Using the "WALK AWAY" method, STR8UP.

[ThunderMaverick]

A girl I met from my work (we don't work together anymore) and I went out last week and had a blast. Went to a club, danced, and had sex at her place afterwards. She's the second girl I've ever had sex with so it was something I needed just to sever those physical ties with my ex in a sense (for me personally, y'know?)

I told her I'd call her today a few days ago, but last night she invites me out to a club with her friends and tells me to be there around 11pm. I get off work at 12am get there, pay 15 bucks for parking and meet up with her outside. I should have called her actually before I showed up but I wanted to be kind of a surprise. Shot myself there, didn't I? The second I show up they say they're going to another club. I ask if I could ride with them since I paid 15 bucks for parking and they were coming back my way anyways. Her friend says they're only letting girls in the club at that time and invites me back to her friend's place when they were done. I try to kiss the girl I had sex with last week on the lips and she moved to make me kiss her cheek. (Don't you hate that sh!t?!?!)

I was like, "ookay what was that?" She said she was wearing lipstick and I said i didn't give a care. She complies but at that time the moment was over and feeling a little over aggressive I just said "it's ok" and kissed her other cheek. She said to call her at 1am, so here I am in Hollywood, with 45 minutes to kill. So what else could I do? I pick up my car that I just paid 15 bucks to park and drive around downtown like an ass hole, looking for something to do until 1am. I felt totally powerless. (I haven't felt that way in a long time)

I call around a little after 1 and she says she's still in the club. I asked what time she was leaving and sounding a bit annoyed with me she says "I don't know I'll call you. I can't hear you so I'll talk to you later." and immediately hangs up. She doesn't call.

I won't lie folks, I'm hurt. Here's a girl despite her telling me she's not going to be exclusive (which I'm fine with) act nice one minute and then blow me off the next. I'm scratching my head asking should I feel hurt because of this? I only allow myself to feel this way because I wouldn't write someone off the way she did. If I didn't feel that way I think I'd have less compassion for the whole human race. After all the world is what we make of it right?

Now I'm asking myself, what in the hell did I do to warrant that type of response from her? The fact is is that she's just a party girl who wants to have fun. She's living the fast life, and her attitude is "Oh I just hit that person with my car! Can't stop though! I'll just write them a note later." I really do expect a call from her today, but I'm not picking up. I'm not calling her back. I've deleted her from my facebook and myspace also. I figure this is better for me because I really can't deal with people like this anymore. I don't even care if she apologizes. The level of inconsideration surprised the hell out of me and you know what? What else would I have to deal with down the road?

My level of patience for inconsiderate people is incredibly low.


I'm not going to give her an explanation. I'm not giving her ultimatums. I'm not even going to give her a "FU<K YOU!" I'm just going to...

....WALK AWAY.


It's a shame. I felt pretty charming last week.

 

[KontrollerX]

Good for you man.

Don't tolerate disrespect like that from anybody.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

to me, none of that sounds surprising.

you're "some dude" to her. her friends are going to get 99.99% of her consideration, especially when they are together. women are notoriously fickle and you best bet is to never put too much of your thought into any given one.

whatever you do, keep spinning plates. you're bulletproof from this shyte if you do.

to me, i think the correct play was to go home/do something else and not even bother calling her about what's going on. when these hoes get into their "hoe-tron" nothing else matters to them, time stops, and any inconsiderate behavior becomes the norm.

i wouldn't have put myself in that position (with her friends) that quickly, myself.

Yeah I showed a slight kind of neediness from her when I called. I should have just went home or found something else to do. The illusion was "ok she likes me so we'll hang out after she comes back from the club where she was grinding and kissing all of her female and male friends. I don't like that she thinks of me as "some dude", because I'm not. Then again, it's not my problem how she thinks of me. I gave my power away and now I can't even blow her off with as much dignity as I could have had, had I not called. She probably goes through this all the time. *shrugs*


You're so right about the "hoe-tron" things. It's like they're on a different planet! "NO TIME TO THINK! WHO CARES WHO I STEP ON!? I'M HAVING FUN! FUN DOESN'T INVOLVED GIVING A SH!T!"

