What a woman's testing/drama REALLY means...

[Wyldfire]

It's a cry for attention. How many times have you had a girlfriend start a fight or conflict with you over seemingly nothing where she also says "You never talk to me" or "You never (insert complaint here)"?

This is a woman's way of saying "I need more of your attention". Just like a kid will act out to force his or her parents to pay more attention to them, so will the woman you're involved with.

When you come here you are told not to give attention and to not put up with "tests". That's a little misleading. You're told that so you don't give TOO MUCH attention. However, giving too little is just as bad as giving too much. There is a fine balance you need to find...and it varies with every girl/woman.

Although you should never tolerate being treated like crap...you should also consider that perhaps there is something you are or are not doing that could be contributing to the problem with a girlfriend.

If she's testing you and starting fights...try increasing the amount of attention/affection you give her slightly and gradually until the crap stops. With most women, it will work well and will actually use up less of your energy than dealing with the tests and drama...plus you'll have a much more pleasant relationship.

 

[The Nice Guy is Gone]

However, giving too little is just as bad as giving too much. There is a fine balance you need to find...and it varies with every girl/woman.

That's probably one of the best things I've ever heard.

 

[Qmanchoo]

However, giving too little is just as bad as giving too much. There is a fine balance you need to find...and it varies with every girl/woman.

Yeah, that's part of the basics of keeping someone interested in you and I agree with that part.

However I disagree completely with your method. If a women starts drama/bullshytand then you reward her with attention and affection she's going to learn that if in the future she needs more attention she should start drama/bullshyt.

Context is everything in life, and with the women/girls I've dated it's usually more of "I'm annoying the shyt out of you in a cute way" that says "Give me more attention" not "I think I need to be a crazy drama queen." If the method they use is drama and bullshyt the foot goes down immediately, I don't think ANY man here can honestly say he's satisfied in a relationship that oozes drama and fighting. End the idea in her head that drama is OK, EARLY, and as a ground rule of the relationship, and if she wants to be with you she’ll make a conscious effort not to do it.

If you don’t get it early you’re pretty fvcked though in my experience, additionally there are some girls who just really need the drama and can never change…or even budge.

She can always have her drama outside of your relationship.

After you put the drama fire out you can try givng her al ittle attention... but the better method is She starts drama > You end end drama > give her some affection to see if that's what she was looking for.

Oh an BTW. putting your foot down isn't yelling and screaming back, it's being cool calm and collected, telling it like it is, and letting her know exactly what you think without being an accusing a$$hole, which may beat her esteem down or put her on the defensive. In other words having a position and sticking with it.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Qmanchoo
Yeah, that's part of the basics of keeping someone interested in you and I agree with that part.

However I disagree completely with your method. If a women starts drama/bull**** and then you reward her with attention and affection she's going to learn that if in the future she needs more attention she should start drama/bull****.

Context is everything in life, and with the women/girls I've dated it's usually more of "I'm annoying the **** out of you in a cute way" that says "Give me more attention", but if the method they use is drama and bull**** the foot goes down immediately, I don't think ANY man here can honestly say he's satisfied in a relationship that oozes drama and fighting. End the idea in her head that drama is OK, EARLY, and as a groud rule of the relationship, and if she wants to be with you she’ll make a conscious effort not to do it.

If you don’t get it early you’re pretty fvcked though in my experience, additionally there are some girls who just really need the drama and can never change…or even budge.

She can always have her drama outside of your relationship.

After you put the drama fire out you can try givng her al ittle attention... but the better method is She starts drama > You end end drama > give her some affection to see if that's what she was looking for.

Oh an BTW. putting your foot down isn't yelling and screaming back, it's being cool calm and collected, telling it like it is, and letting her know exactly what you think without being an accusing *******, which may beat her esteem down or put her on the defensive.

The problem is this...if the girl isn't getting enough attention from you, the drama isn't going to stop. You'll either have to deal with it and give her the negative attention she forces you to give her or you can avoid the drama by giving her positive attention.

Yes, there are some girls who have an excessive need for attention. But most aren't like that. I'm also not saying to respond to the testing by immediately giving positive attention. You clearly should wait for the smoke to clear and then adjust what you're doing to try to avoid future drama and testing.

Bottom line...that girl IS going to get the attention she needs from you one way or another as long as you are together. You're either going to give it to her willingly, in a positive way or she's going to force it out of you by testing you and starting fights/conflicts and drama. If a girl can't get positive attention from you, she will settle for negative attention instead.

You can't think of this as a reward system. You have to view it as preventative maintenance...just like getting regular oil changes and new spark plugs for your car. It's something you can do to avoid hassles you don't want to deal with down the road...and it's really in your best interest as well.

Women don't test just to drive you crazy. She tests as a way to get your attention because she needs some of it to be happy in the relationship...just like a guy needs sex to be happy.

 

[frivolousz21]

just like a guy needs sex to be happy.

I love my girl..but if she cut me off....shyt would hit the fan.

"then again im the biggest female afc here..so I would prolly get on my knees and beg her to make sweet love to me :cheer: "

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by frivolousz21
I love my girl..but if she cut me off....shyt would hit the fan

Exactly....

