Ugh, I don't know what to do next with this chick

[Igetit!]

Max,Max,Max.....So we're back here again,huh?


Man,after all that pain and garbage you went through last year,I figured this would be the LAST SITUATION you'd find yourself in.


I remember asking you a question in your "It ain't over yet" thread about possible friendzone situations. You remember the question I asked?


It was,"So have you learned what you did wrong,or do you need to go through this again with 2 or 3 more girls?",and you answered yes.


You said that you learned what it was you did wrong,and yet somehow,you find yourself in this situation again.



Well I have to ask the same questions I always ask.


PLEASE try to answer them DIRECTLY.


1)When you two go out on dates,WHAT DO YOU TWO TALK ABOUT? What EXACTLY?

2)You two have had two dates so far,right? Well have you tried to kiss her on these dates,or do ANYTHING sexual? And if not,then WHY NOT?


If you have to wonder about being friendzoned with this girl,then that means your ALREADY off track. That also means that you haven't been being your TRUE SELF with her,because your TRUE SELF is a guy who's sexually interested in her.



If you remember,the WHOLE REASON you got entangled in that fiasco last year was because you PRETENDED TO BE A FRIEND to the girl instead of being upfront with her about liking her.




If you do the same thing with this girl,you'll get the same result.



So if you're SEXUALLY interested in her,then you need to show your SEXUAL side to her,and NOT hide it behind "being friends" out of fear of being rejected.



WHEREVER this thing ends up is where YOU took it to.

 

[Maxtro]

Thanks for reading over my thread Igetit!

Yeah this situation does seem similar to the one I was in last year, heck that thread was made in March 09 almost exactly a year ago. That experience is the reason why I made this thread only after two dates so I don't end up wasting months of my life with some stupid girl.

I don't want a repeat of last time.

1)When you two go out on dates,WHAT DO YOU TWO TALK ABOUT? What EXACTLY?

First date was all fluff about hobbies and a little too much focus on video games and anime.

Second date was more hobbies and interests. We talked about why she was so interested in Japanese stuff. I made fun of her for being afraid of bugs and always wearing jeans and a light jacket no matter what temperature it was. A lot of it seemed like a blur.

What are some good topics?

2)You two have had two dates so far,right? Well have you tried to kiss her on these dates,or do ANYTHING sexual? And if not,then WHY NOT?

Not yet. Both dates took place on campus. The second date was way too much walking to try anything. I tried to get her to show me her dorm room so would could be in a more intimate setting but she said it was too messy.

Despite all the time that has passed between this girl and my last, I'm still very poor at escalating physically. I'm much more comfortable with kino now but the intimate kino is still a weakness. So while I am sexually interested in her, I don't really know how to show it.

My friendship with this girl means nothing to me. I try to keep all outside school contact to a minimum. I don't want her to think of me as a friend.

I would love to try and go for a kiss this week. But I'm scared of trying it at the wrong time and place.

So I'm trying to figure out what to do this week. Normally we get lunch on Monday or Wednesday after class. Due to furlough's there is no class this Wednesday, so the only day left is Monday, tomorrow. Though instead of doing a lunch date I can try and make plans for the coming weekend.

I really don't know what the best course of action is.

 

[Igetit!]

Thanks for reading over my thread Igetit!

Yeah this situation does seem similar to the one I was in last year, heck that thread was made in March 09 almost exactly a year ago. That experience is the reason why I made this thread only after two dates so I don't end up wasting months of my life with some stupid girl.

Ah...so you have learned a little since then.

See,it's not so hard,is it? And it only took you 6 YEARS and that PAINFUL period of 8 or 9 months you went through with that girl from your "Should I end my friendship with this girl?" thread,lol.

I don't want a repeat of last time.

Gotcha. So what do you plan to do differently with this girl that you didn't do with the other one last year?

First date was all fluff about hobbies and a little too much focus on video games and anime.

Second date was more hobbies and interests. We talked about why she was so interested in Japanese stuff. I made fun of her for being afraid of bugs and always wearing jeans and a light jacket no matter what temperature it was. A lot of it seemed like a blur.

What are some good topics?

All this stuff you talked about on the date is fine,there's nothing wrong with these topics.



The thing I think you're not getting is this....the model is A.C.S./ATTRACTION,COMFORT,SEDUCTION....in THAT order.



You can talk about WHATEVER YOU WANT in the comfort stage,but it has to come AFTER ATTRACTION. If you skip the attract stage and just go straight to making her feel comfortable,it's friendzone city.



What you talked about on the dates was fine,but it was ALL COMFORT.