Yuck. I just hate clubs and don't like club girls. They're just incredibly disingenuous. I'm not that kind of person.

 

[kdnash82]

This is terrible. I honestly can't believe you did this to yourself.

First off, she calls and you come running. Then, you come running to a place where you won't be in control of the situation. She's out with her friends and you're arriving solo? On top of that, you're coming to this place after you get off work at 12am? Now, I'm not exactly sure what the club scene is like in L.A., but here in San Diego, most clubs close at 2am. If you're lucky, you might find a place that stays open until 4, but they stop serving alcohol at 2.

Even with all that said, you come up to a girl and try to kiss her when she's worked hard on her makeup and hasn't even been inside the club yet? I don't blame her for turning her cheek to you. You blow up when she doesn't wanna mess up her makeup.

Things don't go your way, so you come home and delete her from your facebook, myspace, cell phone. I guess your thought behind this was "I'll show her" when in actuality, you were probably replaced that same night. A little childish if you ask me.

This situation could have gone so much better if you had done things a little differently. First, when she invited me out, I would have either gotten some of my guy friends together and joined her, or decided that I wasn't going out. With the first, my friends could have taken care of her friends. If that plan fell through, we would leave the girls to do their thing, while us guys did our thing. Seeing you with another chick having a good time would have boosted her IL.

If I decided not to go, I would have either said that I had plans already, or told her to give me a call when she left the club. Usually when girls travel in packs, they don't leave room for anyone of them to hookup with a guy they just met. "We came together, we leave together". Gotta love mother hen. This would have put you in a position to get some drunk booty call sex.

Overall, I don't think you handled this situation well at all. Mistakes are made to be learned from though. Do better next time.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

This is terrible. I honestly can't believe you did this to yourself.

First off, she calls and you come running. Then, you come running to a place where you won't be in control of the situation. She's out with her friends and you're arriving solo? On top of that, you're coming to this place after you get off work at 12am? Now, I'm not exactly sure what the club scene is like in L.A., but here in San Diego, most clubs close at 2am. If you're lucky, you might find a place that stays open until 4, but they stop serving alcohol at 2.

Even with all that said, you come up to a girl and try to kiss her when she's worked hard on her makeup and hasn't even been inside the club yet? I don't blame her for turning her cheek to you. You blow up when she doesn't wanna mess up her makeup.

Things don't go your way, so you come home and delete her from your facebook, myspace, cell phone. I guess your thought behind this was "I'll show her" when in actuality, you were probably replaced that same night. A little childish if you ask me.

This situation could have gone so much better if you had done things a little differently. First, when she invited me out, I would have either gotten some of my guy friends together and joined her, or decided that I wasn't going out. With the first, my friends could have taken care of her friends. If that plan fell through, we would leave the girls to do their thing, while us guys did our thing. Seeing you with another chick having a good time would have boosted her IL.

If I decided not to go, I would have either said that I had plans already, or told her to give me a call when she left the club. Usually when girls travel in packs, they don't leave room for anyone of them to hookup with a guy they just met. "We came together, we leave together". Gotta love mother hen. This would have put you in a position to get some drunk booty call sex.

Overall, I don't think you handled this situation well at all. Mistakes are made to be learned from though. Do better next time.

Well I'm not a "clubber". I don't like clubs because of some of the silly little rules that you've described above. Most of it is surface crap and I don't operate purely on the surface. I'm just not a club type person. And for the record I didn't "blow up". She was already in a club for a couple of hours and was going to ANOTHER club when I met up with her. Her girlfriend that she was with already had a boyfriend.


You say it's childish for me to delete her from facebook and myspace? Then you say she probably hooked up with someone that same night. Uh..yeah. THAT'S WHY I DELETED HER. I don't want to be involved with someone who's going to third-rate me. She has her fu<ks and she gets to keep disrespecting me. Does that seem fair? Would you put up with it? I'm not doing this out of revenge. Like I said, I don't want to have anything to do with her because there will be more problems with her like this or worse down the line.

