too good looking?

[PaleRider]

I don't know how to ask this without appearing arrogant. I hope I don't come off that way.

Is it possible for a guy to be too good looking to talk to ladies? I'm always being told, after the fact, that such and such a lady thought I was "gorgeous," or something to that effect. Several times I meet a hottie I new long before and she tells me something like "...I always thought you were great looking and had a crush on you, but was too shy to ask." Well... I would NEVER have guessed shy!

Most women act distant, aloof, haughty and arrogant around me when I first meet them. I always have gotten an impression that they don't like me. Then, after the fact, I find that many *do* like me, alot. In fact, almost every "girlfriend" I've had has been a woman who called me. I don't seem to have great luck when I do the initiating.

Just the other night, while sitting at a bar next to a true hottie, I heard her talking to her sister on the phone. She said, "...I'm sitting next to a gorgeous guy... you should come here, fast!" I was the only guy she was sitting next to. I took this as a cue and started flirting. She stuck around all evening, but like most seemed aloof. Later, thinking that she wasn't interested, I got up and left. She came to me and asked why I went away.

Anyway, I've wondered about this paradox and finally got the courage to ask you guys this question. Is it possible for a guy to be good looking enough that women put on airs? If so, how can I overcome this?

Man... I hope I asked this the right way! I can't figure why I see so many ladies checking me out, smiling, etc., but turning to ice when I say hi. I don't throw out cheese lines, so I know it's not that. Then, much later and after I've disappeared I find that they really liked me but became "shy." Why? These aren't dog girls, either. Most are very, very hot. That's what's so surprising and confusing.

Hope you help!

 

[Take No Dirt]

Just like most dudes are intimidated by real hot chicks, the ladies are equally intimidated by gorgeous hunks. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. Honk, honk, honk!

Girls are just as insecure as us dudes and girls are equally afraid of being rejected by the opposite sex. You as a 9.9 stud make the gals nervous and shy all over. Of course, you can't help but be handsome and gorgeous. Should you make yourself less attractive in order to attract the chicks? You could try that, but how and why would you? You're cursed with good looks. I've read that many really hot chicks are lonely because the guys keep away from them thinking that they don't stand a chance with them. All the dudes avoid them.

For you, you could probably succeed with chicks rated 6.0 to 8.5 who won't be as intimidated by you as their hotter sisters. Go figure!

 

[RockandRoll!]

very good question palerider i am always hearing the exact same thing too...my friends always tell me this girl thinks your hot or cute and i hear it all the time...but when it comes to meeting them they act all weird and stuff and it gives me an opposite feeling to what i heard...its quite confusing...i would like to hear what people will reply to this???its a strange phenom?maybe their just playing games?i am clueless too?

 

[GorillaPimp]

This is a good post..because I always get that...You look good...or when I first saw you at the meeting..I thought you were so attractive....& it always shock me..because it will be the girl who I think didn't like me.....but just to add another dimension to this....Is it possible for a girl to think you are really attractive...and still reject you? Even w/ out a boyfriend or whatever..

 

[Shiftkey]

I'm having this same problem with a girl I recently asked out. I know she thinks I'm hot just from the reactions I always get from her female friends when they see me, and her own body language. You'd think this is a good thing, but she acts so shy around me that talking to her can be like talking to a wall.

I think the key is persistance. As I've talked to her more and more and asked stuff about her, she's gotten a lot more comfortable around me. Your good looks give you challenge enough because the girl thinks she doesn't stand a chance with such a good looking guy. Therefore, I have a theory that it's ok to loosen on some of the DJ challenge rules and become less challenging.

 

[PaleRider]

It's a tough situation, and I'm glad to see responses.

Sometimes I feel "set up to fail." It's like the ladies are so convinced that I'm unattainable to elevate me in such a way their impression of me breaks if I talk to them. And, yes... the best looking girls do this the most. It's as if their so used to being hit on by guys that they expect different from me. Not just hit on, though. I don't know how to explain this! It's like they think that I'm so hot, or whatever, that I *woudn't* talk to them if I am what they think and expect. So, when I *do* talk to them, no matter how challengining, intriguing, together or whatever way I present myself, their image of me shatters.

