Want to know why most "hot" guys here get no action?

[sstype]

I stumbled upon a revelation a few days ago, partly due to reading the "good-looking" thread in Anything I else. I now understand how some genuinely attractive guys can get little play from girls.

Its their aloofness and their unrealistic expectations from chicks.


The way I see it, if you are an attractive person, you can also be intimidating as well. Think, you are better looking than 90 percent of your friends, coworkers, classmates. If you act too aloof, people will be intimidated. They dont want to feel rejected by someone they percieve as "higher" than they are, so their defense mechanisms go up:

1. They ignore you
2. Or they will try and bring you down to make themselves feel better

Its the same with very attractive women. Majority of men fear approaching them because they think they are too good for them anyways. So what do they do? They approach the 7's and 8's because they percieve them as "more approachable" with their less stunning looks. The paradox of this is that the less stunning females generally act more elitist and picky than their more attractive sisters because of all the attention they recieve! The 9's and 10's can't really do much. Any active chasing on their part would be percieved as "slvtty" from their gf's. That is probably why we hear stories of stunning women with average guys.

So with respect to getting girls, you cant expect most of them to actively approach you. they will talk about you to their friends, fantasize about you, but will hardly make an active effort to bed you. Girls fear being rejected by a goodlooking guy as much as we fear rejection from a very hot girl. you have to bite the bullet and make yourself available by being friendly, outgoing and more persistent than average guys. That means if you are attractive, you have to deal with flakiness and wierd behavior, because the girl just might be afraid to get into a relationship with someone they percieve as "having options." Remember they want to feel that they are exclusive to you. Be a bit more patient with em, dont go too quickly (and reinforce her beliefs of you being a player). Let her get comfortable around you first, before you make the move.


I recently changed my attitude to become somewhat more outgoing and friendly. I also tried doing a bit more eye contact with girls that pass by. I had quite a few girls maintain the eye contact before breaking off. I had one cutie in the library smile as i walked by, I smiled back, and the next day I said hey to her. The girl i sit next to in my english class got comfortable around me, so its pretty obvious she likes me. I have a married spanish couple in my class as well that seem to be really like me because I talk to them all the time about different stuff.

What I realized was that before, I saw myself as average looking, and my attitude reflected that by my defense mechanisms to those that I felt "looked down on me" even though they really werent. Basically, I was insecure and a lot of people felt it. I never realized until now that I was intimidating a lot of people because I was more attractive than I gave myself credit for.

So what I am saying is if you are attractive, tone down the ego. People that are not as attractive need some form of validation when they are around you, so just be friendly/outgoing, give a sincere compliment as well and they will admire you.

If you average looking, be friendly/outgoing, mix in a little ****iness from time to time as well to compensate for your averageness. Go to the gym and get bigger(or smaller if you are fat), to raise your attractiveness.

Feel free to add-on or argue. I also want to hear your stories as well.

 

[Knicknack]

well said. i agree 100%.

 

[wowiehowie]

Agreed. Also, I'd like to build from what you've said. In addition, I'm 6'7", 245 lbs, and a eff'in genius.

So if you're great looking, tall, intelligent and carry yourself well (and sometimes too well) women can and do get intimidated just as we DJ's feel around HB's.

 

[sapphire]

Yes, I also read the "too goodlooking thread" and find that there is a ring of truth to it and have experienced similar situations.

In my case, I have always been told that I am good looking even gorgeous but have difficulty believing it, because i just do not get the feedback in my day to day dealings with women. Sure, sometimes I catch women looking at me and on occassion I have been approached by a girl, but quite rarely. And, I don't get as much attention as other guys some of whom are quite average looking. When I talk to women, they usually just give me an empty look while some guys at the office I work in, for instance, seem to get alot of attention from them. It makes me feel kind of inferior and alienated.

Then I realized, that perhaps I do intimidate people because I have a serious demeanor which may come off as arrogant. The girls who ignore me may indeed find me attractive, but may think I am stuck up or something and do not give my a chance.

