Update to the butt grab on female DJ

[Swoop]

For those who follow my butt grab incident on my one-itis.

Well, I have to confess... I was wrong. We see each other at work and I went up to talk to her, then she looks at me and said "I am mad at you." Of course I play dumb but I know where she is getting at.. so I asked "For what?" She responded, "Grabbing my ass the other night." Oh well.. I didn't know what to say after this. point, I was like damn.. my bad. I apologize to her and said I was sorry... I told her I had a few shots of acohol that night which is true but still it is wrong. Anyways, after my apologies, she still said "I'm still mad at you." She has been quite silent around me now.

I guess I screwed up. I have ZERO chance with her now.

Now I feel like the biggest jerk.

 

[SmoothKhan]

dude apologizing was the worst thing u can do b/c then it proves to her that you absolutely had the intention of grabbing her butt. if you were really "drunk" you would have said "huh??? what???" or something like that with some clever pimp wit to it to cover up for the sloppiness. However, it could also prove to be a negative outcome if u said u were drunk and don't remember, because now it shows her that whenever you go out that you are a very wreckless and sleezy person.

anywho forget about this girl, because life is all about experience. move on and learn from this error and do better next time!

 

[Borgon]

Originally posted by SmoothKhan
dude apologizing was the worst thing u can do b/c then it proves to her that you absolutely had the intention of grabbing her butt. if you were really "drunk" you would have said "huh??? what???" or something like that with some clever pimp wit to it to cover up for the sloppiness. However, it could also prove to be a negative outcome if u said u were drunk and don't remember, because now it shows her that whenever you go out that you are a very wreckless and sleezy person.

anywho forget about this girl, because life is all about experience. move on and learn from this error and do better next time!

Apologizing to a girl is a big NO NO. Never say sorry, never look weak. I was over my neighbors female friend house and she accused me of being the guy that was looking at her boobs the other night, i was like wtf first of all she looks alright but am not that type of guy but i got pretty ****ed up that night so when she told me this, i gave her a 1 eyebrow raised kinda like what the **** are u talking about look, then i said i musta been messed up and she said you was and then i said well in that case i had to look and she was like well its fine, everyone does hehe. it wasnt the smoothest **** but dont apologize and dont feel sorry for your actions.

 

[AmIAFC]

Apologizing isn't as bad as people here make it out to be. Sure, to some women, it's a sign of weakness, but perception of weakness is relative, depending on the woman you're dealing with. In practice, each and everyone one of us does things that might be construed as a "backwards step" in the sexual eyes of the woman; it's what you do to counteract that mistake that separates you from a typical AFC.

Case in point, I apologized to this slvt not once but twice for my actions, and I noticed that she, too, was growing cold and distant. I didn't apologize to her for her sake, but for mine. Did she appreciate those apologies? Probably not -- she's a slvt after all (not saying that in a malicious way; she is what she is) and she was probably sh*t-testing me. BUT I did things that helped to NEGATE that mistake (when I learned that I had nothing to apologize for), by talking to other chics in her presence, making myself less available, and being more ****y than usual. These days, she's always trying to get my attention and has asked me out on numerous occasions (I always have a new excuse prepared, and she always leaves frustrated). When the time is right, I'll let loose a little.

That's not to say that everything you say or do that can be perceived as "unattractive" can be negated, but something as small as apologizing? Come on...

The point is: It's all a balancing act. Adding a little too much salt to the dish doesn't ruin the meal --- just add more sauce or cheese to make up for it; and leaving the cold water running for too long in the bath tub isn't going to disrupt your planned wash, simply leave the hot water running afterwards to make the water warm again. Apologizing when you didn't have to isn't the end of the world; just make sure you're doing the other things right in order to make up for your "backwards step."

 

[JJMcLure]

I flicked back to your previous thread, and I think what you did was NOTHING to apologise about. You grabbed it in a hug, that's not like just randomly grabbing it.

Of course, it runs the risk of a negative reaction, and the only reason I'd be concerned is she's a co-worker.

But the important thing about pulling off such a move and her NOT holding it against you is to be CONGRUENT about it.

You CANNOT act like it is anything wrong, you cannot admit there is anything wrong with it. If she says there is, you have to laugh it off like she is being silly. Even say "Oh, yeah sure, you loved it". But you cannot act like it was a sleazy move, just a flirty/friendly move (or she feels dirty/abused).

I think she was testing you by acting p1ssed. Unfortunately, by apologising, you are "admitting" it was the wrong thing to do and you feel it was sleazy/inapropriate touching. So now she ALSO thinks that (even if she was just testing you by acting mad). You can see from her reaction, your apology got you nowhere.