A few weeks ago I saw this babe at a restaurant bar, sitting with her girlfriend. I didn't feel like chatting, so I just said "hi" and went about my own business of having a beer and watching a game. I saw her staring at me non-stop. During this time, two other ladies came to the bar to order something to dring. Both said hi to me first and my only response wasy to say hi back. Then, suddenly, the bartender gives me a plate of hot wings, telling me it's compliments of the girl next to me. I was surprised, so I turned, thanked her and attempted to open a short conversation. I am very good at keeping my mouth shut about myself while engaging ladies to talk about themselves. She was no exception, other than she seemed more tentative than you'd expect from such a babe. We talked for a short time and she seemed to disengage, as if I choked somehow. Thinking that I blew it in some way, I went back to watching my game. Fifteen minutes later, she got up to go to the restroom. Her friend tapped me on the shoulder and asked, "...why haven't you been talking to her?" I said, "I don't know..." "Well," the friend replied, "she thinks you're gorgeous and is very shy around you." When the girl returned I attempted to talk again. This time she was so aloof that I realized I was wasting time. Half hour later, when I got up to leave, the girl smiled and said "I really, really hope I see you around again." I asked for digits, which she gave. I waited five days, called, ended up meeting her for coffee... and that was it. She hardly talked.

????????

This is just an example!

 

[PaleRider]

Could it be that the true hotties have more self-esteem issues thant the homely ones?

I saw a show a few weeks ago about the Barbie Twins. Remember them? Turns out that they had such low self-esteem that they wer Boulimic. Who'd have guessed that *they* have such low esteem?

If this *is* the case, how do you guys figure it can be overcome. I love dating hot girls, but they seem the most frightened.

 

[Gipper]

PaleRider,

Wow. I've never experienced your "problem", but it's something to think about.

I think you were on the right track when you mentioned the Barbie Twins. They were incredibly insecure and their eating disorder was directly caused by their insecurity. I don't think all the hotties are like this; just the ones who've had some traumatic experience of being rejected in the past.

How can this be overcome? Approach enough women until you find one (or more) that is secure enough to hang with you. They're out there.

Maybe you shouldn't shower or bathe for a couple of days just to take that good-looking edge off. Just kidding.

Gipper



------------------
"There's nothing wrong with letting the girls know you're money, and that you want to party.
-Trent, from "Swingers"

 

[Take No Dirt]

Maybe you shouldn't shower or bathe for a couple of days just to take that good-looking edge off. Just kidding.

Gipper
------------------
Me: Hahahaha!! The Gipper is funnier than Henny Youngman and Rodney Dangerfield combined!

 

[Don the Legend]

Originally posted by PaleRider:
Is it possible for a guy to be too good looking to talk to ladies? I'm always being told, after the fact, that such and such a lady thought I was "gorgeous," or something to that effect. Several times I meet a hottie I new long before and she tells me something like "...I always thought you were great looking and had a crush on you, but was too shy to ask." Well... I would NEVER have guessed shy!

Yes and no! I would say the sole responsibility of talking to women is you. Not them. Men initiate, women will either say yes or no. While you were waiting to get some sign, the opportunity passes you by. That is a bad habit that you and many of us have developed. Remember this, your job is to initiate. If a girl looks in my direction, I approach and say "Hi, what's your name". Will I be wrong? More times than not. But I have taken control of the situation. Not her.

Originally posted by PaleRider:
Most women act distant, aloof, haughty and arrogant around me when I first meet them. I always have gotten an impression that they don't like me. Then, after the fact, I find that many *do* like me, alot. In fact, almost every "girlfriend" I've had has been a woman who called me. I don't seem to have great luck when I do the initiating.

They seem aloof, distant, haughty because they don't want to come off showing their interest as being slutty. Forget thinking,"Does she like me?" questions in you head. Assume she does and proceed with your approach. If women are doing all the initiating, who is in control of the situation. Not you. Take control back by doing all of the initiating. That way you don't go after women that you truly don't won't. Only accept the best. That way you do the picking.

Originally posted by PaleRider:
Just the other night, while sitting at a bar next to a true hottie, I heard her talking to her sister on the phone. She said, "...I'm sitting next to a gorgeous guy... you should come here, fast!" I was the only guy she was sitting next to. I took this as a cue and started flirting. She stuck around all evening, but like most seemed aloof. Later, thinking that she wasn't interested, I got up and left. She came to me and asked why I went away.

If you are going to talk to a chick, always go for the close. Never leave without asking for her number. That way you will see if her interest is truly real. She may give a fake number. You will then know she had no interest. You must always have "What's your number?" on your mind. Otherwise every interaction with girls is a waste of time other than learning or practicing.

