Today I'm Single...

[i-shine-regardless]

read this. It might be very helpful.

http://sharischreiber.com/anycost.html


I hope you go out of this as soon as possible.

great article thanks!

 

[Warrior74]

read this. It might be very helpful.

http://sharischreiber.com/anycost.html

Good lord! That was my ex to T! And the bits about the shame, the blame, the sickness, the cut off of emotions. Everything.

 

[amoka]

Thanks guys, I appreciate the feedback...

So I was just at Wal-Mart standing in line with my cart, when for some reason I just turn around and guess who's standing there in the next line over with her kids and mom...ha I don't think they saw me, so I turn around and, wanting to avoid any awkwardness, walked away from them back into the store. Bought some underwear and bounced.

The whole thing was kind of crazy, I 've known the chick for over a year now and not once have I ever bumped into her while I was out. Now we break up and the next day that goes down, I mean what are the odds of that shyt??? lol

I just wanted to clarify one thing too. She broke up with me. But it was one of those situations where, I probably could of smoothed it over, but instead was like "Ok cool. This shyt never would've worked anyway." To which she never actually agreed with btw lol. But basically the whole thing went down because I stopped just letting shyt slide and started speaking up over the little things that were pissing me off...

But anyway, yeah, I still didn't have the balls to actually end it myself...

On another note, you know what I was doing a year ago? I was in a relationship with another chick and I wasn't happy and was wanting to get out.

A year before that? A relationship with another chick and I wasn't happy and wanted to get out.

WTF have I been doing with my life???? And at the end of the day...I just want to settle down with a girl who has a cool personality, decent looks, some stability, and not worry too much about all this shyt.

I don't really want to be bangin all sorts of chicks. I want to get married and have kids. Not with just any chick, or right away, or at the expense of other areas in my life...but it seems like that shouldn't be too much to ask to be at least working toward that.

I don't even know if I'm making any sense anymore...but anyway thanks again guys, I appreciate it.

Ok, we got it.

 

[Duffdog]

Ha I know, it's like the whole thing is a fukin bad cliche. She claims she wasn't doing coke when she was stripping (which she also claimed she only did for a month) it was only after she was with her drug dealing boyfriend who used to beat on her that she started getting high.....

HAHHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHA this is so fukkin insane I can't believe it....I really can't believe what I am writing. If I read this shyt from someone else I would wanna kill them for being so stupid

Well, call her right now and dump her...NOW! I wouldn't hesitate to stomp on her self esteem further by explaining that you fully understand why her ex boyfriend beat her.

 

[i-shine-regardless]

thanks duff...right now im just trying to purge this parasite out of my life, so i've committed to no communication for 20 days....once i get that far i will reconsider my options

 

[Heretolearn]

not to dig this up but how about a status update/story since

thanks

 

[thedeparted]

UPDATE

They got married in Vegas where she was doing some stripping on the side. Turns out she was ALREADY married to the drug dealer dude so now he's trying to get it annulled. Meanwhile she is pregnant and told him it's his. Actually, it's the ONS from the night before he met her in Vegas. She's been doing a little coke to cope with the unexpected pregnancy. And her lawyer is demanding alimony and child support payments to cover her drug tab b/c he's been banging her on the side. OUr hero shine is too busy to post b/c the drug dealer's heavies are hunting him down for getting with the wife. Now, let me tell you how the monkey and the midget got involved . . .

 

[i-shine-regardless]

UPDATE

They got married in Vegas where she was doing some stripping on the side. Turns out she was ALREADY married to the drug dealer dude so now he's trying to get it annulled. Meanwhile she is pregnant and told him it's his. Actually, it's the ONS from the night before he met her in Vegas. She's been doing a little coke to cope with the unexpected pregnancy. And her lawyer is demanding alimony and child support payments to cover her drug tab b/c he's been banging her on the side. OUr hero shine is too busy to post b/c the drug dealer's heavies are hunting him down for getting with the wife. Now, let me tell you how the monkey and the midget got involved . . .

Not too far off actually:

Ummm let's see...we didn't talk for probably 2 weeks. She called up one night randomly crying that her cat got hit by a car and killed. She asked me over for Thanksgiving. I'm sick and couldn't say no. I went over had a good time with her and the kids.