Take a look at the second sentence in your "Should I end my friendship with this girl?" thread.


That's EXACTLY what you need to NOT do.

Well have you tried to kiss her,or do ANYTHING sexual?

Not yet. Both dates took place on campus. The second date was way too much walking to try anything. I tried to get her to show me her dorm room so would could be in a more intimate setting but she said it was too messy.

So two dates and nothing sexual from you yet.

Max,I HATE to say this,but it looks like you (once again) may be headed to the friendzone.


I understand that you may have had legitimate reason for not trying anything yet,but you have to understand....


Women are EMOTIONAL. Their feelings and emotions AREN'T SUBJECT TO REASON.


If you don't at least TRY something,HER EMOTIONS will friendzone you by default.



In fact,it's better to try and get turned down than to not try at all.


DO SOMETHING...and fast. The more you hang around her without being sexual,the closer you get to being friendzoned.

So while I am sexually interested in her, I don't really know how to show it.

Easy....

Tell her you like the way she looks in something she's wearing...
Tell her YOU WANT to see her...
Use sexual innuendo.
Tell her not to be sure and not to wear a lot of makeup on your next date with her because you don't want to spend the whole date wiping lipstick off your face.



See what I mean? Be flirty/sexual like that.


And most of all,be bold,direct,and upfront to her when you say these things.



If you're nervous,scared,or anxious with her while saying these things,it'll kill the effect.

 

[f283000]

Don't worry Igetit you will always have plenty of work around here. Maxtro will be back next year posting a similar thread due to getting friend zoned again.

I really don't know what the best course of action is.

You have to step up your game for the next date (if she hasn't gotten tired of your a$$ yet and gives you another date). If you don't escalate and show her you are a man and that you want her as a woman (and not a friend) she will end up giving you the friend card sooner or later herself. You don't have many more dates left brother.

Get the following in your head

1. Realize that no woman agrees to go out with a man unless she is somewhat interested in him, finds him attractive and is looking for action.
2. Women want action as much as we do. If she goes out with a man she is hoping for action but action isn't cheap. You are good enough for a date but you still have to push a few more buttons to get action. Escalation is all up to the man it's the way nature and dating works.
3. Women lose their patience: If she hasn't given you the friend card already after 2 dates this is a good sign! It shows she is somewhat attracted to you/lacks other options/is hoping for you to man up. However, women will not wait forever. If you don't escalate they actually get hurt! In their mind they get all kinds of thoughts (not sexy enough for you, not attractive enough, maybe he doesn't like me bla bla bla).

What is your best course of action? I follow the "opposite" method. I do the opposite or something radically different than whatever I did that didn't work the last time. Try it sometime. In your third date you need to touch her from the moment you first see her. Give her a hug, a kiss on the cheek, touch her arm, put her arm around yours and proceed to walk around like those characters in the wizard of oz whatever. You need to touch a girl from the moment you see her THE FIRST DATE (otherwise it might me too late).

The most likely scenarios in your type of situations are:
1. Hero gets friend-zoned after hb got tired of waiting for him to show his intentions.
2. Hero mans up, escalates and hits the home run.
3. Hero escalates but it fails as his escalation now feels creepy/out of character to her due to him waiting so long to get physical with her.

Do you want to do nothing and wait for #1 to happen? I would much rather try to escalate and let destiny decide if it works or not (scenario 2 or 3). Like I said earlier you don't have many more dates left brother before she gives you the friend card. I hope it works out for you.

 

[DonJuanna]

Ok, I'm going to come at this from a completely different perspective. I'm a girl who has hooked up with a number of dorky and/or inexperienced guys- and Maxtro, no offense, but it sounds like you're kind of a dork. But it's cool, because this girl you're interested sounds like she's a dork too. And if things fall apart with her, you can just find another dorky girl.

The thing about dorky young college girls though is that they're generally really inexperienced, shy, and awkward about their sexuality. I think if she feels like you're pushing her towards sex she'll freak out, and instead you should focus on making her feel comfortable with you while making your interest clear at the same time- by doing little things like sitting really close to her (but not actually touching) on a park bench- gradually letting her get used to your physical presence.

I mean, who knows what this girl wants? Maybe she wants to be in a relationship first before she does anything sexual. Of course girls can be "gamed" out of those ideas, but considering how new you are to all of this, it seems like things will work out better for both of you if you keep things low key and focus on figuring out what she wants. I know people on this board say that girls are not rational and can't really "know" what they want, but I think that's really more true of party girls, not nerdy anime girls.

 

[Kailex]

I know people on this board say that girls are not rational and can't really "know" what they want, but I think that's really more true of party girls, not nerdy anime girls.

