Today I'm Single...

[i-shine-regardless]

Yesterday I wasn't.

I don't really know where to start, but I've been reading this board since probably 2003. Never really posted much, just read what other people had to say and tried to apply it to my life. I want to say thanks to everyone who has been posting over the years because you've really helped me out....

So anyway, I just broke up with my gf yesterday. We were together for about 8 months. It was basically a never ending rollercoaster. Her life was a mess. Turns out she had a drug problem (cocaine, ecstacy, weed, alcohol). Depression. 2 kids, with 2 different guys. Ex-stripper. Not to mention the maturity level and intelligence of a young teenager (she's 29).

Despite all this I stayed with her and I'm even having a hard time with the breakup now. I think it was because of all the BS I went through that kept me in the relationship. It's like I was investing in it more everytime I put with some kind of new drama...

I literally became Captain Save-A-Hoe, getting her to see a therapist and get into rehab, helping her find a new apartment, trying to help find a job, getting her back in school, and the list goes on and on...

I don't even really know why I'm posting this...I guess I just need to share my experience with someone. I'm trying hard to be happy... I finally have all that drama out of my life and now I'm free to really find a good chick.

 

[SharpGame]

To know and not to do is really not to know. This would be a good time to really apply what you know but have yet to do.

 

[i-shine-regardless]

I don't understand....you've been reading this board since 2003, yet in 2008, you got yourself into a relationship with an immature, drug-addicted ex-stripper with no direction in life and 2 kids from two guys?

And you're actually having a hard time with THAT being over?

At least you brought yourself to end it; but the fact that you got into something like that after checking this place out for 5 years is a real head-scratcher.

I know. It's fukin insane. I'm a joke.

The only thing I can say is that I didn't realize the extent of everything when I first started getting involved. Then slowly one thing after another kept popping up. I should've been out way earlier but I stuck around. I have no clue why.

Never thought that would be me...Psycho chicks can just fuk with your head and make you lose your perspective. I had to learn first hand I guess. As long as I learn from this, and never,ever repeat, I figure it's for the better.

Plus at least I'm out now...I thank the board for that. I kept having all these visions of a miserable, insane future with this chick. Knowing the reality of what was in store, I always knew I had to get out eventually...

 

[i-shine-regardless]

To know and not to do is really not to know. This would be a good time to really apply what you know but have yet to do.

Thanks SharpGame. So true.

 

[squirrels]

So what'd she do that was the "deal-breaker"?

I'm amazed you could even get THAT into a turd like her.

 

[Mr. Me]

When guys meet a HB with problems and/or a past like that, and say, "I'm just gonna have a little fun with this one, no problem!" or "her past doesn't matter", and turn a blind eye to the flags, they don't realize that maybe they'll get emotionally attached in the process and get bit on the a$$. So, at the very least, you learned a lesson in only 8 months.

 

[Warrior74]

Welcome to the new best part of your life! It's only gonna get better from here man. Time to enjoy life. Damn women...women are only for fun. If they aren't fun move on. Time to do all the things in life YOU want to do. Time to persue your dreams and ambitions. Time to make your mark in the world, whatever that mark is. It's time to enjoy life! Go have fun, your free from the drama and bullshyt.

 

[NewMan]

Psycho chicks can just fuk with your head and make you lose your perspective. I had to learn first hand I guess.

Your right, but I bet the sex was fvcking great.

 

[SoCalMike]

Your right, but I bet the sex was fvcking great.

Bingo.

I have done what this guy did. I dated a hot single Mom when I was 25, sounds a lot like this girl. Drug habit, couldn't hold a job, etc. Man, it was a NIGHTMARE. But the sex was out of this world.

But staying in a bad situation because the sex is good is not mature. It's weak. It's AFC.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

I know. It's fukin insane. I'm a joke.

The only thing I can say is that I didn't realize the extent of everything when I first started getting involved. Then slowly one thing after another kept popping up. I should've been out way earlier but I stuck around. I have no clue why.

Never thought that would be me...Psycho chicks can just fuk with your head and make you lose your perspective. I had to learn first hand I guess. As long as I learn from this, and never,ever repeat, I figure it's for the better.

Plus at least I'm out now...I thank the board for that. I kept having all these visions of a miserable, insane future with this chick. Knowing the reality of what was in store, I always knew I had to get out eventually...

