******** Translations

[drmeathead]

This girl I ve been talking to called me up and wanted to discuss things. It was an attempted power play on her part as she repeated told me it was ok for me to do my thing but she was willing to walk. However when I didnt kiss her ass and told well if you want to go go ahead she wouldnt get off the phone. This conversation was full of red flags. I will share some of them here for discussion.


"I want to be taken out on real dates. The kind where you pick me up and take me to a nice dinner or something." TRANSLATION spend money on me or you are ever seeing me naked again

"I am over my ex. I still have feelings over the situation. I dont want to get back with him but I am still sad the situation is over....I still talk with him...I cry over the situation sometimes...sometimes the situation makes me over sensitive....I am working through this to grow as a person. " TRANSLATION I may get back with him if I cant find anything better or he starts kissing my ass. If you call me out on talking with my ex at all you will never see me naked again

"I dont want much but more than you are giving me....I expect if a man shares my bed he shares his life....I want good morning text messages not every day but enough...I expcet calls asking how my day is going" TRANSLATION I am high maintence pain in the ass who is used to getting her ass kissed so pucker up or you will never see me naked again.

"I dont want a committment....I am not ready for a comitted relationship.... I travel alot for work. I take of my grandmother. I like to workout atleast 3 days a week...If you date someone else you are an *******" TRANSLATION I expect you to sit around and wait for me and see me when I want to be seen. Dont think about seeing anyone else but if I have sex on a business trip you better not hold it against me or you will never see me naked again.


Those were her terms. My terms were we could go out and enjoy each others company as more than friends but with no strings attached and no expectations of exclusitivity. She kept arguing so finally I told her I am playing the music if you want to dance super, if not thats fine too.

After going in circles with this goof for an hour, I told her I would call her soon for one of the real dates she was deserved but for now I was going to bed. If she isnt good at picking up sarcasim, she is gonna have a long wait by the phone.

 

[guru1000]

This girl has manipulation and control freak written all over her.

Now you have two choices:

a) Tame the beast
b) Spend your time finding one who is worthwhile

She has a low-medium IL in you and can therefore JUSTIFY making her demands.

"I will keep him around ONLY if me puts me on a PEDESTAL"

A woman with high IL will act as if it is her BIRTHRIGHT to please you.

I would rather have 1 High IL, than 50 like this one.

Disappear.

 

[cordoncordon]

I don't get it though....

What is wrong with picking her up taking a girl you are sexing out to dinner? Or a movie? OR a concert? Hell I love to do those things with the women I am dating. That is fun to me! She feels like a tramp the way things are right now. 99.999999% of all women would say the same, in fact I've had it said to me many times. Girls just want to know that you think of them as someone you would like to spend quality time with, not just go over, bang them, leave, and make them feel like a slvt. I think you are really over reacting and over analyzing there. IE taking this DJ stuff too seriously.

As for her ex imo she is just being honest. Would you rather she lie about it? Sounds like she is not over the whole thing and still has memories and feelings about it all that she is dealing with. I can sympathize. I've had the same experiences where I've been seeing one girl but not totally over the situation with an ex, but that doesn't mean I would go back to the ex.

As for the good morning texts or what have you, whats wrong with being a good guy and doing something nice for her once in a while? It isn't afc to be decent man.

That last one I am not super clear on what you are trying to say but if she expects you to be committed to her and not date others, but she doesn't want a commitment right now, well than that is wrong of her to expect that. Perhaps you could be more concise on what it is she is saying?

Maybe she is not going to commit to you because she feels as though your behavior so far is one of indifference and not especially caring. I dont know what you want out of the relationship but IF you want a commitment acting the way you are won't get you one. There is a difference between being a DJ and being a d1ck.

 

[guru1000]

I don't get it though....

