Thoughts on flirting with younger women...

[Truman181]

In my previous thread I mentioned how I sent a message to a random girl on Myspace.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=151373

The real reason I did it was to see how a much younger woman would initially respond to me, as an older guy, who is showing interest in her. I was testing the waters albeit not very smoothly. It's not that I had interest in the 18 year old I sent the message to, and I'm not specifically looking to date THAT young. The thing is I see good looking younger women in my every day life and the question is always in the back of my mind when I see some younger women and I want flirt with them, how will they take it if I do?

Now we all know that YES, older men can hook up with younger women. However, I think that it works best when the guy establishes value FIRST. The woman then becomes more receptive to a High Value, Mature guy and the Age Gap Shield (AGS) goes down.

However, as an older guy, should I even bother flirting with a younger woman if I haven't established value first? Wouldn't the Age Gap Shied (AGS) immediately go up?

Here is an example....today I was at my local shopping mall. I went in the entrance and there were a few girls from the hair salon standing outside the entrance smoking and they were all in their 20's. Now I would have loved to flirt with them....maybe a smile....maybe a hello...whatever. However, I didn't say anything because like with the Myspace example, why would I bother showing interest when I haven't established VALUE first and the Age Gap Shield (AGS) would more than likely go up??

This same kind of situation happens to me often when I'm out on the bike trail and I see a good looking woman walking by. I never know if it I should even say hi or what because I think the AGS (I'm coining this, it's mine :yes will automatically go up because I'm just some random older guy showing interest in her.

Anyway, what do you guys think?

 

[Juando]

No formula here.

I was helped by a stunning postal worker while at the PO, and I asked her for her number, while also making a date. She's older than 18 but just by a few years. She semi-flaked on the date, then we got together later and it was ok, she even came to my place and hung out, teased me about the gap.

To make a long story short, it did not go very far beyond that except that we stayed in touch periodically, with a few months gap leading up to now.

Well now she's texting, calling, emailing, showing all sorts of interest, asking me to drive out to where she's temporarily staying, about 50 miles away.
I'll stay in touch but I'm not going- I'll wait for her to come back and see wassup.

Young girls are unstable. It's ok to engage one and see what the possibilities are but don't take it too seriously and I'd advise you to have other plates in the fire, so to speak.

 

[STR8UP]

What do I think?

The topic of age shouldn't come up until she brings it up, and when it does you act like it's potentially a HUGE deal breaker for you that she's only [inset age here].

If you want younger women....go for it. If you act sketchy about something she will pick up on it and blow you out of the water. If you are cool about it she likely will be too. Women are like mirrors when it comes to this stuff.

I meet and flirt with women 10-15 years younger all the time. Would I get involved with an 18 year old? I highly doubt it. But what does it hurt to interact with one? She's an adult. Let her make her own decisions. the cool thing is that you can LEAD those decisions if you do it correctly.

 

[Truman181]

What do I think?

The topic of age shouldn't come up until she brings it up, and when it does you act like it's potentially a HUGE deal breaker for you that she's only [inset age here].

If you want younger women....go for it. If you act sketchy about something she will pick up on it and blow you out of the water. If you are cool about it she likely will be too. Women are like mirrors when it comes to this stuff.

I meet and flirt with women 10-15 years younger all the time. Would I get involved with an 18 year old? I highly doubt it. But what does it hurt to interact with one? She's an adult. Let her make her own decisions. the cool thing is that you can LEAD those decisions if you do it correctly.

So in other words, do what I want? How is that different than my myspace example. I did what I wanted, the girl was bothered by it, she brought up the age...ect. Granted, it was a short series of messages but it was the first thing out of her mouth.

You can't deny the age difference isn't the first thing that pops into her head, especially if you are flirtatious.

 

[azanon]

So in other words, do what I want? How is that different than my myspace example. I did what I wanted, the girl was bothered by it, she brought up the age...ect. Granted, it was a short series of messages but it was the first thing out of her mouth.

You can't deny the age difference isn't the first thing that pops into her head, especially if you are flirtatious.

Str8up's advise is spot on, but you're right, it didn't work in that case because her age is posted.

First and foremost, myspace just isn't the best venue for gaming a woman. Its indirect, "safe", and just not indicative of a standard DJ style. I guess I'm saying, dabble with it if you want, but just don't expect much from it because it has inherent AFC attributes. In the RL example you gave, no age is posted and then Str8up's advise applies.

So I see your question really as, how do defeat the inherent, but great limitations of myspace? I'd say, by going out in RL and engaging in person instead. In person, I'm a fit, confident, and plenty young looking male, especially if I recently shaved. "36" sounds old. I sure as hell don't look, or come across as "old" in person. Heck, I was walking home from work today, and 2 silly, must have been 15 year old girls smiled and damn near giggled at me.

 

[Truman181]

.
So I see your question really as, how do defeat the inherent, but great limitations of myspace?

