Tips on going in for the first date

[Hate the game..]

I now only use texting to move towards a meet up. I need some advice on actually carrying out the very basic usage I intend, which is a meet up.

So here is the convo

Me: You! We should grab drinks tomorrow
Her: You! What a sweet way to ask me out
Me: I know, I'm a real charmer. How's 830 at ...
Her: You are a real charmer. Depending on how late I work I may take you up on that, I'll let you know when I find out

Next morning

Her: Hey I'm working late and honestly I'm just really tired from going out last night. Wanna get drinks sometime next week?
Me: Yeah let's talk next week and we'll figure out a good time

It is now next week, how would you all phrase going for another meetup?

 

[ARrocket]

You: Sup?
Her: ...
You: Let's go shoot some pool, meet me at XYZ bar around 8
Her: I want you inside of me

Something like that...

Anyway, if she is free then you can grab your drinks without making it seem so redundant, and if she's not, she'll either counteroffer, or you'll know she's not that keen on meeting up with you

 

[Hate the game..]

The pool idea is brilliant, hadn't thought of that.

 

[BeDJ]

After she mentioned next week, I would have said sure and left it at that. If she doesn't re-initiate contact, she wasn't much interested in you to begin with.

 

[Hate the game..]

Yeah looking back you're probably right. But in reality you're saying I shouldn't reinitiate contact until she does?

 

[Renegade357]

Man, you gotta give a girl more notice than 1 day if you ask her out on a date. Also be specific and direct. Say something like "Can I take you out next wednesday to xxx place at xxx time?" Yes or no questions.

She gave you a weak counteroffer so you better take it and be more direct this time with the plans and notice.

 

[JohnChops]

Man, you gotta give a girl more notice than 1 day if you ask her out on a date. Also be specific and direct. Say something like "Can I take you out next wednesday to xxx place at xxx time?" Yes or no questions.

She gave you a weak counteroffer so you better take it and be more direct this time with the plans and notice.

" can i ..... ?" first o all never say Can I, your a man or did you forget? I forgot who told me this but turn every "can I" into a "let me" this turns a question into a statement of dominance. Internally it means ... im the man, im taking you out, instead of saying "can i" which projects this internally ... "if you dont mind if i take some of your valuable time up, id love to take you out too *xplace* sometime, for a fancy dinner".

The first is better. Seriously. So it would be "let me take you out next wednesday to xxx place at xxx time. " No need for the question mark either

But what BDJ said, wait for her to initiate and if she doesnt then low interest and you dont even have to fuss with her. I have found though, that it depends on the girl. Sometimes if a girl is shy around guys, almost Virgin type, she will wait for you to initiate . So if by lets say, thursday she says nothing then call her up thursday night and ask her out for friday. Its only monday man, give her a bit of time! If shes a student its finals time, you know shes studying , prolly busy. Give her time. Dont worry.

 

[Hate the game..]

Considering that I said "let's talk next week and figure out a good time" and the fact that I don't know this girl at all (we had a brief exchange at a bar which I straight out asked her to go out sometime). I feel like maybe I will have to initiate, I would be surprised if she does given the situation and the language I used.

 

[Hate the game..]

So in sum this is what I'm getting as a general consensus.

I should wait till thursday giving her a chance to reinitiate contact. If not I will probably text (calling I feel would be perceived as weird to her) Thursday saying:

Let's go shoot some pool at xxx bar at around xxx time on Saturday.

What do you all think?

 

[Bokanovsky]

I now only use texting to move towards a meet up. I need some advice on actually carrying out the very basic usage I intend, which is a meet up.

So here is the convo

Me: You! We should grab drinks tomorrow
Her: You! What a sweet way to ask me out
Me: I know, I'm a real charmer. How's 830 at ...
Her: You are a real charmer. Depending on how late I work I may take you up on that, I'll let you know when I find out

That sounds to me like a subtle diss. Girls usually use the word "sweet" in a condescending fashion. "You're so sweet" = "you're a nice guy" (who's not getting any).

 

[Hate the game..]

It sounds like sarcasm to me..

 

[VladPatton]

It was her suggestion to talk next week, so let her get back to YOU and see if she keeps her promise. So far her IL seems so-so. Try again about a week after that and text her with one more attempt. If she gives more excuses that she cannot chill with you, stick a fork in it, it's done. NEXT.

 

[J Roc]

I hate asking women out days in advance. I like to be spontaneous and hit a woman up after work and ask them what they are doing that night. If they say nothing then I tell them to meet me for drinks at 9pm at a bar in walking distance of my apartment. We get liquored up and if the vibe is right I invite her back to my place to seal the deal.

 

[Hate the game..]

What has been more successful for you all, asking two days in advance, 1 day or asking totally spontaneous on day of?

 

[J Roc]

What has been more successful for you all, asking two days in advance, 1 day or asking totally spontaneous on day of?