Tests and drama are basically the shyt hitting the fan because she doesn't feel you're giving her enough attention.

 

[Qmanchoo]

Exactly, again well stated, like I said I agree with the idea of attention balance but not with the way your original method was conveyed, which you conveniently adapted to mine. In any case, I don’t want anyone getting the idea that directly after a fight you should be giving her affection. More like the next day after it is resolved and over with… give her a little “sneak up from behind kiss attack around the neck” (or something physically affectionate) that’s so stereotypical in romance movies yet not used enough IMO. I’ve never not had a GF giggle, smile, and squeak with delight after doing this, but that’s just something I like to do. (if someone needs an idea)

 

[frivolousz21]

after a fight....

you have sex

 

[Qmanchoo]

....and then you fight again when she wants good makesup sex. If you need that type of sitaution to stimulate passion in your girl...well I'm not going to tell you you're wrong but I personally wouldn't be happy with that.

 

[frivolousz21]

and then you fight again when she wants good makesup sex. If you need that type of sitaution to stimulate passion in your girl...well I'm not going to tell you you're wrong but I personally wouldn't be happy with that.

I havent fought with my current gf or really previous ones serious enuf to know..so ur probaby right

 

[Wyldfire]

Re: Re: What a woman's testing/drama REALLY means...

Originally posted by ( . )( . )
Sounds like the misinformed grey area fed to us through feminisation to me, "contributing to HER problem" so men should search and blame THEMSELVES.

So the crux of what your saying is if shes giving you an abundance of sh!t tests and drama these guys should up their attention to her, pander to and enter her reality, Yes?

How about initially establishing the fact that you can dump her as quick as you met her if she tries that sh!t on? Far more effective.

Oh and by the way:

What a woman's testing/drama REALLY means...

Who gives a sh!t is more the point.

Attention/affection (feeling loved) to a woman is what getting sex is to men. If you don't care if you are satisfying her emotional needs why should she care if she is satisfying your sexual needs?

A woman's emotional needs are JUST as important to her as your sexual needs are to you.

Your attitude will prevent you from ever having a successful long term relationship. Eventually you will meet someone you will want a relationship with, and if you don't care about her needs as well as your own you will fail...period.

 

[Good_ol_boy]

Perhaps the shortest answer: "any attention including negative attention is good" Just like kids throw temper tantrums to get attention (swatted on the butt)!!

 

[Wyldfire]

Re: Re: Re: Re: What a woman's testing/drama REALLY means...

Originally posted by ( . )( . )
More feminised brainwashing. The b!tches sexual satisfaction is just as important as the mans, make no mistakes. As a matter of fact women leave men in far greater numbers than vice versa if the partner sucks in bed.

As for her "emotional needs" what do you think I'm doing by giving her the threat of boning other women? b!tches eat that sh!t up, its what they live for.

This is not about feminism nor has it ever been. Throughout all of time, women have always needed to feel loved in the same way men have always needed sex. This existed long before feminism and will always exist. To ignore that truth is foolish and self-sabotaging.

You (and some others) need to tone down the masculinist crap because you basically have become a feminist yourself...the behavior, mentality and warped beliefs are the same dynamic, just reversed. That is no more attractive or appealing in men than it is in women...in fact, it's downright ugly.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Good_ol_boy
Perhaps the shortest answer: "any attention including negative attention is good" Just like kids throw temper tantrums to get attention (swatted on the butt)!!

Basically it's the same thing...and just as with children...if you make the effort to give that girl some positive attention their behavior improves. The "slap on the butt" usually just causes loud screaming, crying, drama and makes everyone upset, tense and feel bad.

 

[Tazman]

Do you think emotional needs of women is also demonstrated in porn (assuming you've watched it)? The guys are all over them but when it comes to kissing you can tell the women really want to pull back, and in some cases they do. The emotional side of it isn't there for them, right? Kissing to women seems to be a very intimate act.

 

[Wyldfire]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: What a woman's testing/drama REALLY means...

Originally posted by ( . )( . )
******** for : ( . )( . ) your always right, I dont know how but Holy sh!t you rule.


Go you Swans!!

So much for taking you off ignore...

I don't have time to waste reading radical masculinist fueled garbage.

Goodbye.

Back to the kill-file with you.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Tazman
Do you think emotional needs of women is also demonstrated in porn (assuming you've watched it)? The guys are all over them but when it comes to kissing you can tell the women really want to pull back, and in some cases they do. The emotional side of it isn't there for them, right? Kissing to women seems to be a very intimate act.

Porn isn't my thing, no.

Yes, kissing it an intimate and emotional act for women. That's why you hear about prostitutes not kissing their customers.

 

[ketostix]

Wyldfire I find your premise that (all) men only have sexual needs, while women have emotional needs to be ignorant. Also, you always excuse and condone poor female behavior. Every guy knows you have to walk a tight rope with any female who choose to be a b*tch..duh

 

[shaken_not_stirred]

i'm pretty sure i read this in some article. did you just write this or copy and paste it from somewhere?

 

[Gonzalo]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
It's a cry for attention.

Just like this thread.