And while on dates, I too have noticed that some of the girls acted a little weird, nervous and even flakey even though I sensed that they were attracted to me. And there was this very attractive bank teller who always seemed nervous around me but I did not approach her because she just did not seem that she liked me for some reason ( I later found out she had a major crush on me after she had moved to parts unknown).

So, in order to resolve the problem, I promised my self that I am going to be more outgoing and to smile more to look more approachable. Hopefully, that lead to greater success.

Thanks for bringing the subject to light as I think it spells out some of the problems alot of guys are having with women.

 

[skeeloo]

but there are some situations where no matter how friendly you come across it wont help:crackup:

life can be a *****............

 

[catch]

i agree,

i had a friend of mine tell me that all the time, im shocked to see other people agree...and that thread makes complete sense!

i thought it was just what losers said to make themselves feel better...!

 

[DinoCassanova]

The better-looking guys are always at a disadvantage as opposed to the average or below average. Everything the better-looking guys do comes off suspiciously, especially to hot girls. Because hot girls figure hot guys are either a) taken or b) taken but still playing anyway. In other words, they don't trust you right off the bat. And if you come off as TOO slick-sounding, etc, etc, too smooth, they'll trust you even that much less. I'm not saying they won't go out w/you or sleep w/you. Probably many of them will. But there are some really good looking girls who are really leery of good looking guys because they've been burned in the past basically. Not much you can do about it, if you fall into that category, just have to game your way around it I suppose.

 

[ImpatientFire]

I have been getting the same thing too. I've been told by my female friends (and a couple of gay guys ) that I'm very attractive and that I come off as arrogant and intimidating. It's weird 'cos all along I thought that the only reason I wasn't getting tons of attention from the ladies was because I was unattractive . So yea, if ur better than average looking, you should tone down the whole ****y/arrogant appearance.

 

[Joe The Homophobe]

I can answer the question "why most hot guys here get no action" in a way shorter response than the first post of this thread, here it goes

YOU HAVE TO APPROACH GIRLS, THEY RARELY APPROACH YOU!

Good looking guys think that just because they are good looking they will get girls, and they can just wait rather than approach and possibly be rejected. The truth is you will wait forever to get a girlfriend this way. Trust me I know

 

[Tazman]

This is confusing. I've been told I have a nice face, but I'm still a skinny ass dude (5'5 120 lbs.). I experience some of the things you guys have described but I wouldn't consider myself a great looking guy because I'm a short skinny dude.

I remember trying to make EC with this one girl and I had a little success with it, but she wouldn't look at me whenever I got near enough to say something to her. I even said "hows it going" and she didn't respond, she just said "thank you" like she does to everyone else (works at a gym). I repeat, I'm a small, skinny ass dude, why would I be getting this treatment?

 

[tmpgstx]

This thread has reiterated some of what the good-looking thread has staid. It's nice reading about it again with a different spin.

I've been told this as well - 'really hot', but heard not from the girl but from someone else. I even heard one girl who couldn't even be around me she told someone else because it got her too nervous.

 

[spider_007]

i think there is a confusion here. There is what we (AS MEN) THINK is good looking and then there is what women find physicaly attractive. HE may be the best looking guy at a party (physicaly) but if he doesn't have the confidence, attude (which you can also SEE IN THE GUY) and doesn't dress the part, he ain't gona get any....you can put two twin brothers side buy side one with that sparkle of confidence and fun in his eyes, and the other one with the desperate look on his face, which do you think she is going to choose???

 

[AndyW]

There is also the factor that you can go to places where you WILL stand out as the more attractive guy. I go to a lot of places where people don't really make a huge effort - small and cheap live music bars. I always like to wear a shirt out. I've been told that I was the best looking guy in the place (its a small place) and then also told by the group of girls who said it that they assumed I had a gf.

On the other hand, if i go out to places where guys make a real effort and there is a lot of emphasis on looking good, then I don't get those comments. At those places there are more people who i would deem are more attractive than me, and more people make a real effort to look good, meaning that the competition in terms of looks, is much greater.

