Trouble on the horizon....

[switch7]

First post here, I've been reading for the past few days and I wish I'd found this place 10 years ago.

I've been seeing this girl for about 8 months. Its had its ups and downs, fallouts etc but we always patch things up. She has a child who I've become close with and her mum and dad think im great.

Just recently, about 2 weeks ago when everything seemed like it was going great she suddenly stopped texting as much, less responsive to texts or phone calls. I pulled her up on it and asked why she hadn't got back to me and she apologized and said she'd been busy and we left it at that, (this was last week on Friday).

The following day she invited me round to her parents house for the evening. During the evening she had a phonecall form a guy I know, but she didn't answer it. She said to me 'why is Rob ringing me?' Then she got a text and said 'Oh, its not Rob its Dave on robs phone, asking if any plans for tonight, that's weird I've not spoken to him for 4 months' Now shes always had more male friends than female and she's very sociable so I thought nothing of it as she seemed straight up with me..

The next day when I was leaving her son (4 year old) ran up to me and said,' I'll miss you', which I don't recall him saying to me ever before, which at the time I thought nothing of but now I'm thinking that was strange.

Anyway this week I phoned on Wednesday, no answer. The I text her on Thursday to let me know how her hospital appointment goes. She's been having some serious health issues but usually she tells me everything that's going on. She text me later on in the day saying sorry for late reply and told me how the hospital went.

Yesterday I text her to see if she was busy cos wanted to talk to her and no reply. I haven't tried contacting her since.

I guess I'm wondering whether she is ready to get rid of me....but I'm wondering if she is one of these girls who might just not tell me im finished. I'm not sure how I should handle the situation... She's always said she would never lead anyone on or cheat but I'm beginning to be really suspicious of her. What would you guys do?

 

[switch7]

Sounds like a fade-away.
You have tried 3 times now with no response. That is enough.

Stop contacting her. In one week remove her from all social media.

Move onto other women.

If she is interetsed, she will get ahold of you........then make her EARN her way back in.

Thanks for the reply. Just to clarify, what is a fade away?

 

[switch7]

Also, I have a Christmas present for her son, what should I do about that?

 

[stevo]

Fade away - significant drop in Interest level.

Why are you hitting her up so much? Good thing you found this site.

For the now, stay cool. Keep the present you bought for her son, if she doesn't hit you up in the next 2-3days next the mama, the son, the grand parents and every other family member and return the present for your money-back (hopefully you still have the receipt).

Does she party with the dudes calling her? If she had nothing to hide really, she should have answered that call and her talking about the text doesnt make her innocent either.

When Liars/Cheaters get nervous the first natural instinct is to deflate the situation by releasing a little bit of truth and acting aloof just so the other person doesn't get suspicious, either way, you can do better.

 

[RangerMIke]

Good advice. Back away let her reach out to you.

Don't believe ANYTHING she says to you... truth is her interest is dropping. You said she is having health problems. In my experience this usually triggers doubt about the life she is leading. Women naturally (albeit unfair) blame whatever man they happen to be with. Best thing to do is distance yourself from her negative emotions.

That's all you can do. But be prepared to move on.

 

[switch7]

Thanks for the replies guys.

In all fairness when she got the call she could have easily said it was one of her girlfriends and put the phone down, which she does often. The fact is she turned the phone around and showed me who was calling. Either way I defnitely need to be on my toes from now on after reading through the material on this website... I was so clueless before, usually I'd be crumbling but reading all this info is like someone turned ion a swithch, hence the name.

 

[Desdinova]

Just recently, about 2 weeks ago when everything seemed like it was going great she suddenly stopped texting as much, less responsive to texts or phone calls.

You can always tell when there's another man in your woman's life. Her regular behaviour patterns change

Now, let's look at the red flags...

She has a child

Single moms always have at least one red flag

Now shes always had more male friends than female

Women keep their orbiters around 'just in case' things don't work out with their current man. She always has a source of male attention. Also, NEVER buy the "guy friends are less drama" line. If anything, they're MORE drama because they're all competing for the same piece of ass.