I got really drunk and apparently was telling her how much I love her and how I hated her but loved her and how we've been through so much sh*t together and that we were gonna get married. Crazy sex all night.

Next few weeks, she pursued me. We talked and hooked up. She asked if we could get back together. I asked what was going to be different...her answer didn't really matter cuz I would've said yes anyway.

What else...her grandfather died. Then her grandmother died a couple weeks later when her house burned down. She thought it was a suicide.

I bought the girls a kitten for Xmas.

We chilled on New Years eve at her house. I got really drunk again. Apparently I called her a slut and a ***** (Which apparently I also do alot when I'm drunk). She flipped out and started throwing beer on me, and screaming how my real thoughts come out when I'm drunk.

Somehow one of the girls' dad's name came up...and I was like "F*uck him. He's an unemployed garbage man." (Which is true) The daughter in her room overheard me and was supposedly distraught.

The girls came out of their room cuz she was going to drive me home at 2am and I was like "Don't mind mommy, she's just really drunk." To which she ran across the room and hit me in front of them.

She drove me home.

Next day I was like "WTF just happened??" And I felt really bad for the daughter for making fun of her dad. Tried calling her, but she hung up on me. Left messages that I was sorry blah blah.

Next day she calls me and asks if I can help her jump start her car. I also had forgot my diamond watch at her house and I could get it back. I go over. Help her. Leave.

Decide I should call her and tell her that we shouldn't talk anymore. Call her up and wuss out. She called me on Tuesday night to tell me she finally got a job working at the law firm she interns at.

I'm sitting here miserable wanting to call her. Wondering if I made a mistake and we're really soul mates.

Somebody shoot me.

 

[horaholic]

Have you read any of the BPD threads goin around lately? You're not soul mates!!!! You're under her spell. The only mistake you're making is not walking away. You need to ask yourself what you deserve as a man. Besides good sex, there is NOTHING else there. She WILL NOT EVER CHANGE, EVER. Think about it with your good head. Its hard as hell to leave that situation, but you have to do it for your own sanity.

Read These!!!!
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=155800
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=155686

You dont want to be daddy #3 do you?

 

[jophil28]

But basically the whole thing went down because I stopped just letting shyt slide and started speaking up over the little things that were pissing me off...

That is the 4 alarm bell clanger !
I have said it many times. Women with alleged "abusive" upbringings or destructive previous marriages are totally unsuitable for LTRs . They never seem to co-relate their past or present time behaviors with the shyte that they find themselves in. IT is always a case of blaming the guy.

Then when YOU get involved with one of these woman and want to air your grievances, they break up instead of being willing to deal with your complaint.
THat is how these women operate because that is how their early modeling trained them to behave.
Avoidance is their primary strategy... Drugs and booze, promiscuity, plAying the eternal victim , faked up dramatics, twisting history and distorting current reality, blame shifting , cheating and flirting behind your back, lying compulsively , turning every difficulty back on you, tying you up in ranting stupid lectures, and then the final avoidance tactic from her .. "We are not compatible, we need to break up."

SO she then hooks some other gullible guy and remakes the same movie with another male .

 

[jophil28]

Good lord! That was my ex to T! And the bits about the shame, the blame, the sickness, the cut off of emotions. Everything.

Hey Warrior, what part of the world are you in ?

 

[jophil28]

Next day I was like "WTF just happened??" And I felt really bad for the daughter for making fun of her dad. Tried calling her, but she hung up on me. Left messages that I was sorry blah blah.

Dude, you may benefit from a few AA meetings.

 

[thedeparted]

I see TWO bpd's here. I mean our hero is adding as much drama as he is taking. Getting drunk, saying crazy shlt he can't recall, talking marriage... You two aren't soul mates. You're both just crazy. You got to get apart and stay apart.

 

[Heretolearn]

Not too far off actually:

Ummm let's see...we didn't talk for probably 2 weeks. She called up one night randomly crying that her cat got hit by a car and killed. She asked me over for Thanksgiving. I'm sick and couldn't say no. I went over had a good time with her and the kids.

