Trust

[Glassguy]

This might be a long read, but worth it for some out there who are struggling with a distrustful person in their life:

Let me start by saying that I am trusting person until someone gives me a reason to not trust them, either based on their words or actions.
Also realize that trust is something that is not lost, but taken away from you.

There seems to be a lot of threads and posts lately about disrespectful behavior, cheating, flaking, canceling a date, etc. All of these things should cause you to lose trust in a woman based on her actions. One of my favorite sayings "People will show you who they are if you just stop and pay attention to them and their actions" is 100% true.

What do you do if someone in your life causes mistrust? For starters, lets focus on how you can control the situation and understand how the situation can control you if you allow that person to remain a large part of your life:

How it controls you:
*Once trust is gone, it will never be restored to 100%. Read that again. And again. At best, with a lot of work on both sides, it might get to 80%. That's a big "if".
*Once trust is gone, you will never be 100% comfortable around that person the way you were before the trust was lost/taken. When we are talking about big issues such as cheating, starting fights with you for no reason, belittling you, etc., you will always be looking around the corner wondering when it is going to happen again. And make no mistake, it will happen again, from the same person, because you allowed that person to get away with it. You actually rewarded the bad behavior by allowing that person to consume more of your time.
*Once trust is gone, it takes 100% effort from both the man and woman to fix the problem. This wont happen because the one that's actions caused the distrust doesnt care about the person they violated. If they did, they would have never done whatever it is for us to lose trust in them to begin with. Once there is cheating, lying, stealing and other devastating actions that cause distrust, only one side suffers and the other side doesnt really care. Because they never really cared to begin with. If we were someone not replaceable/not worth losing, they would have never did the deed that caused the distrust.

So how do you handle it?
*We have to realize this world is full of billions of people. Literally. There are so many more people that would make better friends, lovers, etc rather than jumping through hoops to attempt to mend a broken relationship with someone that stole your trust.
*Elimination- plain and simple, eject that person from your life and keep moving forward. Ghost them. Block, delete and pay no attention to them again.

Understand that people see how you handle this situation. You either give others a green light to also treat you the same way or you show that you have high standards and you bounce that person out of your life with zero pause.

3 times in my life I had to lose people that were very important to me because they tried to really take advantage of me and caused major distrust.
1.) My ex wife had an affair. As soon as I found out, I filed for divorce and made her leave. Months later she was literally laying behind my vehicle when she showed up at my business and tried to "work it out". I threatened to call the cops. Divorce was finalized and I felt like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders. Cheating is an instant dismissal guys. No questions asked.

2.) I was engaged to a much younger chick several years after my divorce. On a couple of occasions she became disrespectful, once in front of my daughter. It was honestly a tough situation but easy decision.

3.) Now this one takes the cake.......Lost my mother a year ago. She went into a nursing home/assisted living for rehab 7 months before she passed away and within 3 weeks of going into it, my sister (she was the power of attorney) and her husband stole over $130k from my mother before I found out. I was on my mother's accounts as well, but trusted my sister. Then my sister tried to use my daughter as a pawn in order to get me to drop the charges and lawsuits. Even tried to get my daughter to say that I abused her. Child protective services was called in, the whole 9 yards. Luckily I had text messages sent from my sister to my daughter that clearly outlined her entire plan. My daughter went before the judge, told the judge that my sister tried to put her up to saying this off the wall stuff, and now we are in pre trials and awaiting jury trials for what her and her husband did. She isnt my family anymore and I will never have anything to do with her. Sitting there in the court room during pre trial, she wasnt my sister anymore. She was a low life that stole money from my mother. And her smiling husband, well I have a feeling that he will get whats coming to him too.

Yet sometimes men accept disrespect, cheating and lying from people they barely know. How much sense does that make?

I have been the guy walking around on eggshells in a failing marriage. I am hear to tell you that it is no fun. Life is no fun at that point.

Your kids arent worth staying in a bad relationship and living a miserable life. Your sibling, cousin or other family member constantly disrespecting you isnt worth keeping in your life. Silence and distance.