I guess I'm wondering whether she is ready to get rid of me

Yes she is. A woman's actions ALWAYS speak louder than her words.

I'm wondering if she is one of these girls who might just not tell me im finished. I'm not sure how I should handle the situation

End it first. Don't allow your emotions and your time to be dragged through the mud, waiting to see if there's a shred of hope that the relationship will somehow fix itself. It won't.

She's always said she would never lead anyone on or cheat

Again... take a woman's words with a grain of salt, especially when they're describing themselves. They have no fvcking clue what kind of a person they are.

 

[GS750]

I agree with the others...there's another guy in the picture. sudden behavior changes, being unavailable, etc. She's fixing to branch swing. I'd go ghost on this chick. And donate the gift to toys for tots.

 

[switch7]

You can always tell when there's another man in your woman's life. Her regular behaviour patterns change

Now, let's look at the red flags...



Single moms always have at least one red flag



Women keep their orbiters around 'just in case' things don't work out with their current man. She always has a source of male attention. Also, NEVER buy the "guy friends are less drama" line. If anything, they're MORE drama because they're all competing for the same piece of ass.



Yes she is. A woman's actions ALWAYS speak louder than her words.



End it first. Don't allow your emotions and your time to be dragged through the mud, waiting to see if there's a shred of hope that the relationship will somehow fix itself. It won't.



Again... take a woman's words with a grain of salt, especially when they're describing themselves. They have no fvcking clue what kind of a person they are.

If I end it, how do I end it? What id like to do is open a can of whoop ass on the guy's face and tell her how sly she has been, but I know that looks bitter...Bearing in mind that the 2 people involved in my suspicions (her and the guy who made the phone call) are a part of my social circle?

 

[switch7]

I tried editing the above post but it won't let
Me. Ignore the bit about me being angry at they guy, it takes 2 to tango as they say

 

[backbeat]

chicks with other dudes around is a big red flag bro. she is tellin u about the dudes ringin her ass. chicks pullin off u tells u wut u wanna know bro she is messin with another dude. give the kid the gift an look for sumone else bro.

 

[Desdinova]

If I end it, how do I end it? What id like to do is open a can of whoop ass on the guy's face and tell her how sly she has been, but I know that looks bitter...Bearing in mind that the 2 people involved in my suspicions (her and the guy who made the phone call) are a part of my social circle?

The only time you should do that is when you're close with the guy, like if he's a relative or a good friend. The guy in question is just some dude she accepted into her life. It's your GF's choice to start seeing another dude, knowing damn well she's leaving you in the dust.

 

[In2theGame]

By her actions, Its time for you to hit the eject button as the plane is going down. It seems that another guy is in the background and she's pulling away from you. What needs to be done here is the hard part due to the emotional involvement you have with her and her son. You need to pullback hard and not contact her at all and wait for her to reach out to you and see what she says. This is an all too common thing among Women when they act like this, Usually another Man behind the scenes. Like another poster mention previously, Be ready to move on from her at this point because it seems like its coming.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Preemptive strike. You're being set up to be cut loose.

I say cut her loose. A man should always strike preemptively when he's about to be let go. IMO, if you just fade into the background you've made it easy for her.

I always advise flipping the script. You will shock her with a preemptive strike and cause her head to spin. Don't let her hurt you any further bro.

Desdinova's post above (#10) was brilliant, especially his last line, a line I've never heard expressed here in quite that way before but that is so true.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Again... take a woman's words with a grain of salt, especially when they're describing themselves. They have no fvcking clue what kind of a person they are.

Brilliantly put, Des. They have no idea under the sun.