From my experience, women are less likely to flake when you setup a date for the same day. When you setup a date 2-3 days in advance it gives a woman plenty of time to second guess her meet up with you and come up with an excuse to flake out on you. If you call a woman at 6pm and setup a 9pm date she really cant use many valid excuses to flake out on you.

 

[omega05]

You said you just met her and you expect her to hit you up to go out. You are gonna have to ask her out again and I dont think i've ever asked a girl out the same day. She could really be busy that exact day

 

[Hate the game..]

You said you just met her and you expect her to hit you up to go out. You are gonna have to ask her out again and I dont think i've ever asked a girl out the same day. She could really be busy that exact day

Agreed. i think I'm just going to open with a statement, something I'm doing, get her response, then ask what her weekend looks like.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

I now only use texting to move towards a meet up. I need some advice on actually carrying out the very basic usage I intend, which is a meet up.

So here is the convo

Me: You! We should grab drinks tomorrow
Her: You! What a sweet way to ask me out
Me: I know, I'm a real charmer. How's 830 at ...
Her: You are a real charmer. Depending on how late I work I may take you up on that, I'll let you know when I find out

Next morning

Her: Hey I'm working late and honestly I'm just really tired from going out last night. Wanna get drinks sometime next week?
Me: Yeah let's talk next week and we'll figure out a good time

It is now next week, how would you all phrase going for another meetup?

First off, you shouldn't be using texting as a means to ask the girl out. You met her at a bar, where I'm assuming you talked to her in person and got her number. In which case, you'd be better off calling her and asking her out.

I'm always on here going on and on about how texting KILLS relationships. So, let's look at your case, shall we?

First, you started off with "YOU!" In her mind, she's either thinking you forgot her name, or are sending this text to every girl you know in hopes of getting a response from one of them. Either way, your intro doesn't make her feel special.

Second, your offer sounded week. You only mentioned drinks, which makes it sound like you want to get her drunk and f--k her, regardless of getting to know her. Nor did you mention a specific place to get said drinks.

Third, because her response to you was also via text message, you can't tell if she really meant that you were actually sweet, or if she was being sarcastic and was actually insulted at being called "You."

Fourth, your response to her - "Yeah, I'm a real charmer" - may have sounded too ****y for her, or she may think you really think of yourself as a charmer with the way you called her "You." Again, you can't tell because it's text messaging, as opposed to a phone call where she could have at least heard your voice and surmised that you were kidding.

Fifth, her response to your date offer can be translated as "well, if I get off work and can't find anything else better to do, I'll consider going out..." But, based on her response to you the next day, it appears as though she'd rather hit up her bed than get free drinks with you. A woman turning down free drinks? I have girl friends who have guys chasing them that they do NOT like, yet will still go out with them if a free meal and/or beverages are involved. This girl turned THAT down? She's not digging you.

Bottom line: next time, call her when you ask her out and don't be so sarcastic. Texting KILLS relationships - but don't believe me, your own results are currently speaking for themselves...

 

[Hate the game..]

Dude I get it, you HATE texting. Lemme give this to you straight, I'm 22 and this is the way things work. Its the truth, ask anyone my age, calling is not an option so early in the game. If I did, then I can guarantee you she would react like this: "why is he calling me?" and not pick up. Then I'm totally dead in the water. You're 30 years old, girls your age expect different things then those my age.

Furthermore, you claim she isn't into me by translating her text into, "well, if I get off work and can't find anything else better to do, I'll consider going out." The fact is she went out the night before and probably worked all day, and I have no choice but to take her word for it. Did it ever cross your mind that going on a date with a stranger requires time and effort? Its not like going out for drinks is a walk in the park for them, they have their lives to live as well and going out to drinks with a guy they met in a bar requires them to look, act and be in their best mood.

You think that a girl automatically thinks "Well he just wants to get me drunk and into my pants" because I ask to out to a simple drink? You can't be serious.

The fact that you automatically assume she isn't into me even when she offered to go next week seems baseless to me. I'll let you know how it goes but honestly I'm not concerned.

Also being ****y has worked wonders for me, if the girl takes it the wrong way then I don't want to go on a date with her anyways. A cool girl would react the way she did, "Oh your so sweet" "You are quite the charmer." its all sarcasm and all part of the fun. If she had been insulted, trust me, she would have never responded to me.

 

[Huffman]

I agree she wasn't super interested, because basically she told you "not sure" from the beginning.

Really I'd say don't expect anything, however she did give you the counteroffer "next week", so apparently she's at least a little interested.

What I'd do: fix a day for that next week. If she again says "maybe work late don't know", then she surely COULD make time, especially in advance, but wants to leave you hanging.
If that happens, then tell her you can only go on that one day and are busy for the rest of the week. If she again calls it off (without her grandma being in hospital) then forget her.