Walked Away From BPD Ex, Please Help!

[fknhelp]

Hey Guys,

I just walked away from my bpd ex and as you know am going through the grinder. Any Don’s out that willing have a chat on the phone? I need to run through and process some stuff, but am only looking to speak with someone who has been through the bpd ringer and came out the other side.

Thanks!

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Maybe you should go on the No Contact thread. And, now that you know what BPD is like, check the red flags when you start dating again.

 

[Plinco]

You cannot help someone unless they are willing to help themselves. It's not your fault that she is like the way she is, and it is not your job to fix her. Walking away from a toxic relationship is a good thing and you ought to feel some self-respect for doing so.

 

[BPH]

@fknhelp you don't need to talk to someone, your situation is not unique.

I dated a bipolar woman recently, and a lot of this board some experience with them at one point or another.

Speaking from experience, go no-contact/block her and go out to meet other people.

 

[HaleyBaron]

OP thinks he's the only one who dealt with BPD women. Boy, ALL WOMEN are BPD. And I have yet to be disproven on that.

Stop acting like your situation is unique. I do not know what you want from us. You did exactly what we would have told you to do. What else is the problem.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Boy, ALL WOMEN are BPD. And I have yet to be disproven on that.

Well, I counsel women and not all of them are BPD.

According to the Mayo clinic:

Borderline personality disorder affects how you feel about yourself, relate to others and behave.

Symptoms may include:

• A strong fear of abandonment. This includes going to extreme measures so you're not separated or rejected, even if these fears are made up.
• A pattern of unstable, intense relationships, such as believing someone is perfect one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn't care enough or is cruel.
• Quick changes in how you see yourself. This includes shifting goals and values, as well as seeing yourself as bad or as if you don't exist.
• Periods of stress-related paranoia and loss of contact with reality. These periods can last from a few minutes to a few hours.
• Impulsive and risky behavior, such as gambling, dangerous driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating, drug misuse, or sabotaging success by suddenly quitting a good job or ending a positive relationship.
• Threats of suicide or self-injury, often in response to fears of separation or rejection.
• Wide mood swings that last from a few hours to a few days. These mood swings can include periods of being very happy, irritable or anxious, or feeling shame.
• Ongoing feelings of emptiness.
• Inappropriate, strong anger, such as losing your temper often, being sarcastic or bitter, or physically fighting.

People like to throw around psychological terms they hardly understand. A favourite is the 'psycho ex', but just because someone is a callous bastard, they're not automatically psychopathic. A woman with trust issues who is clingy and afraid to be abandoned has borderline traits, but unless she has all the symptoms above, she's quite 'the norm', i.e. 'normal'. The Disorder part comes when they are harmful either to themselves or to others / society.

I don't know whether @fknhelp's girlfriend was actually diagnosed or whether she merely showed some of the traits listen in this comment, but an official analysis isn't necessary to act in your own best interest and walk away from toxic people and seek out healthy people.

 

[HaleyBaron]

Well, I counsel women and not all of them are BPD.

Women are BPD every day of their lives. If you ever hung around a woman for at least a day, and paid attention, you will see how flip floppy their views and perspectives are. It's on the little things that you catch it. It's why I don't take women seriously.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Women are BPD every day of their lives. If you ever hung around a woman for at least a day, and paid attention, you will see how flip floppy their views and perspectives are. It's on the little things that you catch it. It's why I don't take women seriously.

So you think that all women are clinically BPD? That's a bold statement. What are your credentials, apart from 'hanging around women for at least a day and paying attention'?

 

[HaleyBaron]

So you think that all women are clinically BPD? That's a bold statement. What are your credentials, apart from 'hanging around women for at least a day and paying attention'?

Yes. BPD is their natural state. That's how they navigate the social world. My credentials is being a man who been with women.

This also means that I consider BPD not a real illness. Just another business to prescribe pills.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

My credentials is being a man who been with women.

Thanks for clearing that up.

 

[HaleyBaron]

Thanks for clearing that up.

Unless psychiatrists are professional pick up artists, their word ain't squat. Probably one of the most phoney jobs in the world.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yes. BPD is their natural state. That's how they navigate the social world. My credentials is being a man who been with women.

This also means that I consider BPD not a real illness. Just another business to prescribe pills.

Sounds like you might be BPD.

 

[fknhelp]

She was diagnosed and I went through complete hell. I just throught it would be helpful to have someone to chat with who’s been there, I thought that’s what these groups were about?

 

[The Duke]

She was diagnosed and I went through complete hell. I just throught it would be helpful to have someone to chat with who’s been there, I thought that’s what these groups were about?

I think you would get some of the help you are looking for it your shared you story here. Most guys aren't going to call some stranger on a forum thats a "new member".

 

[Grandma Penkitten]

Yes. BPD is their natural state. That's how they navigate the social world. My credentials is being a man who been with women.

This also means that I consider BPD not a real illness. Just another business to prescribe pills.

So, you have never actually met a BPD woman - just regular women who naturally have feelings all over the place.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

So, you have never actually met a BPD woman - just regular women who naturally have feelings all over the place.

The forum is full of experts on women, that's why they are all discussing how to talk with them.

 

[Tilex]

Chat on the phone? Are you serious??
Bro this ain't the 90's anymore.
You need to buy yourself a time machine and subscribe to AOL

It would help if you explained your story in this thread, then we could help you.

 

[Foe]

Hey Guys,

I just walked away from my bpd ex and as you know am going through the grinder. Any Don’s out that willing have a chat on the phone? I need to run through and process some stuff, but am only looking to speak with someone who has been through the bpd ringer and came out the other side.

Thanks!

There is a difference between dating a woman and dating a BPD, anyone who says its the same hasn't had the experience. I broke up with mine over a year ago, more if you count the countless breakups before that and I talk to my mates about her almost every day. I have had a girlfriend for over a year and Im still getting over the BPD. These woman are like a drug, getting off them is extreemly difficult. All I can say is read my posts, maybe it will help.

I hope for your sake it is over, I doubt she will make it that easy for you but if you are know you are in a better place.

 

[DarwinTaurus]

@fknhelp you don't need to talk to someone, your situation is not unique.

I dated a bipolar woman recently, and a lot of this board some experience with them at one point or another.

Speaking from experience, go no-contact/block her and go out to meet other people.

I wholeheartedly agree with this. My Ex was bi-polar in my opinion, but because it was my first relationship in a very LONG time, I denied it. We broke up and got back together around three times. I wish, in hindsight, after the first breakup, I went no-contact, and blocked her.

Sometimes, even in older age, you still learn...

 

[All_Kindz_Of_Gainz]

BPD is the female condition, Narcissism is the male condition. Having unhealthy levels of them is bad.

When a woman takes the liking of her man, that's BPD in action, when a woman is alone for so long without a strong man, she turns into a narcissist, that's why all the "bad b!tches" are insufferables.

When a man has healthy levels of narcissism, he believes he's the best, he works hard for what he wants, and his world view doesn't change because he's with a woman, he just is who he is.

When a man changes his liking for a woman, he pretty much is signalling he has BPD.

For a couple to make it, the woman has to have healthy levels of BPD but lower levels of narcissism, for men he needs to have healthy levels of narcissism but lower levels of BPD.

Rain Stone explains it very well in his books, with clinical data an everything.

@AmsterdamAssassin @HaleyBaron