So I've been going to this cafe for about 4-5 months now maybe once a week or every other week. There's this girl that works there and she's an HB 8-9 easily. She seems really shy though but she always subtly raises her eyebrows/smiles when I come in. We've had a couple very short meaningless conversations while she was makin my drinks, nothing personal. Now I've never asked a girl for her number before (all women I've dated have approached me) so I am nervous and I'm not sure what I should say. She knows me as somewhat of a regular, hope I have not blown my chances by not asking her the first time I saw her. Anyways what's the best way to approach this situation?
Time to ask for her number...Been going to this cafe a while now (advice needed).
- Thread starter Drex
- Start date
You walk up to her and ask her for her number.
Or you can go home tonite and close your eyes and jack-off to what you think she looks like underneath her clothes for the 74th time.
I mean come on dude...just ask her...you've said it yourself, you always let gyrls pick you.. Thats because you're chickenshytt!!... I am calling you that because you've missed out on quality ass, because you just keep waiting for them to come talk to you.
And I bet 9 times out of 10, the gyrls aren't the ones you really want to fukk..are they??
You just fukkyn settle...don't you???
What a waste!!!!!
The Edge 'Some have it, and some don't'
Bungo Pony
Master Don Juan
From what you've written, it doesn't sound like you're in the friend zone. You've established some rapport with this woman, and I definately think it's worth a shot getting her number.
Four or five months, huh? It sounds like you've been waiting that long for HER to make a move so that you don't have to plumb the depths of your insecurity and risk rejection.
You like going to this place and think if she shoots you down then it will be awkward going in there again and then you'll have to change your eating/socializing patterns and that would be a hassle, plus you'd have to see her and be nice even though she rejected you and and and....
Maybe after all this time you're wondering how you can make it seem like spur of the moment or something. Like, you've been in this rut for 5 months, what suddenly woke you up?
Actually NONE of the above matters. Zilch. What matters is that if you DON'T act, she'll find someone else. What matter is that you'll kick yourself more for not moving and getting it over with. Someone here has "Better to hear NO than never KNOW" in their signature. Excellent advice.
You can bet that if she is anything over a "7", she gets hit on all the time and I'd be surprised if she doesn't have a boyfriend. (gasp!)
Go in there tomorrow (or the next time you normally go in), smile at her like you usually do and say "Hey, what's your home phone number?"
You'll be shocked at how easily this will roll off your lips and how cool and confident you'll feel just after saying it. She will be complimented. She might smile and give you a nice brush off, but you will feel a few inches taller and more like a man for finally saying it. And, there is a good chance she might whip out a piece of paper and give you her number.
Better to know.
Do it.
Do it now.
You like going to this place and think if she shoots you down then it will be awkward going in there again and then you'll have to change your eating/socializing patterns and that would be a hassle, plus you'd have to see her and be nice even though she rejected you and and and....
Maybe after all this time you're wondering how you can make it seem like spur of the moment or something. Like, you've been in this rut for 5 months, what suddenly woke you up?
Actually NONE of the above matters. Zilch. What matters is that if you DON'T act, she'll find someone else. What matter is that you'll kick yourself more for not moving and getting it over with. Someone here has "Better to hear NO than never KNOW" in their signature. Excellent advice.
You can bet that if she is anything over a "7", she gets hit on all the time and I'd be surprised if she doesn't have a boyfriend. (gasp!)
Go in there tomorrow (or the next time you normally go in), smile at her like you usually do and say "Hey, what's your home phone number?"
You'll be shocked at how easily this will roll off your lips and how cool and confident you'll feel just after saying it. She will be complimented. She might smile and give you a nice brush off, but you will feel a few inches taller and more like a man for finally saying it. And, there is a good chance she might whip out a piece of paper and give you her number.
Better to know.
Do it.
Do it now.
She seems really shy though but she always subtly raises her eyebrows/smiles when I come in.
I think you shouldn't take that as a sign. I think it is more a polite acknowledgement since you have been such a loyal customer.
We've had a couple very short meaningless conversations while she was makin my drinks, nothing personal.
I don't think you have done the necessary groundwork to number close her. Just because she has seen you around for about 5 months doesn't mean she has slowly developed an attraction for you.
Next time, for PU waitresses, you will need to demonstrate VALUE to them in a quick and efficient way. Bit of C&F and build up curiosity BIG TIME. Take them out of the waitressing environment when you demonstrate your personality. Try and find commonality quickly so you can number close after you have made SOLID PLANS to do that commonality.
