interested to hear how you would suggest paying a woman attention and 'emotionally satisfying' her?

Frivolous, how is the love life? I hope things are still going smoothly, and from your posts is would seem this way.

 

[pimpfromdayone]

Hey, all of us men understand where you're coming from dude, but I think it is best if you just accept the nature of women, not fight it. Sure, it's YOUR reality, but at the same time, if you don't accomodate women at least a little bit, you won't be able to enjoy them.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by OneArmDeeJay
So Wildfire, your saying that its ok for women to act in a immature way like what young children do when they and want attention? And that the Man should in fact give in these socalled adults immature acts?

I'm not saying whether it's ok or not...only that it is how women communicate. It's not going to change. I'm simply offering a method you can use to avoid the bulk of it...IF you want to do that.

Now tell me, what does a parent do to their child when they act like this? Like any good parent they would discipline them, by spanking.

Actually, good parents don't just spank when kids are difficult. All that does is teach them to hit when someone frustrates them. If a child is crying out for attention then you make the effort to make some time to give them what they need and usually their behavior improves as a result.

The outcome? Eventually you learn that hey doing stupid stuff like before wasn't a good way of COMMUNICATING of what I want. Now I know talking is the right thing to do.

See, there you go again trying to change women. You are expecting women to communicate like men. They don't, won't and can't, aside for the rare exception. You're demanding that women in general do something they CANNOT do. You're being unrealistic. That's like a woman expecting you to enjoy shopping for shoes, getting all teary eyed over chick flicks and and the like.

Now I’m not disagreeing that that’s how some women act if not all. But the girls that cause drama and disparate acts on a regular basis to get attention need to be avoided or dumped.

In a situation where you are certain you are giving her enough attention and she has no reason not to feel loved and emotionally content, then sure, she should be dumped. However, if you aren't fulfilling her needs because you aren't trying and don't think they matter...then you are the one who should be dumped and likely will be. I'm not telling anyone to tolerate an emotional terrorist. I'm simply telling you that otherwise good women will also do these things as a way to tell you she needs your attention.

All I’m saying is and as I said before, IF a woman is testing you and creating drama and conflict just to try to force you to pay attention to her because according to her you have NOT satisfied her emotional needs is NOT GOOD COMMUNICATION for a healthy Long Term Relationship.

Let's turn this around to show the impact of what you're saying.

IF a man is complaining and arguing with you just to try to get you to have sex with him because according to him you're not satisfying him sexually....etc, etc.

Feeding the dog a treat for craping on the carpet isn't the right thing to do. Meaning giving her what she THINKS she needs after giving you drama is not good.

Starving a dog that took a dump on the carpet isn't the right thing to do either. It's not a matter of a woman THINKING she needs attention...if she needs it and isn't getting it he INSTINCTS will lead her to force you to give it to her. This is not a premeditated thing...it's all done instinctively, almost like a reflex. She CAN'T help it...and it's senseless to expect her to.

If my girl feels that something is lacking she needs to say something. And don't give me that crap men aren't great communicators. Man and Woman have changed over the time drastically. So yeah we talk.

Again...you are expecting women to be like men when they aren't.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Hellboy
Wyldfire, I totally understand the message behind what you are saying. I think a lot of the guys are taking some of it out of context, but then you are doing the same with some of their posts.

The phenomenon you are describing is a direct result of a communication breakdown. When a guy switches off to the emotional needs of a woman, she will become unhappy in the relationship. She will behave in a manner befitting her unhappiness. This is resulting from the man's lack of attention, or more importantly communication.

When a girl in such a situation gets stroppy,sulky or argumentive as a result, this is down to a lack of constructive communication on the girls' part. It's not okay to say "women only communicate emotionally" and excuse foul behavior.

Women and men have equal responsibility in keeping the lines of good communication open so these situations never arise.

I'd be interested to hear how you would suggest paying a woman attention and 'emotionally satisfying' her?

Frivolous, how is the love life? I hope things are still going smoothly, and from your posts is would seem this way.

First of all...men don't understand that when women do this, it isn't something they set out to do or plan. It's purely instinctive and most of the time the woman doesn't even fully understand why she's doing it. If a woman gets to that point, that IS how she is going to communicate. The bulk of a woman's communication is reactive to her surroundings and the actions or inactions of those close to her. If more men understood this they would have such an easier time dealing with women. If she is making a gesture towards you, it's most likely she is trying to communicate to you what she wants. If she is starting fights it is because you didn't pick up the meanings of those gestures and she's trying to subconsciously force a resolution. The talking typically comes only after she has figured out what it is she needs or wants, after all the other stuff has transpired. Some women won't start arguments, but will become cold, distant and give the silent treatment and such instead.

As for what works for attention...it varies from woman to woman. Some just like to spend time talking, others want more romance, while others just want a few more hugs and to be told that you care. It depends on the woman.

 

[frivolousz21]

its going great...

it seems Ive hit the BRICK WALL and so has she not as much as me..but she has as well.....


seeing her so much...finally has caught up with us..and I can feel a lack of excitement and passion from it.
so i told her just a hour ago on the phone..we should see each other less..keep our personal business in order and make more of the time we are together.

I think 3 or 4 days a week of fun and passion with her...compared to 6 days of lack of it is much better..and I need some man time

how about you

 

[DJ4Real]

OK, seriously, some of you people need to cut that crap. Obviously, men and women have needs. Sex isn't more of a man thing than a woman thing and emotion isn't more of a woman thing than a man thing. Some of your opinions are just soo one sided, it's amazing. As a result, people start acting all defensive and start saying things like "only if men could......" or "only if women could", just stop it. Don't stereotype a gender by saying "only if they could do this and that" because it's just pathetic. Stop pointing fingers, we aren't little children are we? Not yet have I seen one logical argument in this thread, it's more like people just bashing each other to try to prove a point. The arguments are weak and they only prove that someone wants "gender righteousness". Well, cut that because women are just as bad as men and men are just as bad as women when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Men test women and women test men, that's a fact. Come on now, lets give advice to help improve instead of doing this "If men would do this blah blah blah blah" or "If women would do this blah blah blah blah". Where is the logic in finger pointing?