We just live two different lifestyles, that's all. However I'm not going to explain this to her. She doesn't deserve it and if I told her, frankly she wouldn't care. Why should she?

Yeah I made a mistake. I shouldn't go to clubs by myself. hahaha. I thought I wasn't going to be by myself though. I could have sworn she invited me!

 

[kdnash82]

She's not your girlfriend. That's why they call it dating. What she does when she's not with you is her business. What you do when you're not with her is your business. You can't get upset because she's living her life.

Unless you've actually put a label on your relationship and have said, this is my girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife, whatever, then you should just assume that when she's not with you, she's out with another guy. Whatever they do is up to them.

She should assume the same with you. You shouldn't be waiting on her to decide when she wants to be with you. That's why they call it spinning plates..

 

[joekerr31]

boy oh boy. well, welcome to the world of women. it sounds like you haven't been in this world too long. its like your first day in prison and some big mean tattood guy invites you to his cell to 'talk'. then you're upset when you're taking 12 inches of mexican sausage up your man oven.

anyway, you learned some great stuff from this experience.

1) NEVER hang out with a chic and 'her friends' until you have a bond going with her first. otherwise its almost a guarantee you will end up as the fifth wheel. the only time this would be fun is if you had the DJ basics down and went in there and DJ'd her friends (now that sh*t is fun as hell to do, and she will get insanely jealous and be sucking your kawk the moment she can to make you hers).

2) NEVER do things that you KNOW you dont like. if you dont like clubs, dont date a club chic and dont go to clubs. its your life and you dont gotta do things you dont want to do. now this is different than trying new things - i encourage folks to try new things - but once you know you dont like something, don't do it just to impress some chic.

3) you've got the right attitude. NEXT. i also like the fact that you are treating this realistic by realizing that this chic is not going to be thinking about you after you next her. shes in the fast lane and you were just another pedestrian she hit - there were probably many before you and there will be many after you.

if she does call (and i dont think she will) simply delete her message. cut this chic out of your life completely.

4) while most of her behavior was unacceptable it occured because of you being AFC. that said, when you called her at 1am and she basically hung you out to dry, that was just damn cold and cruel even towards an AFC. this chic is an utter b*tch.

lastly, if i were to invite a girl out with my friends, i would pay EXTRA attention to her to make sure she was feeling comfortable. i would ensure that at no point did she feel like she was a fifth wheel, or that she was basically alone with a bunch of strangers because i was too busy doing my own thing.

anyone who brings you in to such a scenario and then basically hangs you out to dry is scum.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Yes kdnash, what she does when she's not with me is none of my business, but you're not getting it...

...SHE invites me somewhere. SHE leaves. SHE doesn't invite me to the next club. SHE says she'll call but SHE doesn't.


That's called inconsideration towards someone. If she didn't want to hang out she should have called and set up another date or said something. SHE didn't.

I never put a label on anything except to say we were "friends who fu<ked". If we were friends she would have called back or invited me to the next club. SHE also said she was going to invite me to her friend's place. SHE didn't.

I understand she has no obligation to me in anyway, but I trust people to a degree when they say they are going to do something. If they don't do it, it only makes me lose respect points for them. It sucks when you're looked at as someone to be passed over. Like I asked you, would YOU put up with that, even making all the mistakes I made?

 

[ThunderMaverick]

boy oh boy. well, welcome to the world of women. it sounds like you haven't been in this world too long. its like your first day in prison and some big mean tattood guy invites you to his cell to 'talk'. then you're upset when you're taking 12 inches of mexican sausage up your man oven.

anyway, you learned some great stuff from this experience.

1) NEVER hang out with a chic and 'her friends' until you have a bond going with her first. otherwise its almost a guarantee you will end up as the fifth wheel. the only time this would be fun is if you had the DJ basics down and went in there and DJ'd her friends (now that sh*t is fun as hell to do, and she will get insanely jealous and be sucking your kawk the moment she can to make you hers).