Originally posted by PaleRider:
Anyway, I've wondered about this paradox and finally got the courage to ask you guys this question. Is it possible for a guy to be good looking enough that women put on airs? If so, how can I overcome this?

This question has been asked before. My answer will be the same. It's your own insecurities that are holding you back. It's true that women may be intimidated by you. But you conquer her fears by putting her at ease by approaching her and having a conversation. Then ask for the number.

Originally posted by PaleRider:
I can't figure why I see so many ladies checking me out, smiling, etc., but turning to ice when I say hi. I don't throw out cheese lines, so I know it's not that. Then, much later and after I've disappeared I find that they really liked me but became "shy." Why? These aren't dog girls, either. Most are very, very hot. That's what's so surprising and confusing.

Because they are attracted to you. Just assume they are attracted to you. It shouldn't be surprising. You have to have some self-worth. Assume they like you and go for it. It keeps all the guess work out.

Good Luck,

Legend


------------------
"As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round."... Ben Hogan

"Do not fear failure." George S. Patton

"Do not make excuses, whether it s your fault or not."....George S. Patton

 

[Gipper]

KRRACK! ROAR!

That's the sound of Don the Legend hitting one out of the park!

Don, I've got to meet you one of these days. I'm truly inspired...

"Jedi-Apprentice" Gipper

 

[bclarke675]

I forget where I posted it before, but I know a lot of hotties who don't think they're that good-looking. They're easily-intimidated by good-looking guys hitting on them. The best remedy seems to be joking with them (not neg hits) and keeping things light and fun. I've even come to realize that I must be more attractive to women than I've given myself credit for in the past, because I get a lot of the comments that Palerider mentions. If they consider me good-looking and I've had to fight shyness and self-esteem issues, why not the hot women?

So I guess I'd say the best answer is having fun, keeping things light, and being persistent when working a hottie. A lot of women hide shyness by acting aloof. I've seen it time and time again. You break through their defenses, and they're perfectly lovely women on the inside, as well as the outside. The outside world has just made them feel they need this protection. If you can get past this, they'll see you as their hero.

 

[Don the Legend]

Hey Palerider,

Originally posted by PaleRider:
Sometimes I feel "set up to fail." It's like the ladies are so convinced that I'm unattainable to elevate me in such a way their impression of me breaks if I talk to them.

I think you are the one who thinks himself is unattainable. You are trying to guess what she is thinking. Stop! That is the problem. You are sabataging your own self. You are telling yourself that she thinks that by saying "I guess she doesn't like me." That is the worst thing you can do. "ASSUME" she like you and then proceed with the seduction.

Originally posted by PaleRider:
And, yes... the best looking girls do this the most. It's as if their so used to being hit on by guys that they expect different from me. Not just hit on, though. I don't know how to explain this! It's like they think that I'm so hot, or whatever, that I *woudn't* talk to them if I am what they think and expect. So, when I *do* talk to them, no matter how challengining, intriguing, together or whatever way I present myself, their image of me shatters.

I think you are projecting your own insecurities that they are picking up on this. Maybe this is turning them off. Assume they like you. Don't hit on women. You wanna be different. Talk to them. Don't flirt. Women flirt to get our attention. Men initiate, talk, and then ask for the number. No B/S.

Originally posted by PaleRider:
A few weeks ago I saw this babe at a restaurant bar, sitting with her girlfriend. I didn't feel like chatting, so I just said "hi" and went about my own business of having a beer and watching a game. I saw her staring at me non-stop. During this time, two other ladies came to the bar to order something to dring. Both said hi to me first and my only response wasy to say hi back. Then, suddenly, the bartender gives me a plate of hot wings, telling me it's compliments of the girl next to me. I was surprised, so I turned, thanked her and attempted to open a short conversation. I am very good at keeping my mouth shut about myself while engaging ladies to talk about themselves. She was no exception, other than she seemed more tentative than you'd expect from such a babe. We talked for a short time and she seemed to disengage, as if I choked somehow. Thinking that I blew it in some way, I went back to watching my game. Fifteen minutes later, she got up to go to the restroom. Her friend tapped me on the shoulder and asked, "...why haven't you been talking to her?" I said, "I don't know..." "Well," the friend replied, "she thinks you're gorgeous and is very shy around you." When the girl returned I attempted to talk again. This time she was so aloof that I realized I was wasting time. Half hour later, when I got up to leave, the girl smiled and said "I really, really hope I see you around again." I asked for digits, which she gave. I waited five days, called, ended up meeting her for coffee... and that was it. She hardly talked.