RE

TARD

ED.

I just wanted to reply to that first before going into everything else.
I think that's more true of ALL women.
They don't know what they want because they are constantly testing a man to see what it is that they want and whether that man can provide it for them. It's not a bad thing, but you can't say that nerdy, anime girls are any different sexually than party girls. They both want sex just the same. They just happen to have different hobbies.


MAXTRO: You said this and it worries me

The second date was way too much walking to try anything. I tried to get her to show me her dorm room so would could be in a more intimate setting but she said it was too messy.

What kind of a reason is "Too much walking to try anything"? Is that really the best thing you can come up with? Next date, if you have one, should be a sit down date, and then maybe after that you can tell me that there was "Too much sitting to try anything".

Not only did you say that, but you followed up with wanting to see her dorm room.

So, you haven't even TRIED to kiss her but already were implying that you want her in a room alone... quite the leap right there.

If you get a third date, it's time to KAME-HAME-HA (or whatever) your way to her lips. It's do or die at that point.

You are putting WAY too much emphasis on this lunch thing... skip lunch and ask her out on the weekend... and if she accepts to go on a date with you (And at this point, I'd be surprised if she did)... you better man up and do SOMETHING. If not, you'll have no one to blame but YOURSELF.

You can pull this off, but you have to BELIEVE that you can.

Last poster said you don't have too many dates, I believe you only have one left...

And stop thinking of her as "I HAVE to have her before classes end"... it's only adding to Maxtro - Desperate Mode. It's not helping.

 

[DonJuanna]

Kailex, you said

They don't know what they want because they are constantly testing a man to see what it is that they want and whether that man can provide it for them. It's not a bad thing, but you can't say that nerdy, anime girls are any different sexually than party girls. They both want sex just the same. They just happen to have different hobbies.

How can you say in the same paragraph that girls don't know what they want, and also say that they want sex? Is it that girls want sex but they don't know it?

I think I understand when you say that girls test a man "to see what is that they want"- do you mean that a girl's desires in regards to a guy are constantly evolving in response to that guy's behavior? Because I think that's true. But in that case it's about the girl's reaction to the particular guy, and not what she wants in general.

When I talk about party girls, I mean girls who place a great deal of importance on looking good, being seen, social status, and male attention and validation. I think this is the kind of girl that "game" techniques are most effective on, because "game" is about manipulating those desires. If a girl is nerdy, she's already rejected those things as priorities, so there's just not as much there to manipulate. In Maxtro's case, I think he should just focus on being charming, appealing, trustworthy, etc, rather then using tactics to get this girl to jump into bed with him.

 

[Kailex]

Kailex, you said



How can you say in the same paragraph that girls don't know what they want, and also say that they want sex? Is it that girls want sex but they don't know it?

Both men and women know they want sex, the difference is... women need to "verify" whether they want to have sex with that particular man. In other words, they don't know if they want to have it just yet... and when I mean sex, I also mean everything that goes along with it... sensuality, sexuality and the undertones of it all.

I think I understand when you say that girls test a man "to see what is that they want"- do you mean that a girl's desires in regards to a guy are constantly evolving in response to that guy's behavior? Because I think that's true. But in that case it's about the girl's reaction to the particular guy, and not what she wants in general.

When I talk about party girls, I mean girls who place a great deal of importance on looking good, being seen, social status, and male attention and validation. I think this is the kind of girl that "game" techniques are most effective on, because "game" is about manipulating those desires. If a girl is nerdy, she's already rejected those things as priorities, so there's just not as much there to manipulate. In Maxtro's case, I think he should just focus on being charming, appealing, trustworthy, etc, rather then using tactics to get this girl to jump into bed with him.

I apologize. I was making a point of your post as if it were separate from Maxtro's post. What I said wasn't meant to apply exclusively to THIS case.

That said, I TRIED to bridge the gap by saying that Maxtro's girl will respond to him based on how he acts towards her. That's why right now she seems almost unsure of what's going on... but that's because Max is giving off confusing signals right now.

If you had gone out on those two dates with Max, what would you be thinking right now other than: Why hasn't this guy even kissed me yet?

Charming, appealing, and trustworthy are all good qualities, but none of them are worth anything if he isn't trying to be sexual at the same time. If you liked him and twice you had gone out and he had made no moves towards you... and then there's a third time and the SAME happens, would you care if he was charming, appealing, and trustworthy?

Probably not. You'd be wondering if he didn't like you or if he was gay.

