Valentine's Day: Am I the *******?

[BPH]

hate to say it but its might be over.

if women start a fight over something as small and trival as this its a sure sign of things to come.

If I'm being honest with myself I probably started the fight because I was the one feeling slighted by the fact that the effort I put in was only recognized as "the weekend" rather than to make up for the fact that I wouldn't be around for Valentine's Day.

That said, after reading your responses I feel a little more validated in being pissed off.

I haven't decided what I wanna do yet.

She is bipolar, but neither of us has used that as excuse for her behavior, so I won't do that now either. She did mail me a big wine and champagne thing with cheese and crackers as a gift - I'm sure it wasn't sent last night or it probably wouldn't have been sent at all.

I'm not worried that she might've cheated, as some of you seem to be thinking that might be the case, and I know she loves me very much, but you're right - I'm not sure if she respects me. She's very wealthy, makes a little over $500k/year and if I'm being honest with myself, I've probably dealt with more **** from her than other women because she's promised me a job on her firm once I get licensed, and to teach my about how she trades stocks and crypto, etc.

I'm not looking to use her to get rich, but rather I wanted to grow with her since when she's sweet, she's wonderful. But then there's stuff like this...

I see most people are saying to next her, and that's understandable, I'd probably do the same in most cases...I'll probably read this throughout the day and think about what I want to do...maybe I'll go a weekend without visiting her, maybe I'll have another conversation with her and base my decision on how she acts...I don't know, I don't usually fall in love with a woman so I'm a little more invested this time.

We'll see, but you guys are right, this is quite a lot of bull**** to deal with so something probably does have to change here. I'll just have to decide what that will be.

 

[King Lion]

Don't dump her, but let her know you are not a chump. You do this by speaking up strongly on matters of right and wrong. IOW, be a MAN.

Get the job and learn the game of investing/trading from her, then become a BSD and let success be your revenge.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I'm not worried that she might've cheated, as some of you seem to be thinking that might be the case, and I know she loves me very much, but you're right - I'm not sure if she respects me. She's very wealthy, makes a little over $500k/year and if I'm being honest with myself, I've probably dealt with more **** from her than other women because she's promised me a job on her firm once I get licensed, and to teach my about how she trades stocks and crypto, etc.

I'm not looking to use her to get rich, but rather I wanted to grow with her since when she's sweet, she's wonderful. But then there's stuff like this...

She does not respect you. She’s the alpha male in this relationship. She is the provider. And if she employs you, you will also be her subordinate. Everything about this relationship is set up for failure. There is no “growing with” this woman. Get out of this now and maybe you can one day have a cordial, professional relationship.

 

[dude99]

She is bipolar,...

Nothing more needs to be said, analised or reviewed.

Nothing more needs to be said.


Any cluster b type personality is an immediate Next.

 

[jimwho]

So you probably started the fight, she sent you wine & cheese, she's bipolar, she's making big money and teaching
You the ropes?

You changed the whole format. This reads like a daytime soap opera now. I change my advice to not let her push you around, but enjoy the ride while it lasts. Admit that you're getting laid by the girl that's teaching you about business.

Business is business so we all have to deal with some crap sometimes. But you already know all this. Go get it!

 

[BPH]

Just to provide another update...

Texted back and forth while I'm at work here today. She doesn't really see it from my perspective, isn't conversing respectfully, likely breakup.

We'll see, I never know with this one.

 

[2Rocky]

I spent 3 V-Days apart from my LDR and never got anything but gratitude from her. In your case I would start looking for her replacement.

 

[Atom Smasher]

You really, REALLY need to do a preemptive strike and walk away. She sees you as her subordinate in so many ways.
The ONLY way for you to regain your self respect is to dispassionately walk away. Tell her that this isn’t working for you, that it’s best that you part ways and that you wish her the very best snd then, RADIO SILENCE.
You leave with dispassionate dignity and leave her thinking “wtf just happened?” Be careful after that though, because she will eventually try to reel you back in only to reject you once you let down your guard.

In my experience, the chance of you following my advice is 1%. You seem to be at a place in life where you will need to learn these truths the hard way.

We’ll be here for you when the bad stuff goes down, and help you get through it, but my hope is that what we’re saying resonates with you and you flip the script by doing a preemptive strike.

 

[BPH]

Further update...

Yeah she basically said we should probably break up over text if my ego is this fragile. I told her I'd come up on Friday and have a face to face conversation about it since I respect her enough to not do this **** over text.

She told me not to bother, and I said I'd check in and see if she fells the same way by then, otherwise I'm done talking about this until then.

Whether she changes her mind or comes around is no longer my concern. So we'll see, but yeah it's probably just over.

