To break up with the GF, or not to??

[Crissco]

Thinking about breaking up with the GF. Sorta sick of her sh*t

Back story:
Known eachother since Jan 2012. Dated for 1 week, i broke up with her. Started talking July 2012, dating officially since beg of Dec 2012.

See each other about 6 days a week, she sleeps over every night, comes to me every time(Bc i have no car right now). We argue every other night some times every night.


Here are the positive and negs of the relationship/her.

Positives:
-Cooks/cleans/irons for me
-Sex whenever I want it no problem
-Going to get her doctorates in PT.
-Smart
-Dedicated
-Determined
-Is generally "cool" - Trusts me and let me do me.



Negatives:
-Lied to me in the past, and said it was only her 3 girlfriends, never told me about the guy that showed up( her defense: He showed up, was one of my friends friends, didnt tell me bc you(OP) freak out if i mention guys)

-Had her exes on her Facebook(live in other states) Had a problem with that, that on her Bday, she only commented her exes comment - Just haha thanks! But the only guy she commented to was his. - Had her call him and tell him she found someone and never contact her again-#deleted and facebook blocked.

-Took me tell her 5-6 times not to be late - now shes never late bc i soft nexted her and sent her home one time.

-Dont like how shes dresses sometimes, not a big problem but i think its how single girls should dress, told her that, freaked out, but she changed it for me(or alteast when shes with me)

-Used to go to clubs- untill i put a stop to that.

-People watcher when she goes out(dont trust that)


*Her actions and words show she loves me, but i have a problem trusting her now. Everything i mentioned she changed for me, but you know how it goes, the more you push to demand the more they are likely to do what they want.

I dont want to have to change a girl to fit my liking(its wrong and also frustrating), when i can just find another one who has what i want.

I really like her, but feel shes might not be for me. We r already having problems this soon.

 

[origin138]

It sounds like there is a lot about this chick you don't like, and you're trying to mold her into something she isn't. While she seems to be dancing around trying to make you happy, she'll eventually tire out and move on to someone who accepts her as she is. I know from experience. Either take her as she is, or find a woman you can handle. She seems to trust you and let you be your own man, why are you clamping down on her so hard? She's eventually going to resent you for it.

 

[PlayHer Man]

You are sexually attracted to her, BUT you don't like her as a person.

This means she is not LTR material for you and only good for FWB at best.

 

[The Duke]

Crisco- you sound pretty insecure and controlling. Thats the first thing that popped into my head.

 

[Crissco]

You are sexually attracted to her, BUT you don't like her as a person.

This means she is not LTR material for you and only good for FWB at best.

Yes. Exactly. A lot of it is me, I can control my emotions, like my anger, but its hard to control my thoughts, they sometimes run rampid, and I just say the first thing that comes to my mind, and it blows up from there. Thats my insecurities. I know a lot has to do with me, but its hard for me to accept her for who she is.

I feel like if i dont control that part of me, im always going to have problems with that in my life.

 

[DJDamage]

Why are you seeing each other 6 days a week?! you are like a married couple no wonder you get into arguments and sh1t.

I would say cut it down to 2-4 times a week minimum and the rest of the time have a life outside of her.

 

[DonJuanabe]

Find someone you actually like and can consider a friend. You come across as a controlling d1ck.

 

[Crissco]

Why are you seeing each other 6 days a week?! you are like a married couple no wonder you get into arguments and sh1t.

I would say cut it down to 2-4 times a week minimum and the rest of the time have a life outside of her.

No kidding haha

 

[Colossus]

You are sexually attracted to her, BUT you don't like her as a person.

This means she is not LTR material for you and only good for FWB at best.

Totally agree with PlayHerMan here.

I know because I've been there too many times. A girl has some good qualities which keep you with her, but she keeps doing certain things or acting in such a way that p!sses you off. If this is a persisting thing, then it's time to dump her. It will suck in the short term, but it's best for both of you.

 

[Crissco]

Totally agree with PlayHerMan here.