When you are initiating, have a clear goal in mind. When she said "hi", I would have gone up to her and chatted her up. Maybe you need to practice up your conversation skills. Check out the tips forum and others from the hall of fame. Great articles on how to talk to women. You are supposed to qualify them. Not the other way around. you seem to give up too quickly. You must have the goal in mind to ask for her number.

Good Luck,

Legend

[This message has been edited by Don the Legend (edited 11-06-2001).]

[This message has been edited by Don the Legend (edited 11-06-2001).]

 

[Don the Legend]

Originally posted by Gipper:
KRRACK! ROAR!

That's the sound of Don the Legend hitting one out of the park!

Don, I've got to meet you one of these days. I'm truly inspired...

"Jedi-Apprentice" Gipper

Thanks Gip,

Do you play any golf? I had made trips to the east coast to play. I am not that good, but someday I will be. Play me now when I am bad.

If you are into golf, we could play a round of golf. If you are not into golf, we could get beers. If I am in the area, we could go get drinks sometimes. That would be cool.

BTW, How did that dinner go with the girl with the GW's?

Take care,

Legend

 

[Gipper]

Originally posted by Don the Legend:
Thanks Gip,

Do you play any golf? I had made trips to the east coast to play. I am not that good, but someday I will be. Play me now when I am bad.

If you are into golf, we could play a round of golf. If you are not into golf, we could get beers. If I am in the area, we could go get drinks sometimes. That would be cool.

BTW, How did that dinner go with the girl with the GW's?

Take care,

Legend

Hey Don!

I'm not really into golf, but drinking beer would be excellent. Hell, I'll drive the cart around. The next couple of months will be hectic (I'm trying to get a new device into production), but I'll need a road trip soon.

The dinner? It didn't. We talked on the phone and came to the mutual agreement that things weren't going to work out. Pretty amicable.

Of course, I called my back-up (the girl who gave the great bl0wjob) but she was out of town. We're having dinner this coming weekend, though. That's a good point to everyone: always try to date more than one girl. You never know when one might go flakey on you. Or come down with genital warts. Yipes!

Gipper

 

[Don the Legend]

Originally posted by Gipper:
Hey Don!

I'm not really into golf, but drinking beer would be excellent. Hell, I'll drive the cart around. The next couple of months will be hectic (I'm trying to get a new device into production), but I'll need a road trip soon.

The dinner? It didn't. We talked on the phone and came to the mutual agreement that things weren't going to work out. Pretty amicable.

Of course, I called my back-up (the girl who gave the great bl0wjob) but she was out of town. We're having dinner this coming weekend, though. That's a good point to everyone: always try to date more than one girl. You never know when one might go flakey on you. Or come down with genital warts. Yipes!

Gipper

Hey Gip,

Good for you. I am glad it worked out to your advantage. I am happy you found a girl that gives of herself orally. Those kind of women are hard to find.

Getting beers sounds like a plan. I will have to check out your id to see where you are from. I am from St. Louis, MO. If you happen to pass through, let me know. I will do the same.

Take Care,

Legend

 

[Gipper]

Originally posted by Don the Legend:

Hey Gip,

Good for you. I am glad it worked out to your advantage. I am happy you found a girl that gives of herself orally. Those kind of women are hard to find.

Getting beers sounds like a plan. I will have to check out your id to see where you are from. I am from St. Louis, MO. If you happen to pass through, let me know. I will do the same.

Take Care,

Legend

Chattanooga, Tennessee.

I'll keep in touch.

G.

 

[Don the Legend]

Originally posted by Gipper:
Chattanooga, Tennessee.

I'll keep in touch.

G.

Cool!

 

[Take No Dirt]

Don the Legend wrote "I am happy you found a girl that gives of herself orally. Those kind of women are hard to find."
--------------------

Me: How utterly sad that most women don't like to give blow jobs and if they do, they only give a half-hearted effort. Women's pet peeves: giving a dude a BJ and getting it up the poop chute.


[This message has been edited by Take No Dirt (edited 11-06-2001).]

 

[bclarke675]

I thought I was lucky when I met my ex-wife, because she liked both things you mention, Take No Dirt! However, she had other major problems, and once she figured out she wasn't going to change me to accept her warped views of certain things, she left me. At first, it was a major bummer, because I was in it for the long haul, even with the disagreements. Now, I feel like she did me a BIG FAVOR! For the first time in my life, thanks to your (collective) help and what I learned from her, I'm becoming a real ladies' man, and thoroughly enjoying it!