Nah man. I wasn't talking about myspace. In my real world example I feel as though when I'm out walking on the bike trail (the irony) and I see cute younger women, that I'm wearing my age on my sleeve. And that I talk to them, they would think it were creepy just as the myspace girl did. This sounds like a self esteem issue right? I don't think it is exactly. I mean no, when I come across younger women in public they can't see my age in numbers but they can tell that I'm older. So I think a similar reaction to the one the myspace girl gave would be the norm.

 

[azanon]

Nah man. I wasn't talking about myspace. In my real world example I feel as though when I'm out walking on the bike trail (the irony) and I see cute younger women, that I'm wearing my age on my sleeve. And that I talk to them, they would think it were creepy just as the myspace girl did. This sounds like a self esteem issue right? I don't think it is exactly. I mean no, when I come across younger women in public they can't see my age in numbers but they can tell that I'm older. So I think a similar reaction to the one the myspace girl gave would be the norm.

Hmm, well let me give a few more thoughts:

>"Cold approaching" isn't easy. If i were to do that , I always look for something mundane to start the conversation. If I don't have much time, I just come up with some stupid b*ll****, like a meaningless question, then redirect it as soon as possible hoping the initial start gets lost. Age really shouldn't come up.

> Man, you're 4 years younger than me. If you're obviously looking too old for them, I can't help but wonder if you're taking great care of yourself (notice my expectations?). If not, then consider working on that problem - diet, exercise, wellness plan.

>I don't think you can equate the in-person with myspace. Her age will be glaring, and so will yours unless you choose to lie and lower it (maybe not a bad idea?). I don't care how in shape I look in person, my myspace pic says 36, and that sounds old to most people, because the average 36 year old man has a gut.

>Finally, don't sweat rejection. I've been rejected by HB6's before who were just BARELY acceptable enough for me to hit on. With millions of em out there, its a numbers game when it comes down to it.

 

[Vulpine]

At 18, or around that age, women haven't had much time to develop independent thinking. So, you will get automatic barriers that are popular in society.

Age, "Player", fashion, hobbies, and other perceptions will be held up to a standard "gauge" issued by Cosmo, 17, and other media influences: they will be used as disqualifications.

The trick is to be aware of that obstacle and overcome it.

So, the "creepy" thing translates as:

"OMG! My friends would think he's old! My friends would think that's creepy!"

Control the frame, just like STR8UP mentioned. "Beating them to the punch" by pointing out that their age is THEIR disqualification works wonders. Once the women are in "qualification mode" to you, you can add various "freebie" aspects of their youth for them to "work on". Some examples would be flakiness, argumentative, disrespect, poor/lack of priorities, etc.

 

[asid76]

At 18, or around that age, women haven't had much time to develop independent thinking. So, you will get automatic barriers that are popular in society.

Yes, I see this all the time. I like to date women who are at least 25 and have a mind of their own. At 18 they are just getting out of highschool and aren't too far removed from that highschool mentality. Let them work for a few years and experience life outside of their parents house and then thats when I'll come along and not a second earlier.

 

[decades]

learn how to approach. you can't just go up to a cute girl and say....wow you're cute. learn about ****y and funny and neg hits and demonstrating value. try and deal with women in the flow of your everyday life. Yes, at your age, cold approaching young women at the mall by saying HI or you're cute is creepy. Comment on everyday things like if the police are handcuffing some kid in front of the GAP, and you both are watching this, say something to her about THAT, then move on to the next step. Open her like she doesn't know what just happened.

 

[STR8UP]

Don't get me wrong.....18 yr olds are still kids in many ways, however, they are LEGALLY adults and as such don't let anyone shame you into avoiding them for that fact.

A friend/ business partner of mine just opened a hooters type restaurant, and he employs a bunch of hot teenage girls.

His brother is a sleazeball, but he is co-owner of the restaurant, and a coupe of weeks ago he loaded up several of these teenies in a limo and we met them downtown. It was basically a few of us early-late 30's guys, the sleazeball who is in his mid 40's and a bunch of 19 year old chicks. And the chicks were having a good time! Go figure.....

I know that nobody looks twice at me when I am around this age group, but the other dude....he doesn't dress or act like a younger guy, he just uses his $$$ to drag a string of women behind him.

Now I'm not suggesting you emulate him, but he's a good example of a guy who could give a fukk less what any teenage girl or her parents or society thinks, which is what YOU should do if you are interested in gaming these women.

And there is a HUGE difference between meeting a younger chick on the street where you have an opportunity to SPEAK before she has a chance to find out your age. On Myspace you are a picture and a number (age). There's not much getting around that besides stumbling upon the odd youngin with a specific fetish for older men. Point is, if you meet them first they don't have to have any kind of fetish or fantasy....they just have to be attracted to you, and THAT is built into their genes.

 

[Clash113]

Do it. When you were younger, the women your age were going for the older guys. Now, it's your turn.

 

[StevenR]

Do it. When you were younger, the women your age were going for the older guys. Now, it's your turn.

No they weren't, well, they don't now anyway. As the op said you have to get through the age shield or whatever, at least online you do.