In this case, I'm sure this girl doesn't know EXACTLY what she wants, so she's feeding off of Maxtro to see where he takes this and with every date that he lets this go on without moving in... her interest fades and that door toward Friend-Zone opens up wider and wider.

HE knows what he wants, but she's still assessing him.
He needs to end that process immediately and either go in for the kiss and see his work pay off or get rejected... but he cannot stay idle anymore, for his sake and for that girl's mental sanity as well.

 

[Igetit!]

I agree with Kailex.

Everything he said makes sense to me.

How can you say in the same paragraph that girls don't know what they want, and also say that they want sex? Is it that girls want sex but they don't know it?

Are you saying that Kailex is wrong? That he's mistaken,and that women don't want sex?



Come on now,we ALL know better than that.


I KNOW that women want sex. I know that without a shadow of a doubt.


You know how I know? Because they're HUMAN,and a woman's personality how no bearing on that fact whatsoever



So it doesn't matter if she's outgoing or shy,introverted or extroverted,a party girl or a prude,if she's "cool" or is a nerd....WHATEVER SHE IS,she's human,and ALL HUMANS are build to SEXUALLY reproduce.



Sexuality is a bodily function...just like sweating,your finger healing itself after being cut,or having to use the bathroom.


These thing apply to EVERYBODY,both male and female alike.



So yeah,women want sex.

I think I understand when you say that girls test a man "to see what is that they want"- do you mean that a girl's desires in regards to a guy are constantly evolving in response to that guy's behavior? Because I think that's true.

I have to admit...for a woman,this statement actually surprised me.

This is actually rep. worthy.

When I talk about party girls, I mean girls who place a great deal of importance on looking good, being seen, social status, and male attention and validation. I think this is the kind of girl that "game" techniques are most effective on, because "game" is about manipulating those desires. If a girl is nerdy, she's already rejected those things as priorities, so there's just not as much there to manipulate.

On this,I disagree.


The principles of "gaming" DO NOT CHANGE.


The way you game a "party girl" as opposed to a "nerdy" girl may differ,but the end goal is THE SAME....which is to gain the girl's romantic/sexual interest.

In Maxtro's case, I think he should just focus on being charming, appealing, trustworthy, etc,

Again,I disagree.


Should he be charming?

Yes.

Appealing?

Yes.

Trustworthy?

Of course.




He should do all these things,but AFTER ATTRACTION has been established.



If he does all that before he does anything to create attraction is her,it's friendzone city.


If you don't believe me,ask him yourself. He's ALREADY DONE what you've suggested with a different girl a year ago.


Ask him how it turned out.



And as far as what this girl wants,who cares? She's not here with us.


Maxtro made this thread. This is about HIM and what HE WANTS.


He shouldn't try to figure out what this girl wants. He should reveal to her his wants and desires and if she wants the same thing,then cool,they can get with one another.



If he's true and honest with her,and it turns out she wants something else,then he can move on and find what he wants,and she can move on and find what she wants.



I NEVER try to find out what a girl wants. I'm just upfront with my inentions,and if she's down,then cool. If not,then I move on.



I can't speak for others,but personally,I NEVER said for him to try to get this girl to "jump in bed" with him.




I mean come on,they've only had 2 dates.

We're just trying to get him to show some type of romantic/sexual jesture towards the girl.




He's not to the point of sleeping with her,but he's PAST THE POINT of trying to kiss her.



We're just trying to get him to catch up.



Kailex had it right...if you go on a date with a guy and he doesn't make some type of move on you,you'll think he's scared (which is a turn-off),or you may think he's not interest...BOTH OF WHICH are bad.

 

[DonJuanna]

From the way Maxtro has described this girl, it sounds to me like she is probably very shy and sexually inexperienced, possibly a virgin or close to it. It also doesn't sound like they've been going on actual dates so much just hanging out (Especially since they met in class and generally see each other at lunch). I agree completely that he should make his attraction to her clear, through his body language, the way he talks to her, and so on, but it totally doesn't sound like the kind of situation where she's wondering "Why hasn't this guy made a move on me yet?"

I know this thread is about Maxtro wants, not what this girl wants (and Maxtro, I'm sorry about talking about you in the third person, but it feels easier somehow) but I think that paying attention to where this girl's head is at in terms of sexuality is the key to getting what he wants.