I know because I've been there too many times. A girl has some good qualities which keep you with her, but she keeps doing certain things or acting in such a way that p!sses you off. If this is a persisting thing, then it's time to dump her. It will suck in the short term, but it's best for both of you.

Certain things are persistent, certain things arent. She obv chooses what she wants to listen to and change, like anyone is allowed to do. 95% of the time, she changes for me though, changes what i want her to change, not overnight, but i see her trying her to make this work.

She is also a mini-feminist which can sometimes be attractive because she stand up for her self, which IMO is a good thing, but sometime it can get to be to much.

 

[SecondHalf]

We argue every other night some times every night.

Nope!
Feck that!

If you two can't get that under control, then understand it will only continue and get worse.

SH

 

[Crissco]

Nope!
Feck that!

If you two can't get that under control, then understand it will only continue and get worse.

SH

Believe me, i know man

 

[ThunderMaverick]

You have to remember this GF of yours behaved and acted a certain way before you got together. She is who she is, but I'm sure she likes you enough to respect your boundaries.

I had a lot of boundaries in my relationships that my GF had to learn. Considering what she does for a living and how I am as a male made things very complicated for a good year and a half. The only reason I stuck around is because the positives outweighed the negative. The important thing is she wanted to respect my boundaries even though it was a lot to keep up with. We've both changed each other for the good.

You GF has to really want to work with you on this. If she doesn't she's going to feel controlled and she'll probably edge away from you....very slowly. Watch for the signs of that.

You're arguing a lot because you're still trying to figure each other out. She's arguing because she gives a sh!t. If she didn't, you wouldn't be getting text, seeing her 6 times a week, etc. She'd also cancel her plans and flake constantly. She still wants you, but the arguing of course can take a toll. Most people (understandably) figure it's not worth it. Most of the time they're right.

samsped is right about overtly setting your boundaries. Sometimes it helps to just show it. My GF was getting hit on in a facebook status by a fling she had. I told her i was uncomfortable with her doing that. She said okay but it happened again a week later. So i did the same thing with a booty call that was still on my friend's list. Suffice to say she didn't like it, talked to me about it, and no incident like that has happened since. That was less that two years ago and we're about 4 months away from our 3 year anniversary.

I'm not an unattractive guy by any means so she knows if we break up I could get laid the same night by someone else. Okay, maybe not the same night, but within the week. lol So could she. The value that I have seen by other girls is something she's aware of and vice versa. Something about you is keeping her around. Never lose that. The more jealous and overtly controlling that you are you'll lose your frame and her appeal towards you.

I would suggest giving it a bit more time and talking to her (confidently) about what you're okay and not okay with. Don't get emotional or angry. If that doesn't work, overtly show your boundaries. Or walk away.

Good luck, my friend!

 

[muscleman]

I second the controlling/insecure bit. Also it seems like you've dated for about 3-4 months and she's sleeping over almost every night? Does she want to? Or do you insist (just like you 'put an end' to her going clubbing)?

Listen: people will do what they want to do anyway. If she wants to do something (or someone) bad enough, there's NOTHING you can do to stop her.

From what you describe in your 'cons' list, nothing jumps out as super crazy red flaggish. Yea having ex's as friends on facebook isn't the best idea, but it's not like you're married.

If you ask me, your relationship doesn't sound healthy AT ALL.

And it doesn't sound healthy because from what you wrote it seems YOU have some self-confidence issues - manifest in insecurity/problems trusting/controlling behavior - that you need to get over before you can have a healthy relationship with ANY girl.

I've been there myself, I know what it feels like, and you need to look at yourself first.

If I were you I'd back off a little, tell her you two are fighting too much, and agree to see each other a little less. Then - if you feel like she HAS to report to you whenever she's not with you, you know what the problem is - YOU.

Best of luck.

 

[Colossus]

...her trying to make this work.

I see you making the same rationalizations that I have made with girls I wasn't truly into. They ALL have some redeeming qualities, whether they be novel or common. But you need to vanquish the above notion of 'trying to make things work' from your vocabulary. Because that's what it is. You are trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.

