Glassguy
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This might be a long read, but worth it for some out there who are struggling with a distrustful person in their life:
Let me start by saying that I am trusting person until someone gives me a reason to not trust them, either based on their words or actions.
Also realize that trust is something that is not lost, but taken away from you.
There seems to be a lot of threads and posts lately about disrespectful behavior, cheating, flaking, canceling a date, etc. All of these things should cause you to lose trust in a woman based on her actions. One of my favorite sayings "People will show you who they are if you just stop and pay attention to them and their actions" is 100% true.
What do you do if someone in your life causes mistrust? For starters, lets focus on how you can control the situation and understand how the situation can control you if you allow that person to remain a large part of your life:
How it controls you:
*Once trust is gone, it will never be restored to 100%. Read that again. And again. At best, with a lot of work on both sides, it might get to 80%. That's a big "if".
*Once trust is gone, you will never be 100% comfortable around that person the way you were before the trust was lost/taken. When we are talking about big issues such as cheating, starting fights with you for no reason, belittling you, etc., you will always be looking around the corner wondering when it is going to happen again. And make no mistake, it will happen again, from the same person, because you allowed that person to get away with it. You actually rewarded the bad behavior by allowing that person to consume more of your time.
*Once trust is gone, it takes 100% effort from both the man and woman to fix the problem. This wont happen because the one that's actions caused the distrust doesnt care about the person they violated. If they did, they would have never done whatever it is for us to lose trust in them to begin with. Once there is cheating, lying, stealing and other devastating actions that cause distrust, only one side suffers and the other side doesnt really care. Because they never really cared to begin with. If we were someone not replaceable/not worth losing, they would have never did the deed that caused the distrust.
So how do you handle it?
*We have to realize this world is full of billions of people. Literally. There are so many more people that would make better friends, lovers, etc rather than jumping through hoops to attempt to mend a broken relationship with someone that stole your trust.
*Elimination- plain and simple, eject that person from your life and keep moving forward. Ghost them. Block, delete and pay no attention to them again.
Understand that people see how you handle this situation. You either give others a green light to also treat you the same way or you show that you have high standards and you bounce that person out of your life with zero pause.
3 times in my life I had to lose people that were very important to me because they tried to really take advantage of me and caused major distrust.
1.) My ex wife had an affair. As soon as I found out, I filed for divorce and made her leave. Months later she was literally laying behind my vehicle when she showed up at my business and tried to "work it out". I threatened to call the cops. Divorce was finalized and I felt like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders. Cheating is an instant dismissal guys. No questions asked.
2.) I was engaged to a much younger chick several years after my divorce. On a couple of occasions she became disrespectful, once in front of my daughter. It was honestly a tough situation but easy decision.
3.) Now this one takes the cake.......Lost my mother a year ago. She went into a nursing home/assisted living for rehab 7 months before she passed away and within 3 weeks of going into it, my sister (she was the power of attorney) and her husband stole over $130k from my mother before I found out. I was on my mother's accounts as well, but trusted my sister. Then my sister tried to use my daughter as a pawn in order to get me to drop the charges and lawsuits. Even tried to get my daughter to say that I abused her. Child protective services was called in, the whole 9 yards. Luckily I had text messages sent from my sister to my daughter that clearly outlined her entire plan. My daughter went before the judge, told the judge that my sister tried to put her up to saying this off the wall stuff, and now we are in pre trials and awaiting jury trials for what her and her husband did. She isnt my family anymore and I will never have anything to do with her. Sitting there in the court room during pre trial, she wasnt my sister anymore. She was a low life that stole money from my mother. And her smiling husband, well I have a feeling that he will get whats coming to him too.
Yet sometimes men accept disrespect, cheating and lying from people they barely know. How much sense does that make?
I have been the guy walking around on eggshells in a failing marriage. I am hear to tell you that it is no fun. Life is no fun at that point.
Your kids arent worth staying in a bad relationship and living a miserable life. Your sibling, cousin or other family member constantly disrespecting you isnt worth keeping in your life. Silence and distance.
We have one life to live. Live your life around people that you TRUST. Sure we can give a long time friend or family member a break for unintentional actions that cause distrust. But when someone clearly shows a lack of you and your feelings but doing something totally disrespectful, you should have high enough standards in your life to realize that replacing is much easier than trying to fix something with someone who clearly doesnt care about you to begin with.
I dont know who needs to hear this, but we all have a choice for happiness and that is something we should be pursuing every day. Unfortunately, along comes with that making some tough decisions on people that dont deserve to be in your life, but is worth it in the long run.
