Too Many Men Do This: View sex as more than just a pleasurable activity

[Epimanes]

I happen to enjoy alot of BeExcellents posts... insightful and well thought out as well as very open minded.

Heck if I were closer.. I'd even be tempted to have coffee with her...

*shrugs*

 

[lost_blackbird]

What if you find sexual encounters entirely uncomfortable and stressful?
Asking for a friend...

 

[Paper Crane]

Advice from the old lady:

Thing is once people separate sex from emotion (love for example) they create a rift in their psyche that is not always able to be reconciled.

This is a bigger deal than y’all realize. When men (or women for that matter) completely disassociate love from sex then the ability to bond deeply through physical intimacy is lost.

This strips away the wholeness that a relationship is supposed to have. Relationship s become fractured and compartmentalized…not good.

Emotional connection and bonding is a basic human need. Pleasure seeking behavior (whether it devolves into a power dynamic or not) falls short of meeting this emotional need.

That means that in time pleasure seeking becomes a meaningless pursuit and like an addict chasing a high the pleasure pursuit is but a short lived dopamine hit that then dissipates and drops the addict into a dark place full of darkness and depression because intelligent aware people realize that they are broken (from separation of love & sex) and may be beyond reparation.

Interestingly enough these people will seek emotional bonds in other relationships. I am very close friends for example with men who have a profile as above. The relationships are not sexual but fill an emotional need through the friendship…really these are men who need an intimate partner relationship but have no idea how to accomplish this.

I at one point did date one of these men who was already very close to me emotionally. He fell in love quickly and then was confronted with his own deep visceral fear of intimacy; he was terrified of getting hurt/betrayed (as he had been wrecked by a past relationship)…and he eventually threw the interaction away. He was too deep, to involved. Could not handle it despite his insistence that he would never toss the friendship. He remains screwed up over it. I am seeing someone else and he cannot deal. And I played by his rules. He got his heart broken because of his denial about how he felt; how deeply he felt, and the relationship could have healed him. He couldn’t do it.

I have never pulled sex and love apart. That means I am more careful about getting involved…and it also means that my sexuality reveals itself over time…rather than being a freak from the jump. My interactions build depth and connection and sexual connection in a compounding way. Men who are used to getting laid with ease & pumping/dumping women cannot understand what is happening at first. By the time they realize it they are emotionally invested and it sneaks up on them. Freaks them right out.

In time the majority of men start seeking a more meaningful interaction. They tire of the emptiness of conquest after conquest once the body count is into the hundreds…

But they still have to reconcile whatever the root pain source is in their lives. That confrontation can be too painful.

And back to pursuit of pleasure they go, becoming more debased through time.

I think that's a bit black and white/extreme with all due respect to your woman. Simply put, you're not going to develop deeper emotions for just any person you have sex with, and certainly not for all of them. If you do, then maybe you're missing something within yourself that you're looking for within the sex partner.

While this isn't the greatest example, even pornstars end up having partners they form deep loving relationships with.

I do think its a great notion to only have sex with people you are in love with-- and that could probably solve a lot of the problems we face as a society-- but it's just not realistic for majority of people who just want to have fun, with different people without there being other things attached. Sex shouldn't be the equivalent of a deep bonding that happens over a period of time, sex should just be sex and when you find someone you really have feelings and emotions for, it can be much more than that. -- thats just the way i look at it. There are so many other variables that go into developing deeper feelings for a person and giving your heart to them, etc.

With that being said, I think that every man should attain for something more than just endless sexual experiences.. and should at some point check in with their own emotional health to see if they are ready to get into more serious and meaningful relationships. In fact, I think its only natural-especially if you want to further your lineage

 

[lost_blackbird]

So what can someone who dreads the idea of getting naked and having sex do? Apart from the obvious self pleasuring. I absolutely despise being naked unless I’m completely alone in a house or hotel room. In my 18 years long relationship I never had sex naked even once, nor will I sleep naked under any circumstances, even if I’m alone.

 

[Paper Crane]

"Sex for pleasure" is monkey jerking off in a zoo enclosure mindset.