You're absolutely right when you say you had to learn first hand. I mean it's not like saying "well, if everyone cut off their arms would you do it because you HAD to experience it yourself? Even though you know it's bad?!" Emotional risk just aren't the same. It's a gamble, and everyone is different. It could have worked out like you thought. Most of the time it doesn't. Just take this and learn.

Despite everything, congrats on breaking up with her. I suggest you stick with it.:rockon:

 

[i-shine-regardless]

Thanks guys, I appreciate the feedback...

So I was just at Wal-Mart standing in line with my cart, when for some reason I just turn around and guess who's standing there in the next line over with her kids and mom...ha I don't think they saw me, so I turn around and, wanting to avoid any awkwardness, walked away from them back into the store. Bought some underwear and bounced.

The whole thing was kind of crazy, I 've known the chick for over a year now and not once have I ever bumped into her while I was out. Now we break up and the next day that goes down, I mean what are the odds of that shyt??? lol

I just wanted to clarify one thing too. She broke up with me. But it was one of those situations where, I probably could of smoothed it over, but instead was like "Ok cool. This shyt never would've worked anyway." To which she never actually agreed with btw lol. But basically the whole thing went down because I stopped just letting shyt slide and started speaking up over the little things that were pissing me off...

But anyway, yeah, I still didn't have the balls to actually end it myself...

On another note, you know what I was doing a year ago? I was in a relationship with another chick and I wasn't happy and was wanting to get out.

A year before that? A relationship with another chick and I wasn't happy and wanted to get out.

WTF have I been doing with my life???? And at the end of the day...I just want to settle down with a girl who has a cool personality, decent looks, some stability, and not worry too much about all this shyt.

I don't really want to be bangin all sorts of chicks. I want to get married and have kids. Not with just any chick, or right away, or at the expense of other areas in my life...but it seems like that shouldn't be too much to ask to be at least working toward that.

I don't even know if I'm making any sense anymore...but anyway thanks again guys, I appreciate it.

 

[i-shine-regardless]

let me guess, did this relationship end cause she found some a-hole jerk and left you for him?

No actually not...but i'm sure that was just a matter of time lol. Psycho chicks :nono:

It's just amazing to me how you can be in the middle of something, knowing that's it totally messed up, totally AFC, and definitely not going to end well...but then turn around and keep doing it.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I'm not going to beat you up on this because there were so many obvious red flags I've covered for years you know what I'll post, but,...

If she hadn't ended it, would you still be locked into this now? Would you have even started this thread?

After all this, my guess is you wish you could still get back with her again, is that true?

Would you be having this moment of AFC clarity if she hadn't cut you off?

You were with her for 8 months, who did you see before that? Another GF? Have you ever had more options than one woman? Is there a pattern for you? Are you a serial monogamist?

Did you meet this girl at the strip club she worked at? How did you meet her?

 

[MacAvoy]

Turns out she had a drug problem (cocaine, ecstacy, weed, alcohol). Ex-stripper.

Who ever doubted my advice that the one tried tested and true way to a strippers magic box is through her nose!

Don't ever doubt the Mac.

 

[i-shine-regardless]

Thanks Rollo....

If she hadn't ended it, would you still be locked into this now?

Yes...And that's the scariest part. Pretty much the whole time I was with her, I was thinking "I have to get out of this." I mean as a person, I don't even really like her that much, she doesn't have anything interesting to say, she never had one insightful comment, we would constantly fight over nothing, she had wild mood swings, she was selfish, jealous, defensive, immature, lazy, ungrateful, and the list goes on ..but the fukked up part is it's like at the end of the day all those things are what kept me there. (!?)

Would you have even started this thread?

I had considered it before but never did because I knew I had to get out and I knew everybody would have told me the same thing. So I ignored it a plowed ahead anyway

After all this, my guess is you wish you could still get back with her again, is that true?

Yes and no. That's what I've been torn about the whole time I was with her. It's like more than anything in the world I want her to call, and at the same time that's the last thing I want. Deep down I'm so scared she's going to call and that I won't be strong enough to stay away.

Would you be having this moment of AFC clarity if she hadn't cut you off?

I don't know...I'm really just trying to use this as an opportunity to get the fuk away while I can...the night before we broke up, I prayed for the strength to get me out of this relationship...

You were with her for 8 months, who did you see before that? Another GF? Have you ever had more options than one woman? Is there a pattern for you? Are you a serial monogamist?

I first met her over a year ago, like the beginning of last summer. I was relatively fresh out of another relationship. We chilled and hooked up or whatever. Things moved fast like they do with these types. Issues started coming up, red flags, etc. and we talked about breaking up. Then I got AFC on her and she dumped me. Alrite cool. The whole thing never sat right with me, I figured there was probably some other dude, or something...

