Wanna help an aspiring DJ out?

Dav Cole

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Hey there y'all. Looong time on the message boards, first time writing. I just wanted another persons opinion on this situation.

Last night, I was hanging out with one of my female friends, nice gal named Jamie. I have/had a minor crush on her. Nothing major, i just acknowledge the fact that shes attractive and sometimes muse with the idea of gettin together with her.

Why dont I actually? Well, whenever one of us has been attracted to the other, one of us is in a relationship. This happened to us atleast 3 times. We laugh it off and dont make a huge deal about it. this time, shes in the relationship, and im single.

However, last night kinda shifted perspectives a bit.

Late last night, she was kinda barred from getting into her dorm (Roommates had people and were having...fun ;) ) So me and her went to a diner for some food and coffee. On the way back, neither of us wanted to go back to campus. So we parked the car and talked for a bit.

She eventually got around to telling me that she was having BF problems. I listened as she *****ed (we listen to eachother ***** problems often) And somewhere along the line, we just kinda ended up holding hands and looking at each other.

To make a rather long story short, we both admitted to eachother that we were attracted to each other again. Problem is, that there are a few....road blocks shall we say. (Arent there always... :rolleyes: )

One is the fact that ive known this gal for about 1/2 a year. I cant really think about what we would do if we were in a relationship. Not only that, but i know of all tha little...quirks she has. How paranoid and what not she can be. It isnt a turn off per say, but her paranoia about relationships can be....excessive at times.

is the fact that she has a BF. This is probably the biggest problem to me. Not because of him particularly (I could kick his ass in a second) But because i dont cheat on people and i dont like being the person who people cheat with. Just not my style.

Thats the main problem, the fact that we both wanted each other that night, but neither of us wanted to be the cheater. Or start a relationship under "illicit" circumstances.

In the end, I told her that she was still seeing hef BF and i was still dating. She understood and we decided to keep this between ourselves.

The fact remains though, now the attraction for each other is in the open (not fully, theres still alot about me she wonders about) I know I wont act unless she becomes single again, but i dont know about her.

Also, realize that shes done stuff like this in the past (Not to me) If she gets REALLY paranoid or freaked out and cant deal with a problem, she tries to end the relationship by cheating on the guy. (Happens rarely, only to people that REALLY freak her out.)

I just want someone elses opinion on how i handled this. Im still seeing other ppl and as of now, shes sttill with her BF. Any feedback or critisism is welcome (As long as its not "READ THE BIBLE YOU AFC"...i have read it, and i read it again from time to time ;) ) If anyone needs things clarified, tell me and ill make it clear. Sorry if this is rushed, i have class soon.
 

Sart

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AFC?

I don't think that was very afc. An AFC guy would have jumped cart wheels given your opportunity, you instead weighed up your options and opted for "out" right now. Pretty damn DJ if you ask me. It sounds like you have a good friend who one day, perhaps, maybe, you may fukc. She is attracted to you..dont buy in to all this "window of opportunity" bullshyte, attraction can be triggered again and again. As long as you dont gross her out really. I am a little against the whole LTR thing, but so many LTR's begin and seem to last, when the couple had been friends/close, for a fair while in the beginning. It happens all the time. We met, three years later we ...you know the drum.

You are seeing other chicks, you aint hung up on this one and YOU were the one who called it short. I think you did well.

I am jaded against LTR's mate, I think that maybe all relationship do, and should have, a time clock. Thats my own personal agenda. I just wish everyone would stop proving me right haha.
 

Dav Cole

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thanks for the compliment. And i didnt do anything really gross or anything. The one thing that I did was that i had a bad case of nerves and it was freezing in my car. I kept shivering like crazy...Bad habit i get, i know, but i shiver and shake almost uncontrollably. Jamie called me on it and said i wasnt shivering cause of the cold...then she tried to kiss me and i stopped her.
 

Kaine

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she tries to end the relationship by cheating on the guy. (Happens rarely, only to people that REALLY freak her out.)
Redflag. This girl has issues. You don't need to cheat with some to end a relationship.

You talk to much, and stop been an emotional tampon.

She's still interested because

1) You convey mystery: she's still not 100% sure about you
2) You convey challenge: u like me? sorry I don't date girls with BFs
3) Attention *****, she dates a jerk that she fcuks and a tampon for her emotion release.

Be careful how you play this out.

Kaine
 
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Originally posted by Dav Cole
Also, realize that shes done stuff like this in the past (Not to me) If she gets REALLY paranoid or freaked out and cant deal with a problem, she tries to end the relationship by cheating on the guy. (Happens rarely, only to people that REALLY freak her out.)
This chick is a liar/cheater and you want a relationship with her!! HUH???? Don't believe what she tells you - she is trying to blame her b/f's for her infidelity!! HUH???