We have one life to live. Live your life around people that you TRUST. Sure we can give a long time friend or family member a break for unintentional actions that cause distrust. But when someone clearly shows a lack of you and your feelings but doing something totally disrespectful, you should have high enough standards in your life to realize that replacing is much easier than trying to fix something with someone who clearly doesnt care about you to begin with.

I dont know who needs to hear this, but we all have a choice for happiness and that is something we should be pursuing every day. Unfortunately, along comes with that making some tough decisions on people that dont deserve to be in your life, but is worth it in the long run.

Happy Hunting

 

[Serenity]

Also, don't fight these people, they'll still deprive you of time if you do and they're extremely unlikely to change their ways anyways. Eject, ignore, block and move on.

 

[Glassguy]

Also, don't fight these people, they'll still deprive you of time if you do and they're extremely unlikely to change their ways anyways. Eject, ignore, block and move on.

You make an excellent point that I intended to make in my original post but left it out.

These types of people will find a way to turn themselves into the victim every single time if you allow them to stay in your life.

 

[xplt]

Very good post!

I'm in a similar situation with my brother as you are with your sister. It's more about small stuff, but it all has added up over the last years. Being betrayed by your sibling is hard, sorry to hear that.

 

[Lookatu]

I agree with Glassguy. Life is too short to be involved with distrustful people but also toxic people. There is a distinction but I find all too often that toxic people can also be untrustworthy and vice versa.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

This might be a long read, but worth it for some out there who are struggling with a distrustful person in their life:

Let me start by saying that I am trusting person until someone gives me a reason to not trust them, either based on their words or actions.
Also realize that trust is something that is not lost, but taken away from you.

There seems to be a lot of threads and posts lately about disrespectful behavior, cheating, flaking, canceling a date, etc. All of these things should cause you to lose trust in a woman based on her actions. One of my favorite sayings "People will show you who they are if you just stop and pay attention to them and their actions" is 100% true.

What do you do if someone in your life causes mistrust? For starters, lets focus on how you can control the situation and understand how the situation can control you if you allow that person to remain a large part of your life:

How it controls you:
*Once trust is gone, it will never be restored to 100%. Read that again. And again. At best, with a lot of work on both sides, it might get to 80%. That's a big "if".
*Once trust is gone, you will never be 100% comfortable around that person the way you were before the trust was lost/taken. When we are talking about big issues such as cheating, starting fights with you for no reason, belittling you, etc., you will always be looking around the corner wondering when it is going to happen again. And make no mistake, it will happen again, from the same person, because you allowed that person to get away with it. You actually rewarded the bad behavior by allowing that person to consume more of your time.
*Once trust is gone, it takes 100% effort from both the man and woman to fix the problem. This wont happen because the one that's actions caused the distrust doesnt care about the person they violated. If they did, they would have never done whatever it is for us to lose trust in them to begin with. Once there is cheating, lying, stealing and other devastating actions that cause distrust, only one side suffers and the other side doesnt really care. Because they never really cared to begin with. If we were someone not replaceable/not worth losing, they would have never did the deed that caused the distrust.

So how do you handle it?
*We have to realize this world is full of billions of people. Literally. There are so many more people that would make better friends, lovers, etc rather than jumping through hoops to attempt to mend a broken relationship with someone that stole your trust.
*Elimination- plain and simple, eject that person from your life and keep moving forward. Ghost them. Block, delete and pay no attention to them again.

Understand that people see how you handle this situation. You either give others a green light to also treat you the same way or you show that you have high standards and you bounce that person out of your life with zero pause.

3 times in my life I had to lose people that were very important to me because they tried to really take advantage of me and caused major distrust.
1.) My ex wife had an affair. As soon as I found out, I filed for divorce and made her leave. Months later she was literally laying behind my vehicle when she showed up at my business and tried to "work it out". I threatened to call the cops. Divorce was finalized and I felt like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders. Cheating is an instant dismissal guys. No questions asked.

2.) I was engaged to a much younger chick several years after my divorce. On a couple of occasions she became disrespectful, once in front of my daughter. It was honestly a tough situation but easy decision.