I got really drunk and apparently was telling her how much I love her and how I hated her but loved her and how we've been through so much sh*t together and that we were gonna get married. Crazy sex all night.

Next few weeks, she pursued me. We talked and hooked up. She asked if we could get back together. I asked what was going to be different...her answer didn't really matter cuz I would've said yes anyway.

What else...her grandfather died. Then her grandmother died a couple weeks later when her house burned down. She thought it was a suicide.

I bought the girls a kitten for Xmas.

We chilled on New Years eve at her house. I got really drunk again. Apparently I called her a slut and a ***** (Which apparently I also do alot when I'm drunk). She flipped out and started throwing beer on me, and screaming how my real thoughts come out when I'm drunk.

Somehow one of the girls' dad's name came up...and I was like "F*uck him. He's an unemployed garbage man." (Which is true) The daughter in her room overheard me and was supposedly distraught.

The girls came out of their room cuz she was going to drive me home at 2am and I was like "Don't mind mommy, she's just really drunk." To which she ran across the room and hit me in front of them.

She drove me home.

Next day I was like "WTF just happened??" And I felt really bad for the daughter for making fun of her dad. Tried calling her, but she hung up on me. Left messages that I was sorry blah blah.

Next day she calls me and asks if I can help her jump start her car. I also had forgot my diamond watch at her house and I could get it back. I go over. Help her. Leave.

Decide I should call her and tell her that we shouldn't talk anymore. Call her up and wuss out. She called me on Tuesday night to tell me she finally got a job working at the law firm she interns at.

I'm sitting here miserable wanting to call her. Wondering if I made a mistake and we're really soul mates.

Somebody shoot me.

Mate this is an addiction you must break. If it helps I am in the same place but breaking the habit. Its hard but the funny thing is, it gets easier as time passes.

Being with her is the opposite. Easy at first but gets HARDER as time passes.

So what do you want to do for yourself?

Good luck, be strong!

 

[i-shine-regardless]

Mate this is an addiction you must break. If it helps I am in the same place but breaking the habit. Its hard but the funny thing is, it gets easier as time passes.

Being with her is the opposite. Easy at first but gets HARDER as time passes.

So what do you want to do for yourself?

Good luck, be strong!

Thanks man. Good point. I will get through this.

 

[Heretolearn]

Thanks man. Good point. I will get through this.

Definitely, stay strong. NO MATTER WHAT LIMIT CONTACT.

If someone told you that you had an allergy to your favourite ice cream/food you might try your luck depending on the severity of the effects.


Eg. I get gas if I have ice cream (minor allergy to milk). The amount of times I have said ok, no more ice cream (especially when hanging out with people ha ha) yet have gone back because I FORGET THE EFFECTS. The benefit of the ice cream is immediate whereas the detriment is later. Hence I make a MISTAKE.

Same with this girl (and my situation)., I have to transcend the immediate want to contact her/respond to her realising that is BAD FOR ME.

THe more I do this, the easier it becomes. Only catch is that you make it harder for youself everytime you reset the clock (make/respond to contact).

Good luck as I said its not easy. I am struggling. Hence here I am on this board for help/inspiiration and support. I feel very lonely and isolated even though I am much better off.

I am off to the gym later and the beach hopefully.

Its all about you now. Enjoy that freedom. At first it will terrify you. You will try and reject the freedom and go back under the devil's control. Embrace your freedom, so many would kill for it including yourself eventually even if you went back to your devil/allergy

 

[i-shine-regardless]

Nice, thanks again man...So far I'm holding strong. I'm marking the days of no contact on the calendar as they get finished. (Been since Monday)

I just bought a book today on codependency and it is really hitting a nerve with me and helping put my situation in perspective.

I'm also chilling from alcohol too. It's time to get my shyt back together. I'm not the man I used to be or the man I strive to be. Enough is enough.

Your lucky though, at least you have a beach nearby...I'm stuck up in the cold ass Northeast freezing my balls off and dealing with snow. I could use some beach right about now lol

But yeah man you stay strong too...