She says, "If my boyfriend 'freaks' me out then I'll "cheat" on him??? Can't she just leave her boyfriend - must she have another dude to get the courage to leave him??? This doesn't make sense!!!!

She is already cheating on her b/f!!!! If you found your girl with another dude in his car holding hands and trying to kiss him - would you still be with her?? This was exactly what she was doing with you - just imagine her boyfriend walking up to the car and seeing both of you! She'll probably tell him "Johnny, you "freaked" me out so I want to cheat on you and get with another dude so that you can call it off between us" - her cheating already severed the relationship!! :rolleyes:

Quit rationalizing and accomodating excuses of this girl!!!! Don't let this girl "PLAY" you!!!
 
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Dav Cole

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Okay,perhaps i should define what i mean by "Freaked out" and cheating. By freaked out, i mean that she ends up overanalyzing a situation and blowing something out of porportion.

Normally, she just gets depressed for a day or so and then shes back to her bubbly self. However, when the thing that is on her mind is something major...a culmination of alot of problems (like it was the other night) then she decides she wants out of a relationship.

As far as breaking it off clean with a guy, she normally does. the problem is when its an LTR and she cant bring herself to hurt the other person (how she describes it -_-)

And i know its just a technicality, but shes a virgin, she dont spread her legs for anyone...yet. Her idea of cheating is just a hook up with another guy. once again, she just blows things like this outta porportion.

Thanks for the feedback so far, youre all letting me see different ways to look at this situation.
 
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Ok Dav, I didn't know she was a virgin (as she claims) so I toned down my rant - however, do not trust this girl - her thinking is insincere and conniving!!!

She has a b/f - do nothing!!! Don't fall in love with her - she is dangewrous!

Cheating on a dude and playing him for a chump hurts him more than just being honest and telling the truth - I don't get this rationale - she is trying to rationalize her wrongful conduct as if she is doing her b/f a favor by cheating on him. HUH???? She has problems!!!
 

Don Juanabbe

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Chick logic....:rolleyes:

No wonder the mainstream media is so ridiculous these days, what with all the female journalists and their castrated leftist male supporters/enablers.

Imagine if the world were run by women? The human race would be extinct!
 

Dav Cole

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Okay....update time.

Since we talked about it, things have gone uphill and down...

One minute she calls me crying and says she can't see me as a friend anymore and needs her space. And, while it hurt, I said okay and let her be.

I go out for a walk then...and an hour later I get a call from her, happier, saying that we can work things out. and I agreed.

30 min after that, she ims me on aim and 1/2 way through the convo, she says she misses me (she lives in the dorm hall 50 feet from me) and that she can't stop thinking about me....Which would all be great if she wasnt torn up over her having a current BF....

Today, she was happy and was talking to me most of the day (We have classes together on classes and normally hang out inbetween classes) And once the both of us go to a party and hang out for awhile, sh1t goes awry again...

At first we were fine, i caught her staring at me a coupla times and after awhile i got tired of it and met her gaze. Then, while she was at the computer and refused to move, i wanted to check my mail. So i went over her as she was sitting there and our faces were cheek to cheek pretty much. I could FEEL her breath get deeper and her start to sorta press herself to me.

After awhile, the party continues and the normal stuff continues...where i normally bust her chops about random crap, nothing bad at all. Eventually, she stopped looking at me and excused herself cause she was "not feeling well".

As she left i said goodbye and she just ran out. I got worried so i caught up with her and before she could slam her door on me, i Made her tell me what was wrong. She said "it was the whole situation and that she needed to be alone."

As of now, im letting her be. Right now...I have no interest of a relationship...That pales in comparason to saving a friendship. As Sart said...Attraction can come back....but its much harder to save a friendship once one person runs away.

She's one of my best friends, and i dont want to lose her. It isnt a case of oneitis, i have other prospects and have gone on other dates. Anyone...any ideas or suggestions on what I can do to save this friendship? I know what i can do to have her as a gf or whatever...but right now, i wanna save this friendship.
 
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Dav, go for one of your walks and visualize this......imagine that YOU are her boyfriend instead of her current beau and then imagine her calling another dude without your knowledge expressing her love for him and crying - all the while you are in your dorm room contented to having such a wonderful girl!!! She is playing her b/f as a chump - he don't even know all this drama is going on behind his back!!! These are the kind of treacherous women to avoid in a relationship!!!! "WOE is me", she cries!! :rolleyes:
 
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