The key thing is FRAME CONTROL. Chicks will get sucked into a dominant frame of reality. If you act like something is ok, she thinks its ok. That's why they throw sh1t tests - to see if you're faking or really acting yourself. Men lead, women follow.

The whole game is about congruence. You can get away with anything if your actions match people's perception of you and how you usually act. I have slapped chicks asses as an opener, and had it work.

 

[Wyldfire]

When my kids refuse to apologize for something they have done that has hurt another person they stay grounded until they apologize and straighten out whatever it was they did. This applies to both my girls and my boys.

There most certainly ARE times when you should apologize. Anyone who seriously believes they never should apologize ever is an idiot. That is all.

 

[Scream]

IN the work environment it's pretty important to apologise cause for some reason it turns people into money grabbers and kind of threatens your job, plus it doesn't look good day in day out having bad things spread around about you.

Just get over it, ignore her purposely until she talks to you, this puts you in control.

 

[Dark Haired Alpha]

Well, I have read both of your posts, so this is reply to both of them.

First, you wrote you have no chance with her now. This is bull****, I have gamed a girl I that I was acting around like an @ss for more than 2 years (then I found this site, you know the story... ) - girls will always judge you on the behaviour of the last month or two, that's my experience.

Second, the girl I have mentioned was also an AW, just like the girl you write about. Basically, what helped was some stimulating conversation, and not a single sign of neediness or clinginess - just act like you really don't care about her. I have done this to the AW for a month and half and then successfuly kiss closed her and made out with her. And I was no SuperMasterSkilledDJ.

 

[The Juan and only]

JJMcLure knows what he's talking about.

Even if she was genuinely mad at you, appologising has most likely made things much worse. You must also consider the possibility that it was a test, a test you failed.

the important thing about pulling off such a move and her NOT holding it against you is to be CONGRUENT about it.

You CANNOT act like it is anything wrong, you cannot admit there is anything wrong with it. If she says there is, you have to laugh it off like she is being silly. Even say "Oh, yeah sure, you loved it". But you cannot act like it was a sleazy move, just a flirty/friendly move (or she feels dirty/abused).

I completely agree with that.

 

[white cloud 8]

what about if a girls says that you should keep some of your comments to yourself, and, that they are not appreciated...

 

[MightyMate]

You should say its not a big deal etc.

 

[JonJack]

Having to apologize for your actions once you're an adult is not a good sign. If one really understood what apologizing means, they probably wouldn't do it. I even believe that 'requiring' kids to instantly apologize for their deviant actions instead of explaining the negative aspects of their actions is teaching them a lot of rubbish that they may bring over to their adult lives.

One can apologize sincerely or insincerely. Insincere apologies means nothing and says nothing. Those that believe it are ignorant and those that dish it are patronizers. Sincere apologies basically means that you're aware of the mistake you have made. If a sincere apology comes after no discussion on the matter, it just means that you knew before hand that it was wrong, you did it anyway, and now you're apologizing for it. If there was a discussion, then you probably were convinced or persuaded that your actions were wrong. Either way, it's not a good sign.

Another interesting thing about apologizing. It isn't supposed to eliminate punishment. Apologizing for something isn't supposed to let you off the hook. If it were that easy, people would have learned a long time ago that learning to say sorry would allow them to get anything they ever desired. That is why teaching kids that saying sorry allows them to avoid punishment is actually instilling lousy behaviour in them. So, if one says sorry, one has to be willing to accept whatever punishment and consequences that comes with their 'illegal' actions. If it means that the girl isn't gonna give you a chance anymore, then that should be accepted, which Swoop seems to have done.

Sorry means nothing to me. It's too easily used as an escape mechanism and it has practically lost its meaning. It's so much better if you explained your actions instead of apologizing for them.

 

[DonJuanMonk]

Some of ya'lls got some issues on the word "sorry", sure - some people say sorry as if it didn't mean anything. The thing is you must acknowledge your mistake or someone else's frustrations. And for those that suggest that this thing isn't "a big deal" I think you're just avoiding any conflict or pretending it doesn't matter. But that's okay, I'm going to grab your mother's ass and tell you "Hey bud, it's no big deal!"

That was a bad move on grabbing a fellow co-worker's buttocks. People can get sued for that shiat, have some manners.

 

[DarkLight]

Originally posted by JJMcLure
I flicked back to your previous thread, and I think what you did was NOTHING to apologise about. You grabbed it in a hug, that's not like just randomly grabbing it.

Of course, it runs the risk of a negative reaction, and the only reason I'd be concerned is she's a co-worker.