2) NEVER do things that you KNOW you dont like. if you dont like clubs, dont date a club chic and dont go to clubs. its your life and you dont gotta do things you dont want to do. now this is different than trying new things - i encourage folks to try new things - but once you know you dont like something, don't do it just to impress some chic.

3) you've got the right attitude. NEXT. i also like the fact that you are treating this realistic by realizing that this chic is not going to be thinking about you after you next her. shes in the fast lane and you were just another pedestrian she hit - there were probably many before you and there will be many after you.

if she does call (and i dont think she will) simply delete her message. cut this chic out of your life completely.

4) while most of her behavior was unacceptable it occured because of you being AFC. that said, when you called her at 1am and she basically hung you out to dry, that was just damn cold and cruel even towards an AFC. this chic is an utter b*tch.

lastly, if i were to invite a girl out with my friends, i would pay EXTRA attention to her to make sure she was feeling comfortable. i would ensure that at no point did she feel like she was a fifth wheel, or that she was basically alone with a bunch of strangers because i was too busy doing my own thing.

anyone who brings you in to such a scenario and then basically hangs you out to dry is scum.

Great post as always Jokerr. I'm out of the club scene for good. Trust me I'm not talking to her at all. It'll come to the point where she'll get all soft and say "why are you being like this?!" and "I'm so sorry I'll make it up to you" bla bla bla. I know girls hate being hated and she'll try to feed her ego by getting a hurt reaction and explanation from me. I don't need to waste my breath and I don't need her to see me act like a chump who HAS to explain his actions. After all if she doesn't need to why should I?

Man, I really hate investing even tiny bits of trust in people who just waste it. It sounds kinda gay, but I got a lot of love to give to people. Guys friends and women alike. Ah I'll just set my shields up to 85% now. =D

 

[decades]

This is good cuz you can learn from this. In the future You want to be HER and you want whatever chick you are "working" to be YOU. She is a DJ and you should try to be like her and get them to "chase" you. No you don't have to be exactly like her. But study what went on here. Study the situation, her role your role. Good learning experience for you.

 

[STR8UP]

Hmmm....not much you can do in a situation like this.

Sometimes chicks are gonna use you as a walking dildo despite the fact that MOST of them want relationships.

I had to deal with similar behavior with a chick awhile back. I probably should have just deleted her number and went on my way, but I decided to play along and even after she dissed me I called her up a couple of weeks later and we would still end up getting together.

See, the end result is always to come out of the situation as good or better than you went in. That's tough when you start to let a woman d!ck you around and you sit back and take it just to be able to get some ass. The trick is to let a lot of sh!t roll off your back.

You don't necessarily have to totally next a chick like this (although it's probably best you did in this particular case), cause once she has shown her true colors you know who you are dealing with and you can proceed accordingly. You have obviously figured out that you won't be marrying her, so take it for what it is, smile, exit the situation for awhile, and if you feel like it try again in a couple of weeks.

Walking away doesn't just mean cutting ties and not looking back. Sometimes it's simply refusing to let her behavior get to you and giving her plenty of time to miss you before you go back in and get what YOU want out of the interaction. Of course, if you're looking for an LTR these kinds of women are only going to stand in your way, and if it becomes too much of a hassle that doesn't fit in with your life then you need to get rid of her ass. But when you step back and look at it from the right perspective it's more of an ego blow than anything. If you can get yourself past that then you can turn the situation around to your advantage.

Actually, a lot of the time it's better to bow out gracefully. Keep her number. Keep her on your Myspace. Just stop contacting her. You never know.....you might run into her a few months down the road. If you didn't make a big production retaliating for her poor behavior, there's a good possibility that you'll be able to hit it again.

It's all about seeing a woman for who she really is, asking yourself whether or not you can gain anything positive from the interaction (do the benefits outweigh the drawbacks?), and proceeding one way or the other based upon what you decide is the right course of action for YOU. Key word being YOU.

 

[dietzcoi]

Wow, I can imagine what LMS would say about this "hor"

The worst part of this story is that some poor chump is going to wind up with a lifetime relationship (marriage) with this woman. Its bound to happen...

