Well i'm back on the market again...

[SgtSplacker]

Was seeing a girl for just about two years. We traveled, met the parents, made wedding plans, she moved in with me. But always argued alot over nonsense. She never ever tried to meet me even half way on these things and always tried to flip things around to make it be my fault. It bothered me but I accept that women are all going to be a pain in the arse like that, she was sexy so I endured always keeping frame... always. When things were good they were good, when they were bad they were bad. Seems typical... whatever


But last week she crossed the line. Called me up and told me she was invited to go have drinks with the guys from work. I asked her exactly who invited her and she changed her story saying that she was the one that wanted to go. Did you just lie to me? What are their names? Wouldn't tell me. Who are they? "It's the guys from the warehouse". Last time I went by her job those guys were all half her age, single type guys. I told her not to go and she went anyways but for only an hour or so. As always the hamster spinning she tried making it all about spending time with her co-workers. You think i'm stupid or something?


Bottom line, you live under my roof that means no hanging out in bars with dudes half your age. Her request told me that not only is she getting buddy buddy with these dudes, but that the relationship is growing and evolving and she wants to take it out of the office and being deceptive about it with me. Neeeeeext, theirs plenty of fish in the sea biitch. Always be ready to walk in any relationshiit. A little attitude I can deal with, extra ****s I can't. Overall i'm pretty happy with how I dealt with things and I have this forum to thank for it. Old me might have tried to be Mr. Acceptance or Mr. Cool guy, I trust you babe. And gotten walked all over and cheated on like a biiitch.

 

[nyc123]

welcome back

 

[Desdinova]

A little attitude I can deal with, extra ****s I can't.

Yup, that's pretty much how I view it. If you're gonna be in a relationship, take it seriously and be respectful by not having friends of the opposite sex. If you can't take it seriously, you don't belong in a relationship.

 

[dustmuffin]

Good for you. It feels good to have a backbone.

 

[dustmuffin]

What did she say when you dumped her?

 

[ubercat]

Mate well played. You can never change their nature or a s*** into a lady. Just stay strong when she tries to crawl back

 

[Juanto]

Surely there are non-verbals that heightened your suspicions.

Anyway, these are the pros of setting boundaries. Obviously her IL has dropped so now she is willing to go against them and do risky behavior(an opportunity that she probably wouldn't afford you). If you hadn't set boundaries, this would have dragged on another 6 months to a year of suffering.

The con of a "boundaries breakup" of course is that there isn't that certainty you would get if you actually caught her in the act or waited for her to dump you. Try not to second guess it too much.

So very true. I had a similar break up couple of weeks ago (posted before about it) and sometimes I do wonder the same, even though I know I took the right decision.

 

[Skyline]

But last week she crossed the line. Called me up and told me she was invited to go have drinks with the guys from work. I asked her exactly who invited her and she changed her story saying that she was the one that wanted to go. Did you just lie to me? What are their names? Wouldn't tell me. Who are they? "It's the guys from the warehouse". Last time I went by her job those guys were all half her age, single type guys. I told her not to go and she went anyways but for only an hour or so. As always the hamster spinning she tried making it all about spending time with her co-workers. You think i'm stupid or something?.

Props for catching that lie and calling her out on it. Your response seemed almost automatic and it seemed like she didn't know what to do. I'm actually surprised she still went through with it.

She really has no business going out for drinks with single guys.

Quick question, if they were girls instead would you have reacted the same way?

 

[The Duke]

Sgt- you know way more about this than the rest of us, all I have to go off of is what you wrote. But I always like to have the facts. You made your decision based primarily on speculation and suspicion and just happened to catch her being deceptive. She likely knew you would not approve of this regardless of who arranged it. Has she given you reasons in the past that lead you to believe she should be questioned?

Why not ask her if you could go with her to this event? See how she handled that question.

I used to have an exgf(ltr) that would always get paranoid when I went to happy hour every once in a while with my co-workers. It really pissed me off, showed she couldn't trust me. You don't have a good relationship if you don't have trust. Trust is the foundation of any solid relationship.