 

[Meisterman]

As a guy in his early twenties, it baffles me to read about this type of behavior from grown a** women in their late twenties and thirties. The whole monkey branch, going NC to avoid confrontation type BS. The chicks I've dealt with who do this crap are all 19-25. I used to think it would eventually end after that. But the more I read these forums the more I see that most women never grow up and still play the same BS games they did when they were teenagers. I guess it's good to know though and be prepared for the future so I don't expect otherwise.

And yeah bro, she's done. It sucks but salvage your self respect and flip the tables on her. Go ghost. Don't contact her at all. If she really wants to be with you, she will move mountains to do it. And if she doesn't, then you saved yourself a lot of unnecessary drama and trouble because once a girl's mind is made up on which guy she wants to be with, you can't change it.

Keep your head up. You have everything within you to be successful with the type of women who will treat you well! And if it makes you feel better, she will probably monkey branch again to the next dude in a few weeks/months down the road, and the leave the other guy in the dust just like you. So I wouldn't worry about it.

 

[Soolaimon]

then make her EARN her way back in.

I'd go ghost on this chick.

Go ghost

All Beta mentality here.

I disagree with all this "advice" of "going ghost".

That does nothing for you.

It is for weak individuals who are too afraid of dumping the woman hoping there still is a chance to get her back.

Be a man and take the initiative of dumping her like you should.

She will have no problem sending you a text telling you "its over".

You shouldn't have a problem with it either.

If you aren't getting what you want out of her you replace her with another woman. Simple as that.

Don't just fade off into the distance like a coward.

If you were at a restaurant and they over cooked your steak would you make them take it back and give you a new one or would you wimpily sit there trying to chew on a tough steak afraid to speak up?

Same thing with this girlfriend. If she isn't cutting it to your expectations you tell her that she isn't cutting it and get rid of her.

She's always said she would never lead anyone on or cheat but I'm beginning to be really suspicious of her.

Always judge women on their actions and not their words.

Words coming from women are useless in the past when it's their present feelings that matter.

Her actions are showing distance and suspicious behavior.

You can't trust her words of the past when her present behavior is conflicting.

Red flags and bad behavior determines what you need to know. Not her words of the past.

I've been seeing this girl for about 8 months. Its had its ups and downs, fallouts etc but we always patch things up.

Sounds very rocky along the way. Rocky relationships will have a fall out later on. Looks like it finally came to this point now.

Just recently, about 2 weeks ago when everything seemed like it was going great she suddenly stopped texting as much, less responsive to texts or phone calls. I pulled her up on it and asked why she hadn't got back to me and she apologized and said she'd been busy and we left it at that, (this was last week on Friday).

Less communication is the first sign of bad things to come.

The following day she invited me round to her parents house for the evening. During the evening she had a phonecall form a guy I know, but she didn't answer it. She said to me 'why is Rob ringing me?' Then she got a text and said 'Oh, its not Rob its Dave on robs phone, asking if any plans for tonight, that's weird I've not spoken to him for 4 months' Now shes always had more male friends than female and she's very sociable so I thought nothing of it as she seemed straight up with me.

No reason to make a big deal out of a friend calling if it was legitimate. She wanted you to know about him calling.

Never get into relationships with women who have several other men as friends. You are asking for trouble with that scenario. It's very easy for her to bang other guys without your knowledge.

Anyway this week I phoned on Wednesday, no answer. The I text her on Thursday to let me know how her hospital appointment goes. She's been having some serious health issues but usually she tells me everything that's going on. She text me later on in the day saying sorry for late reply and told me how the hospital went.

Yesterday I text her to see if she was busy cos wanted to talk to her and no reply. I haven't tried contacting her since.

You should be the most important person besides her parents she is telling this stuff to.

There should be no reason why she is ignoring you.

She is cutting you out keeping you in the dark.

I wouldn't want to be around a woman with serious health issues and neither should you.

A rocky relationship with a woman who is sick distancing herself is not a good combination.

Your relationship has hit the expiration date. End it before she ends it with you.

Get your money back for the gift you bought her kid or give it to an orphan that needs it more than her kid.