Sex is the tool that bonds women to you. It's a form of magik. Sex Magik. That's where the power comes in.

No offense but you're still not getting the point of this thread.. Unless you're defending the notion that sex should come with more than pleasure, should always be attached with emotions, obligations, etc..

Listen no woman is obligated to you just because she has sex with you. I'm sure you get that part. That's kinda what this thread was getting at.

So what can someone who dreads the idea of getting naked and having sex do? Apart from the obvious self pleasuring. I absolutely despise being naked unless I’m completely alone in a house or hotel room. In my 18 years long relationship I never had sex naked even once, nor will I sleep naked under any circumstances, even if I’m alone.

No idea man. Honestly, thats something you might need to see a psychologist about.

 

[Bigpapa]

Unless I'm mistaken, the point of your thread is that men should just view sex as pleasurable, and nothing else. I'm saying that's basic and leads to simping.

Of course no woman is obligated to you. But the point of Game is to get women attached to you so you can have "validation-based sex" with her, instead of "transactional sex" with her. Validation-based sex means the chick sees you as her source of validation and so she works hard to please you - this is the best sex and the best way to interact with women. This isn't just about getting sexual pleasure from women, it's about understanding that to get the best out of women there is a power dynamic. You have to be her "Alpha".

women are like cats , at the beginning they are suspicious and stay away from you . After you pet her the first time , it would be difficult to get rid of

same thing with women , difficult to sleep with her , but once you do , you will not get rid of her easily

I used to see sex as a pleasurable thing , but that was not the right way to see it

it is and it was a power play dynamic , the more things are in the favor of a guy , the better the sez will be , as women enjoy sex themselves only when they are submissive to the guy

then most likely , people will say …” yeah man , but if it is not like bla bla then you can leave and find another one “

my response to this is , because men are mega simps on average , you will go to another one only to find out that she has the same attitude like the previous one and so on

I was saying to @Pan87 in private , that usually when I want to go to a city that I never been , I start talking with the h00kers there to see their attitude , as from experience the attitude of h00kers reflects quite realistically the attitude of women in that city

in most cities , h00kers have thr attitude that they do you a favor for charging you a sh1tload of money for some very bad sex . The Easter you go in Europe , the better the attitude it gets , and guess what , also the attitude of women gets better ( at least at the beginning )

men with their retarded way of trying to explain and rationalize everything , basically destroyed an entire society

I would say that this is the reason on why the Natality also went down , which only means that the society will get weaker and weaker till it slowly disappears

the only thing a guy can do now is to learn how to get easy sex , and just see things for how they really are

Basically moving from a predator mindset ( alpha , beta , etc ) to a scavenger mindset ( what people call sigma )

 

[Paper Crane]

Unless I'm mistaken, the point of your thread is that men should just view sex as pleasurable, and nothing else. I'm saying that's basic and leads to simping.

Of course no woman is obligated to you. But the point of Game is to get women attached to you so you can have "validation-based sex" with her, instead of "transactional sex" with her. Validation-based sex means the chick sees you as her source of validation and so she works hard to please you - this is the best sex and the best way to interact with women. This isn't just about getting sexual pleasure from women, it's about understanding that to get the best out of women there is a power dynamic. You have to be her "Alpha".

Nah that's not the point of this thread. Last time I'm saying this-- This thread is about dude's who attach emotions to sex and expect women to have a connection w th them just because they have had sex-- and feel like the woman is obligated to them in some way or another. I think you're either reading too far into the sex as pleasure thing or you're having a discussion with yourself. I'm really not trna go in circles with you explaining it many times over. If you don't get it at this point, no offense but I can't help ya homie

 

[Bigpapa]

Good post.

I will say that even if you "bang" a girl in the Western market (pet the cat, as you say), even this is not a guarantee that she will then be attached. Women are so jaded and their brains too fried from over-sex, over-dopamine hits that even sex is not enough to attach her in some cases.