If only we could stop it!

Thundermaverick, consider yourself lucky to have escaped this situation, instead of being depressed. Its hard, I know it.. from personal experience. But you dodged a large-caliber bullet for sure

Dietzcoi

 

[Colossus]

This is terrible. I honestly can't believe you did this to yourself.

First off, she calls and you come running. Then, you come running to a place where you won't be in control of the situation. She's out with her friends and you're arriving solo? On top of that, you're coming to this place after you get off work at 12am? Now, I'm not exactly sure what the club scene is like in L.A., but here in San Diego, most clubs close at 2am. If you're lucky, you might find a place that stays open until 4, but they stop serving alcohol at 2.

Even with all that said, you come up to a girl and try to kiss her when she's worked hard on her makeup and hasn't even been inside the club yet? I don't blame her for turning her cheek to you. You blow up when she doesn't wanna mess up her makeup.

Things don't go your way, so you come home and delete her from your facebook, myspace, cell phone. I guess your thought behind this was "I'll show her" when in actuality, you were probably replaced that same night. A little childish if you ask me.

This situation could have gone so much better if you had done things a little differently. First, when she invited me out, I would have either gotten some of my guy friends together and joined her, or decided that I wasn't going out. With the first, my friends could have taken care of her friends. If that plan fell through, we would leave the girls to do their thing, while us guys did our thing. Seeing you with another chick having a good time would have boosted her IL.

If I decided not to go, I would have either said that I had plans already, or told her to give me a call when she left the club. Usually when girls travel in packs, they don't leave room for anyone of them to hookup with a guy they just met. "We came together, we leave together". Gotta love mother hen. This would have put you in a position to get some drunk booty call sex.

Overall, I don't think you handled this situation well at all. Mistakes are made to be learned from though. Do better next time.

Yo, get off his nuts here. He made an impetuous mistake, and he admitted it. What impressed me about Thunder is that he realized he got played and did the right thing- WALKED AWAY. Many of us have been there and made that same rookie mistake, and NOT walked away when we should have.

He says he did not expect exclusivity, but in reality she was the second girl he ever slept with and he DID, albeit subconciously, expect some loyalty from her, which is why he got hurt. It happens, but he learned from it.

 

[STR8UP]

He says he did not expect exclusivity, but in reality she was the second girl he ever slept with and he DID, albeit subconciously, expect some loyalty from her, which is why he got hurt. It happens, but he learned from it.

Yep, that's a big part of the problem. We build up these expectations and when things don't go the way we would like, were left feeling hurt, disappointed, pissed, etc.

Should you be able to expect loyalty, or at the very least a little respect for our time?

I say yes, we SHOULD be able to count on someone's word, but unfortunately it isn't up to me. I can only control myself. I can control other people to an extent through my actions and reactions, but sometimes it's worth it and sometimes it isn't.

 

[Phyzzle]

last night she invites me out to a club with her friends

There's the crux. No reason to read the rest of the thread.

This is a fundamental: group dates are worthless, especially when they're the 2nd date. There are a million reasons for this.

 

[Metro3pilot]

you're calling her inconsiderate and you're pissed because you had higher expectations than she obviously did ....

you probably came off a little pushy and slightly bratty like when you talked to her and she's gonna pop you in the ass just to show you who's boss ...
you have too much invested too soon ....

not much you can do man ...I feel your pain and was there recently ...

as far as deleting her ...
that's the death move ......... now she know's you're pissed and when you go back to try and make up ...she's gonna rub it in your face or just plain blow you off ! ! !

the problem with chicks like this ...you do things like talk smack, delete them off my space and just generaly self destruct and trust me they know and remember everything you do and what sucks is they will rub it in your face when you least expect it ....

all lifes a lesson

:rockon:

 

[STR8UP]

the problem with chicks like this ...you do things like talk smack, delete them off my space and just generaly self destruct and trust me they know and remember everything you do and what sucks is they will rub it in your face when you least expect it ....

That's kind of what I'm saying.