 

[jolidon me]

Flirting with Girls
Knowing how to flirt with girls is THE KEY to getting the girl of your dreams. Ever wondered how ugly guys date drop dead gorgeous women, well the first step is flirting. Being flirtatious with girls is actually not a natural instinct for most men. The natural instinct is for a fear reaction to kick in when you see a girl you fancy.
This is natural, after all if you can't have her you'll feel down. If she blows you off when you approach her then you're destroyed (often in front of all you friends). The fear reaction unfortunately is most men's undoing. They either don't even approach the beautiful woman, or if they do they're so nervous that no-one inthey're right mind would want to date them, or they put in a machismo attitude to cover up - which is also a massive turn off.

 

[zekko]

Dude, you're 33. You SHOULD be dating girls in their 20s. Girls like guys who are a little older and more mature than the guys in their age group. My girlfriend is 15 years younger than I am. There's no issue here at all.

Now if you're talking about getting girls right out of high school, that's a little bit of a different case. But if you have chemistry with someone go for it.

 

[Die Hard]

Interesting thread... Being 28 myself, I notice myself feeling unappropriate more and more when hitting on chicks who are around 20. Even if she's the one who initiates contact and shows interest first, I still feel like I'm being sort of a pervert. Like unconsciously I'm thinking to myself:

"What, you can't get a girl your own age?"
"You have to resort to these young chicks because you have an advantage over them (more experience at life and stuff, which makes me interesting to them) or something?"
"When you were in 8th grade, she was still in kindergarten!"
"What would her parents think if things got serious and she'd introdusce you to them?"
"What will her friends think of you? I remember when I was in highschool and some old dude was waiting outside the schoolyard to pick up his girlfriend who was in my class. I thought of him as a pervert, I considered what he was doing as 'not done' and felt like he was taking advantage of her being young and naive. Now I'm that same guy???"

But it's all BS! AFC thoughts, that's what they are... Just as an AFC uses thoughts like "I don't wanna be a jerk" as an excuse to act all nice and friendly (and therefor denies himself the chance to win the girl over and ultimately denies his own sexuality). Or how an AFC refrains from applying kino because he's afraid the girl will feel like he's forcing himself onto her...

That's how my thoughts paralyze me even when she's the one who first shows interest... When she doesn't show interest first, I'm even more hesitant to approach her... I'm afraid she'll reject me because I'm too old and that she'll think I'm crazy for even considering the possibility that a young girl like her would be interested in an old guy like me. Surely she can get all the popular guys of her own age, right? Why would she settle for anyone less..for anyone much older...for me?!?!

But I realized something at work the other day. I work at a foster home, I guide kids in their daily life. Now a lot of the girls I work with, feel attracted to me or secretly have a crush on me. Not only do they find my personality attractive but they also feel physically attracted to me. Their age ranges from 10 years old to 18 years old! Of course I'm totally not interested in these girls lol, but it did make me realize... If even these little girls, most of them still children, don't have a problem with my age, then why would girls from around 20 have a problem with it? It's just a faulty idea in my head to think that I'm "less" because of my age!

Sure there are girls out there who actually think you're crazy for hitting on them coz you're much older. But there are just as many girls who don't... Look at all the girls totally infatuated with boy bands/singers/actors/sportsmen who are waaaaaay older than them! In the end, thoughts like "She'll probably reject me because I'm too old" are no different from thoughts like "She'll probably reject me because I'm too ugly". If you don't let that last thought hold you back from approaching girls, then you shouldn't let the first thought hold you back either...

 

[jophil28]

Interesting thread... Being 28 myself, I notice myself feeling unappropriate more and more when hitting on chicks who are around 20.
...

You are 28 and you are uncomfortable ? Wow, I'm way older that you and I never feel awkward around younger women.
Women in their 20's are great fun to flirt with and build your own confidence.

Yes you are right, these "inappropriate" feelings are all in your head.
There are flirting opportunities EVERWHERE.

Here is one of my favorites, Change the wording to suit your particular style.

You approach and engage in fluff talk - then,

You, " So I am thinking that you are working here until that movie deal comes through?"

She (always laughs and blushes). " Oh, I wish....that would be nice."

You," Stay positive about that, can I have your mother's email ?"

She," Oh, my mom is happily married to my dad."

You," No,no.. I can see how shy you are. Maybe I could get to know you better if your parents and I were acquainted first."

She," Ha ha ..,I do my own dating ..."

You," Well that's good - what is YOUR email then ? Write it down here.. " ]

Even if she blows you off, you will have a ton of fun and bring a smile to a 20 something hottie. Make no mistake, she will tell ALL her girls about you and your bold approach.

 

[Slickster]

Even though I'm 37 and have been married for over a year now I'm still getting frequent signs of interest from young 20 somethings. Many encounters through my work and others just random.

In my experiences don't even let the age issue enter your mind. If she brings it up then it is ALWAYS an issue of HER being TOO YOUNG rather than YOU being TOO OLD.

I remember my early 30's being some of the best times ever for meeting young women.

Do adults really have to worry about age?