In my experience, the chance of you following my advice is 1%. You seem to be at a place in life where you will need to learn these truths the hard way.

Look at that timing.

 

[2Rocky]

Say no more....Radio Silence

Block her and go fock the next willing woman you meet.

 

[BPH]

Say no more....Radio Silence

Block her and go fock the next willing woman you meet.

Tombstone, great movie.

Yep, moving on and we'll see if there's anything further from her end in the coming days. If anybody else wants to offer their opinions on the matter I'd be happy to read over them but it's probably just going to end up being a breakup due to me being annoying by her ungratefulness and disrespectfulness during this conversation and her being petty and unwilling to have an adult conversation.

For context I'm 27 and she's 32.

But yeah, but just wanted to respond here.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Tombstone, great movie.

Yep, moving on and we'll see if there's anything further from her end in the coming days. If anybody else wants to offer their opinions on the matter I'd be happy to read over them but it's probably just going to end up being a breakup due to me being annoying by her ungratefulness and disrespectfulness during this conversation and her being petty and unwilling to have an adult conversation.

For context I'm 27 and she's 32.

But yeah, but just wanted to respond here.

Put your phone down and breathe. This ball of yarn is unraveling quickly. The proper way to end this is to save the discussion for in person and say it to her face. You are destroying what’s left of your reputation and she will have her friends and professional circle laugh at you.

Go no contact for now. When she hits you up, it’s discuss in person or not talking at all (make up an excuse to get off the phone).

 

[BPH]

Put your phone down and breathe. This ball of yarn is unraveling quickly. The proper way to end this is to save the discussion for in person and say it to her face. You are destroying what’s left of your reputation and she will have her friends and professional circle laugh at you.

Go no contact for now. When she hits you up, it’s discuss in person or not talking at all (make up an excuse to get off the phone).

Can you explain what I'm doing as far as this particular part of your reply?

 

[Smok1nAce]

so you came on here to b1tch and ask for advice and then follow none of it.

you NEVER argue with a women unless your married.
this is what women do they let you argue so when they leave your stupid ass they leave with your balls



you could have left with your pride and balls but now your done OP. she no longer respects you.


their is nothing you can do or say now and its your fault.
see how she was able to manitplate you into making it your fault
she took your manhood by having you argue and plead your case even though you did nothing wrong



even at 27 you should know this

 

[TheCharmingGuy]

This is not my photo, but I did this to my wife. A note on the kitchen counter when she came home from work and rose petals leading to the bedroom with this.

 

[BPH]

so you came on here to b1tch and ask for advice and then follow none of it.

you NEVER argue with a women unless your married.
this is what women do they let you argue so when they leave your stupid ass they leave with your balls



you could have left with your pride and balls but now your done OP. she no longer respects you.


their is nothing you can do or say now and its your fault.
see how she was able to manitplate you into making it your fault
she took your manhood by having you argue and plead your case even though you did nothing wrong



even at 27 you should know this

I don't get it. what advice did I not take here?

Everyone's saying to man up, stand my ground, break it off, etc.

So far I've done all those things so I'm not sure where exactly I'm disappointing you here.

 

[Smok1nAce]

I don't get it. what advice did I not take here?

Everyone's saying to man up, stand my ground, break it off, etc.

So far I've done all those things so I'm not sure where exactly I'm disappointing you here.

You followed the advice here...ok...

..so u must have deleted and blocked her number and have her removed from all social media. You will never talk to her again unless she shows up to your door step with an apology and then and only then will you decide if you want this women in your life again.

Good. Its gonna be a rough few week but your gonna Man Up and be fine.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I don't get it. what advice did I not take here?

Well, this for starters:

you NEVER argue with a women unless your married.

Though I never argue with a woman period. There is simply no need. I challenge anyone to give me one situation that requires argument. Instead you listen to what she says, make your own opinion/decision based on what she says and what YOU think, then you tell her how you feel about it and that's the end of it. There is no more debate/argument/discussion to be had. If you need provide an ultimatum then you do it and you mean and you walk. You didn't walk. Not only did you not walk......

.....you also:

she took your manhood by having you argue and plead your case even though you did nothing wrong

.... and also:

Explaining yourself, complying, emoting, and you put the nail in the coffin with that last message.

In response to her disrespectful unappreciative attitude, you said:

"you say some hurtful things sometimes. I'm not mad and I don't want a fight so I'm just going to let you get back to your friend tonight. I still love you. That's all, I'm not trying to make it a big deal."

If a guy punches you in the face, do you respond by saying, "Listen man, I'm not upset or anything, I still really value you as a friend, but I don't like that you punched me in the face" and then engage him in debate about it while he tells you that you are a worthless POS, and all this over a favor you did for him?