Walking away isn't about vindictiveness, it's about control and power. When you walk away without displaying emotion you still hold some cards. As soon as you show emotion (like deleting her from Myspace) you've pretty much folded. Game over, you lost.

Now if this chick was a LTR who you caught fukkng your best friend and then tried to blame it on you....by all means cut ALL contact.

But the majority of the time it's better to shut your mouth and avoid making ANY kind of a scene or a gesture. The more you try to DO in a situation like this, the more of yourself you give away, and the more she adds to her "ego bank".

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Yeah she called.

"I was drunk..we were looking for my friend. I was drunk...sky bar..I was drunk. I'm sorry. Call me back."

To all of those thinking I played this emotional move to get her to know I'm pissed; I. Don't. Care. I'm never going to see her EVER again. And if by chance I do, it'll be really formal.


It would be one thing if I actually spoke to her again. I'm not. Most of you guys are missing the point. If I deleted her from my myspace and facebook and THEN called her after she apologized...THAT would be different.

The only way she's going to interpret my emotions is through her deletion off my net world and her calls not being returned. She's not going to hear any other explanation from me. She still wants to be in power, that's why she called and said "call me". For what? So I can get run over again? So I can make plans and have you cancel on me the last minute? So you can blow me off for another hot stud you just met?

NOPE! NEXT!

Yeah SRT8T, she's probably going to get a bit of an ego boost after this, I'll handle things differently next time a girl like this comes around. Deleting her myspace I'm sure seems like a desperation move (It kinda was, as soon as I thought "I'm done" I wanted to be done for good.lol) I bypassed the judicial system and went straight to the execution.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

you're calling her inconsiderate and you're pissed because you had higher expectations than she obviously did ....

you probably came off a little pushy and slightly bratty like when you talked to her and she's gonna pop you in the ass just to show you who's boss ...
you have too much invested too soon ....

I'm not calling her inconsiderate because I'm not number 1 on her list. Read again why I called her inconsiderate.

Y'know Metro, I've been alienated many a time in my life. That's why I do everything I can to make someone I just met or someone who seems on the outside as comfortable as possible. I'm an extrovert and I bring out the best in introverts. A couple of days ago I went out with my friends to a club. (I only went because my best friend went to meet up with some chick) The chick's friend was extremely shy and didn't talk much. No one else talked to her either. I started talking to her more to bring her out of her shell and I even took her to the dance floor to dance. We had a great time. She reciprocated my actions positively.

I just hate to see people pushed out of a circle, only able to observe. I like talking to people! I like people, I really do!

as far as deleting her ...
that's the death move ......... now she know's you're pissed and when you go back to try and make up ...she's gonna rub it in your face or just plain blow you off ! ! !

the problem with chicks like this ...you do things like talk smack, delete them off my space and just generaly self destruct and trust me they know and remember everything you do and what sucks is they will rub it in your face when you least expect it ....

That's the gag! I'm not going back! As I said before she can think whatever she wants. The only saving grace from that slightly immature move I pulled (Deleting her #, myspace, etc.) is that that's the only explanation she's getting. So the only way I'll salvage whatever respect she has left for me in her eyes is by not talking to her at all.

It's a shame. I would have like to have banged her one last time. Oh well. It's better this way.

:rockon:

I will. =D

 

[STR8UP]

Yeah SRT8T, she's probably going to get a bit of an ego boost after this, I'll handle things differently next time a girl like this comes around. Deleting her myspace I'm sure seems like a desperation move (It kinda was, as soon as I thought "I'm done" I wanted to be done for good.lol) I bypassed the judicial system and went straight to the execution.

Believe me, a couple of times in the past year or so it has taken every OUNCE of determination I had to avoid:

1) Opening my mouth to "talk" about a situation

2) Deleting a chick from my Myspace page

3) Giving her a piece of my mind

4) Showing ANY kind of emotion that would give her a foothold to take away the power I have to hold my inattention over her head

Rule of thumb- if you find yourself making a decision based upon an emotion you are feeling at the moment, chances are you really should be doing NOTHING at all.