Maybe she won't let the kid have the gift after your relationship is terminated.

That would be a waste of your money.

This woman is doing you a favor.

Be thankful and get with a better woman who will respect you.

 

[Meisterman]

Response in bold.

I disagree with all this advice of "going ghost".

That does nothing for you.

It is for weak individuals who are too afraid of dumping the woman hoping there still is a chance to get her back.

No, it's for detaching and letting go of all energy you've invested in her, so you can allow time to heal and focus on YOU. It is not about her, it's about YOU moving on. If the only possible way you can get closure is sending a "dump text" then do it, but you shouldn't have to. And it has nothing to do with hitting her back.

Be a man and take the initiative of dumping her like you should.

I can understand this position if she was still flirting with/asking OP out. But it sounds like she's repeatedly flaking, hoping he'll just take a hint and go away.

For OP to send a 'dump text' is like one person walking 100 feet in the opposite direction. Then you screaming "Hey you! Yeah you! Well I'm going the other way too!" It's like dude...she's already leaving/left, you're not gonna look more like a "man" by sending an official dump text when she's already moved on to another guy.


She will have no problem sending you a text telling you "its over".

She will if she needs to, but she's probably hoping OP just takes a hint

You shouldn't have a problem with it either.

That's true, but imagine if OP had several options lined up. You really think he would take the time and bother calling ONE woman out to say "it's over" when she's already getting smashed by Tyrone? When he could be out getting laid with girls who are actually worth his time?


If you aren't getting what you want you replace her with another woman.

Yup. Replace another with "other." Always spin plates.

Don't just fade off into the distance like a coward.

It's only a cowardly move if you care. I've been on both sides of this. I had a girl lose interest in me, flake repeatedly, and ultimately I sent the "it's over" text and it didn't really help at all. I've also just gone ghost because the girl had disrespected my time and I didn't want anything to do with her. And it has nothing to do with being a coward. It has nothing to do with trying to get her back. She could beg me to take her back and I still wouldn't. It's about allowing yourself to heal and investing your energy elsewhere, she can't exist in your reality anymore because it's over.

 

[Soolaimon]

Response in bold.
No, it's for detaching and letting go of all energy you've invested in her, so you can allow time to heal and focus on YOU. It is not about her, it's about YOU moving on. If the only possible way you can get closure is sending a "dump text" then do it, but you shouldn't have to. And it has nothing to do with hitting her back.

then make her EARN her way back in.

You are wrong cause it has everything to do with trying to get her back. This guy above is telling him to make her "earn her way back in". He is still leaving an "in" for her to come back. What do you say to that?

If she doesn't hear from the guy she is going to text him "it's over" herself or if he breaks down like AFC's do and texts her back she will text him "it's over".

Why are you so afraid to dump a chick through text?

You can heal after by banging new women once this one is gone.

Beng afraid to let women know where you stand is why you have women treating you like this in the first place.

I can understand this position if she was still flirting with/asking OP out. But it sounds like she's repeatedly flaking, hoping he'll just take a hint and go away.

For OP to send a 'dump text' is like one person walking 100 feet in the opposite direction. Then you screaming "Hey you! Yeah you! Well I'm going the other way too!" It's like dude...she's already leaving/left, you're not gonna look more like a "man" by sending an official dump text when she's already moved on to another guy.

You have no idea what's going on based on a small description of the OP.

So she bangs another guy for 2 weeks then the guy dumps her.

She will come crawling back to the OP hoping to get him back.

A lot of beats who were afraid to dump her would probably take her back thinking she really wants him.

You should never be afraid to dump a woman under any circumstances.

Slithering away into non existance is very cowardly after he invested into the relationship as you say.

She will if she needs to, but she's probably hoping OP just takes a hint

You are just assuming. Why allow her to send you a dump text when you can do it?

Yup. Replace another with "other." Always spin plates.

You don't need to "always spin plates" when you have a good woman.