I am a very experienced Lover, and I still have many situations where I bang a girl, make her come, give her a good night, and then she is distant the next day. The girls who get attached best are the inexperienced, low-notch girls. The higher her notch count, the less she can attach through sex. I notice with high notch girls they get more attached if you can have deep conversations with her and enter her emotional landscape on a deep level, where she feels you "understand" her in a way that no other person does. Almost like a therapist.

i start to believe that trying to see the male - female dynamic as till like 30-40 years ago, and thus trying to fix what is today in order to get that dynamic , is a big waste of time

“ dude , you just have to try to be an alpha , and she will love you “ , this is old paradigm

“ man , women are how they are , try to get what you want and have 0 expectations” ,this should be the new paradigm of guys

things just passed the point of no return

now the only way to see things is like a scavenger does , as it is almost impossible to build anything lasting with women this days

this is perfect on how women sees the male female dynamic

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[HaleyBaron]

Sex is validation for the woman. That's why they go cold if the sex wasn't good. And even colder if nothing happened the moment she became vulnerable to you. She gets embarrassed. There's also destructive sex, where she will take drugs and or alcohol to make herself into an obvious sex object to cull whatever thoughts she has that represses her nature. For us men, sex makes our dvck feel good. Especially after we release. And then post nut clarity to let us get back to life. Until tomorrow...or in the next four hours.

 

[Black Widow Void]

i get the impression that you don't commit to possessive or jealous type

Oh yes she does. She said in past threads she loves the player.
The player has many plates but is not easily contained by the woman who is not loyal. Let that sink in.
Women are duplicity in all there doings. She is no exception.

I must have been absent when the new SoSuave player hand-book was revised. When did "possessive or jealous" became characteristics of a player?

 

[BadBoy89]

I don’t think sex is about validation for women. Sex is about use. If she needs something from you, she will give you sex. If doesn’t need something from you, it’s go to hell.

Ive had women stay with me, exchange sex for rent. I’ve had women use sex to work for me, I‘ve women use sex to get a baby.

Women are much more practical than men. It’s all about what you can do for her and she uses sex to get what she needs.

 

[Bigpapa]

Well, that's one form of sex. It's called Transactional Sex. It's also what h00kers do. It's also the form of sex that the vast majority of men experience with women.

There's another form of sex which most guys on this form don't seem to be aware of - Validation-based sex. This is when a women truly loves banging you because you're her source of validation i.e. She sees you as her best, she is attached and invested in you, you turn her on. She doesn't expect anything in exchange for having sex with you. She bangs you because she loves it and she's addicted to your alpha-ness.

women enjoy most sex when they fully submit to the guy , and the guy is hitting the vagina the same way a monk hits the monastery bells

they also enjoy more sensual one , but mainly because they do not like to be seen only as “ sex objects “

So actually the both mutual sex , is actually the savage sex that men are inclined to naturally

this is a red pill truth

 

[Bigpapa]

Your wrong bro. You get attached to easy.
Already have them.
Try to go a little bit beyond the surface level stuff man.

what if is there nothing beyond the surface level ?

 

[HaleyBaron]

There is some insecurity that comes with bragging about lay count. It's one thing to casually bring it up for what your status is, but when you use it to validate yourself, it comes across like how women sell themselves to other women. A lot of feminine like attitudes on this forum.

 

[Bigpapa]

There is some insecurity that comes with bragging about lay count. It's one thing to casually bring it up for what your status is, but when you use it to validate yourself, it comes across like how women sell themselves to other women. A lot of feminine like attitudes on this forum.

just for the note , there is nothing to brag about getting laid , but getting laid is still better than not getting laid

not getting laid means that is just a matter of time till you will be a simp , and through the simp behavior start destroying the society , as it happens in present

to be frank , after 20 women you do not even remember their name , face etc , and start seeing women more or less the same

I think that also guys get jaded after a certain amount notch counts , just as women do

for sure , having your life around getting laid , is as useless and destructive as being a simp is

 

[BeExcellent]

For the record I prefer the players/playboys because they are never boring.

I know the game cold. COLD. Therefore a nice white bread blue pill man is BORING to me. I’d rather be unattached. Chalk it up to the nightlife, the nightclub business, the “it” girl status where men throw every juicy incentive under the sun at me (for decades) and I find transactional interactions stupid, shallow and boring AF.