 

[Heretolearn]

Nice, thanks again man...So far I'm holding strong. I'm marking the days of no contact on the calendar as they get finished. (Been since Monday)

I just bought a book today on codependency and it is really hitting a nerve with me and helping put my situation in perspective.

I'm also chilling from alcohol too. It's time to get my shyt back together. I'm not the man I used to be or the man I strive to be. Enough is enough.

Your lucky though, at least you have a beach nearby...I'm stuck up in the cold ass Northeast freezing my balls off and dealing with snow. I could use some beach right about now lol

But yeah man you stay strong too...

Thanks mate, likewise!!!

 

[AIRWARRIOR71]

Definitely, stay strong. NO MATTER WHAT LIMIT CONTACT.

If someone told you that you had an allergy to your favourite ice cream/food you might try your luck depending on the severity of the effects.


Eg. I get gas if I have ice cream (minor allergy to milk). The amount of times I have said ok, no more ice cream (especially when hanging out with people ha ha) yet have gone back because I FORGET THE EFFECTS. The benefit of the ice cream is immediate whereas the detriment is later. Hence I make a MISTAKE.

#1 I think I would rather have the issue with ice cream than a chick like his!! At least you can light a fart and entertain people with it!

Nice, thanks again man...So far I'm holding strong. I'm marking the days of no contact on the calendar as they get finished. (Been since Monday)

#2 The day you forget to mark it on the calendar is the first day of your new life. The dayssss that you go and finally don't have the calendar to mark it on are when you are recovering and beginning a healthy return to a happier future without a BPD.

#3 You really should do as dude said and maybe consider sitting in on an AA meeting. She is your drug and you need to learn to live without it and acknowledge your weakness for it. I would also take time to see where within your behavior you may have absorbed some BPD behavior yourself. Ultimately, though, removing her from your life and regaining control over yours will move you away from that kind of behavior.

I wish you well and will be watching the board to see how you're doing. Just remember she is a poison to you and anyone she is around. Now that you got away...STAY away!!

 

[i-shine-regardless]

#3 You really should do as dude said and maybe consider sitting in on an AA meeting. She is your drug and you need to learn to live without it and acknowledge your weakness for it. I would also take time to see where within your behavior you may have absorbed some BPD behavior yourself. Ultimately, though, removing her from your life and regaining control over yours will move you away from that kind of behavior.

I wish you well and will be watching the board to see how you're doing. Just remember she is a poison to you and anyone she is around. Now that you got away...STAY away!!

Thanks Airwarrior...it's funny (in a way) when I was 18...I got seriously addicted to heroin. Had to drop out of college, in and out of rehabs, etc. but then I finally got clean and started a new life. I had kept my drug use such a secret that the only people who really knew what had happened to me was my immediate family.

I finished up college. Started a successful business. And never thought too much about the whole thing. I never told anyone about my experience and what happened to me. Not even my closest friends.

So then I meet this chick. And probably our first conversation on the phone with her, for some reason I just felt compelled to tell her the whole story. Looking back it's like I think I could sense she had all sorts of inner demons and addictions too, and so it was easy to tell her about mine.

But I was also thinking about it, and I feel like having told her, that created a false sense "specialness" I felt toward her. Like she knew this deep inner secret about me that nobody else knew about, so therefore, subconsciously I thought there must be something special about her.

So, after what happened on New Years eve, I decided that I was going to be more open, and try to be totally OPEN about my life with people. I also realized I had deep seated anger about past relationships and experiences with girls (getting cheated on etc.) that I was going to have to work on.

Last night, I told my best friend all about what happened to me with heroin. It felt good to share it with someone else.

So anyway, back to my original point, its funny in a way, because this chick is absolutely like my drug like you said. I'm analyzing my thoughts and feelings about the situation and it's almost exactly like coming off heroin (without the excruciating physical withdrawal of cold sweats, vomiting, and diarrhea )

But I am fantasizing about "one last time", and I am having a hard time picturing life without her, and not wanting to go back to the way things were before I was "Clean" from her. I also find my mind trying to think of good rationalizations to call her or thinking that maybe, just maybe there is some way I can still have this drug (her) in my life.

But I know that is all my mind playing tricks on me, craving more. So right now I'm just taking it one step at a time.