Was this a test or is she about the chase and the ups and downs?

[jnMissouri]

About three months together, love each other. We recently took a trip together and we got in a fight over the same thing almost every day. I kept trying to leave and fly back, and each time she would jump on me and try to stop me from leaving. She'd cry, she'd block the door, she'd wrestle me down each time.

At one point I told her this isn't working, tomorrow we fly back, I don't think this is going to work long term, I'm going to bed for tonight instead of leaving tonight, etc. So an hour later in bed she said she doesn't want to break up with me but she has no choice. So I get out of bed and start leaving and she immediately jumps on my back, cries, starts trying to block me from leaving when I keep walking with her on my back (she got off and blocked me from the door). I went and tried to pack my things and she kept taking them from me (laptop) and stopping me from leaving, she said she wasn't trying to break up with me, etc.

So we work things out, have sex, fly back home, etc. I didn't text her for a day. She sends me $500 via zelle. No text, I knew because I got the Zelle notification. We had split the trip, but I told her I was getting our activities. When we got in a fight during the trip, she sent me that money for the activities as a gesture. I sent it back to her. She kept it for a couple days, but when we got back and I didn't text her for a day or so, she sent it back. I was busy so I didn't call or text her despite seeing it. So two hours after she sent it she calls, said she tried to do what I wanted her to do and she failed, I don't think this is going to work. I told her it's not a big deal. She said but she tried and couldn't do what I asked (it was out of her control anyways, I told her that, because I tried to do it too).

She was so hung up on that. She said she didn't want to break up but she couldn't do what she said she promised me she would do for me and I had told her if she couldn't then I don't see how this will work and she doesn't want me to be upset or suffer being with HER. So I told her I had time to think about it and discuss with friends and it's not a big deal, let's agree to move on. So she agrees to stay together. I said some sweet things to make that happen. An hour later during the call I got upset with her about something else she said and I said if you can't change this and that for me, then you're right, this is NOT going to work, let's break up. And she immediately would say no I can change that for you and I already did, I'm not saying I can't. Basically she would fight to keep me if I pulled away, just like whenever I would try to leave, even if she tried to break up with me in person.



Seems to me she is either about the chase (chasing me, me chasing her, etc.) or this was a test? I've dated girls before who liked the up and down and truth be told, they and I both liked it. It's a thrill. I wonder if this is what this was or a test.

 

[Barrister]

Women panic when they are about to be dumped and have no feasible alternative to you. I think she doesn't want to break up with you RIGHT NOW because she wants to lay the groundwork for her to monkey branch to another guy but hasn't sorted that out quite yet. She is obviously preparing herself to leave judging by her actions. She wants to keep the security you bring her in the meantime though so she isn't all alone while she seeks out her next fling. This kind of thing could probably go on another 3-6 months if you let it.

I think you need to ask yourself why you are sticking around. You also need to accept that this relationship is over whether you believe you have "worked things out" or not. This is not healthy relationship behavior. More like people who are co-dependent on each other as a sort of drug. My advice: it will be hard, but break up with her now and go No Contact. You will increase your own SMV and can start focusing on yourself. Begin dating other women at your own pace. Maybe that is tomorrow. Maybe that is in three months. But go how you need to.

Good luck, brother.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Your dealing with a woman who has low self esteem, plain and simple, the part that stands out the most to me is the exchanging of the money, women rarely part with resource because it affords them opportunity to meet new (desirable) men.

From what I'm gathering, I would assume there is another man in the picture who is not nearly as financially well off as you are... Basically what this behavior tells me is that she's gonna orbit around the other guy and not you, if you break up.

Maybe I'm wrong but the construct of having your cake and eating it too is a balance, she seems to be attempting to strike that balance

 

[jnMissouri]

Interesting perspectives. I do think there is some codependence. Monkey branching, maybe, but if you knew her like I do, I doubt it. She's been single for years since her divorce. Barely went out with one guy that her sister invited her out with as a group function not knowing he would be there, never did anything. She's asian, their culture is a bit different. She's hot and rich, trust me, she could have ANY man. She had a lot of beta male orbiters. No more, that was one of my boundaries for her, her male friends have to go, so she deleted them off her phone, agreed not to have male friends or hang out with any males even in group settings without me. She did all of this without hesitation. This was something her husband of 7 years could NOT get her to do....they divorced but for different reasons (he wanted to go back to Asia, she didn't...)

 

[Black Widow Void]

She’s addicted to the adrenaline rush of the drama. The sex is usually over the top with these types, but the trade off is hot/cold and multiple make up / breakups.

Lots of us have been there. No one is going to say that they enjoyed it or would do it all over again.

 

[jnMissouri]

Your dealing with a woman who has low self esteem, plain and simple, the part that stands out the most to me is the exchanging of the money, women rarely part with resource because it affords them opportunity to meet new (desirable) men.

From what I'm gathering, I would assume there is another man in the picture who is not nearly as financially well off as you are... Basically what this behavior tells me is that she's gonna orbit around the other guy and not you, if you break up.

Maybe I'm wrong but the construct of having your cake and eating it too is a balance, she seems to be attempting to strike that balance

The girl is a 10 and she is rich. She doesn't work. She's a full time investor. After our first date, she called to ask me about dating exclusively, because I had joked about it (semi joked) on our first date because we had some serious chemistry and everything in common.