Sure, theoretically, he could convince her to do anything, at any time, but no one's saying, "Charm her into banging you tomorrow". You guys are advocating that he follow a particular sort of structure to get sex from her, and I don't think that structure fits the situation. (Going back to the second person)- Maxtro, what if this girl has only had sex in committed relationships, and wouldn't want to have sex with you unless you guys were in one. Would sex with her be worth it for you on those terms? Do you really feel a connection with this girl- would you want to be in a relationship with her? If the answer's no, then sure, you should push things towards either sex or a flameout. But if you have any interest in something long term, then I think you should take more time to figure out what her ideas on sex, relationships, etc are. Obviously while you're taking this time, you should continuously be sending her signals that if she ever wants to jump your bones, it'd be fine by you. But if she hasn't had casual sex before, or has and didn't like it, then it's not very likely that any kinda technique is going to convince her to do it now.

I'll also add, I don't think creating attraction is a window that you can miss, unless you're trying to pick up a total stranger. At least in my experience, I tend not to feel attracted to guys unless I've known them for months and months. Maybe I'm an exception, but I think for a lot of girls attraction grows over time and isn't easily squashed by inaction.

 

[Kailex]

From the way Maxtro has described this girl, it sounds to me like she is probably very shy and sexually inexperienced, possibly a virgin or close to it. It also doesn't sound like they've been going on actual dates so much just hanging out (Especially since they met in class and generally see each other at lunch). I agree completely that he should make his attraction to her clear, through his body language, the way he talks to her, and so on, but it totally doesn't sound like the kind of situation where she's wondering "Why hasn't this guy made a move on me yet?"

And right off the bat, I could dissect this entirely.

You think she is shy... I say, she's shy around HIM. You never know, this girl could be shy with him, but during the weekends, she's probably a closet stripper and loves to lap dance on other guys' laps.

We have no clear indicator of WHAT she is, we only have indicators of what she is AROUND HIM. Her interaction is based off of how HE is with her, it's not a reflection of who she is as a person.

You are correct in that it doesn't seem like dates... more like hanging out, because that's exactly what it is... but does it seem that way because of HER? No. It's because of HIM. Their "hang outs" are direct reflections of HIS lead. Right now, his lead is non-sexual.

I know this thread is about Maxtro wants, not what this girl wants (and Maxtro, I'm sorry about talking about you in the third person, but it feels easier somehow) but I think that paying attention to where this girl's head is at in terms of sexuality is the key to getting what he wants.

I'd have to disagree.
We need to pay attention to where HIS head is in terms of sexuality. He needs to start leading and stop worrying so much about everything else. Right now, his sexuality is defined by Kino and the eventual kiss. He has the comfort level established but NOT the attraction/sexuality factor.

She'll feed off of that energy... not the other way around.

Sure, theoretically, he could convince her to do anything, at any time, but no one's saying, "Charm her into banging you tomorrow". You guys are advocating that he follow a particular sort of structure to get sex from her, and I don't think that structure fits the situation. (Going back to the second person)- Maxtro, what if this girl has only had sex in committed relationships, and wouldn't want to have sex with you unless you guys were in one. Would sex with her be worth it for you on those terms? Do you really feel a connection with this girl- would you want to be in a relationship with her? If the answer's no, then sure, you should push things towards either sex or a flameout. But if you have any interest in something long term, then I think you should take more time to figure out what her ideas on sex, relationships, etc are.

Here's my challenge to you:
At what point did Igetit! and I mention "Following a structure to get sex from her".

We were talking about being sexual... NOT about banging her.
Even in one of my posts I point out that Maxtro went from walking too much to give a kiss to asking to see her dorm room. And the questions you are asking or even assuming that he'll get to that level of knowing her.

Again, neither Igetit! nor I have mentioned jumping to "sex". We just mentioned that he needs to be more sexual towards her.

Being sexual and having sex is not the same thing.

Obviously while you're taking this time, you should continuously be sending her signals that if she ever wants to jump your bones, it'd be fine by you. But if she hasn't had casual sex before, or has and didn't like it, then it's not very likely that any kinda technique is going to convince her to do it now.

Again, now you're jumping the gun.
The kid needs to crawl before he can stand, and right now, he hasn't even made the move for the kiss, and that needs to be #1 on his list of priorities. I'm not expecting him to get the full meal when he hasn't even ordered the appetizer.

I'll also add, I don't think creating attraction is a window that you can miss, unless you're trying to pick up a total stranger. At least in my experience, I tend not to feel attracted to guys unless I've known them for months and months. Maybe I'm an exception, but I think for a lot of girls attraction grows over time and isn't easily squashed by inaction.

How does it take months for you to feel attracted to someone?

You should initially feel some sort of attraction from the beginning and then build from that.

So are you saying that if a guy asks you out... you don't know if you like him until Month #4 which would assume at that point... about 16 dates?

This almost seems like a high school mentality, in which people are constantly exposed to the same social circle and THERE it can take months easily, because everyone knows each other.