But the guys I date & run with?

They do not pedestalize women, they understand women, understand desire, are entertaining and fun to spend time with, are comfortable to be around and generally enrich my life. What’s not to like about that?

I know what kind of man I jive with. That’s good. Efficient. My time is very valuable. Only engaging people earn my time. Period.

It’s nothing to do with all this other nonsense some refer to in the thread.

 

[BadBoy89]

For the record I prefer the players/playboys because they are never boring.

I know the game cold. COLD. Therefore a nice white bread blue pill man is BORING to me.

Other than their looks/height, what do players/playboys specifically do that nice white bread blue pull men don’t do?

 

[Plinco]

Once you get your notches up beyond a certain level, sex becomes about power and ego.

Sex for pleasure is noobs-ville.

That certainly happens. It happened to me. I try not to see it that way.

 

[Plinco]

I'm starting to realize a major problem a lot of men are having is that they see sex with a woman as something more than just a fun and pleasurable activity.
To them, it's like they think sex equates to a girl being obligated to you in some ways , (and to be fair, I was the same way in my thinking many "Bodies" ago. ) .

While its fair to feel like sex is a big deal and not be the type to have sex with a girl without there being more to the relationship.. you need to realize that theres a whole world of people who view sex, as just sex and nothing more.

I can't even relate to that premise anymore and find myself struggling with the concept of why men think of sex as this holy emotional thing that somehow got associated with feelings and ideals about the women, criticism and judgement of their personalities, etc.

I think it might be a combination of men who spend maybe a bit too much time with the girl without having sex with them-- causing it to feel like they are more personable with each other and thus leading to emotions .. maybe delving too deep into a womans life, who she is, where she came from, all her quirks and trying to understand her as a person.

While these are all great traits, these are the kind of things that lead to a girlfriend or a friendship as well. That's when things get weird of course for many people, myself included. I mean I can't tell you how many chicks I fell for in my past who were just fwb's. But what I do know about those specific girls was, I was spending a lot of time with them.

Don't fret tho.. the more you start getting laid-- the more you start seperating sex and emotions.. and all that other sh.t It even helps to find a girl that you know isn't the type you would or could ever fall for.. and guess what, women do the same when they look for a sex partner thats strictly for sex/pleasure..

and yes after a whle you start realizing theres things about women that make them quite simple and easily manipulated into sex if they have some sort of attraction to you-- but that shouldn't make you cynical abou t women.. that should make u want to make some more women friends so that u can explore the other side of them thats not just sexual and emotional and based on romance and passion

at the end of the day, with women, what you reap is what you sow.. so be careful what you attract with your mindset. dont want to end up being one of those dudes who keeps attracting girls who fulfill his ideas about women if your ideas about women are f-ed up lol (happens to dudes who been in back to back toxic relationships and lacked self respect and self esteem to cut them off at the first few red flags)

I think I understand what you are saying. Sex is a big deal for its consequences and for telling you what kind of values you hold.

 

[BeExcellent]

Other than their looks/height, what do players/playboys specifically do that nice white bread blue pull men don’t do?

They understand women. They understand the game. It’s more about what they don’t do than what they do.

They don’t pedestalize as I mentioned before. This means that they treat a beautiful woman just like anyone else. This means a beautiful woman can feel normal, comfortable around them. They don’t mince words, they don’t care what a woman thinks. They don’t get goofy and gush right off the bat. They are not desperate. They don’t make social mistakes because they are calibrated. They don’t measure their worth by a woman’s attention, they don’t act like an eager puppy with a girl they like. They are *cool*. They don’t waste time.

So if a player/playboy type man is investing over time in a woman then he finds something appealing in that particular woman. Players have options and do not waste time. As I noted time is valuable. It is best invested in quality interactions, however a man might define that.

That will vary according to a man’s sexual strategy. A man who prefers to increase his notch count as a primary focus interacts with women differently than a man who ultimately prefers a relationship or several ongoing interactions for example.