What is wrong with picking her up taking a girl you are sexing out to dinner? Or a movie? OR a concert? Hell I love to do those things with the women I am dating. That is fun to me! She feels like a tramp the way things are right now. 99.999999% of all women would say the same, in fact I've had it said to me many times. Girls just want to know that you think of them as someone you would like to spend quality time with, not just go over, bang them, leave, and make them feel like a slvt. I think you are really over reacting and over analyzing there. IE taking this DJ stuff too seriously.

As for her ex imo she is just being honest. Would you rather she lie about it? Sounds like she is not over the whole thing and still has memories and feelings about it all that she is dealing with. I can sympathize. I've had the same experiences where I've been seeing one girl but not totally over the situation with an ex, but that doesn't mean I would go back to the ex.

As for the good morning texts or what have you, whats wrong with being a good guy and doing something nice for her once in a while? It isn't afc to be decent man.

That last one I am not super clear on what you are trying to say but if she expects you to be committed to her and not date others, but she doesn't want a commitment right now, well than that is wrong of her to expect that. Perhaps you could be more concise on what it is she is saying?

Maybe she is not going to commit to you because she feels as though your behavior so far is one of indifference and not especially caring. I dont know what you want out of the relationship but IF you want a commitment acting the way you are won't get you one. There is a difference between being a DJ and being a d1ck.

"No commitment BUT"


I EXPECT..

I WANT...

I DON"T WANT..

Incorrect Frame.

Kick the PEDESTAL from under her feet and watch reality sink in.

 

[cordoncordon]

Incorrect Frame.

Kick the PEDESTAL from under her feet and watch reality sink in.

Again, that is why I asked about the last thing she asked about...the commitment issue. Not really sure what he was trying to say there.

If she wants the other things that are totally normal in a relationship, like the calls and texting and going out on real dates, but doesn't want a commitment, then she has no reason to expect them and is wrong. However part of me is wondering if is saying she doesn't want a commitment because that is the vibe she is getting from the good Doctor as well.

 

[Phyzzle]

I agree with cordoncordon. I think there is some douchebaggery on the guy's part.

If you call me out on talking with my ex at all you will never see me naked again

Yeah, well you should be okay with that. Why would you ever call her out on talking to her ex? I don't understand what there is to call out. You haven't been on a date with her yet.

"I dont want a committment....I am not ready for a comitted relationship.... I travel alot for work. I take of my grandmother. I like to workout atleast 3 days a week...If you date someone else you are an *******"

That makes no sense to me. Re-write?

 

[Mr. Me]

"I want to be taken out on real dates. The kind where you pick me up and take me to a nice dinner or something." TRANSLATION spend money on me or you are ever seeing me naked again

Translation: "I would like the man to act like a gentleman, be chivalrous, and I would appreciate a traditional type somewhat romantic date now and then."

There's nothing wrong with that request. BUT those dates are reserved for women that are pretty much Ms. Right. It's like a reward for the lady being real good to you.

"I am over my ex. I still have feelings over the situation. I dont want to get back with him but I am still sad the situation is over....I still talk with him

Translation: "Either I'm NOT over my ex, or I love getting attention from former boyfriends. Either way, that makes me not right for you if you're looking for a girlfriend."

"I dont want a commitment....I am not ready for a committed relationship....

If you date someone else you are an *******"

She's contradicting herself. She wants commitment, but she's trying to make it sound like she doesn't. Maybe she doesn't want to scare you off.

After going in circles with this goof for an hour, I told her I would call her soon for one of the real dates she was deserved but for now I was going to bed. If she isnt good at picking up sarcasim, she is gonna have a long wait by the phone.

Sarcasm can be difficult to transmit over a phone line. Other than that, this conversation you had sounds like it was forty five minutes too long.

You may want to surprise her two dates from now, if you're still seeing her, with a nice date.

The thing about "good morning texts and how's it going? calls"... I see that request as what she thinks she wants, but if she started getting those every day, it would become boring and predictable, right? So I wouldn't text or call.