Its like 'big fish, small pond' or 'average fish, big pond'

an average guy can look much better in the right clothing and with the right attitude. A great looking guy can look awful with the wrong attitude. And then some people just seem to have 'it' regardless!

 

[tmpgstx]

I think too if an attractive girl likes an attractive guy (generally regarded as, not just by her) that she'll play hard to get with him. It makes him work for and value her more. I mean afterall, the harder you work for something, the more you value it when you do have it. It also shows just how much you really do want her and aren't a 'player' etc.

Women know the game way better than us guys. They've been doing it since they were 12, and we just start trying to learn what they already know 10 years later.

 

[AndyW]

Something else that is interesting is just how much women look at guys in the way guys look at women - in terms of classifying them as someone you could date, as opposed to someone you just want to sleep with.

You know you're walking down the street and you see the girl who 4 out of 5 blokes would turn around to watch, but you only do it in a "i'd like to sleep with her" kinda way. Like there is just something about them that makes you want sex. But then some other woman you might see as gf potential - someone you want to sleep with, but MORE as well.

I'm sure women classify guys this way too.

 

[Socialreject]

Interesting subject...

women make me work very hard for them and I'm pretty much in the dark all the time until i make a move. The signals most women send are mixed, ranging from attraction to flat out rejection. It's totally bizarre...

I've only ever had one Girl really HIT on me blatantly obvious and she was drunk! I had a relationship with her after which lasted several years. Once solber she was much less ****y though and also made me work for her...albeit not as much as most. She would still send me signs of attraction and never any signs of flat out rejection.

Later she had told me that the night when she got drunk, she decided to just blatantly hit on me since she already pretty much KNEW she didn't have a chance at me anyways... Ofcourse she was wrong hehe.

The point is i don't really get it. Am i that good looking? Hmmm very hard to answer. I'm a vain person so there is a lot about my looks that i consider 'could be better'. When i was younger i was under the impression that i was just ugly. I'm not sure why, i was very insecure as a kid...

I've gotten a lot of second hand compliments on my looks (they don't tell you they tell someone else and they tell you) and sometimes i can look into the mirror and just say 'hmmm i look GOOD'... but that's just a little self love and vanity i think ^^

Anyways. It seems like the only time women will give me a break is when they get drunk and even then they are still guarded as hell. In fact most of the time they end up making out with some average guy. Women will almost never look me in the eye. They look away almost instantly. Rarely a women will look at me and smile if i do my ultimate best to produce a really friendly, innocent 'i like you' type of smile. Anything challenging or dreamy/romantic and they will just look away a microsecond after i make EC.

Even women i am dating seem to have trouble at first to make any kind of romantic EC. Most of them apologise if I touch THEM.. ... they act flakey, apologetic and mostly insecure. It's either that or they blatantly reject me (harshly) or they ignore me like it's not even funny, heh.

I get the same thing with guys aswell. Most guys will not look me in the eye. Frankly guys are mostly very careful around me or apologetic... even though i am really a timid person in nature, not really challenging or all that ****y at all. I figured that maybe I'm giving off a an arrogant, ****y or challenging vibe, so i asked around what kind of impression i give people...

And the general consensus seems to be that i give of a very relaxed attitude... like the building could burn down around me and i wouldn't even blink.

I've also considered that i might just be unattractive because i have no confidence. Thing is... i do, I'm generally confident about myself, my looks, my social skills etc. I know I'm the type of guy that's easy to be around and easy at making friends and people respect me. So for a while i tried being more ****y, beam more confidence etc... It had a reverse effect, women blow me off like nuts, get upset, make personal attacks O_O... crazy.

Totally confusing really. The women i have most success with are the ones who seem to be provided with a solid spine, who have confidence and good social skills. The problem IS that I'm much more into more submissive women...

So yeah, I'm not really sure how to change my act to attract the kind of women I'm most attracted to.

 

[blueangel83]

Aholes are my Nemesis.

