virginity proclamation..? Is it smart?

[sinned]

Hey I have been saving my virginity for a girl that I thought deserved it and I think I have found her.
Things were moving pretty fast the night I hung out with her. We did pretty much everything except sex.

I was wondering if it is a wise decision to tell her im a virgin. Would that scare her?

I think I might just let it happen and hope that she doesnt know im a virgin and then tell her further down the road if we are still in a relation ship..

Any suggestions.?

 

[alphawolfx]

if she asks tell her...

don't be all nervous about it, just be like, yeah that's what i am... and i'm cool with it

if you feel bad about it, so will she
if you don't, she won't

if she doesn't ask you, keep doing whatever you were going to do in the first place

 

[Scrumtulescence]

I'm sort of in the same predicament.....not that I've "found somebody", but I'm 23 and a virgin, and that's likely to change sometime in the near future (since throughout college my confidence and sense of self worth were in the toilet, etc). I think if I end up in a ONS sort of situation or it's just "casual sex" or whatever, I won't say anything and may even skirt the issue if she brings it up, and just hope that a year and half of reading on sex techniques on the internet helps make up for my lack of experience. But if it's a girl I know really well or am in a good relationship with, I'd probably tell her; I'd want her to know.

 

[Caldus]

I'm sure she wouldn't mind it if she liked you enough. Just he honest and then say that you're cool with losing it to her.

 

[silkkster]

i just lost my virginity about a week ago - i told her i was a virgin, she didnt belive me, she said she figured i was a "ladies man, a player" that swat she said - so if you are just upfront w her, i dont see why she would get weirded out - she shouldnt, if she does maybe she isnt the right person for you... shes got to respect you... remember to wear a rubber@!

 

[Skweints]

It's situational... I wouldn't say anything unless she asked... and if she never does ask, and you have sex... tell her afterwards. Just don't go out blurting it... especially early on in a relationship... sometimes it can be taken from a womans point of view as a desperate call for sex. Girls know that guys don't -want- to be a virgin, so it sounds like, to them, "I'm a virgin, and I don't want to be. Give me sex!"

Since you're in more of an LTR, it probably wouldn't do anything bad, because you've already shown that it's not just sex that you're after.

In any case, better to be safe than sorry.

 

[MacDiddy]

My advice is: don't tell, don't ask!!!

the issue of virginity is in my view a non-issue in the sense that it is so trivial and irrelevant in the courtship game....

The poor AFC having come this far might think that revealing a personal secret to a prospective lover might
a)make her feel closer to him... like "I've shared with you something I've never shared with someone else... your special"
or
b) make her think that I've made an honourable admission... I'm not scared to admit it, I'm a man!!!! She'll respect me more!!!
or for the christian minded
c) she has stated or on my interpretation of her desires, that she wants a virgin mate.. so my admission will make we more desireable...

This is all unfounded logic here...

Your virginity is in my view a negative qualification, no matter what the state is. Giving more info on yourself makes you less of a mystery, esp something as sensitive as virginity. The girl is free to weight up the pros and cons of this and its not a good idea to allow a girl to think too much... What if she ask a friend for advice??? Its silly, but it happens..

You have everything to gain and nothing to lose by not revealing and everything to lose and nothing to gain by admitting.

My point is that this admission is just another distraction from the actual process of courtship...

 

[Sardaukar]

virginity proclamation..? Is it smart?

It's stupid.

Jesus Christ. Proclamation.

 

[diplomatic_lie]

Write it in a giant banner and have a plane spin it in the sky.

 

[RoeCyris]

Smart or not, I can't say but i can tell you my last experience with "proclaiming" it.

This girl who already had a fairly high IL and I went out and before the movie started we walked around this lake that is outside the theater. We had talked about "the number" and i had told her "ill tell you when i feel like it." Now to me, i was basically saying "it's nothing" but according to her, she thought i was implying it was alot. If you can do that, its a good thing and IMO made telling her i was a virgin alot smoother. Finally i was like "look, I normally lie about this number but I really don't want to get to know somebody like you starting with a lie. So.... the number is zero." and she was like "OH MY GOD. Your a virgin? That is, like, so sexy, you have no idea." And she was right. And apparently she's not the only girl who thinks like this. If you can carry yourself and make it seem like you shouldn't be a virgin, then the proclomation that you are, is a surprise, almost like a gift to the girl. Of course, I think if you make it so she could have guessed you were a virgin, its just predictable, boring, and pathetic.