But that ex factor of hers... that's the flag!

 

[iqqi]

I agree with cordoncordon. I think there is some douchebaggery on the guy's part.

I agree too.

Besides, on a side note, cordie is one of the best posters on this site, too bad he doesn't post more often.

OFFICIAL IQQI STAMP OF APPROVAL

 

[logic1]

douchebaggery

Hey I like that word. Might have to use it on someone. With your copy right permission

I agree with your thoughts also

 

[Nelford]

I don't get it though....

What is wrong with picking her up taking a girl you are sexing out to dinner? Or a movie? OR a concert? Hell I love to do those things with the women I am dating. That is fun to me! She feels like a tramp the way things are right now. 99.999999% of all women would say the same, in fact I've had it said to me many times. Girls just want to know that you think of them as someone you would like to spend quality time with, not just go over, bang them, leave, and make them feel like a slvt. I think you are really over reacting and over analyzing there. IE taking this DJ stuff too seriously.

As for her ex imo she is just being honest. Would you rather she lie about it? Sounds like she is not over the whole thing and still has memories and feelings about it all that she is dealing with. I can sympathize. I've had the same experiences where I've been seeing one girl but not totally over the situation with an ex, but that doesn't mean I would go back to the ex.

As for the good morning texts or what have you, whats wrong with being a good guy and doing something nice for her once in a while? It isn't afc to be decent man.

That last one I am not super clear on what you are trying to say but if she expects you to be committed to her and not date others, but she doesn't want a commitment right now, well than that is wrong of her to expect that. Perhaps you could be more concise on what it is she is saying?

Maybe she is not going to commit to you because she feels as though your behavior so far is one of indifference and not especially caring. I dont know what you want out of the relationship but IF you want a commitment acting the way you are won't get you one. There is a difference between being a DJ and being a d1ck.

What's wrong with the girl doing all those things for him. Why do guys always have to come out of pocket for these women. In my office at work most of the ladies make more than me and always want some guy to go out there way for them and they tried me a few time because I am the smiling type but no fool. Check this, now they buy me drinks at Happy Hour. If I am in a healty relationship with a women who respects me as a man I will stretch out for her, but if she demanding those things and we are not in a relationship she better go out and find a simp. There are plenty out there for her to choose.

 

[cordoncordon]

What's wrong with the girl doing all those things for him. Why do guys always have to come out of pocket for these women. In my office at work most of the ladies make more than me and always want some guy to go out there way for them and they tried me a few time because I am the smiling type but no fool. Check this, now they buy me drinks at Happy Hour. If I am in a healty relationship with a women who respects me as a man I will stretch out for her, but if she demanding those things and we are not in a relationship she better go out and find a simp. There are plenty out there for her to choose.

For all we know she does do some of those things. That is unknown. But we are talking about the Op here and things he does for the relationship, so that is all we have to go on.

Besides, any relationship is a give and take. You each do for each other. But, in the beginning of most relationships, 9 times out of 10 the guy is courting the girl. Don't argue with that, its been done that way for 1000's of years. Its all about evolution. Look at the animal kingdom. The male of most any animal species tries to attract the female, horde her for his own, protect her from other males, and Fvck her. If you are interested in dating a girl or fvcking her, it is generally accepted in todays society that if you want a relationship with her, you at least act like you give a damn about her on some other level then just seeing her naked lol.

I dont think that line of thinking is out of line. I seriously think that some of the men on this website are soooo jaded by women and the past histories that they have had with them, most of them bad histories, that they think they have to act like a giant d1ck all of the time around women instead of being mature, secure, and confident in your abilities and who you are. In other words being a gentleman...a DJ!

 

[cordoncordon]

I agree too.

Besides, on a side note, cordie is one of the best posters on this site, too bad he doesn't post more often.

OFFICIAL IQQI STAMP OF APPROVAL

Awwwhhhhh. Thanks!