That's true, but imagine if OP had several options lined up. You really think he would take the time and bother calling ONE woman out to say "it's over" when she's already getting smashed by Tyrone? When he could be out getting laid with girls who are actually worth his time?

Still trying to defend your fear of dumping a woman? Amazing!

You have no idea if she is already being smashed by Tyrone. This is all assumptions by you.

You have her becoming distant with previous bad behavior.

It takes two seconds to dump her through text as he is on his way over to
another girl's house to get laid.

It's only a cowardly move if you care. I've been on both sides of this. I had a girl lose interest in me, flake repeatedly, and ultimately I sent the "it's over" text and it didn't really help at all. I've also just gone ghost because the girl had disrespected my time and I didn't want anything to do with her. And it has nothing to do with being a coward. It has nothing to do with trying to get her back. She could beg me to take her back and I still wouldn't. It's about allowing yourself to heal and investing your energy elsewhere, she can't exist in your reality anymore because it's over.

By not pulling the plug as a man shows that you care.

By making several lame excuses as to why you shouldn't dump her shows you care.

If a chick gave you some SOB story I bet you'd take her back in a minute.

If a chick disrespected you in a relationship you let her know about it when you want it to be over.

Don't slink away being afraid to tell her it's over.

She will have no problem saying that to you on her time.

 

[Meisterman]

Replies in bold.

[/B]


You are wrong cause it has everything to do with trying to get her back.

Maybe to you. Not to me. If it's done to get her back, then he is doing it for the wrong reasons and nothing I say applies to someone who does it for that reason.


Why are you so afraid to dump a chick through text?

Beng afraid to let women know where you stand is why you have women treating you like this in the first place.

It has nothing to do with being afraid. You simply just shouldn't even care enough to do it. If she flakes repeatedly and ignores OP she's a low value woman anyway. She's not even worthy a "dump text." If you go ghost because you're "afraid" then you're doing it wrong.




She will come crawling back to the OP hoping to get him back.

***YES....AND THAT IS WHEN YOU DUMP HER.*** But you don't initiate a dump text when she's already ignoring you to begin with! That's stupid.

A lot of beats who were afraid to dump her would probably take her back thinking she really wants him.

You should never be afraid to dump a woman under any circumstances.

Slithering away into non existance is very cowardly after he invested into the relationship as you say.

[/B]
You are just assuming. Why allow her to send you a dump text when you can do it?

[/B]
You don't need to "always spin plates" when you have a good woman.

[/B]

Still trying to defend your fear of dumping a woman? Amazing!

You have no idea if she is already being smashed by Tyrone. This is all assumptions by you.

You have her becoming distant with previous bad behavior.

It takes two seconds to dump her through text as he is on his way over to
another girl's house to get laid.

[/B]

By not pulling the plug as a man shows that you care.

You know it's possible to not pull the plug and still not care right? Then you may say "Well it still SHOWS you care." But guess what? If you truly don't care then you don't care what it shows either, or what she thinks of it lol.

If a chick gave you some SOB story I bet you'd take her back in a minute.

If a chick disrespected you in a relationship you let her know about it when you want it to be over.

Don't slink away being afraid to tell her it's over.

She will have no problem saying that to you on her time.

O.K. I think see where you're coming from. Where we have different views is I think OP should wait until she contacts him first or comes back crawling to him, or checks in on him for attention, and THATS when he sends the dump text. Have his guns locked and loaded but don't pull the trigger until she contacts him first.

But sending her a dump text "it's over" when she's already flaking and ignoring OP's messages is stupid. In fact there's a good chance she won't even reply if he does it this way. How can you consider this dumping her if she's already gone ghost and never replies? :crackup:

At some point I think she WILL contact OP again, I'd say 95% chance since this is all very recent. And then he can unleash the fury of his wrath, say what he needs to say, and dump her on his terms.

And if for some reason she never contacts OP again after 8 months together, then fu*k her, she's not even worth the 1 cent it costs to send the text on OP's data plan.