There have been several women who have come through my life that I COULD have made things work with, through sheer force of determination and effort. But I wouldnt have been happy. And neither would they, because I didnt really love them for who they were, as trite as that sounds.

 

[Crissco]

I second the controlling/insecure bit. Also it seems like you've dated for about 3-4 months and she's sleeping over almost every night? Does she want to? Or do you insist (just like you 'put an end' to her going clubbing)?

Listen: people will do what they want to do anyway. If she wants to do something (or someone) bad enough, there's NOTHING you can do to stop her.

From what you describe in your 'cons' list, nothing jumps out as super crazy red flaggish. Yea having ex's as friends on facebook isn't the best idea, but it's not like you're married.

If you ask me, your relationship doesn't sound healthy AT ALL.

And it doesn't sound healthy because from what you wrote it seems YOU have some self-confidence issues - manifest in insecurity/problems trusting/controlling behavior - that you need to get over before you can have a healthy relationship with ANY girl.

I've been there myself, I know what it feels like, and you need to look at yourself first.

If I were you I'd back off a little, tell her you two are fighting too much, and agree to see each other a little less. Then - if you feel like she HAS to report to you whenever she's not with you, you know what the problem is - YOU.

Best of luck.

Yes, she wants to. She knows she can go out and we can "take a day off" or two whenever she wants, i have no problem with that. Were actually taking this whole weekend off because shes going back to her home state.

Its weird, certian nigths are completely fine, while others we just argue for hours.

 

[Crissco]

I see you making the same rationalizations that I have made with girls I wasn't truly into. They ALL have some redeeming qualities, whether they be novel or common. But you need to vanquish the above notion of 'trying to make things work' from your vocabulary. Because that's what it is. You are trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.

There have been several women who have come through my life that I COULD have made things work with, through sheer force of determination and effort. But I wouldnt have been happy. And neither would they, because I didnt really love them for who they were, as trite as that sounds.

I know, it either works or it doesnts, we seem to have the sexual connection, physical attraction but not the emotional chem there, which is why we argue.

 

[Crissco]

Well yeah, i def have big problems trusting her. Shes in her home state, shes going out tn, got into another argument. She keeps saying i have to trust her..etc..I just have big problems trusting her here. Esp since she just told her GFs BF just broke up with her and thats the girl shes going out with. She knows how much i hate her going to clubs bc IMO there breading grounds for pus*y and **** to come together, she promised me she not going to a club, even if she does ill obv neved find out, but its just the trust issues with me that get to me

 

[muscleman]

Well yeah, i def have big problems trusting her. Shes in her home state, shes going out tn, got into another argument. She keeps saying i have to trust her..etc..I just have big problems trusting her here. Esp since she just told her GFs BF just broke up with her and thats the girl shes going out with. She knows how much i hate her going to clubs bc IMO there breading grounds for pus*y and **** to come together, she promised me she not going to a club, even if she does ill obv neved find out, but its just the trust issues with me that get to me

Like I said in my previous post, fix your trust issues first. It's a self fulfilling prophecy. The less you trust her, the more likely she is to act it out and get some D.

 

[hithard]

Well yeah, i def have big problems trusting her. Shes in her home state, shes going out tn, got into another argument. She keeps saying i have to trust her..etc..I just have big problems trusting her here. Esp since she just told her GFs BF just broke up with her and thats the girl shes going out with. She knows how much i hate her going to clubs bc IMO there breading grounds for pus*y and **** to come together, she promised me she not going to a club, even if she does ill obv neved find out, but its just the trust issues with me that get to me

Just like when setting goals - visualization is a powerful technique to get what you are focusing on.

Here is how it current looks on paper:

Your mindset = can't trust biatches

project that onto current partner

partner has enough and cheats

You feel justified

Mindset = can't trust biatches

But if it's just not working for whatever reasons then don't treat it like jail and do your time. You are free to leave when you think it is not working.