There is no harm in trying to get her number, but at your current state of the game, I wouldn't advised it as it might do more harm than good.
I think you shouldn't take that as a sign. I think it is more a polite acknowledgement since you have been such a loyal customer.
We've had a couple very short meaningless conversations while she was makin my drinks, nothing personal.
I don't think you have done the necessary groundwork to number close her. Just because she has seen you around for about 5 months doesn't mean she has slowly developed an attraction for you.
Next time, for PU waitresses, you will need to demonstrate VALUE to them in a quick and efficient way. Bit of C&F and build up curiosity BIG TIME. Take them out of the waitressing environment when you demonstrate your personality. Try and find commonality quickly so you can number close after you have made SOLID PLANS to do that commonality.
There is no harm in trying to get her number, but at your current state of the game, I wouldn't advised it as it might do more harm than good.
Don't always be the one putting yourself out for her. Don't always be the one putting all the effort and work into the relationship. Let her, and expect her, to treat you as well as you treat her, and to improve the quality of your life.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
Well most of you hit the bullseye saying I'm too much of a chickenshyt to ask for her number because I am; but I know I'll hate myself more if I dont try that's why I'm asking for advice on how to approach her. This cafe is not some place that I need to go, if she shoots me down horribly it's not a big deal if I dont have to go there anymore so that is not an issue.
I've got some solid advice saying to just ask for her number right away next time I go in and some saying I'm not ready yet...Now I am confused! Need more replies!
I've got some solid advice saying to just ask for her number right away next time I go in and some saying I'm not ready yet...Now I am confused! Need more replies!
I've got some solid advice saying to just ask for her number right away next time I go in and some saying I'm not ready yet...Now I am confused!
What I am saying is that you must INDUCE her for her number, you cannot just ASK for it.
You must demonstrate value to the girl before she will go out with you. Tell her about your skydiving, your exciting life whilst she is making your coffee. Make her laugh, and just STAND OUT from the 100000 customers she serves daily.
Do that for a couple of weeks, during each interaction see if you can find things that both of you do. Then just tell her that you are going on XXX day and she should join you.
Or ask what time she finishes, and make an INSTANT DATE that afternoon/morning to talk about it.
What I am saying is that you must INDUCE her for her number, you cannot just ASK for it.
You must demonstrate value to the girl before she will go out with you. Tell her about your skydiving, your exciting life whilst she is making your coffee. Make her laugh, and just STAND OUT from the 100000 customers she serves daily.
Do that for a couple of weeks, during each interaction see if you can find things that both of you do. Then just tell her that you are going on XXX day and she should join you.
Or ask what time she finishes, and make an INSTANT DATE that afternoon/morning to talk about it.
See I dont know how to do this. I dont know how to just talk to a stranger while she's making me coffee to figure out what she's interested in or to make myself stand out.
Last time I went in I noticed she had a dark tan so i asked if she'd been to florida or something (I live up north). She said yep and I asked her where, told her I'd lived in FL before she asked where etc. by then I had paid and there were people behind me waiting for her to make them a drink so I left... That's about the extent of my conversation(s) with her, their short and meaningless because there's always people in line waiting for their turn so I dont stand there and chat forever because I cant.
Oh yea, another worry of mine is asking her for her number infront of other people standing in line with me. Dont want to make her uncomfortable also dont want to embarrass myself...This is another reason I havent asked her yet.
Geez, you certainly picked a hard target to start your learning curve.
I wouldn't say it is not doable, but definitely VERY hard for a newbie like yourself.
I suggest you learn how to talk to strangers, and get dates with strangers before hitting on waitresses, bar maids and the like.
Most people think that waitresses, bar maids and shop assistants are the easy targets, but they are the HARDEST of them all as everyone hits on them.
I wouldn't say it is not doable, but definitely VERY hard for a newbie like yourself.
I suggest you learn how to talk to strangers, and get dates with strangers before hitting on waitresses, bar maids and the like.
Most people think that waitresses, bar maids and shop assistants are the easy targets, but they are the HARDEST of them all as everyone hits on them.
Channel your excited feelings into positive thoughts and behaviors. You will attract women by being enthusiastic, radiating energy, and becoming someone who is fun to be around.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
Hate to do this, but I'm gonna disagree a bit with some of the advice. Don't try to date her before dating her. I've talked to girls for 5-10 minutes after first meeting them then asking for and getting their number. Talking about your hobbies up front is like trying to date her before dating her. Besides, if you're on a date, the trick is to get her to talk about HER not you. YOU should actually remain a bit of a mystery.