3.) Now this one takes the cake.......Lost my mother a year ago. She went into a nursing home/assisted living for rehab 7 months before she passed away and within 3 weeks of going into it, my sister (she was the power of attorney) and her husband stole over $130k from my mother before I found out. I was on my mother's accounts as well, but trusted my sister. Then my sister tried to use my daughter as a pawn in order to get me to drop the charges and lawsuits. Even tried to get my daughter to say that I abused her. Child protective services was called in, the whole 9 yards. Luckily I had text messages sent from my sister to my daughter that clearly outlined her entire plan. My daughter went before the judge, told the judge that my sister tried to put her up to saying this off the wall stuff, and now we are in pre trials and awaiting jury trials for what her and her husband did. She isnt my family anymore and I will never have anything to do with her. Sitting there in the court room during pre trial, she wasnt my sister anymore. She was a low life that stole money from my mother. And her smiling husband, well I have a feeling that he will get whats coming to him too.

Yet sometimes men accept disrespect, cheating and lying from people they barely know. How much sense does that make?

I have been the guy walking around on eggshells in a failing marriage. I am hear to tell you that it is no fun. Life is no fun at that point.

Your kids arent worth staying in a bad relationship and living a miserable life. Your sibling, cousin or other family member constantly disrespecting you isnt worth keeping in your life. Silence and distance.

We have one life to live. Live your life around people that you TRUST. Sure we can give a long time friend or family member a break for unintentional actions that cause distrust. But when someone clearly shows a lack of you and your feelings but doing something totally disrespectful, you should have high enough standards in your life to realize that replacing is much easier than trying to fix something with someone who clearly doesnt care about you to begin with.

I dont know who needs to hear this, but we all have a choice for happiness and that is something we should be pursuing every day. Unfortunately, along comes with that making some tough decisions on people that dont deserve to be in your life, but is worth it in the long run.

Happy Hunting

Thank you for sharing your story. I think family stealing, lying and disrespecting you is the worst because it's so close. It is really drains your soul in another way than random would or can do.
I hope everything turns well out for you dudebro.

Cheers!

 

[Glassguy]

Very good post!

I'm in a similar situation with my brother as you are with your sister. It's more about small stuff, but it all has added up over the last years. Being betrayed by your sibling is hard, sorry to hear that.

Very true, but all we can do in life is control how we process and deal with people's disrespect.

I choose to eliminate them because its less draining than to deal with them, knowing the trust is gone.

 

[Glassguy]

Thank you for sharing your story. I think family stealing, lying and disrespecting you is the worst because it's so close. It is really drains your soul in another way than random would or can do.
I hope everything turns well out for you dudebro.

Cheers!

Oh it will. She is in a real mess right now and of course she has already tried to turn it around to be the victim lol.

Screw her and her husband. I look for them to be divorced in a couple of years after this sh!t show is over and done. They obviously have major financial issues and dont seem to have a way to pay back a large amount of money that they stole and already blew. She bought a new Mercedes 400 series.

I'd imagine that its currently for sale.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Let me start by saying that I am trusting person until someone gives me a reason to not trust them, either based on their words or actions.
Also realize that trust is something that is not lost, but taken away from you.

This is a solid post overall. Your time and energy are extremely valuable, if someone does not value it, simply walk away.

The only thing that I would phrase differently, and this is just how I perceive trust is that trust, like respect, is earned. I think you can give someone the benefit of the doubt and "credit" them your trust until you feel otherwise. But full and genuine trust is earned over time. I've said this a couple of times on SS, but trust, like respect, is one of the hardest things to earn and also one of the easiest to lose. So it must be highly valued.

Modern Man Advice

 

[BadBoy89]

Would agree, trust is important. Personally, I *almost* don’t care if a woman cheats. There is no legality involved and society encourages her do it.

The only thing I care about is: she CANNOT cash out at the end at the relationship. If you want out, you get a little less from me as you got from the guy who took your virginity.

That’s what I don’t understand, the women who want tons of cash at the end; they are not virgins, they are older, uglier, and used. And they want MORE money. Its like the man is paying more for 10 year Honda Civic than a 2021 Mercedes.

How does that logic work?

 

[Alvafe]

You make an excellent point that I intended to make in my original post but left it out.