Happy Hunting
Let me start by saying that I am trusting person until someone gives me a reason to not trust them, either based on their words or actions.
Also realize that trust is something that is not lost, but taken away from you.
There seems to be a lot of threads and posts lately about disrespectful behavior, cheating, flaking, canceling a date, etc. All of these things should cause you to lose trust in a woman based on her actions. One of my favorite sayings "People will show you who they are if you just stop and pay attention to them and their actions" is 100% true.
What do you do if someone in your life causes mistrust? For starters, lets focus on how you can control the situation and understand how the situation can control you if you allow that person to remain a large part of your life:
How it controls you:
*Once trust is gone, it will never be restored to 100%. Read that again. And again. At best, with a lot of work on both sides, it might get to 80%. That's a big "if".
*Once trust is gone, you will never be 100% comfortable around that person the way you were before the trust was lost/taken. When we are talking about big issues such as cheating, starting fights with you for no reason, belittling you, etc., you will always be looking around the corner wondering when it is going to happen again. And make no mistake, it will happen again, from the same person, because you allowed that person to get away with it. You actually rewarded the bad behavior by allowing that person to consume more of your time.
*Once trust is gone, it takes 100% effort from both the man and woman to fix the problem. This wont happen because the one that's actions caused the distrust doesnt care about the person they violated. If they did, they would have never done whatever it is for us to lose trust in them to begin with. Once there is cheating, lying, stealing and other devastating actions that cause distrust, only one side suffers and the other side doesnt really care. Because they never really cared to begin with. If we were someone not replaceable/not worth losing, they would have never did the deed that caused the distrust.
So how do you handle it?
*We have to realize this world is full of billions of people. Literally. There are so many more people that would make better friends, lovers, etc rather than jumping through hoops to attempt to mend a broken relationship with someone that stole your trust.
*Elimination- plain and simple, eject that person from your life and keep moving forward. Ghost them. Block, delete and pay no attention to them again.
Understand that people see how you handle this situation. You either give others a green light to also treat you the same way or you show that you have high standards and you bounce that person out of your life with zero pause.
3 times in my life I had to lose people that were very important to me because they tried to really take advantage of me and caused major distrust.
1.) My ex wife had an affair. As soon as I found out, I filed for divorce and made her leave. Months later she was literally laying behind my vehicle when she showed up at my business and tried to "work it out". I threatened to call the cops. Divorce was finalized and I felt like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders. Cheating is an instant dismissal guys. No questions asked.
2.) I was engaged to a much younger chick several years after my divorce. On a couple of occasions she became disrespectful, once in front of my daughter. It was honestly a tough situation but easy decision.
3.) Now this one takes the cake.......Lost my mother a year ago. She went into a nursing home/assisted living for rehab 7 months before she passed away and within 3 weeks of going into it, my sister (she was the power of attorney) and her husband stole over $130k from my mother before I found out. I was on my mother's accounts as well, but trusted my sister. Then my sister tried to use my daughter as a pawn in order to get me to drop the charges and lawsuits. Even tried to get my daughter to say that I abused her. Child protective services was called in, the whole 9 yards. Luckily I had text messages sent from my sister to my daughter that clearly outlined her entire plan. My daughter went before the judge, told the judge that my sister tried to put her up to saying this off the wall stuff, and now we are in pre trials and awaiting jury trials for what her and her husband did. She isnt my family anymore and I will never have anything to do with her. Sitting there in the court room during pre trial, she wasnt my sister anymore. She was a low life that stole money from my mother. And her smiling husband, well I have a feeling that he will get whats coming to him too.
Yet sometimes men accept disrespect, cheating and lying from people they barely know. How much sense does that make?
I have been the guy walking around on eggshells in a failing marriage. I am hear to tell you that it is no fun. Life is no fun at that point.
Your kids arent worth staying in a bad relationship and living a miserable life. Your sibling, cousin or other family member constantly disrespecting you isnt worth keeping in your life. Silence and distance.
We have one life to live. Live your life around people that you TRUST. Sure we can give a long time friend or family member a break for unintentional actions that cause distrust. But when someone clearly shows a lack of you and your feelings but doing something totally disrespectful, you should have high enough standards in your life to realize that replacing is much easier than trying to fix something with someone who clearly doesnt care about you to begin with.
I dont know who needs to hear this, but we all have a choice for happiness and that is something we should be pursuing every day. Unfortunately, along comes with that making some tough decisions on people that dont deserve to be in your life, but is worth it in the long run.
Happy Hunting