Then again, you did mention you might be an exception... but still, there's just no way you'd go on a bunch of dates with someone and say: Well, I don't know if I like him yet... maybe by Date #24 I'll feel SOMETHING.

And that's my whole point... Maxtro's girl has SOME sort of attraction, but her attraction will be defined by how he leads. She can't make a clear cut decision until she's fully assessed him and his interest level. She can't see him in a sexual light because he hasn't shown her that side yet. So as of right now, he's no different to her than any of her other girlfriends that she shares the same interests with.

What I do know we all can agree on is that Maxtro:

YOU NEED TO MAKE A MOVE.

 

[Maxtro]

Wow, this thread has really taken off. Thanks for the thoughtful reply guys.

But it's cool, because this girl you're interested sounds like she's a dork too. And if things fall apart with her, you can just find another dorky girl.

The thing about dorky young college girls though is that they're generally really inexperienced, shy, and awkward about their sexuality.

From the way Maxtro has described this girl, it sounds to me like she is probably very shy and sexually inexperienced, possibly a virgin or close to it.

I think DonJuanna is right on the money with this. I would not be surprised if this girl is a virgin. Dorky anime girl is the perfect way to describe her. Looking at the way she dresses, it's obvious she puts little emphasis on things like "looking good, being seen, social status, and male attention and validation." As far as I can tell, she doesn't wear makeup an her hair is frizzy. Though with the right clothes, light make up and a good hair style she has the potential to be very attractive.

In one of our conversations she made a passing remark that she used to be heavier, she went on to another topic so I wasn't able to get her to explain how heavy she was.

It also doesn't sound like they've been going on actual dates so much just hanging out (Especially since they met in class and generally see each other at lunch).

I really don't know if those have been dates or not. If I don't know and if DonJuanna isn't sure, then there is a good chance the girl I was out with didn't think of those as dates.

The comments from Igetit!, Kailex and f283000 were also very insightful.

I was going to break down each main point but I don't think there isn't any need. Sometimes it's best to just listen.

Anyways minor update about today. She showed up to class right before it started so I didn't get a chance to talk to her. The teacher passed back our tests and the girl was showing me what my errors were. Then we realized that it was the first test and the one we took last week was a redo. Upon seeing the new grade I got, which was lower than the first one, I basically shut down and didn't talk to her anymore.

After class I didn't say anything to her and I went to talk to talk to the teacher which took a little longer than I expected. In the meantime the girl was talking to another girl and they ended up walking out of the class together.

I don't know if it means anything that she didn't wait for me or left without saying bye (which she always does.) Though that is the first time she's left the room with another person, excluding myself. I thought about texting her something like "You didn't say bye" but decided against it because it sounds way too weak. I also decided against trying to invite her to lunch over text.

Wednesday is a school furlough day so no class so obviously we can't do lunch after class. If she's going to stay on campus I thought about trying to do something with her on Wednesday. Or I can try to set up a weekend date.

Edit:

I texted her, "No school at all Wed, you going to be on campus?"
Her: "Yeah but im gonna be studying all day"
Me: "Wow mindreader"
Her: lol

So she instantly knew that I wanted to do something with her on Wednesday. I'll try and make weekend plans when I see her next. When I briefly talked to her before class, I asked if she beat the game she was playing and she said she didn't play it all and was studying. So her "excuses" seem valid.

If we do have the weekend date, I'll try my hardest to make a move.

 

[DonJuanna]

Thank you Maxtro. In response to Kailex, what I'm trying to say is I don't think this girl is shy in reaction to Maxtro's behavior. I think she's just shy period. And the thing about attraction growing over time- it is sort of a "high school thing", but I think it's also true whenever two people meet in an institutional setting like a school or job, as opposed to a bar or on the street or whatever. When you meet someone at a bar, and then later take them out, it's a date. But when you meet someone in a class, unless you take them for a formal dinner or something like that, the time you spend together outside of class is just "hanging out."

When I talk about attraction growing over a couple of months, it's not that i start to like someone at date #64, it's that I didn't think of the time I spent with the person as "dates" to begin with. I think of it as "hanging out with some guy who probably likes me". And that's probably how this girl thinks of her time with Maxtro.

Maxtro, if I were you, I would focus on your common interests with her- ask her about anime that you don't know about, watch it on your own time, then talk to her about how much you liked it. And you should tell her about anime you've seen that she doesn't know about. Offer to loan her comic books or movies you think she'd like, or take her to a comic book store that she hasn't been to. I don't know how deep your anime knowledge goes, but you could even cheat by doing some research and then telling her things and pretending you knew about them all along.