 

[Colossus]

I don't get it though....

What is wrong with picking her up taking a girl you are sexing out to dinner? Or a movie? OR a concert? Hell I love to do those things with the women I am dating. That is fun to me! She feels like a tramp the way things are right now. 99.999999% of all women would say the same, in fact I've had it said to me many times. Girls just want to know that you think of them as someone you would like to spend quality time with, not just go over, bang them, leave, and make them feel like a slvt. I think you are really over reacting and over analyzing there. IE taking this DJ stuff too seriously.

As for her ex imo she is just being honest. Would you rather she lie about it? Sounds like she is not over the whole thing and still has memories and feelings about it all that she is dealing with. I can sympathize. I've had the same experiences where I've been seeing one girl but not totally over the situation with an ex, but that doesn't mean I would go back to the ex.

As for the good morning texts or what have you, whats wrong with being a good guy and doing something nice for her once in a while? It isn't afc to be decent man.

That last one I am not super clear on what you are trying to say but if she expects you to be committed to her and not date others, but she doesn't want a commitment right now, well than that is wrong of her to expect that. Perhaps you could be more concise on what it is she is saying?

Maybe she is not going to commit to you because she feels as though your behavior so far is one of indifference and not especially caring. I dont know what you want out of the relationship but IF you want a commitment acting the way you are won't get you one. There is a difference between being a DJ and being a d1ck.

First of all you are making huge assumptions about drmeathead here; he never said he was sexing her (although it was implied), and he never gave us any details about the context of their relaionship or his behavior towards her.

Second, you sound like a girl, an AFC, or both. I say that because only a girl or an AFC would patronize this chick. Gimme a break, dude. She contradicts herself several times in his transcribed convo, not to mention displays MASSIVE red flags that any sane man would be wise to avoid.

-She is clearly NOT over her ex and would likely still f*ck him given the situation
-She doesnt want the responsibility or accountability of a commitment, but she wants to be treated with the little charms of a relationship. Good morning texts, phone calls to see how her day is going, dinner dates, etc. There is nothing wrong with those things per se, but you reserve them for worthy women.


I say the OP should bounce. Guru's point on IL is correct.

 

[cordoncordon]

First of all you are making huge assumptions about drmeathead here; he never said he was sexing her (although it was implied), and he never gave us any details about the context of their relaionship or his behavior towards her.

Second, you sound like a girl, an AFC, or both. I say that because only a girl or an AFC would patronize this chick. Gimme a break, dude. She contradicts herself several times in his transcribed convo, not to mention displays MASSIVE red flags that any sane man would be wise to avoid.

-She is clearly NOT over her ex and would likely still f*ck him given the situation
-She doesnt want the responsibility or accountability of a commitment, but she wants to be treated with the little charms of a relationship. Good morning texts, phone calls to see how her day is going, dinner dates, etc. There is nothing wrong with those things per se, but you reserve them for worthy women.


I say the OP should bounce. Guru's point on IL is correct.

So you believe you should just treat the girl like a slvt and she is only good for sexing. Forget about treating her like someone he cares about to at least some degree or someone he wants to get to know. If all he does want is sex and couldn't care less about her then fine, but he took the time to write a thread about her so he obviously cares on some level.

I mean the girl is practically begging him to treat her like something other than a sperm receptacle, he isn't, and you wonder why she isn't ready for a commitment?

Helllllloooooo?????

 

[STR8UP]

Incorrect Frame.

Kick the PEDESTAL from under her feet and watch reality sink in.

I agree.

Nothing wrong with going out to dinner with a chick and such, but the important thing here is that she's trying to put a nose ring on him.

You do things like that because you WANT to do them, not because someone says you should be.

 

[Colossus]

So you believe you should just treat the girl like a slvt and she is only good for sexing. Forget about treating her like someone he cares about to at least some degree or someone he wants to get to know. If all he does want is sex and couldn't care less about her then fine, but he took the time to write a thread about her so he obviously cares on some level.