You are communicating like a woman, not like a man, and as a result, it turns women off and they start testing you like this.

How to not communicate like a woman 101:
It is ok to explain yourself, but you NEVER re-explain yourself (unless she genuinely doesn't understand and she's asking a respectful follow-up question which is different from a challenge), and YOU are the one to explain yourself in the first place - not in response to any challenge a woman makes to your explanation.

Another way to phrase that is: Never let a woman try to invalidate your beliefs, opinions, boundaries, or desires. A man forms these things on his own and is confident enough to have conviction about them. Your coming here asking us if you are an a-hole tells me right there that you are not confident in your beliefs. This is the root cause of one of your main problems and it causes you to let a woman debate you over the things that you must intrinsically know and trust in yourself. The second you let a woman challenge your beliefs/boundaries, it is game over.

Stop over-engaging and over-communicating. Women want to talk-talk-talk problems to death - men do not. Learn to employ silence and distance, and learn to say, "I've told you how I feel, it's not up for debate, and you can either accept my feelings or not" and if she doesn't, you soft or hard next her based on a number of factors.

Actually be willing to next her for boundary violations.

When a woman is disrespectful, you do NOT shower her with loving affirmations and statements of assurance. You cool things off, employ some silence and distance, and state how you feel, ONCE, and what you will and won't tolerate. You don't say **** like: "I'm not mad" and "I still love you" and "I'm not trying to make it a big deal". That is weak AF and it disgusts women. A girl being b*tchy doesn't deserve you showering her with all this.

 

[BPH]

You followed the advice here...ok...

..so u must have deleted and blocked her number and have her removed from all social media. You will never talk to her again unless she shows up to your door step with an apology and then and only then will you decide if you want this women in your life again.

Good. Its gonna be a rough few week but your gonna Man Up and be fine.

I didn't do all that in bold yet no. I stopped responding to her after I told her we would have the conversation in person otherwise I'm done talking. She responded to that a few times, but I didn't answer.

I just got back from a long day at work, ate, gonna sleep for a little bit, redownload Tinder/Bumble/Hinge and continue with the radio silence.

Well, this for starters:


Though I never argue with a woman period. There is simply no need. I challenge anyone to give me one situation that requires argument. Instead you listen to what she says, make your own opinion/decision based on what she says and what YOU think, then you tell her how you feel about it and that's the end of it. There is no more debate/argument/discussion to be had. If you need provide an ultimatum then you do it and you mean and you walk. You didn't walk. Not only did you not walk......

.....you also:


.... and also:


In response to her disrespectful unappreciative attitude, you said:


If a guy punches you in the face, do you respond by saying, "Listen man, I'm not upset or anything, I still really value you as a friend, but I don't like that you punched me in the face" and then engage him in debate about it while he tells you that you are a worthless POS, and all this over a favor you did for him?

You are communicating like a woman, not like a man, and as a result, it turns women off and they start testing you like this.

How to not communicate like a woman 101:
It is ok to explain yourself, but you NEVER re-explain yourself (unless she genuinely doesn't understand and she's asking a respectful follow-up question which is different from a challenge), and YOU are the one to explain yourself in the first place - not in response to any challenge a woman makes to your explanation.

Another way to phrase that is: Never let a woman try to invalidate your beliefs, opinions, boundaries, or desires. A man forms these things on his own and is confident enough to have conviction about them. Your coming here asking us if you are an a-hole tells me right there that you are not confident in your beliefs. This is the root cause of one of your main problems and it causes you to let a woman debate you over the things that you must intrinsically know and trust in yourself. The second you let a woman challenge your beliefs/boundaries, it is game over.

Stop over-engaging and over-communicating. Women want to talk-talk-talk problems to death - men do not. Learn to employ silence and distance, and learn to say, "I've told you how I feel, it's not up for debate, and you can either accept my feelings or not" and if she doesn't, you soft or hard next her based on a number of factors.

Actually be willing to next her for boundary violations.

When a woman is disrespectful, you do NOT shower her with loving affirmations and statements of assurance. You cool things off, employ some silence and distance, and state how you feel, ONCE, and what you will and won't tolerate. You don't say **** like: "I'm not mad" and "I still love you" and "I'm not trying to make it a big deal". That is weak AF and it disgusts women. A girl being b*tchy doesn't deserve you showering her with all this.

Alright, fair enough. Like I mentioned to Smokin above, I'll just continue with the silence. I won't try to justify my behavior so far, I just never really do relationships and thought I was doing my best is all.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Lmao and women complain about men treating them like shvt. This is exactly why, as soon as you do anything nice, they start pulling back!!