And then I told her it felt like a load had been lifted off my chest and I appreciated her. My telling her that I was a virgin turned into a chance for me to compliment her. It also helps that I have a background of going to a religious school for 13 years and I explained to her that pre-marital sex had been heavly ingrained in me as a bad thing but now I'm starting to reconsider it.

But I think in the end, if she likes you then she will find it sexy and if she doesn't she will find it pathetic.

 

[sinned]

thanks a lot. I have decided not to tell her. I honestly dont think she would even notice.

 

[So Many Ways]

Telling her would kill any mystery you have with her. Don't do it.

 

[diman]

Why take chances?
Keep it a mystery

When I lost mine, I told the girl [fortunately] after the intercourse. She got all freaked out, and even said something like if I knew I wouldn't have done it
I totally killed the whole evening
Never heard from her afterwards

 

[ShortTimer]

Originally posted by MacDiddy
Your virginity is in my view a negative qualification, no matter what the state is.

This also seems to be women's attitudes as well.

She got all freaked out, and even said something like if I knew I wouldn't have done it

Yup, this is what I'm talking about.

So, don't tell.

 

[Scrumtulescence]

Originally posted by diman
Why take chances?
Keep it a mystery

When I lost mine, I told the girl [fortunately] after the intercourse. She got all freaked out, and even said something like if I knew I wouldn't have done it
I totally killed the whole evening
Never heard from her afterwards

Wow, that's f*cked up. How old were you and her?

 

[Fatality]

Originally posted by MacDiddy
My advice is: don't tell, don't ask!!!

the issue of virginity is in my view a non-issue in the sense that it is so trivial and irrelevant in the courtship game....

The poor AFC having come this far might think that revealing a personal secret to a prospective lover might
a)make her feel closer to him... like "I've shared with you something I've never shared with someone else... your special"
or
b) make her think that I've made an honourable admission... I'm not scared to admit it, I'm a man!!!! She'll respect me more!!!
or for the christian minded
c) she has stated or on my interpretation of her desires, that she wants a virgin mate.. so my admission will make we more desireable...

This is all unfounded logic here...

Your virginity is in my view a negative qualification, no matter what the state is. Giving more info on yourself makes you less of a mystery, esp something as sensitive as virginity. The girl is free to weight up the pros and cons of this and its not a good idea to allow a girl to think too much... What if she ask a friend for advice??? Its silly, but it happens..

You have everything to gain and nothing to lose by not revealing and everything to lose and nothing to gain by admitting.

My point is that this admission is just another distraction from the actual process of courtship...

great post

alot of girls don't want to be a guys first time becuase they know he will always remember it

 

[Scrumtulescence]

Originally posted by Fatality
great post

alot of girls don't want to be a guys first time becuase they know he will always remember it

Ahh, the George Costanza phenomena. I don't understand it.

 

[Fatality]

Originally posted by Scrumtulescence
Ahh, the George Costanza phenomena. I don't understand it.

lol I remember in Howard Stern's book he said he had to beg and persuade his first girl for hours to have sex with him because she didn't want him fantasizing about her for the rest of his life

 

[I-am-someone]

Don't tell her.
I remember when I just came on here, I went to a party with only about 10 hot women and 250 guys there. We were standing there, and this girl (HB8) starts asking me about my sex-life out of the blue. I tell her "No, I'm still a virgin." She was like "Nooo you can't be! You're messing with me!" ".... No I'm not!" Then, as quickly as she came on to me, her look changed and she walked away without saying another word. Unfortunatly, her friends overheard the conversation and had the same kind of attitude towards me. They were still friendly, but nothing sexual whatsoever was coming from them.

I was standing there... "Damn, lesson #1: Don't tell them I'm a virgin no matter what."

 

[00Kevin]

it depends on what kind of girl she is. If she doesn't respect what you belive in then don't waste your time telling her.

It will scare her away. She will think that you will fall madly in love with her if she sleeps with you.

Don't ever expect a woman to understand your convictions. Women don't think that way.

One way to avoid questions with girls who ask about your sexual past is to joke about being a virgin. Even if you are it will still work.

When a girl asks me something personal I just tell her that I'm a very private person. There is nothing wrong with keeping stuff to yourself. It really is none of her business anyway.