Originally posted by Donjuanpablo
But worrying about it, obsesssing over it, worrying about what you should say and how you react rather than enjoying the situations you are in and being yourself is what is usually the problem.
I agree. You cannot be thinking about yourself in a metacontextual fashion and be effective. You have to BE in a BE-ING state. You can, however, BE whatever you want to be.
If this was such successful ploy, if obssessing yourself with the dj tactics really worked, how come we rarely read about it in the forums? How come most of the posters here arent even getting laid, and those that are invariably fall flat on their face?
You've misread this here and taken it out of context. The thought you allude to goes with the previous paragraph which has nothing to do with initial attraction. It has to do with the opposite, in fact, which is that no matter how attracted a woman is to you, you can blow it by acting like an AFC. The DJ tactics do not CREATE attraction, but they may assist you in preventing repulsion which is an entirely different thing. My example illustrates what I mean.
Theres a much higher percentage of people getting laid out of this forum than there are on it, and these people havent spent hours reading about pick up lines, how many days they should wait, how to be ****y and funny, etc. Most of them are being themselves and thats what blitz was trying to get at.
This is true. I am one of those people! I have always been one of those guys who, despite having almost no "game" to speak of, has always gotten laid by attractive women. I've never been pussiless. Not kidding. In fact, my entire view comes from this angle. But, given that, there are still certain things which must be done to meet and retain women. You cannot sit in your basement working on jigsaw puzzles and get laid. On finding a woman who is attracted to you, you still have to 1. approach and 2. speak, and 3. not fvck it up.
But, this all avoids the point at least that I was making which is
1. that you can improve yourself and what you already "are" and
2. that which you "are" is not necessarily even known or static (you can change yourself, it is one of the privileges of being a homosapien -- you can control your mind and hence what you "are").
An example: let's say I've been in a bad mood. Is it possible for me to control my mind to put myself in a good mood? Of course. Would I then be "fraudulent" for putting myself in a good mood when I go out to meet women? No, of course not. It is the me myself.
Now, what if I take this a step further and I control my mind to take on some other quality, am I then being "fraudulent?" I would say that whatever I am "BEING" whenever I am being it is part of me myself.
To make this clear and to avoid the simplistic: I am NOT talking about dressing up like Brad Pitt or anyone else and pretending to be like that person. That is fraudulent. But, to take some quality and to amplify it or, yes, to even CREATE it in yourself is not fraudulent. I would call it self-actualizing or self-improvement.
Examples: let's say you are an absolute bore most of the time. You wish to change this so you start to study humor and you begin practicing it and after a time, you actually get to be quite funny. Are you being fraudulent?? Would you say "YOU FRAUD!" you are NOT funny! No.
What if you did not speak French and wanted to speak it. Wouldn't you train your brain to speak French? Fraudulent? Playing a musical instrument? Tying your shoes? Public speaking? Training your mind to be analytical? Training your mind to be positive and not negative? (You know there is cognitive behavioral sciences effectively to teach people exactly this, right?)
In short, as a human, you can change yourself. You can control your mind. You can BE whatever it is you wish to be almost instantaneously.
Given that, are there not states of being that are generally globally more attractive than others? Can't you trade shy for outgoing? Can't you trade dull for exciting? Can't you trade boring for funny? And so on? Fraudulent??? You are not "genuine" unless you stay boring because that is the true you????
I hear what you are saying about going after women who are interested in you. I understand completely.
I'm not talking about that, really. I'm talking about improving yourself or, yes, changing yourself A BYPRODUCT of which will be that women (all people) will find you more desirable to be around and women in particular will find you more attractive.
Would you say to the fat ugly chick "listen, do not lose that weight and become a hard body because you won't be genuine, you're a fat ugly chick and that's that?" And, don't fix your teeth, either.
Would you say to the boring chick "hey, don't do or say anything of interest because it will just be fake, you know you're not really like that ... as a matter of fact, don't even try to think it!"
No. We can improve and change and, yes, even package and market ourselves better. You do it daily, I'm sure. From something so simple as updating your wardrobe to spouting some new quip you've invented, you're doing it.
For some people, it takes PRACTICE to make perfect. Some people can play the piano quite naturally or with little practice but others will need to practice long and hard ... but if they are motivated and persistent, they'll learn to play. You're telling them that they'll NEVER be able to learn the piano, they should stick with the triangle because, after all, there are some chicks who like the triangle and that's it's not genuine to practice the piano to try to get piano-loving chicks. But if you practiced the piano, just maybe you'd get the piano AND the triangle chicks!
I'd rather have people invested in reaching their absolute potential not for women but for themselves.
AND IF YOU BUILD IT, THE CHICKS WILL COME.