About a month later, she pops back up again. We chill a couple times...then her phone gets shut off for two weeks, and she disappears again.

I start seeing some other chicks. Start going out with a great girl, almost perfect in every way (an ex JC Penney underwear model) but I was just feeling bored the whole time. The whole time the psycho chick was always in the back of my mind.

Then back in January, this chick pops back up again, hits me up on myspace, "I'm so sorry how things ended, I had things I was going through, it was so hard for me, I was always thinking bout blah blah"

Against all my best judgment, I start getting back with her, find out about the drugs a few weeks in, help her get help and try to get her life back...blah blah blah and now I'm here.

Did you meet this girl at the strip club she worked at? How did you meet her?

I approached her at local bar. She was out with her parents and looked very classy, elegant, and sophisticated. I got her number. She said it was her first time going out. My friend and I joked afterwards that maybe she was a virgin!! I found out the next day she had two kids. I then dove head first into this mess lol

Anyway, back to today. I've decided enough is enough. Talking it over with my boy, I've decided my first goal is to get through 20 days of no contact with her at all. That means no picking up or calling or writing if she reaches out to me and obviously no calling or writing to her.

Thanks again for the feedback guys it's really helping

 

[i-shine-regardless]

Who ever doubted my advice that the one tried tested and true way to a strippers magic box is through her nose!

Don't ever doubt the Mac.

Ha I know, it's like the whole thing is a fukin bad cliche. She claims she wasn't doing coke when she was stripping (which she also claimed she only did for a month) it was only after she was with her drug dealing boyfriend who used to beat on her that she started getting high.....

HAHHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHA this is so fukkin insane I can't believe it....I really can't believe what I am writing. If I read this shyt from someone else I would wanna kill them for being so stupid

 

[Vulpine]

She said it was her first time going out.

:crackup:

I'm sorry, dude, but you HAVE to laugh at that. Ex-stripper, two kids, drugs... "This is my first time going out."

To THIS bar! PSYCHE!!!!

:crackup:


Holy BPD waif! Wow, dude, ouch. Talk about "bait and switch"; talk about Jekyll and Hyde! Wolf in sheep's clothing! YiKeS! Between the on/off nature in the beginning, the drugs, the stripping, the lies/deception... yeah, oh man, BPD like a mofo! Let me guess, she made it almost TOO easy to pick her up, right?

wow@women believing that a lie of that magnitude is acceptable to tell.

Just... wow.

Have you gone through the "Angry" portion of the grieving process yet? If not, get there fast. I'm mad as hell FOR you just hearing about that crap.

You got hustled, man. Your time was STOLEN. You were cheated by a con-artist. Find and tap into rage, then direct that rage energy towards your ambitions, your goals. You have to have a certain amount of rage to apply to the memory of her to counteract the feelings of loss.

I know exactly how you feel, dude. I bumped into my BPD ex right around the time where I was freshly re-born after discovering this site. Like, "I shoulda had a V8!" *slaps forehead* Your scenario mirrors mine in a scary number of ways. Eeeessh...

 

[STR8UP]

Who ever doubted my advice that the one tried tested and true way to a strippers magic box is through her nose!

Don't ever doubt the Mac.

Haha....it isn't juts strippers these days! is it just me or have you noticed a resurgence in cocaine use over the past coupe of years?

 

[MacAvoy]

Haha....it isn't juts strippers these days! is it just me or have you noticed a resurgence in cocaine use over the past coupe of years?

Yea its no longer a rich man's drug, its every where. I'd go on roadtrips, totally outside my social circle, meet a girl at the hotel and boom, there it is.

 

[Janez]

read this. It might be very helpful.

http://sharischreiber.com/anycost.html


I'm just wondering where u stand. Am I far behind because I got so messed in this bpd wacko sh*t for 4 years or I am in front of you because I'm slowly realizing what sh*t I am dealing with and that I have to care of myself. Yes you were Captain-save-a-ho. Yes, I felt the same with her. When we were together, I wanted to go out somehow, but nowhere I found the strength to finish the relationship off. I felt like "ok lets be in this realtionship, sex is great, I can do whatever the f*ck I want with her, she will never leave me". But I guess she just knew me so well that played me down, and got her revenge for my own bad behaviour. Tormented to hell.

I hope you go out of this as soon as possible.