But the important thing about pulling off such a move and her NOT holding it against you is to be CONGRUENT about it.

You CANNOT act like it is anything wrong, you cannot admit there is anything wrong with it. If she says there is, you have to laugh it off like she is being silly. Even say "Oh, yeah sure, you loved it". But you cannot act like it was a sleazy move, just a flirty/friendly move (or she feels dirty/abused).

I think she was testing you by acting p1ssed. Unfortunately, by apologising, you are "admitting" it was the wrong thing to do and you feel it was sleazy/inapropriate touching. So now she ALSO thinks that (even if she was just testing you by acting mad). You can see from her reaction, your apology got you nowhere.

The key thing is FRAME CONTROL. Chicks will get sucked into a dominant frame of reality. If you act like something is ok, she thinks its ok. That's why they throw sh1t tests - to see if you're faking or really acting yourself. Men lead, women follow.

The whole game is about congruence. You can get away with anything if your actions match people's perception of you and how you usually act. I have slapped chicks asses as an opener, and had it work.

Well Said... and right on'

Its all how you percieve it. And unfortunetly instead of casting your perception of grabbing her ass, maybe in a funny cheeky way, of natural sexual attraction... you buckled to her sh!t test, and apologized. Therefore crediting her negative perspective on it, and then making her feel as if you did just reduce her to a piece of ass.

I got no problem apologizing, but in something like this... your intentions weren't to demean her. On the contrary, you intentions were probably more expressing a praise to her being an attractive woman.

So the problem here is, by apologizing, the understanding that thats what you were trying to share is now lost, and she has to see the event in a negative demeaning light.

Bottom line though... def. you haven't lost it. Theres def. still a chance. Any emotional connection no matter what it is... is better than none. All you now have to do is, alchemize the energy that is now in play. Turn it into something good. Joke about slapping her ass again, turn it into the cheeky attractive thing you intended it to be. Change the frame. Send her a picture of your butt as an Xmas card, and with an invitation to spank you back, as her present. lol'

Change the Frame'

-DarkLight-

 

[Maverick001]

Originally posted by Swoop
For those who follow my butt grab incident on my one-itis.

Well, I have to confess... I was wrong. We see each other at work and I went up to talk to her, then she looks at me and said "I am mad at you." Of course I play dumb but I know where she is getting at.. so I asked "For what?" She responded, "Grabbing my ass the other night." Oh well.. I didn't know what to say after this. point, I was like damn.. my bad. I apologize to her and said I was sorry... I told her I had a few shots of acohol that night which is true but still it is wrong. Anyways, after my apologies, she still said "I'm still mad at you." She has been quite silent around me now.

I guess I screwed up. I have ZERO chance with her now.

Now I feel like the biggest jerk.

Swoop,

Don`t sweat it guy. Everyone f#cks up now and again. Chalk this one up to experience and move on unless you want to have some more fun with this chica.

Yup, you`ve guessed it: GANJI GAMES

Click the above link and read, if you haven`t seen this one already.

When you`ve royally screwed up, it`s ok to say you`re sorry. I`m not convinced that what you`ve described is one of those times. If you`re in sync with the DJ within and without, saying sorry won`t make you look weak because you`ll still be confident and not seeking the other`s approval or validation.

The best way to pass any sh!t test that a girl throws at you is: TO NOT TAKE THE TEST. Turn it around and use that as an opportunity to bust on her.

Just my 2 cents.

Cheers,
Mav

 

[Scrumtulescence]

You should have slapped her in the face when she said that.

 

[Tazman]

I think you did the right thing by apologizing because it was definitely warranted. You grabbed the ass of a girl you're interested in hoping she'd appreciate it, but she didn't. You don't ever have to apologize for being attracted to someone, but when you decide to act on your impulses and touch someone in a sexual manner, that isn't wanted by the other person, you have crossed the line. You did do something wrong, and you apologized for it, that's what you "should" do.

It's one thing when someone is leading you on or flirting and touching you in a sexual way, but that wasn't the case right?

 

[Swoop]

Thanks for the inputs guys. I never thought of it that way. Maybe it was a shyt test from her and I failed it. I don't know, I suck at these tests. Of course when I grab her ass, I didn't think it was wrong, just me being playful and I do have female friends that don't mind that at all, they just do shyt back to me.

Anyways, I talk to her again today. She said she accepts my apology but she is still a little mad. I don't think she is mad really.

OH well, I dont know, I'll forget about her for now, I got another chick I am working on..

 

[Scream]

Jesus stop being such a wimp and don't ****ing talk to her intil she talks to you.

 

[KarmaSutra]

"She's gone as yesterdays fvckin' fried chicken."