For example, have you seen the TV series Lain? It's the most girl friendly anime out there, you should watch it and then get her into it if she doesn't know about it, or talk about it with her if she does. Some good movies to see would be Tokyo Godfathers, Millenium Actress, Spirited Away, and Paprika. Ok, I am a bit of an anime nerd myself, so this thread struck a nerve with me.

Anyway, my best guess is that this girl wouldn't feel comfortable hooking up with anybody unless there was already a strong social/emotional connection in place. And with shy, nerdy girls, you can't conjure that kind of comfort level out of thin air by projecting the right kind of attitude. I think you should focus on bonding with her and getting her used to the idea of hanging out with you on a regular basis before you start pushing for intimacy.

 

[Rescue Mission]

Maxtro Maxtro Maxtro...........can you please, for the love of god, stop referring to you and her hanging out as "dates", because it is very very very AFCish of you to call anything that doesn't involve at least kissing a date.

Just think about it.......you DO NOT want to be THAT guy, the guy who is nice, careful, respectful, and lacking of pvssy........you WANT to be the sexual player, the guy who hangs out with girls and bangs them, NOT a guy who a) takes girls on dates and gets no action or b) considers simple hanging out as dates in the first place!!

CHANGE YOUR MINDSET!!! THESE ARE NOT DATES!!! AND THERE SHOULD NEVER BE DATES UNTIL YOU HAVE HAD SEX WITH A GIRL!!!!!!

Also, if she is not attracted to you physically, then all this hanging out is pointless..........but guess what? You can't know if she's attracted to you because you are ACTING like a total PVSSY (notice, I did not say that you are a pvssy, just that you are acting like one!!) as you have not even tried to check her attraction to you by kissing her.

Now, please don't reply to me saying how mean I am to you, it would be so cliche of the typical nice guy pvssy if you did that, so prove to YOURSELF that you are a goddamn MAN who takes sex when he wants it!!!

 

[Maxtro]

Ok, I am a bit of an anime nerd myself, so this thread struck a nerve with me.

I had a feeling that you were. You seemed to know about nerdy anime girls a little too well

For me, my attraction to a girl does grow over a couple of months. I want to get to know somebody first before I start to get any interest in them. There are several reasons behind that, that I don't want to get into right now.

The semester started in the middle of January. Some time in February I picked a new desk right next to her and started making small talk. On March 25th I finally got brave enough to invite her out and that was the fist time I saw her out of class.

So I guess my point is, that after a few months casual talking in class and a couple of times with just the two of us, I think I have the necessary level of comfort built up. We've had plenty of conversations about anime and video games. Now I want to know more about her, as a woman. I really feel that the time to try and kiss her is now. Me making an attempt can be good, bad, or uneventful, I have no idea how she'll act.

Thank you for the anime suggestions. I eventually plan to have her over my apartment and watching movies can be a good reason to get her here.

Maxtro Maxtro Maxtro...........can you please, for the love of god, stop referring to you and her hanging out as "dates", because it is very very very AFCish of you to call anything that doesn't involve at least kissing a date.

Don't worry. I agree with you. For now it's just been two people hanging out who happen to be different sexes.. It's up to me to change that.

Also, if she is not attracted to you physically, then all this hanging out is pointless..........but guess what? You can't know if she's attracted to you because you are ACTING like a total PVSSY (notice, I did not say that you are a pvssy, just that you are acting like one!!) as you have not even tried to check her attraction to you by kissing her.

Again you're right. I've been in this situation before. And there is only one way to get out of it. "Try to check her attraction to you by kissing her."

 

[DonJuanna]

Ha yeah... I guess the anime nerdiness shined through. Ok, that all sounds reasonable. I would just say that I don't think kissing is an effective attraction check. Girls kiss guys who they aren't attracted to all the time, just to be polite or not hurt their feelings or whatever. So-- totally give her a kiss if you feel like kissing her, but don't do it in order to figure out how she feels, demonstrate your masculine control over the situation, etc.

Anyway, good luck with the girl.

 

[Igetit!]

DonJuanna,I'd like to know what you think about these things I suggested Maxtro do to get this girl romantically interested in him.

Take a look at these....

Tell her you like the way she looks in something she's wearing...
Tell her YOU WANT to see her...
Use sexual innuendo.
Tell her not to be sure and not to wear a lot of makeup on your next date with her because you don't want to spend the whole date wiping lipstick off your face.

See what I mean? Be flirty/sexual like that.

What do you think about these things....honestly?



The reason I ask is because of the things you suggested he do.