A real DJ knows how to make a girl feel comfortable and show her a pleasant time. Usually that's showing true interest in HER hobbies, what SHE likes while doing something together where they can talk. This is why movies are a poor choice for the first few dates. Rather something quiet like pool, bowling, mini-golf or some other movement/action date are best.
Walk in there, smile, and say "Hey, what's your home phone number?" Regardless of what she says, she'll be very complimented. After asking that, just stand there and smile while you listen to and feel how she answers. If all you can think of is how she'll shoot you down and you'll stand there with your d*ck in your hand speechless and awkward, then maybe you're in the wrong line of work. If she doesn't immediately get a piece of paper or ask if you have one, or she asks for your number instead, just say "Okay, instead of your home number, I'll have a triple Latte' to go please" like it was no big deal.
Can you do that? Yes, you can. Now stop pe*ing on your shoes and get out there to find out once and for all if you have b*lls, er, realy want to hear "NO" or never "Know".
Walk in, smile, say "Hey, what's your home phone number?" Believe me, you'll have a great conversation right after that, just let her do the talking.
A real DJ knows how to make a girl feel comfortable and show her a pleasant time. Usually that's showing true interest in HER hobbies, what SHE likes while doing something together where they can talk. This is why movies are a poor choice for the first few dates. Rather something quiet like pool, bowling, mini-golf or some other movement/action date are best.
Walk in there, smile, and say "Hey, what's your home phone number?" Regardless of what she says, she'll be very complimented. After asking that, just stand there and smile while you listen to and feel how she answers. If all you can think of is how she'll shoot you down and you'll stand there with your d*ck in your hand speechless and awkward, then maybe you're in the wrong line of work. If she doesn't immediately get a piece of paper or ask if you have one, or she asks for your number instead, just say "Okay, instead of your home number, I'll have a triple Latte' to go please" like it was no big deal.
Can you do that? Yes, you can. Now stop pe*ing on your shoes and get out there to find out once and for all if you have b*lls, er, realy want to hear "NO" or never "Know".
Walk in, smile, say "Hey, what's your home phone number?" Believe me, you'll have a great conversation right after that, just let her do the talking.
IneedaGF
Don Juan
I don't think this is very good advice, you need to have a short conversation at least first.
RKTek,
Have you tried to PU busy waitresses before?
Walk in there, smile, and say "Hey, what's your home phone number?"
I doubt that would work. I don't mean to say that it won't, but to my field tested knowledge, this approach won't work.
In my experience, you will need to demonstrate that you are different from all the other customers before you can arouse her INTEREST.
Have you tried to PU busy waitresses before?
Walk in there, smile, and say "Hey, what's your home phone number?"
I doubt that would work. I don't mean to say that it won't, but to my field tested knowledge, this approach won't work.
In my experience, you will need to demonstrate that you are different from all the other customers before you can arouse her INTEREST.
I'm with RKTek on this one.
You've already established 4 or 5 months of rapport! You're easily having little mini conversations. Dude she's probably dying to know more about you. How do you know she doesn't wish you'd ask her out every time you walk into that café? What if she does? What if you're both attracted to each other and it never happens because you didn't take a risk?
Listen, no-one on this forum will ever be able to tell how much a girl likes anyone. You just can't tell from our vantage point. But we will tell you, if you want something, GO FOR IT. TAKE THE RISK! DO IT NOW! You'll thank yourself later.
The fact that you guys never have the chance to have a long conversation is GOLD! Use it! Go at a time when there aren't a lot of people in the cafe, if you have performance anxiety. Say something like "you know, it's too bad our conversations are always so short". Guage her reaction. If it's anything less than all-out disgust, ask her for her number.
What do you have to lose? Best of luck champ!
You've already established 4 or 5 months of rapport! You're easily having little mini conversations. Dude she's probably dying to know more about you. How do you know she doesn't wish you'd ask her out every time you walk into that café? What if she does? What if you're both attracted to each other and it never happens because you didn't take a risk?
Listen, no-one on this forum will ever be able to tell how much a girl likes anyone. You just can't tell from our vantage point. But we will tell you, if you want something, GO FOR IT. TAKE THE RISK! DO IT NOW! You'll thank yourself later.