 

[Tazman]

It's weird. If I'm making EC with a girl (checking her out) why do they have to get all defensive? I'm letting them know I like them. Things like looking away or avoiding EC but placing themselves within your view so you can check them out more. I just want EC so I can speak to them like a normal person, instead I'm forced to go out of my way to get there attention which throws me off because it doesn't feel natural.

Of course my problem is I'm shy and not that great at conversation so I've been trying to atleast get a girl to meet me half way so I can get some practice in. Sadly, it just isn't happening. I had a girl pass by and smile at me and it totally threw me off and I looked away (when I want it to happen it doesn't)........I just can't catch a break.

 

[GropeDope]

Yea I think the dudes on here that think they're so hot are worse off than the dudes that think they're average.

Every girl that I've banged - except for the last one I met after coming to this site - has always been the one who made the initial approach (and in high school when I was part of a giant group of friends and was basically "forced" to talk to girls that were friends with friends in the group but that doesn't count). I've just been "getting lucky" all along...in the literal sense. And I would say that 90% of them were the openly, friendly slutty type...usually a 6 (or 7 with the right amount of facial accessories)which is not what I think I deserve but until I started coming here I figured that's all I'd ever get. Majority of the time, who else, besides sluts, would reverse roles and approach a guy?

That's what happens when you depend on your luck and not your balls. It's a sh!tty way to live. You think you're gonna get the same treatment as hot b!tches do just because you look oh so fine. Maybe if you had two breasts and a puss you'd be right...but most of the time you're dead wrong. Chicks are submissive...they aren't going to deviate from that sh!t just cause you look like a model...except for the special cases I mentioned above that are so sexually open that they'll even risk rejection.

A problem with thinking you're very good looking when you start approaching girls is that when you get rejected...you start thinking sh!t like "Wtf? That b!tch wasn't even that hot and she rejected MY sweet looking candyass?" It starts messing with your head and creates doubts that you really ain't all that and a bag of potato chips after all. Now you're feeling worse than the less attractive dudes do when they get rejected..cause you're thinking "at least they can always fall back on the excuse that they we're rejected cause they weren't hot enough for her...but wtf is my excuse?"

It's like all the time you're thinking superiority complex type sh!t when you see 7s or even 6s like... "I'm not going to approach that b!tch because she's not even hot enough to be worth the risk of getting rejected by her and I'd feel worse getting rejected by her than a hotter chick, so f*ck that." You put in all these imaginary thoughts that you're such hot sh!t...and all that ends up doing is making you picky as f*ck and extremely limits your options.

THEN when you see the 8s and 9s that you think are worthy of your hot a$$...you don't approach them either because now YOU'RE the one who's the little intimidated b!tch. While you know that you're so cool but you're so hot and you're so fly (but you're really not), you also have extreme issues with rejection since you won't even approach the ones that are lower on the food chain, and now that there's an 8 or 9 standing in front of you, you start thinking that you have such a high chance of getting rejected..that ONCE AGAIN, you don't even bother. F*ckin never ending cycle you got going there.

Now you're in an even worse position than dudes that don't look as good as you. At least they're going for it and getting some...while your superiority complex dumbass has already cast off 9s and 8s for fear of rejection, and the 7s and 6s because they're too low for someone as "pretty" as you to waste your time on...and now look at what you got left...your hand. I'm speaking from experience unfortunately.

If you are on this board and are caught up with the fact that you are a hot guy yet you're still getting no action...you've got DOUBLE the work to do than the dudes on here who think they're average looking. Not only do you have to grow some balls and get over the fear of rejection like they do, you also have to f*ckin get over YOURSELF.

As already stated above:

YOU'RE THE ONE WITH THE C*CK! THAT MEANS YOU'RE THE ONE THAT HAS TO APPROACH! YES, EVEN YOU, PRETTY BOY!

 

[Tazman]

lol, I like that post, some of it really hit home. I don't think I'm a "hot" guy but I do get these crazy mixed signals from girls I "think" are attracted to me. You're right though, I just don't have the balls..........