2 parts cus character limit...
Alright guys, I know it's been a little but I'm here to provide you guys the opportunity to get your "I told you so's" in.
If you want the short version: I took her back and stayed with her another 2 weeks before breaking it off for good last night following yet another fight.
If you want the longer version, continue reading. I don't need advice and I'm fully aware that this situation was avoidable, but I wanted to try and I feel I tried my best and now I can confidently say I have more patience that I ever thought imaginable after having been with this woman. Anyway...
After going through that day with her blowing up my phone begging me to come back now to throw away our relationship I thought it through and eventually did text her to let her know I could come by later that day. I showed up later that night and she was tipsy with some Xanax in her system because she thought I was just coming to put the nail in the coffin and break up face-to-face. In reality I came there to try and see if there was anything that could be done to save us.
We argue back and forth for a while, I keep wanting to go in the direction of focusing on what we can change moving forward while she thinks I need to understand my past actions. As we're about to get to that part of the conversation she has me lay with her, cuddles up on me, and falls asleep under the effects of the Xanax and wine, so I spend the night. In the morning she's much calmer and we talk about the things that we could try to do to make this better...we agree that there needs to be something between her being fine and exploding with anger - some sort of warning that either of us isn't happy with what the other is doing. I express some concern about some of the guys she keeps in contact with and she cuts them off promptly without me even needing to press the issue, and I tell her that when we're around some of her friends - notably the ones that party, drink, and do coke with her - that they aren't the best influence and how we never have problems when it's just us.
This is all not that important as far as the details, but we agree to make changes and continue with the relationship with me planning to visit her that weekend.
The rest of the week is pretty normal and I do see her Friday night. She asks if she can invite one of her girlfriends over. It's one of her really relaxed friends so I tell her it's ok, we order some pizza, and sip on some drinks while watching TV just having a generally good time. But then at one point my girl gets on my chest while I'm laying watching a movie on her bed and drops this jug of water on my chest and asks me to fill it. She's drunk and she keeps pestering me with it until I tell her to go fill it herself, I'm laying down watching a movie. So she does, and when she comes back up with the full jug she gets back on top of me and drinks from it before spitting the water out on me all over my chest as "punishment" for not filling it up. This pisses me off but I don't say anything until she notices my face and asks me what's wrong, so I tell her "that just wasn't very cool". She argues that we mess around in private and we've done that before, I tell her it's my first time meeting this friend of hers and it's not as cool in company. She goes off...saying "why do you care about her opinion? are you dating her? are you f***ing her? then why does she matter?" before suggesting her friend leave and preparing to have a fight with me.
I feel that she learned nothing from our last talk considering she's picking the first fight possible, so I get my stuff together and pack up my car and drive off. I've had a bit to drink so I just head to a motel about 5 minutes away and I learn it's booked so I plan to sleep in my car. She keeps blowing up my phone trying to get me to come back, eventually getting her friend to join us on a FaceTime because I was so convinced she would agree that my girlfriend went off for no reason - but surprisingly enough she thinks I'M the crazy one. Eventually I do agree to come home, but I tell her I want us to just shut up, cuddle, and go to sleep, figuring we can talk in the morning when we're sober.
However, that's not what she wants to do; she tries to continue arguing, trying to get me to understand her perspective while still feeling like she was justified. I kind of sit there trying to avoid the conversation until she starts crying and gives up on the fight because she feels I'm "robotic" and that she doesn't operate the same way I do - she's emotional and likes to get everything out and then make up, I'm more the type to remove myself from a situation before I do or say something regrettable, think about my options, then go from there. She quiets down and I try to cuddle her but she doesn't reciprocate, and we eventually fall asleep.
In the morning she's still distant and feels like this won't work out and she we should probably stop doing this. She hates when I leave because she's been abandoned by the people that love her most of her life and the way I handle conflict doesn't work for her. This upsets me and I cry a little bit because I really do want to save this...then she gives me an ultimatum: I tell her I was going to get some food and she tells me that while I'm out I should think about whether I really want this. She tells me she blocked my number because I didn't do that last time and she needs to not have me available to move on and tells me that I'll have to decide whether I want to come back or go home - and if I go home, not to come back.
I think about it a little while I'm out, and the fight seems for a stupid reason even though she started it for nothing so I decide to come back. She's super excited and happy and cuddles me, thanking me for coming and about how much she loves me. Later we try this hate-sex thing she came up with because she thinks I need an outlet for the things that bother me. She has me tell her all the things I hate about her and this relationship while we have sex...this doesn't really work for me and partway through I go soft...I don't know I think I just love the woman and am not turned on by punishing her through sex for the things I don't like. But then she asks me something that really breaks me: "do you actually love me?" and she tells me to really think before I answer, because she thinks I may just be infatuated with her and that I don't know what love really is.
I tell her that it really hurts having the woman I love tell me she doesn't feel like I love her immediately following me going soft on her after a big fight. She turns this into another argument and I leave before it goes too far, telling her "you say I'm hard to talk to, but I need to be able to talk to you too", but this time I just go downstairs in the living room and watch TV for a little bit to separate myself from her for a bit. She checks on me a few times and asks if I'm coming back upstairs to bed, which I do after some time. We end up having really great sex after she apologizes for saying those things to me and everything seems all good. We sleep in late the next day, I leave in the evening, and we seem to have a better understanding of how to handle our fights with each other.
But this newfound understanding doesn't last long...
This is already long enough so I'll try to focus on what nailed this whole thing shut...we go through the week like normal and I come over again late Friday night. We have a nice little night in watching movies, ordering food, cuddling. She thanks me for making the trips to come see her every weekend and that she really does appreciate it, and how she's so happy I came back last weekend. She falls asleep cuddled on me and so far I'm having a good time.
The next morning she wakes up first, moves around the house and orders us breakfast before letting me sleep in. Once in a while coming into the room to give me a kiss. Things are really great I'm thinking.
I learn that it's her sister's birthday. Her sister is not blood, but adopted, as is much of her current family. She's a 40-year old obese woman living in an apartment with her husband and young daughter about 10 minutes away from my girlfriend. My girlfriend is ADD and doesn't take her Adderall today, so she's bouncing around the house trying to plan everything while I just want us to watch a movie together and go out for a walk or something since it was so nice. These things all happen, but they all happen late, and there were other things that bothered me a little throughout the day but they aren't important in the grand scheme of this night.