No offense,but man...I HOPE he doesn't listen to you.



I hate to say that because I know you mean well and have good intentions.



You want him to focus on common interest. I agree with that,it's just the timing that we disagree on.



I think he should flirt with her,tell her he likes the way she looks in something she wears,use sexual innuedo,etc....FIRST,then once he's done that,if she response well to it,then he can focus on the anime,comic books,and other commonalities.



He should get the attraction established FIRST,to see if she's attracted to him as he is to her because like Rescue Mission said,"if there's no attraction there,everything else is meaningless".




I just hope Max makes the right decision.

 

[Maxtro]

Igetit,

Your suggestion list looks good and it seems it will work for most girls. This girl is a bit different though.

Tell her you like the way she looks in something she's wearing...

I really don't like anything she wears. Nothing about her wardrobe is stylish. Her shoes are bad, her jeans are too big and she's always wearing a sweat-jacket. Hell I could take her to the mall and have her walk out in something sexier.

Tell her not to be sure and not to wear a lot of makeup on your next date with her because you don't want to spend the whole date wiping lipstick off your face.

I'm pretty sure she doesn't wear makeup. The comment itself is very ballsy. Feels above my level.

Tell her YOU WANT to see her...

Correct me if I'm wrong but that seems AFCish. What is the context for me making that comment? She knows I'm trying to make plans with her. When can I say that "I want to see her" and make it work?

Use sexual innuendo.

I need to do more of these. I'll try to be more aware of when I can use it.

Girls kiss guys who they aren't attracted to all the time, just to be polite or not hurt their feelings or whatever.

Awesome. That means that there could be even less chance she'll reject a kiss. It should be smooth sailing from there.

 

[f283000]

Never listen to a woman giving you advice about women. But other than that I can only hope that you make your move on the next date so you know where you stand.

 

[Igetit!]

Igetit,

Your suggestion list looks good and it seems it will work for most girls. This girl is a bit different though.

Uhh...no Max. She's not different. And you thinking that she is is going to cause you reject time proven,field tested Sosuave fundamentals.



You're going to think,"She's different" or "She's not like other girls" and try some afc approach on her.



Max if you remember,I was there with you last year when when you went through that hell with that one girl,and I'm (WE'RE) doing everything in MY POWER to make sure you don't go through that again with this girl.

I really don't like anything she wears. Nothing about her wardrobe is stylish. Her shoes are bad, her jeans are too big and she's always wearing a sweat-jacket. Hell I could take her to the mall and have her walk out in something sexier.

Well fine then,comment on something else,but WHATEVER IT IS,it needs to be something PHYSICAL about her.

I'm pretty sure she doesn't wear makeup. The comment itself is very ballsy.

Yes...you get it. You said that this comment is "ballsy".


That's EXACTLY how I meant it to be. You said "ballsy",which is a MALE attribute.That's EXACTLY RIGHT. I want you to be ballsy,to be glaringly MALE.



EMOTIONALLY,SHE has to FEEL that there is a DIFFERENCE between you and her,and that can ONLY BE DONE through you being sexual.



Everything else:the anime,comic books,and whatever else you two have in common is gender neutral.



You being sexual will make her FEEL LIKE A WOMAN.


The anime can't do it.
The comic books can't do it.
You two liking the same movies can't do it.



It's going to come down to this anyway. You yourself said the reason you even made this thread was so you didn't end up wasting month after month of your time on this girl only to find out she's not interested.



Interested in what,anime? Comic books? Of course not.


You mean SEXUALLY interested....in you.



Well how do you find out if she's SEXUALLY interested in you? By discussiing Naturo and Dragonball Z?


No. You do it by showing YOUR INTEREST in her.


Come on Max,we're trying to prevent what you went through last year from happening again. We're on YOUR side man,don't fight us.



You seem to be siding with DonJuanna because to me,none of her suggestions require any risks.



Her suggestions aren't "ballsy". You know why? Because her suggestion are from HER...a woman. And women don't have balls.


You don't have to worry about being rejected or turned down talking about anime.



You're right. My suggestions ARE "ballsy" because they take "balls" to do.


They take courage,a leap of faith.


You're trying to avoid the risk of rejection,and I'M TELL YOU that risk MUST BE taken.



If she rejects you,fine she rejects you,but at least you'll know now,upfront instead of investing your time,energy,and emotions into her for 10 months,then finding out.



Boy,you hit the nail right on the head with that "ballsy" comment.


Now go be "ballsy" with her. It'll generate attraction in her to see a MAN who's upfront and bold about his interest instead of trying to hide and weasel around using anime and comic books to hide behind.