Did you get cheated on in your past and things like this put you on guard?

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Well done Sgt., well done.

Didn't try to meet you half way, always trying to flip the script..

Calls you and lies about hanging out with younger single guys.

Definitely time to next her.

-Augustus-

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

And if you're still considering marriage to someone in the future, think long and hard before pulling the trigger on that... It's a real gamble for a man. Almost all downside and no real upside to it these days.

-Augustus-

 

[djdfuser]

My girlfriend (half my age) charged her works mobile face down two nights running. The third night I asked her to unlock it and let me look at her messages. She refused. She and all her stuff were out of my house and in her car within the hour. Three years gone in one hour. Took a few weeks but I haven't felt better in a year.

You done good, Sarge. There is no fvcking way I'd have tolerated that either. Very slippery slope.

 

[SgtSplacker]

Sgt- you know way more about this than the rest of us, all I have to go off of is what you wrote. But I always like to have the facts. You made your decision based primarily on speculation and suspicion and just happened to catch her being deceptive. She likely knew you would not approve of this regardless of who arranged it. Has she given you reasons in the past that lead you to believe she should be questioned?

Why not ask her if you could go with her to this event? See how she handled that question.

I used to have an exgf(ltr) that would always get paranoid when I went to happy hour every once in a while with my co-workers. It really pissed me off, showed she couldn't trust me. You don't have a good relationship if you don't have trust. Trust is the foundation of any solid relationship.

Did you get cheated on in your past and things like this put you on guard?

Never cheated on. Nothing really to go off of. I had been to her job a while ago and seen what they look like and they were mostly fit, good looking guys working the warehouse. I got suspicious because first of all she changed her story as soon as I asked her the name of the guy that invited her and said that nobody invited her all of a sudden. So i'm supposed to believe that she just stumbled upon a conversation and invited herself? Or that a group of men in chorus asked her at the same time? I wish I could get girls to hang out with me so easily to be honest, i'm not buying it. This guys been gaming her, making her feel comfortable showing her the grass and shes starting to feel things out.

I have never stopped her from doing anything. She goes out by herself to hang out in mixed groups in bars whenever she wants to, and does. It never bothers me because I know what she's there for, I know her friends and activities. Hanging out with the guys from the warehouse at a random bar is all about companionship. And she's being deceptive about this so she has something to hide.

I understand this is all speculation but either way i'm glad i'm doing this. She was way too argumentative for me. I'm calling mulligan on this one.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

At this point in my life, just being argumentative is enough to end it for me.

My ex GF was very argumentative but I dealt with it because she was so gorgeous. When that relationship ended, I swore that I would never deal with that type of verbal Bvll**** from a woman again even if she was hot as fvck.

-Augustus-

 

[SgtSplacker]

What did she say when you dumped her?

Nothing yet, I broke up with her pissed, and we really haven't talked too much about the actual breakup. I'm expecting a sit down soon...

 

[El Payaso]

You can't wife a hoe.

 

[MrWiggles]

This happened to me recently too, sorta. I just started giving her the cold shoulder and she texts me asking me whats up. Pretty much broke it off and told her the reasons. Still texts me saying she messed up and she misses me. lol

 

[SmooveMooves]

It's good to see someone here making the right decisions rather than the wrong. You did the right thing SGT. Don't turn back.

I'm going through something similar and the sentimental apologies and "heartfelt" messages make me want to consider turning back but I know the right course of action. You said you are expecting a sit down, that will probably do more harm than good. Be wary. Lay it out logically. Consider her benefits, her flaws, drawbacks and what's possible.

 

[ubercat]

Heheh they all get the Borg playbook. My girlfriend always sends affectionate messages just prior or after she's messed me around

 

[djdfuser]

PairPlusRoyalFlush, I didn't make it clear in my last post. I said show me the phone or get out. Pushing the boundaries with male work colleagues (the contents of the phone) and trying to hide it proved she wasn't invested at all. So yes, I would call that calculating and emotionless, despite the crocodile tears on the way out.