I mean the girl is practically begging him to treat her like something other than a sperm receptacle, he isn't, and you wonder why she isn't ready for a commitment?

Helllllloooooo?????

You certainly are a master of assumptions. Nowhere in my post did I advocate treating the girl like a slvt. And nowhere in drmeathead's post did he indicate or imply that she was nothing more than a 'sperm receptacle'. We can probably surmise that he is banging her, just from the context of their conversation. Any other details of the relationship WE DO NOT KNOW, other than it would be in his best interest to leave this chick and see other women.

The context of what you just said is basically this: "He isnt treating her right (which you dont know), and thus she is not only justified but dignified in her demands and her wishy-washy take on 'commitment'.

The reality is most likely this: She is unhappy with the current situation and is at this point DEMANDING a relationship that suits HER primarily. In other words, commitment without commitment. She wants a back door if she isnt happy and most importantly wants an out clause for herself so she doesnt have to be held accountable for her behavior. So in her mind, things are sh!tty now because of him, and if they continue or escalate the relationship any future unhappiness or dissent that may occur will be his fault as well.

No wonder iqqi likes you. You think like a woman.

 

[KontrollerX]

I agree with guru and cordon both but in different ways...

Guru is right that the frame drmeathead has set up has already been established. Should he step outside that frame and start giving in to her now she will only resent him for not giving her what she wanted sooner and then eventually dump him for this. In the end she will not be greatful for his change in behaviour.

The sense I agree with Cordon on is when getting into a relationship you can establish a more relaxed frame where you do nice stuff for the chick at times and if its a reasonable amount of good stuff and she starts demanding more in such a way that it appears she is ungreatful and selfish for all the other nice stuff you did for her before you can then stick to doing things the way you've always done them before with her and if she doesn't like it she can see herself out the door. On the other hand if she kindly suggests she'd like to see even better stuff from you go ahead and give that to her if you feel she is worth it and is not just doing some mean spirited sh!t test on you.

 

[logic1]

You do things like that because you WANT to do them, not because someone says you should be.

Good assesment, This is the right frame of thinking. You do the things because you want to do them.

Buuuuuuuuutt... The op should not be on here posting and whining about why some women would not go along with the way he wanted to do things.

Suck it up and move on or try and reach a compromise.

Sometimes egos get in the way. I wonder how many relationships have been screwed up because of egos??

 

[cordoncordon]

You certainly are a master of assumptions. Nowhere in my post did I advocate treating the girl like a slvt. And nowhere in drmeathead's post did he indicate or imply that she was nothing more than a 'sperm receptacle'. We can probably surmise that he is banging her, just from the context of their conversation. Any other details of the relationship WE DO NOT KNOW, other than it would be in his best interest to leave this chick and see other women.

The context of what you just said is basically this: "He isnt treating her right (which you dont know), and thus she is not only justified but dignified in her demands and her wishy-washy take on 'commitment'.

The reality is most likely this: She is unhappy with the current situation and is at this point DEMANDING a relationship that suits HER primarily. In other words, commitment without commitment. She wants a back door if she isnt happy and most importantly wants an out clause for herself so she doesnt have to be held accountable for her behavior. So in her mind, things are sh!tty now because of him, and if they continue or escalate the relationship any future unhappiness or dissent that may occur will be his fault as well.

No wonder iqqi likes you. You think like a woman.

Thank you for your opinion.

Drive through please.

 

[Colossus]

If I am in a healty relationship with a women who respects me as a man I will stretch out for her, but if she demanding those things and we are not in a relationship she better go out and find a simp. There are plenty out there for her to choose.

I agree. I would have absolutely no qualms about doing nice things for my woman if it is in the context of a loving, respectful relationship. When you meet a worthy woman with the right IL and respect you WANT to treat her like she is your #1 lady. But it can be overdone.