The fact that you guys never have the chance to have a long conversation is GOLD! Use it! Go at a time when there aren't a lot of people in the cafe, if you have performance anxiety. Say something like "you know, it's too bad our conversations are always so short". Guage her reaction. If it's anything less than all-out disgust, ask her for her number.
What do you have to lose? Best of luck champ!
If you play the percentages I would say it is a bad bet to ask for the number cold. HB8-9 in a coffee shop? The chances that she doesn't already have a boyfriend are low. If you want to go in for a C&B just to prove to yourself that you can do it, then do it. I think that you would be better off to build some more rapport, though. So much can be said between the lines without a loss of face for anybody. You can clearly signal interest while building more rapport. If she's interested she'll signal back. If she's not she'll probably find some way to work her boyfriend into the conversation. Sure as hell beats a cold attempt out of nowhere after 4 to 5 months of routine interaction.
It's probably not like it's some big secret anyway. Chances are that she already knows that you're interested in her. Women have radar for that sh*t. She's probably curious to see what you will (or will not) do. Note that she could be curious because she's interested. She could also be curious in the way that people are curious to see if a wild animal gets smacked when it runs across the road. If you want to ask try to get her number cold to prove something to yourself then do it. Remember, though, that discretion is the better part of valor. If you don't have the skills right now to build up rapport with her, you probably don't have the skills to keep her IL up even if she does say yes to your cold close.
It's probably not like it's some big secret anyway. Chances are that she already knows that you're interested in her. Women have radar for that sh*t. She's probably curious to see what you will (or will not) do. Note that she could be curious because she's interested. She could also be curious in the way that people are curious to see if a wild animal gets smacked when it runs across the road. If you want to ask try to get her number cold to prove something to yourself then do it. Remember, though, that discretion is the better part of valor. If you don't have the skills right now to build up rapport with her, you probably don't have the skills to keep her IL up even if she does say yes to your cold close.
Men frequently err by talking too much. They often monopolize conversations, droning on and on about topics that bore women to tears. They think they're impressing the women when, in reality, they're depressing the women.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
Shiftkey
Master Don Juan
Go during a time when it's not busy. This is a coffee shop so it's a little different than a restaurant, but the least busy time in most restaurants is 2-4.
But just to prepare you, she's probably going to have a boyfriend. I work at a restaurant and EVERY girl I've talked to who works there has a boyfriend (and loves to talk about them..). Ugly ones, hot ones, ALL of the girls there do. I'm not saying this to discourage you though. Just be prepared to counter "I have a boyfriend" or "I'm seeing someone." Think of something witty to reply to her with when she says this (or do a search on "boyfriend" and "bf" on these forums). I personally like "your boyfriend doesn't let you make new friends?" Just be careful not to be too "friendly" when you get together and make sure it's just you two. Often girls are looking for a better boyfriend, or they say it as a reflex when guys hit on them but regret it later.
But just to prepare you, she's probably going to have a boyfriend. I work at a restaurant and EVERY girl I've talked to who works there has a boyfriend (and loves to talk about them..). Ugly ones, hot ones, ALL of the girls there do. I'm not saying this to discourage you though. Just be prepared to counter "I have a boyfriend" or "I'm seeing someone." Think of something witty to reply to her with when she says this (or do a search on "boyfriend" and "bf" on these forums). I personally like "your boyfriend doesn't let you make new friends?" Just be careful not to be too "friendly" when you get together and make sure it's just you two. Often girls are looking for a better boyfriend, or they say it as a reflex when guys hit on them but regret it later.
Bungo Pony
Master Don Juan
Here's a little piece of adice for you Drex. You've been getting a lot of very good advice regarding this, however what some people say differs from others' thoughts. Take the advice that sounds best to you, and use it. Don't let this overabundance of information confuse the 5hit out of you.
alboh, that's what I based my advice on!Originally posted by alboh
I'm with RKTek on this one.
You've already established 4 or 5 months of rapport! You're easily having little mini conversations.
His original post:
"So I've been going to this cafe for about 4-5 months now..."
"We've had a couple very short meaningless conversations while she was makin my drinks..."
"She knows me as somewhat of a regular..."
He's already established rapport.
She knows who he is.
He's already arrived at the point of asking for her home number.
He's probably already a bit PAST the point of asking for her home number.
He's now to the point that he's thinking of talking to her as though he were on a date with her....except that she's still at work!
HE NEEDS TO ASK FOR HER HOME NUMBER ASAP, no more small talk, no more building rapport. And he describes her as a shy cafe clerk, not a jaded barmaid. Big difference.