These types of people will find a way to turn themselves into the victim every single time if you allow them to stay in your life.

I don't consider no fight a good way, if you took the no fight you wouldn't be keeping the lawsuit against your sister, with by all records you should bleed her with all the power you can muster, not only she broke her own mom, but tried to put you in jail or the very least lose your daughter.

in others i'm not that trusting, trust is like respect, both need to be earned, and I normally toss some tests to see if the said person is trustworthy or not also i put several degrees in what and how much trust that person have with me, some I know I can trust with somethings with others things shouldn't be mentioned.

to add a lot of people also don't understand the diference btw respect with politeness

all in all being polite, ruthless and brave will let you go far in life

 

[Clamslammer]

Oh it will. She is in a real mess right now and of course she has already tried to turn it around to be the victim lol.

Screw her and her husband. I look for them to be divorced in a couple of years after this sh!t show is over and done. They obviously have major financial issues and dont seem to have a way to pay back a large amount of money that they stole and already blew. She bought a new Mercedes 400 series.

I'd imagine that its currently for sale.

Do you guys feel disappointed by people more so people you date or try to date. Seems like there are no normal people in this worls. Trying to find someone to have a healthy long relationship is an enigma.

 

[Glassguy]

Do you guys feel disappointed by people more so people you date or try to date. Seems like there are no normal people in this worls. Trying to find someone to have a healthy long relationship is an enigma.

Sometimes. I honestly think social media and OLD are the main culprits for this as women feel entitled by thinking they have more options than they really do.

They might have 10 guys hitting them up on fb or OLD, but they don't have any that are ever going to pursue an actual "relationship " with her.

 

[The Duke]

Sometimes. I honestly think social media and OLD are the main culprits for this as women feel entitled by thinking they have more options than they really do.

They might have 10 guys hitting them up on fb or OLD, but they don't have any that are ever going to pursue an actual "relationship " with her.

Yes, lol Ive had a few brag about how many guys wanted them, so I reminded them that out of the 10guys hitting her up, she'd be lucky if 1 wanted an actual relationship. That means 9 just want to fuhk! Totally deflates their ego. Women can't seem to decipher the difference, perhaps it's about protecting their ego.

 

[Georgepithyou]

Sometimes. I honestly think social media and OLD are the main culprits for this as women feel entitled by thinking they have more options than they really do

It really is despite what some guys would say, A woman in a small town with a limited social circle would not have had much options in the 1970s. Today she has thousands of Simps blowing up her DMs.

Humans have not evolved to deal with that much ego inflation in such a short amount of time.

 

[soulforge]

Females only win when they get that high value man to put a ring on her finger.

10 dudes trying to pump & dump her online is not winning.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I agree with Glassguy. Life is too short to be involved with distrustful people but also toxic people. There is a distinction but I find all too often that toxic people can also be untrustworthy and vice versa.

There's a importance of qualifying those you allow in your life. a lot of men are soy and will do anything to bust a nut. a lot of women are *** dumpsters not worthy of the commitment or much after busting a nut. you wouldn't trust if locked up she wouldn't be throwing her puss at anybody and everybody. a very miniscule amount of women are based and worth the time for what most guys want. unfortunately , they don't put work in.

 

[RangerMIke]

I normally don't read a long post but this was well worth the read. Maintaining emotional self-control and evaluating the actions of people objectively is single most important thing you will ever do in life.

 

[xplt]

I just cut a "friend" out of my life.
I found out recently, that he gave my ex girlfriend the advice to "explore" herself, when our breakup was fresh.
He basically told her to hoe around when she was hurting and he knew that I would have taken her back if she would have changed her mind about some topics.
No need in my life for such a backstabber.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I just cut a "friend" out of my life.
I found out recently, that he gave my ex girlfriend the advice to "explore" herself, when our breakup was fresh.
He basically told her to hoe around when she was hurting and he knew that I would have taken her back if she would have changed her mind about some topics.
No need in my life for such a backstabber.

In pickup, any legit guru tells you to basically lose the dead weight friends from the past. Crabs in a bucket. They don't want you to succeed. Any sign of disloyalty or treachery, you boot from your life.