We waited a few dates to have sex, she's not like that. Her family was amazed someone actually got her. They came from all over to meet me because they said she hadn't really dated anyone for years since her divorce, let alone invited anyone over for dinner and cooked for him.

On our second date, she told me a guy with a private jet she had met prior to me wanted to fly in to meet her but she told him she was seeing someone right now.

So there's more to the story than what I posted. Like I said, she could have ANY man. Everywhere we go she turns heads and she is dressed in 20K+ of designer hand bags, shoes, earrings. One of her hand bags alone is 20K. Yet she's buying ME things. I haven't bought her any gifts yet other than upcoming holidays. So no, she's not about money. She has that herself. She even tells me she dislikes it when I talk about my money because she doesn't care about that. In fact, in her culture they ALWAYS date in their own race. That's another thing her family keeps asking about, what is it about this guy that he got you to go out with him and is not even Asian...her sisters were mesmerized that I got her, there was a bit of mystery about what it is about me that broke her. She told them I make her laugh and we have a lot in common, she likes that I'm smarter than her and that I lead, unlike most guys who try to follow her, ask her where she wants to eat, is everything ok, etc. I'm more masculine. She likes that I can tell her no and put her in her place.

 

[jnMissouri]

She’s addicted to the adrenaline rush of the drama. The sex is usually over the top with these types, but the trade off is hot/cold and multiple make up / breakups.

Lots of us have been there. No one is going to say that they enjoyed it or would do it all over again.

This. She told me early on she is crazy in a semi joking way. She even said laying in bed one time months ago I haven't seen her crazy. I asked for examples, she didn't say anything. Later she said she worries her crazy will drive me away.

It just reminded me writing that of one of my exes who said the same thing to me. She worried she'd be too much for me. She explained she meant too up and down. Funny enough, I'm the same way and am attracted to that. Women in relationships with me describe me as volatile...

I like being chased and I like chasing...the drama keeps life interesting for me. My staff always told me the reason I seem to like crazy women with drama is because my life is so stable as a result of being so put together (education, career, money, investments, wealthy) that I'm bored. There is truth to that. Women and dating are the spice in my life.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

The girl is a 10 and she is rich. She doesn't work. She's a full time investor. After our first date, she called to ask me about dating exclusively, because I had joked about it (semi joked) on our first date because we had some serious chemistry and everything in common.

We waited a few dates to have sex, she's not like that. Her family was amazed someone actually got her. They came from all over to meet me because they said she hadn't really dated anyone for years since her divorce, let alone invited anyone over for dinner and cooked for him.

On our second date, she told me a guy with a private jet she had met prior to me wanted to fly in to meet her but she told him she was seeing someone right now.

So there's more to the story than what I posted. Like I said, she could have ANY man. Everywhere we go she turns heads and she is dressed in 20K+ of designer hand bags, shoes, earrings. One of her hand bags alone is 20K. Yet she's buying ME things. I haven't bought her any gifts yet other than upcoming holidays. So no, she's not about money. She has that herself. She even tells me she dislikes it when I talk about my money because she doesn't care about that. In fact, in her culture they ALWAYS date in their own race. That's another thing her family keeps asking about, what is it about this guy that he got you to go out with him and is not even Asian...her sisters were mesmerized that I got her, there was a bit of mystery about what it is about me that broke her. She told them I make her laugh and we have a lot in common, she likes that I'm smarter than her and that I lead, unlike most guys who try to follow her, ask her where she wants to eat, is everything ok, etc. I'm more masculine. She likes that I can tell her no and put her in her place.

I get you now, well you gotta just enjoy the ride while it's available, I've also dated women with lots of money, my ex was a klepto and a closet hard drug user, she hid all the signs of her addiction impressively well... These women are wild cards, you just need to stay in abundance mindset, have fun

 

[jnMissouri]

I get you now, well you gotta just enjoy the ride while it's available, I've also dated women with lots of money, my ex was a klepto and a closet hard drug user, she hid all the signs of her addiction impressively well... These women are wild cards, you just need to stay in abundance mindset, have fun

She chased her husband for years. They had sex once a month even in the beginning. They slept separately. When they divorced they were separated for 3 years before hand due to her wanting to try to work it out. But I'm going to see where this leads. We've both learned and told each other nothing lasts forever, so although we are hopeful, we are realistic...she's a quality woman so far though, educated, rich, good looking, treats me well. I'd alllllmost be willing to put a ring on it.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

She chased her husband for years. They had sex once a month even in the beginning. They slept separately. When they divorced they were separated for 3 years before hand due to her wanting to try to work it out. But I'm going to see where this leads. We've both learned and told each other nothing lasts forever, so although we are hopeful, we are realistic...she's a quality woman so far though, educated, rich, good looking, treats me well. I'd alllllmost be willing to put a ring on it.

These people are smart, before they marry they move assets into a family member's name, take all necessary precautions, I'm the guy that went looking for a come up off her and got nothing but learned a lot

 

[jimwho]

20K purses? Jeepers be willikers! At least stick around for a nice Rolex. (kidding) There's no way you're going to take any advice from here. Just go through the motions, go through the process, good or bad and try not to get bucked off.

We'll see you on the other side with an update. Have fun.